Keep A Lid On Double Latte? (Caution: thread may contain politics or peanut oils)

[shereads]

I'm disappointed. I thought for sure it'd be H-E-double hockey sticks. Hmm...

I was only trying to help, Sher. The woman obviously has tit-issues. I figured a little bit of bdsm or anal would take her mind off of it is all. C'mon, sacrifice your pride for Mom's sake. Never know, if she reads the words cock, pussy and fuck enough times in one story she might get over her aversion to saying 'Hell' as it was meant to be said. Could be theraputic.



~lucky

How powerful do you think these pacemakers are, Lucky? The nuclear-powered ones haven't passed the FDA yet, and when they do, the patient will have to be attached by cable to their nearest reactor-powered electric utility.

This isn't the Everready Bunny we're shocking here, it's a 75-year-old 86-pound woman with big hair.

True story: When she finally agreed to date again, she called me and said she'd been over to this gentleman's house to play with his organ.

"You wouldn't believe how much fun we had with that thing!"

It's a Hammond electric organ. I almost swallowed the telephone before that clicked.

I think playing with his organ is enough excitement for a woman on her third pacemaker, don't you?

 

[lucky-E-leven]

This isn't the Everready Bunny we're shocking here, it's a 75-year-old 86-pound woman with big hair.

Is the hair blue too? Purple, maybe?

I think playing with his organ is enough excitement for a woman on her third pacemaker, don't you?

I dunno, I kinda figure if she's bound by cables to her reactor, she'd be glad to get a free jolt elsewhere. Perhaps a steady diet of porn could replace the wired lifestyle she's headed for and you'd have freed her?

No?

Okay, didn't think so.

But we're only talking a little tit in public. Is that any more risque than playing a man's organ on the first date? I mean, really.

~lucky

 

[shereads]

It's completey different. His organ can play "Amazing Grace." Can your breast do that? I think not.

Is the hair blue too? Purple, maybe?



I dunno, I kinda figure if she's bound by cables to her reactor, she'd be glad to get a free jolt elsewhere. Perhaps a steady diet of porn could replace the wired lifestyle she's headed for and you'd have freed her?

No?

Okay, didn't think so.

But we're only talking a little tit in public. Is that any more risque than playing a man's organ on the first date? I mean, really.

~lucky

 

[lucky-E-leven]

It's completey different. His organ can play "Amazing Grace." Can your breast do that? I think not.

You might be surprised. (No, you may not have a satisfied customer list! The nerve!)



Ahem. So was Mom smart enough to accept a second date? Curious enough, at least, to see what else the amazing grace playing organ could do?



~lucky

 

[shereads]

I'm not sure how much booty he wants to promote at 85.

Mom assured me recently that they do not "have sex." Yes, she used the word. I don't think I had ever heard her say it. Then she added, "If a man respects you, he will not insist on having sex."







I couldn' resist asking, "Does the woman have to respect him too?"

She blushed. I laughed. It was the closest we've ever come to having The Talk.

You might be surprised. (No, you may not have a satisfied customer list! The nerve!)



Ahem. So was Mom smart enough to accept a second date? Curious enough, at least, to see what else the amazing grace playing organ could do?



~lucky

 

[lucky-E-leven]

I'm not sure how much booty he wants to promote at 85.

Mom assured me recently that they do not "have sex." Yes, she used the word. I don't think I had ever heard her say it. Then she added, "If a man respects you, he will not insist on having sex."



I couldn' resist asking, "Does the woman have to respect him too?"

She blushed. I laughed. It was the closest we've ever come to having The Talk.

That's awesome! Helluva lot better than The Talk I got.

I'd add something quirky but I'm still in shock that she actually said...um...er...well you know... S - E - X!

~lucky

 

[shereads]

I'd add something quirky but I'm still in shock that she actually said...um...er...well you know... S - E - X!

~lucky

Keep it down, please. Do you want her to hear you? She's completely freaked out that the hurricane is coming. She's nowhere near Tampa, but when they show these things on radar the storms look big enough to cover the state. This one could snap the peninsula right off the bottom of the U.S. Have Bandaids ready, okay?

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Keep it down, please. Do you want her to hear you? She's completely freaked out that the hurricane is coming. She's nowhere near Tampa, but when they show these things on radar the storms look big enough to cover the state. This one could snap the peninsula right off the bottom of the U.S. Have Bandaids ready, okay?

Hokay, so no porn and no verbalizing *whispers* S-E-X. Now a hurricane on top of the tit debate fiasco. Her pacemaker must be in overdrive! Might be time to check into a room at NORAD. Pretty sure they don't have porn or hurricanes there.



~lucky

p.s. Bandaids? Check. (Is it okay if they're the Elmo and Snoopy kind?)

 

[Svenskaflicka]

BUT, what of the possibility of Rapists and their ilk? You don't think there will be some perverts who will get turned on watching public breast feeding? Hell, they might get it in their heads to then stalk the woman. I know thats an extreme, but it IS possible.. Think about that one for a moment.

So mothers should hide in restrooms to feed their children, out of fear of arousing uncontrollable urges in men?

How about handing them veils as well?

It's OUR world, not the rapists'! THEY are the ones who should be hiding out of fear, not us!

 

[shereads]

So mothers should hide in restrooms to feed their children, out of fear of arousing uncontrollable urges in men?

How about handing them veils as well?

It's OUR world, not the rapists'! THEY are the ones who should be hiding out of fear, not us!

What about the nursing rapists?



(ducking just in time to let Lucky take the punch)

 

[lucky-E-leven]

(ducking just in time to let Lucky take the punch)

Ow! Shit!

Sonuva...

That's it, Sher. I'm going to Mom and telling her all about your little (read huge!) porn habit! And then I'm gonna show her that picture of you all tied up and tell her you liked it!

~lucky

p.s. I'm not going to spell HELL or SEX when I tell her these things!

 

[shereads]

Ow! Shit!

Sonuva...

That's it, Sher. I'm going to Mom and telling her all about your little (read huge!) porn habit! And then I'm gonna show her that picture of you all tied up and tell her you liked it!

~lucky

p.s. I'm not going to spell HELL or SEX when I tell her these things!

Ask her to make you some cornbread before you kill her, okay? It's the best.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Ask her to make you some cornbread before you kill her, okay? It's the best.

Are you sure you're not Catholic? That's some of the most professional guilting I've ever seen.

Okay, okay, I'll spell H-E-double L and S-E-X.

Happy?

~lucky

 

[shereads]

Are you sure you're not Catholic? That's some of the most professional guilting I've ever seen.

Okay, okay, I'll spell H-E-double L and S-E-X.

Happy?

~lucky

Catholics are rank amateurs when it comes to familial guilt. My mom's the best at cornbread, coconut cake, and guilt. It helps that she's frail and has a soft Suthuhn drawl. When I lived near my parents, I'd been staying busy with work and friends and realized one day I hadn't called much. So I drove out for a surprise visit.

Mom opened the door with tears in her eyes: "I hope you've been checking the obitituaries every day to see if one of us was dead."

Top that, Catholics. Atheists, too. I dare you.