Looking For Some Feedback If You Have A Few Minutes

[Carl0s_dang3r]

Good evening,

I just posted my first story (well, chapter) and I was hoping to get a little feedback on what worked and didn't work. While I was working on the third and fourth chapter and editing the second one it clicked to me that maybe I should reach out instead of just go by what the comment section says (or potentially ignore it altogether).

So if anybody out there would be willing to give it a quick lookover and tell me what you think I'd greatly appreciate it.

Things I'm sort of thinking might be a problem:
-Lack of sex. Personally I don't think a story, even an adult one, requires a lot of sex. For me, it feels like sex should be the climax of it all and not the body itself. Not to say I won't write chapters that are heavily sexual, but as it stands I didn't plan on many of them having sex. In fact, this leads to another concern...

-Focus on the characters. For me a story is all about characters and what they do, not just what happens to them. And this became really evident when editing my second (to be released) chapter, in which I realized I didn't have any real sexual content and instead opted for a lot of personal interaction between some of the characters as a bridge to future events. More or less does the story feel like it drags on instead of contributes? Which segues into my next thought-

-Am I shooting for too long a story? I get that some people like longer stories and some people like shorter stories. I plan on writing multi-chapters and one-shots, and just shorter stories in general. However, for the one I'm currently writing I want it to something akin to a journey and I'm just not sure if that's doable or a good idea.

Sorry about the rambling. I'm really new to this site and I still haven't even figured out how to create chapters within ONE story, instead opting to just have multiple releases. Something which came up in the comment section more than once. lol

So please take a look, and if you need more information please DM me and I can share more such as the in-work draft of my next chapter or two.

Link to my story "Happy Accidents Ch. 01" - https://literotica.com/s/happy-accidents-ch-01

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

 

[AlinaX]

Well, 2.5k words is on the short side, if anything.

But, oh dear. Please don't do this (especially right at the beginning):

"Still no luck, Cam?" Tyler, a man in his late 30's asked with a tone that knew the answer.

"I just don't know," responded Cam, a woman in her mid-to-late 30's. "It seems like Lucas just can't get the confidence to try."

Keep it simple and don't try to force in details that can be introduced more organically later on:

"Still no luck, Cam?" Tyler asked, already knowing the answer.

"I just don't know," Cam replied with an almost audible shrug. "It seems like Lucas just can't get the confidence to try."

 

[Antimatter42]

Well, 2.5k words is on the short side, if anything.

But, oh dear. Please don't do this (especially right at the beginning):

Keep it simple and don't try to force in details that can be introduced more organically later on:

This, I agree with. I think, more specifically, placing character details within the dialogue tags may seem a bit awkward, so placing them in separate paragraphs altogether (or something to this effect) may be better.

 

[Milo_Grigsby]

I thought the playfulness and dialog between the characters was fun and rang true and authentic to me. And I really liked "Na-uh". I don't recall ever seeing that in writing before and it made her quite real and alive for me.
I was a little shocked at the ending but that's my fault for not noticing the category, which isn't something I am into. Setting that aside though, I enjoyed the interactions of the characters.