If I was a...then I would

[BadAmy]

If I was a DVD player, I'd let you slip your disc inside.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

If I was a DVD player, I'd let you slip your disc inside.

if I was a man of means and words that close , I’d be

Kenny fuxing powers lol

 

[Fingerfuxs]

If I was a dog, I would sniff your butt.

If I was going to take a sniff

I would seek out the best , stuff possible, to catch a whiff.

cherrywood brand , a cut above the rest. At the top of the shelf, not call brand , or low hanging fruit.

 

[BadAmy]

If I was a sign, I'd tell ya to stop.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

if I was a mouse , I would say

Pepsi ice

 

[BrendaD]

If I was a sign, I'd tell ya to stop.

If I was a sign, I’d say Do Not Enter.

 

[JerseyJade]

If I was a prostitute, I would be rich.

 

[AmberLGreen]

If only it was that easy...

How long did you take the yoga classes for before you realised it wasn’t going to work?

 

[ydahecnot]

If I was the star in Body Double, I would not make the director wait for the cum shot

 

[positiveflirt]

If I was, like, 6ft9 I would get with Leoshi. She don't know me but, yo she's really fine. You know I see her all the time, everywhere I go, even in my dreams I can scheme of ways to make her mine.

 

[AmberLGreen]

the year was 2006. It had been 4 long years since I was able to grace my own presence with my lips. College was offering yoga classes out in the quad so I figured it was the perfect excuse to get reacquainted. Fast forward a few years and here we are. Still a good 2-3 inches away

Lip augmentation might work a bit quicker

 

[AmberLGreen]

To cover a 3” distance? I’d rather that my dick just gets bigger

Wouldn’t we all

 

[ydahecnot]

If I was choosing an exercise, I would not choose yoga. Why choke myself?

 

[hotoldrguy]

If I were a hammer, would pound everything in sight.

 

[BrendaD]

If I were a hammer, would pound everything in sight.

Hammer Time!

 

[BadAmy]

If I were 20, I would have chosen differently.

 

[SexyVita]

If I was underwear then I would be panties. I care nothing about covering for a dick head and two nuts that live around the corner from an asshole.

If I was underwear, then I would be panties. Who's going to complain about living next to the best thing on Earth?

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Predictive text on my phone:

If I was an artist I’d have a lot more patience.

 

[BrendaD]

If I was a doctor, I would have a lot more patients.

 

[BadAmy]

If I was a cat, I'd probably
pet myself.

 

[BrendaD]

If I was a cat, I'd probably
pet myself.

…and often lick some pu… nevermind….

 

[BrendaD]

If I was in StarWars, I would have been Princess Leila’s best friend… on Alderaan

If I was in Star Wars, I probably would have been eaten by a rancor.

 

[willlph]

If I were a toilet. I would be full of shit.

 

[devilsanus]

if I was a dessert, I would be whipped cream and jello.

I am very confused by this reference I know what those two things are, but I have no clue what it MEANS, and you've got me all curious. Can you please elaborate?

 

[Fingerfuxs]

If I was a prickle , then I’d be prickly like a raspberry bush.