Okay, service subs... discuss?

[Etoile]

OTOH, I can see how one would crave this type of service. In reading the article, I can see how particular subs would find solace in a job well done, in pleasing the Master, in fulfilling needs of others. In a case such as this, the sub would crave the attention, acknowledgement and praise from the Master, but the denial of same would keep the sub coming back if only for that nod, that muttered thanks, that occasional spoken word of praise. A little bit of that goes a long, long way.

I crave that muttered thanks as much as the next person (and I think all of us want approval at certain times, dom and sub alike), but I think love is important too. If you're solely devoted to one person, and you're not getting that love from them, then you're going to end up needing more and finding it somewhere else.

 

[catalina_francisco]

OTOH, I can see how one would crave this type of service. In reading the article, I can see how particular subs would find solace in a job well done, in pleasing the Master, in fulfilling needs of others. In a case such as this, the sub would crave the attention, acknowledgement and praise from the Master, but the denial of same would keep the sub coming back if only for that nod, that muttered thanks, that occasional spoken word of praise. A little bit of that goes a long, long way.

That can be so, but many service subs do not get that acknowledgement ever, and seek those they know won't give it. There are some who just need to serve for whatever reason and do not want a personal type bond between Dominant and sub. Often those that do want the appreciation, praise, will only remain for so long if that need is not being fed.

Catalina

 

[Luvinit]

That can be so, but many service subs do not get that acknowledgement ever, and seek those they know won't give it.

I can completely understand that desire. It's almost like self flagellation.

 

[Kajira Callista]

That can be so, but many service subs do not get that acknowledgement ever, and seek those they know won't give it. There are some who just need to serve for whatever reason and do not want a personal type bond between Dominant and sub. Often those that do want the appreciation, praise, will only remain for so long if that need is not being fed.

Catalina

hmmm i dont like to be praised or thanked for things that are expected of me, it makes me all nervous and embarrasses me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

hmmm i dont like to be praised or thanked for things that are expected of me, it makes me all nervous and embarrasses me.

LOL, I can certainly identify there....makes me often mention something about a desire to be invisible.

Catalina

 

[Kajira Callista]

LOL, I can certainly identify there....makes me often mention something about a desire to be invisible.

Catalina

wow i thought i was the only one like that. isnt that how you try to be? totally invisible? its nicer when you are treated that way, but im thinking they kinda know that ...and you know what that means

 

[Etoile]

hmmm i dont like to be praised or thanked for things that are expected of me, it makes me all nervous and embarrasses me.

I'm probably the opposite. I like to be praised for everything. When I remember to put a fresh empty trash bag in the bin after taking out the trash, I point it out to my girlfriend so she can say "good bunny."

 

[shy slave]

I'm probably the opposite. I like to be praised for everything. When I remember to put a fresh empty trash bag in the bin after taking out the trash, I point it out to my girlfriend so she can say "good bunny."

I'm with Etoile on this one, no praise,no service

 

[intothewoods]

*bump*

What a great thread! I've been thinking a lot about service lately. I do it a little for Mister Man, but I also really enjoy doing service for kink parties. And I don't mean as a party favor.

I've only had a couple of occasions to do prep and food serving and that sort of thing, but I'd like to do it more often. I really enjoyed the Midori article at the beginning of this thread, but I actually do aim to be the sort of french maid who's actually serving. And I've found there's enough hot girls wearing nothing around that I'm certainly not the focus of all attention by any means.

I think the tough thing for me now is negotiating for service, and figuring out ways to get that need fulfilled in small and subtle ways. I understand that I need to be offering something useful, and not - hey can I dress up and stand around at your party looking hot? - but quite honestly I'm not up for cleaning cum off the floor or something, and I also don't want to be part of anyone's stable, if that makes sense. Anyway, I know that sounds like a lot of demands, so I'm still mulling it over. I don't want to be that bottom who says, okay, let me serve you, and here are my demands.

 

[Homburg]

Very interesting article, aye. Service, and satisfaction thereof, has been on my mind lately as well, as has entitlement and quid pro quo.

 

[cati]

Service subs are truly a rare breed. It's kinda like having an unpaid housekeeper. Personally, I don't know how they do it, except when one doesn't have an "emotional" relationship with the Master or Mistress and doesn't expect to have one. If the slave came into service with no romantic inclinations but merely a need to serve than I can understand that. I think I have an article somewhere that I found on the web a few years back about "love and slavery". Some say being or falling in love with your Master/Mistress just ruins a fine "working" relationship.
I occasionally tell my hubbie, that's just what he needs ...a housekeeper.

I agree with Etoille too, I definitely have to have my emotional needs met. He doesn't need to thank me for every little thing. A kiss or a hug occasionally tells me that he still likes me *s and that I'm still in his good books... I wish I could get a pat on the butt more often tho'

I have a question for anyone and everyone. What do you do if "you feel" that your partner may be taking you for granted and you're not being appreciated for the wonderful person you are? How do you keep the fire burning in your relationship after a few years together? I find this a real toughy, especially if one is a slave, let alone a submissive.

 

[cati]

That can be so, but many service subs do not get that acknowledgement ever, and seek those they know won't give it.
Catalina

Sad but true, makes me wonder what kind of parents they had.

 

[catalina_francisco]

What do you do if "you feel" that your partner may be taking you for granted and you're not being appreciated for the wonderful person you are? How do you keep the fire burning in your relationship after a few years together? I find this a real toughy, especially if one is a slave, let alone a submissive.

For me it is about reminding myself why I entered this lifestyle. Being taken for granted for me is a vanilla concept more so than a slave one, though on a bad day I have to remember why that is so. I agreed to TPE with no limits with the knowledge he could then just reverse everything to the opposite of what I had been enjoying and there would be nothing I could do about it. He does from time to time mention why he appreciates me, but it isn't always a daily, weekly, or even monthly event...it is random and life continues the same regardless. I do not always feel like being so heavily relied on for service (lol, I often wonder when I see posts from slaves saying they don't have to take out the garbage or do heavy lifting...I'm not sure why it should be a problem, but here it isn't something I am exempt from even when I am bent over because my back has once again been strianed or jumped out), and I am sometimes less than cheery while doing it, but it is what he expects and so I do. It does take mind work at times though...we are human after all.

Catalina

 

[intothewoods]

Very interesting article, aye. Service, and satisfaction thereof, has been on my mind lately as well, as has entitlement and quid pro quo.

Can I persuade you to say a little more?

Service subs are truly a rare breed. It's kinda like having an unpaid housekeeper. Personally, I don't know how they do it, except when one doesn't have an "emotional" relationship with the Master or Mistress and doesn't expect to have one. If the slave came into service with no romantic inclinations but merely a need to serve than I can understand that. I think I have an article somewhere that I found on the web a few years back about "love and slavery". Some say being or falling in love with your Master/Mistress just ruins a fine "working" relationship.
I occasionally tell my hubbie, that's just what he needs ...a housekeeper.

I agree with Etoille too, I definitely have to have my emotional needs met. He doesn't need to thank me for every little thing. A kiss or a hug occasionally tells me that he still likes me *s and that I'm still in his good books... I wish I could get a pat on the butt more often tho'

I have a question for anyone and everyone. What do you do if "you feel" that your partner may be taking you for granted and you're not being appreciated for the wonderful person you are? How do you keep the fire burning in your relationship after a few years together? I find this a real toughy, especially if one is a slave, let alone a submissive.

I am interested in service experiences, but am not a "service sub." If I do service for my primary partner, it's either as part of foreplay or limited in some way, or as part of our partnership as a couple. Things that just have to get done, etc. In other words, I don't have a lengthy list of things to do that he has commanded, just for their own sake.

In answer to your question, sadly, it's very easy for partners who have been together for a long time to take each other for granted. I think if the only issue is that your husband doesn't say "thank you" enough, that's a lot more easily rectified than if there are deeper issues lurking. Sometimes we bury the issues, and then start getting pissed off because they don't pick up their shoes or something.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I'm probably the opposite. I like to be praised for everything. When I remember to put a fresh empty trash bag in the bin after taking out the trash, I point it out to my girlfriend so she can say "good bunny."

That is soooo-o-o-o cute!

 

[Homburg]

Can I persuade you to say a little more?

Not really. My thoughts on the matter aren't really ordered enough to put down as text.

 

[graceanne]

hmmm i dont like to be praised or thanked for things that are expected of me, it makes me all nervous and embarrasses me.

For me it's a double sided sword. I crave praise, but when I get it it embarrasses me.

I have to say, I'm not sure what their is to discuss about being a service sub.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I'm service oriented but I do need positive reassurance that my service is desired and adequate. That doesn't mean a pat on the head for every little thing but I am aware that sometimes I 'fuss' too much over Master and as it's not my intention, I need to know when I'm slipping out of slave mode and mothering the poor man.

I like to pre-empt his needs and have things generally organised, prepared and running smoothly for him. When Master's needs have been met, that's when I get to stop and think 'what do I need right now?' I've kind of become like a parent in that I always put his needs before my own, naturally and as a matter of course. He is my first concern in everything I do. It's hard sometimes to stay true to those tenets and not end up smothering him a little.

Having said all that, as his slave I don't have any automatic claim to his love and affection. Tender moments are given to me as rewards but if Master decided to treat me as 'invisible' I'd be in no position to complain. Knowing this makes me more grateful for the affection and praise that I do receive. It also makes positive things he says more genuine and appreciated, rather than something I expect to hear if he wants the dinner cooked and the dishes done. This makes things less quid pro quo than they might otherwise be.

Usually, if Master wants to give me the night off, we'll eat out. Yesterday, for example, he decided to cook and then wash the dishes. It was so unexpected and it touched me deeply that he wanted to wait on me like that. I was floating around in a happiness bubble the next day. He ran me a bath, poured me some wine and cooked while I had some 'me' time. Because it's something I rarely get these days, it was such a special gift.

 

[twysted73]

I have to agree with what's been said so far as service submissives being so rare.

My babydoll has expressed deeply seeded interests and fascinations concerning Geisha and the ritualistic aspects of service that it entails.
Tradition, ritual and service. It's romantic to be certain.
But I've done a lot of thinking and a little investigation of my own and find it rather appealing. NBot because it would ease my daily toils and tediums.
(though in a few ways it could very well)

But I can also appreciate the message of devotion and connection it conveys.
It is an intimate thing to kneel and offer service, not knowing what will be required or asked of you. But knowing that it will be done simply based on trust in the other.

It will only be a short matter of time before she sees this thread and comes in to comment.
As the passion for this is hers (as I am just fledgling in my inquiries and insight/enjoyment of it) I look foreward to her thoughts on this.


Her thoughts from another thread on Geisha Service: http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=27370918#post27370918

 

[faeriefire]

OTOH, I can see how one would crave this type of service. In reading the article, I can see how particular subs would find solace in a job well done, in pleasing the Master, in fulfilling needs of others. In a case such as this, the sub would crave the attention, acknowledgement and praise from the Master, but the denial of same would keep the sub coming back if only for that nod, that muttered thanks, that occasional spoken word of praise. A little bit of that goes a long, long way.

For me it's not about finding solace but rather a deep pride in seeing a job well done. Not in a bdsm relationship actually, but at home with my family the tasks that I take on are sometimes requested, sometimes not. The others know that if they do not do chores, if they leave the clothing on the floor that I will come by and clean it up. We all have things we contribute that keeps our home clean, the grounds tidy, the critters fed. When I am away these tasks are done for myself alone, and still the pride remains. There is satisfaction in self-sufficiency. Fulfillment in a job well done. The pat on the head is nice but I'm no more or less likely to continue scrubbing the floor or hold off putting in a new fence line waiting for someone else to tell me I've done well. Because the true satisfaction is in looking out and seeing the floor sparkle or watching the sheep cropping at the fresh grass. Work for work's sake can be fulfilling. And it's not about serving someone else either. It's about getting the tasks done that need doing.

 

[DreamSensualist]

Am I a “Service Submissive”?

......

 

[SubKekiLee]

I think I need a lot more experience in the lifestyle to determine if I am a “service submissive”.

It is true that there are some aspects of being such that I find very appealing. As I’ve already discussed, the geisha style service of serving him or bathing him is a fantasy of mine. But to be honest, I’m not sure that I can claim that to be true selfless service because I would expect something in return. I would expect to be appreciated. Not in a “good girl”, pat on the head kind of way (although I’d never say no to this). I think what I would expect is for my Dominant to appreciate the preparations I made to serve him in this way and to look upon my acts as a beautiful demonstration of my love for him. My reward would be to see him relaxed and happy. I would not be averse to criticism of my task, in fact I would see this as a tool to enhance my service, I do not need effusive praise, just the ability to witness his relaxation that are a result of my administrations. A task completed that did not result in what I had aimed to provide for him on an emotional level would not satisfy me. I do not serve for the sake of serving, I do not serve for personal reciprocation, and the purpose of the service would be to please him, to satisfy him, provide him with something that he cannot achieve without me on that emotional level. If he was not pleased I would lose all desire to serve. I guess this in some way goes back to what has already been said as far as love in a relationship goes. My service would be to show him how much I love him.

With other services I am less clear on my views. Let me give a simple example of straightening up the kitchen at the end of the night. I can see this “task” being completed in a myriad of ways. I would happily do all this without any praise or appreciation. It is just something that needs doing. That said, in this case I am sure that I would not “eroticize” or “romanticize” the task. My attention to detail would not go “above & beyond”. It would just be a task. Over the top praise of a job completed satisfactorily but not exceptionally would make me feel ashamed that I had not done a better job as well as a little shy and uncomfortable.

On the other hand, if I was being observed or my actions were going to be closely scrutinized after then I would take a deeper sense of pride in my work. I would move with more purpose (I tend to appear manic & moving without purpose when not paying attention to my movements). I would have a better attention to detail and would endeavor to go above & beyond while still working in a timely manner. If this was an assigned task then I would expect some sort of acknowledgement, either in the form of praise for a job well done, or if I had failed then I would understand that praise would not be warranted.

However, if I had taken it upon myself to do this then I think my following actions would depend on my mood. I may not expect recognition of any kind, or if I was looking for some extra attention I would ensure that I communicated this to him. I guess that I could go to him and tell him what I had done, but more likely I would just want to curl up on the couch with him for pets. My body language would tell him what I needed. If he had noted the task then I would be rewarded with pets, and if he had not, then I would still be comfortable receiving the attention secure in the knowledge that I was worthy.

The final scenario is that he would complete this task. I would not be averse to this at all. The task is not such that I would feel it minimized my service to him if he took it over. As I have said, it is just something that needed doing & perhaps he has another task for me or has requested that I sit and relax as he has plans for me later in the evening. If he were to notice that the trash was full and I was cooking dinner and he took it upon himself to take it out then I would not see this as him “lowering” himself. And I would appreciate this. I understand that he, as my Dominant has chosen to do this, either because he sees it as a “mans task” or because he wants to make my life easier or just because it’s a pet peeve of him. I would thank him, even though he is my Dominant, and he will do as he likes, it does not mean that when he does something that favorably impacts me I cannot be appreciative, even if his motivations were not to that intent.

I know I am starting to ramble a bit here but I just see so many grey areas……….

Here’s a thought……. What about when a Dominant completes a task? I don’t mean that a submissive would assign a task at all, I just mean when it is something that is either a day to day job that needs doing, or an action that the dominant undertakes that pleases the submissive. I understand that Dominants do what they do because they are dominant. The can choose what to do & what to assign to their submissive. Many times that a submissive is pleased, their life made easier I think that it is a happy secondary impact of the dominant doing what they want to first & foremost. But just because it is done because they wanted to, and not to please their submissive, I don’t think that this means the submissive can’t show their appreciation. Being a Dominant takes a lot of work. Sure, the can assign tasks to the submissive, but in doing so, in owning a submissive or slave they have accepted a lot of responsibility, must pay attention to the work load and actions of the submissive. We, as submissives, are valuable property & any Dominant who appreciates this, and loves us, knows that they will get their best return if they treasure & look after their property …. This sounds a lot more “arrogant” or “uppity” or whatever than I mean it to so I am just going to stop now before I get myself into trouble!!!!

Beautifully lovely and wonderfully put.. You always put things so eloquently and worded so nicely.. I think your view on things is great... Im sharing this with Sir..

 

[twysted73]

I think I need a lot more experience in the lifestyle to determine if I am a “service submissive”.

It is true that there are some aspects of being such that I find very appealing. As I’ve already discussed, the geisha style service of serving him or bathing him is a fantasy of mine. But to be honest, I’m not sure that I can claim that to be true selfless service because I would expect something in return. I would expect to be appreciated. Not in a “good girl”, pat on the head kind of way (although I’d never say no to this). I think what I would expect is for my Dominant to appreciate the preparations I made to serve him in this way and to look upon my acts as a beautiful demonstration of my love for him. My reward would be to see him relaxed and happy. I would not be averse to criticism of my task, in fact I would see this as a tool to enhance my service, I do not need effusive praise, just the ability to witness his relaxation that are a result of my administrations. A task completed that did not result in what I had aimed to provide for him on an emotional level would not satisfy me. I do not serve for the sake of serving, I do not serve for personal reciprocation, and the purpose of the service would be to please him, to satisfy him, provide him with something that he cannot achieve without me on that emotional level. If he was not pleased I would lose all desire to serve. I guess this in some way goes back to what has already been said as far as love in a relationship goes. My service would be to show him how much I love him.

With other services I am less clear on my views. Let me give a simple example of straightening up the kitchen at the end of the night. I can see this “task” being completed in a myriad of ways. I would happily do all this without any praise or appreciation. It is just something that needs doing. That said, in this case I am sure that I would not “eroticize” or “romanticize” the task. My attention to detail would not go “above & beyond”. It would just be a task. Over the top praise of a job completed satisfactorily but not exceptionally would make me feel ashamed that I had not done a better job as well as a little shy and uncomfortable.

On the other hand, if I was being observed or my actions were going to be closely scrutinized after then I would take a deeper sense of pride in my work. I would move with more purpose (I tend to appear manic & moving without purpose when not paying attention to my movements). I would have a better attention to detail and would endeavor to go above & beyond while still working in a timely manner. If this was an assigned task then I would expect some sort of acknowledgement, either in the form of praise for a job well done, or if I had failed then I would understand that praise would not be warranted.

However, if I had taken it upon myself to do this then I think my following actions would depend on my mood. I may not expect recognition of any kind, or if I was looking for some extra attention I would ensure that I communicated this to him. I guess that I could go to him and tell him what I had done, but more likely I would just want to curl up on the couch with him for pets. My body language would tell him what I needed. If he had noted the task then I would be rewarded with pets, and if he had not, then I would still be comfortable receiving the attention secure in the knowledge that I was worthy.

The final scenario is that he would complete this task. I would not be averse to this at all. The task is not such that I would feel it minimized my service to him if he took it over. As I have said, it is just something that needed doing & perhaps he has another task for me or has requested that I sit and relax as he has plans for me later in the evening. If he were to notice that the trash was full and I was cooking dinner and he took it upon himself to take it out then I would not see this as him “lowering” himself. And I would appreciate this. I understand that he, as my Dominant has chosen to do this, either because he sees it as a “mans task” or because he wants to make my life easier or just because it’s a pet peeve of him. I would thank him, even though he is my Dominant, and he will do as he likes, it does not mean that when he does something that favorably impacts me I cannot be appreciative, even if his motivations were not to that intent.

I know I am starting to ramble a bit here but I just see so many grey areas……….

Here’s a thought……. What about when a Dominant completes a task? I don’t mean that a submissive would assign a task at all, I just mean when it is something that is either a day to day job that needs doing, or an action that the dominant undertakes that pleases the submissive. I understand that Dominants do what they do because they are dominant. The can choose what to do & what to assign to their submissive. Many times that a submissive is pleased, their life made easier I think that it is a happy secondary impact of the dominant doing what they want to first & foremost. But just because it is done because they wanted to, and not to please their submissive, I don’t think that this means the submissive can’t show their appreciation. Being a Dominant takes a lot of work. Sure, the can assign tasks to the submissive, but in doing so, in owning a submissive or slave they have accepted a lot of responsibility, must pay attention to the work load and actions of the submissive. We, as submissives, are valuable property & any Dominant who appreciates this, and loves us, knows that they will get their best return if they treasure & look after their property …. This sounds a lot more “arrogant” or “uppity” or whatever than I mean it to so I am just going to stop now before I get myself into trouble!!!!

I do enjoy your mind.
With DS she does deal in many grey areas. Her mind is far too busy to be so confined with black and white.
So for those who think as she, I would definitely suggest a dynamic that is fluid and more inline with an LTR then , say, a play partner or whatnot.
For the relationship service subs, I can see this applying to their dynamic which involves deeper insight and emotional involvement.

Good girl.



Be safe babydoll. It's a long drive. And I don't trust everyone else out there with you.