Q: Are there any good books for exploring BDSM?

[Wishingbox]

I’d like to explore in some capacity the spectrum of BDSM with my wife. She’s pretty vanilla and would adverse to some of the more extreme themes in BDSM.

I’ve heard sensory play is a good intro to the BDSM realm. Does anyone have book recommendations on introducing it to those unfamiliar? Or like a 101 BDSM for beginners?

I don’t want to scare her off and want it to feel tame as we ease into the concept.

 

[Tallcajun]

I’m sure there are books out there, but this may be a good start for you.

https://forum.literotica.com/threads/bdsm-library.266656/

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Besides the BDSM library:

The Loving Dominant. It’s an older book that’s been revised a time or two (audible, produced 2019) but the core concepts are timeless.

There are also lots of podcasts worth a listen. I’ve enjoyed Loving BDSM through the years. It’s hosted by a goofy, likeable couple and each episode has a theme, so it’s easy to find what interests you.

 

[LittleSwitchy]

I’d like to explore in some capacity the spectrum of BDSM with my wife. She’s pretty vanilla and would adverse to some of the more extreme themes in BDSM.

I’ve heard sensory play is a good intro to the BDSM realm. Does anyone have book recommendations on introducing it to those unfamiliar? Or like a 101 BDSM for beginners?

I don’t want to scare her off and want it to feel tame as we ease into the concept.

There’s a few suggestions I’d give you
SM101
Screw the roses give me the thorns
There’s a guy Jay Wiseman. He has written lots on various topics in BDSM. You can find his stuff online. He gets pretty in-depth.

 

[LittleSwitchy]

I’d like to explore in some capacity the spectrum of BDSM with my wife. She’s pretty vanilla and would adverse to some of the more extreme themes in BDSM.

I’ve heard sensory play is a good intro to the BDSM realm. Does anyone have book recommendations on introducing it to those unfamiliar? Or like a 101 BDSM for beginners?

I don’t want to scare her off and want it to feel tame as we ease into the concept.

I had to run. Just thought of few things.
Y’all go at your pace. Start with things that interest you both.
You say she’s adverse to the more extreme things. Maybe true now. She might change her mind in time. Depends on if it’s a hard or soft limit.
If you want to check out Fetlife. It’s like Facebook for kinky people. Good way to network and learn. You can look up local munches. That’s just a meet and greet for kinky people.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I’d like to explore in some capacity the spectrum of BDSM with my wife. She’s pretty vanilla and would adverse to some of the more extreme themes in BDSM.

I’ve heard sensory play is a good intro to the BDSM realm. Does anyone have book recommendations on introducing it to those unfamiliar? Or like a 101 BDSM for beginners?

I don’t want to scare her off and want it to feel tame as we ease into the concept.

Is it reading for her or for you?
If it is for her I’d hold off on SM101 and look for something less in depth.

BDSM can be a lot of things, so if she is unsure about the whole thing, perhaps treat it as an adventure trying things out together and make sure it is clear that it is ok to not like something, to giggle at mishaps etc.
Sensory play can be a good start.
I read your other post in How to, so I guess you want to make sure it is low threshold?
It’t is easy to underestimate the impact of new experiences. Just being blindfolded and having someone explore your naked body, while trying to be still, can be a start. And you can take turns doing it too, in the interest of exploration.

 

[Lady2020]

I like the sensual dominance theme, as long as it doesn't get into pain and degradation and endless tasks. When I was researching Dom/s, I came across a blog of a sensual dominant. I liked what he had to say until I realized it was all about control of women, degradation, and rationalizing what he was doing. Good luck!

 

[Hipshot1554]

I like the sensual dominance theme, as long as it doesn't get into pain and degradation and endless tasks. When I was researching Dom/s, I came across a blog of a sensual dominant. I liked what he had to say until I realized it was all about control of women, degradation, and rationalizing what he was doing. Good luck!

For as long as I've been on Lit, which is quite a while, I've never been able to grasp the D/s thing. It seems that it's as unique as the two people involved. Quantum mechanics must be easier...

 

[Wishingbox]

Is it reading for her or for you?
If it is for her I’d hold off on SM101 and look for something less in depth.

BDSM can be a lot of things, so if she is unsure about the whole thing, perhaps treat it as an adventure trying things out together and make sure it is clear that it is ok to not like something, to giggle at mishaps etc.
Sensory play can be a good start.
I read your other post in How to, so I guess you want to make sure it is low threshold?
It’t is easy to underestimate the impact of new experiences. Just being blindfolded and having someone explore your naked body, while trying to be still, can be a start. And you can take turns doing it too, in the interest of exploration.

Yeah this feels inline with our pace. Even calling it sensory play vs BDSM could be a go no go because the context and framing might feel overwhelming.

She has much more sensitive sex breaks and doesn’t find the ideas of sexual activities stimulating but once we’re doing them she enjoys them.

So I walk a fine line between getting convent for the next step we’re about to take but not provide so much information for her to turn things down in a less heightened state of arousal.

Hopefully that doesn’t sound creepy or coercive she just doesn’t fantasize a about sex in any way but enjoys it when we’re doing it. So it is consensual. It’s just baby steps so I’d like to introduce the concept gradually.

 

[Wishingbox]

I like the sensual dominance theme, as long as it doesn't get into pain and degradation and endless tasks. When I was researching Dom/s, I came across a blog of a sensual dominant. I liked what he had to say until I realized it was all about control of women, degradation, and rationalizing what he was doing. Good luck!

Mhhh you interesting I like the sound of sensual dominance. I think that too would be a really excellent non threatening introduction. It creates a bit of separation between the power and pain.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Yeah this feels inline with our pace. Even calling it sensory play vs BDSM could be a go no go because the context and framing might feel overwhelming.

She has much more sensitive sex breaks and doesn’t find the ideas of sexual activities stimulating but once we’re doing them she enjoys them.

So I walk a fine line between getting convent for the next step we’re about to take but not provide so much information for her to turn things down in a less heightened state of arousal.

Hopefully that doesn’t sound creepy or coercive she just doesn’t fantasize a about sex in any way but enjoys it when we’re doing it. So it is consensual. It’s just baby steps so I’d like to introduce the concept gradually.

The best trait possible for a dominant is awareness of their partner’s state. You’re doing that part.

Also, I don’t know what this means:

“So I walk a fine line between getting convent for the next step we’re about to take…”

But — religious kink! Can I get an amen?

 

[Wishingbox]

The best trait possible for a dominant is awareness of their partner’s state. You’re doing that part.

Also, I don’t know what this means:

“So I walk a fine line between getting convent for the next step we’re about to take…”

But — religious kink! Can I get an amen?

Hahahaha consent*

I think about it like an appetite. If you’re hungry lots of foods taste great. If you’re full even the most delicious 5 star meal can appear unappetizing. So I’m a bit more deliberate on when to introduce concepts or things to try.

If I came out the gate with “hey want me to tie you up, place clothespins on your nipples and then spank you?” that wouldn’t go over well…

 

[IrisAlthea]

Also, I don’t know what this means:

“So I walk a fine line between getting convent for the next step we’re about to take…”

*running up the hills to the sound of music*

 

[LittleSwitchy]

Mhhh you interesting I like the sound of sensual dominance. I think that too would be a really excellent non threatening introduction. It creates a bit of separation between the power and pain.

Sensual dominance, sensation play, light side of bdsm. Whatever you want to call it. Or don’t call it.
There doesn’t need to be pain to have fun. Hell maybe covering the eyes. Taking different items that you put in the freezer earlier. Running each one over the body. One at a time.
That’s sensation play. Do you need to call it that? No.
Try taking away the senses of sight and hearing. The mind and body heighten the other senses to compensate
To be honest. The mind is a wonderful playground