i need an editor apparently im dumb and got shredded in the authors form

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Reload this Page im new here have a sneaker fetish my story got rejected please read and help
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Old 04-29-2021, 09:11 PM #1
darkhunter7070
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im new here have a sneaker fetish my story got rejected please read and help
Cody and Jenna had been friends for over 20 years and have been neighbors. Cody always wanted Jenna and they both endured numerous relationships but he could never get the courage to ask her out. Jenna is about 5'5 auburn hair resembles anna kendrick athletic body. Cody is 6 4 somewhat fit short blonde hair. One morning Cody as he was leaving his house for work and locking his door. He froze there she was running her athletic body sprinting like a gazelle her auburn hair in a ponytail her perfect c cup breasts outlined in her tank top black leggings hugging her strong legs and a fresh pair of nike frees green and blue on her beautiful feet. The logo reflected.off the sun and suddenly he was snapped back to reality
"Hi Cody!!" she smiled as she ran by. "Hey Jenna!" he replied. "Hey hold up a minute he said" she stopped panting a little. He approached her shyly admiring her goddess like body and her fresh new sneakers. "Whats up?" she said. "Wellll ummm" looking down Johns having a party tonight and i was wondering if youd go w meee? He clenched his legs trying to not get erect, she grinned. "Sure what the hell she said buttt". He tensed up looking at her gorgeous green.eyes "tell me one thing,whats that party goin on in your pants?" The color drained from his face he looked down he had a full erection. "Dont be shy weve been friends a long time. Do you.like my new sneakers?" Blushing he muttered yes very muchhhh. She paused and then smiled. "Do you.like girls in nikes? Do you have a fetish? He finally spoke "Yes, i didnt know if i should tell you.I didnt wanna weird you out and weve been friends... "Stop" she said smiling "Its ok we are cool. "Do u.mind if i run in your house and grab water?" No he said not at all. As she walks to his door his mind races and thinks how he would give anything to make her sneakers covered in his cum. He unlocks the door and she walks to the kitchen. "Where are your glasses?" First cabinet.on the right he yells. He walks in the kitchen and there she stands lips wrapped around the glass sweaty and flush. She smiles and says "here have some water" and hands it to him. He finishes and she looks at him. "Come here". He walks to her as her piercing green eyes watch and bites her lip grinning. "Soooo my buddy has a sneaker fetish ehh?" She runs the toe of her sneaker on his leggg. Watching his clothed cock swelll. "Somebodys happyy.." Codys face beet red " she grabs his hand and leads him to the living room shoving him on the couch."What are you doing?" he asks "Ive always noticed you looking at my feet when we talk." Smiling "I have a sneaker fetish too and always wore them to see your reaction". He smiles big and she begins to kiss him full mouth with tongue then pulls back. Before he could say what she places her foot on his cock." "Unzip now!!" I want you to run your cock on my shoe. He obliges releasing his throbbing member, feeling the mesh against his tip. She continues to smile as he strokes faster cum filling his cock and then begins to shoot warm ropes on top of the sneaker. She grins big as he exhales. She leans in kisses him hard and whispers "Good Boy" see you tonight. Leaving him on the couch spent he watches her leave and hears the door close. Could this be sneaker love he wondered?

To be continued
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Old 04-29-2021, 10:20 PM #2
AlinaX
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1. What was the rejection message?
2. Blank lines between paragraphs, please!
3. In the forum here, no more than three paragraphs of a story, as a general rule.
4. Category?
5. Pretty sure Anna Kendrick deserves capital letters.
6. Grammar!
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Old 04-29-2021, 10:22 PM #3
jaF0
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Geeezzzeee where to begin?
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Old 04-29-2021, 10:35 PM #4
mynameisben
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Darkhunter,

Your story sample has too many errors to address in this forum. Your best bet is to find yourself an editor, and have them do a thorough cleanup of your writing for you. You may also consider investing in grammar and spell checking software, but I really think your writing is in need of the personal touch that only a living, breathing editor can provide you.


Ben
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Old 04-29-2021, 10:42 PM #5
SimonDoom
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You're not going to get past the Site owner's review unless you clean this up, a lot.

Some things I noticed immediately:

1. You constantly shift tenses -- past tense, present tense, etc. You have to be consistent.

2. Sentence no. 5 is not a sentence. It's a fragment.

3. If you submitted it in this form, you have no paragraphs. You have a solid block of text. You must use paragraphs.

4. Your passage has multiple run-on sentences.

5. There are more punctuation errors than I can point to and identify. You are missing many apostrophes and commas.

I recommend getting an editor. I also recommend taking some time to review other stories at this Site and seeing how people do things. There are some "How To" articles about grammar issues.
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Old 04-29-2021, 10:48 PM #6
KeithD
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Not mentioned, I don't think, but the first line of "unaccepted," if this is the whole story, is that it's too short. An entry must be a minimum of 750 words. This is only 620 words.
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Unread 04-30-2021, 12:00 AM #7
AlphaLyon
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Thumbs down Possible reasons for rejection
Here are some reasons your story was probably rejected:
- tense switching
- lack of proper punctuation
- lack of proper grammar
- lack of proper spelling
- lack of proper formatting
- lack of proper knowledge of basic human anatomy (spoiler: a penis does not "fill with cum". it's a dick, not an éclair.)

Advice:
- develop your characters beyond expositional descriptors
- don't write like you're frantically typing with one hand while diddling yourself with the other
- read the FAQs on how to improve your writing

After doing these things on your own, then get an editor. As someone who edits for others here, if someone gave me a "story" like this, I would reject working on it due to lack of effort on the part of the author. If the author can't be bothered to try, I sure as heck can't get invested.
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Unread 04-30-2021, 03:37 AM #8
SimonDoom
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlphaLyon View Post
After doing these things on your own, then get an editor. As someone who edits for others here, if someone gave me a "story" like this, I would reject working on it due to lack of effort on the part of the author. If the author can't be bothered to try, I sure as heck can't get invested.
This is good, fair advice. It's fair for a potential editor to expect that the author will do the author's best effort to produce a decent story, and the author will take it from there. It's extremely frustrating as an editor to work with a draft that is sloppy because the author has made no effort to conform the writing to the most basic standards of grammar and punctuation.
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Unread 04-30-2021, 03:56 AM #9
LAHomedog
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darkhunter7070 View Post
Cody and Jenna had been friends for over 20 years and have been neighbors. Cody always wanted Jenna and they both endured numerous relationships but he could never get the courage to ask her out. Jenna is about 5'5 auburn hair resembles anna kendrick athletic body. Cody is 6 4 somewhat fit short blonde hair. One morning Cody as he was leaving his house for work and locking his door. He froze there she was running her athletic body sprinting like a gazelle her auburn hair in a ponytail her perfect c cup breasts outlined in her tank top black leggings hugging her strong legs and a fresh pair of nike frees green and blue on her beautiful feet. The logo reflected.off the sun and suddenly he was snapped back to reality
"Hi Cody!!" she smiled as she ran by. "Hey Jenna!" he replied. "Hey hold up a minute he said" she stopped panting a little. He approached her shyly admiring her goddess like body and her fresh new sneakers. "Whats up?" she said. "Wellll ummm" looking down Johns having a party tonight and i was wondering if youd go w meee? He clenched his legs trying to not get erect, she grinned. "Sure what the hell she said buttt". He tensed up looking at her gorgeous green.eyes "tell me one thing,whats that party goin on in your pants?" The color drained from his face he looked down he had a full erection. "Dont be shy weve been friends a long time. Do you.like my new sneakers?" Blushing he muttered yes very muchhhh. She paused and then smiled. "Do you.like girls in nikes? Do you have a fetish? He finally spoke "Yes, i didnt know if i should tell you.I didnt wanna weird you out and weve been friends... "Stop" she said smiling "Its ok we are cool. "Do u.mind if i run in your house and grab water?" No he said not at all. As she walks to his door his mind races and thinks how he would give anything to make her sneakers covered in his cum. He unlocks the door and she walks to the kitchen. "Where are your glasses?" First cabinet.on the right he yells. He walks in the kitchen and there she stands lips wrapped around the glass sweaty and flush. She smiles and says "here have some water" and hands it to him. He finishes and she looks at him. "Come here". He walks to her as her piercing green eyes watch and bites her lip grinning. "Soooo my buddy has a sneaker fetish ehh?" She runs the toe of her sneaker on his leggg. Watching his clothed cock swelll. "Somebodys happyy.." Codys face beet red " she grabs his hand and leads him to the living room shoving him on the couch."What are you doing?" he asks "Ive always noticed you looking at my feet when we talk." Smiling "I have a sneaker fetish too and always wore them to see your reaction". He smiles big and she begins to kiss him full mouth with tongue then pulls back. Before he could say what she places her foot on his cock." "Unzip now!!" I want you to run your cock on my shoe. He obliges releasing his throbbing member, feeling the mesh against his tip. She continues to smile as he strokes faster cum filling his cock and then begins to shoot warm ropes on top of the sneaker. She grins big as he exhales. She leans in kisses him hard and whispers "Good Boy" see you tonight. Leaving him on the couch spent he watches her leave and hears the door close. Could this be sneaker love he wondered?

To be continued
I am not asking this to be nasty or insulting, but as a serious question: Are you writing in English as a 2nd language?

I had someone who was writing in English as a 2nd language send me a story all messed up like this and ask me to be the editor. I suggested he find someone who was native to his language and an English translator. I think he did that. Do you need that?
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Unread 04-30-2021, 04:19 AM #10
Wifetheif
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darkhunter7070 View Post
Cody and Jenna had been friends for over 20 years and have been neighbors. Cody always wanted Jenna and they both endured numerous relationships but he could never get the courage to ask her out. Jenna is about 5'5 auburn hair resembles anna kendrick athletic body. Cody is 6 4 somewhat fit short blonde hair. One morning Cody as he was leaving his house for work and locking his door. He froze there she was running her athletic body sprinting like a gazelle her auburn hair in a ponytail her perfect c cup breasts outlined in her tank top black leggings hugging her strong legs and a fresh pair of nike frees green and blue on her beautiful feet. The logo reflected.off the sun and suddenly he was snapped back to reality
"Hi Cody!!" she smiled as she ran by. "Hey Jenna!" he replied. "Hey hold up a minute he said" she stopped panting a little. He approached her shyly admiring her goddess like body and her fresh new sneakers. "Whats up?" she said. "Wellll ummm" looking down Johns having a party tonight and i was wondering if youd go w meee? He clenched his legs trying to not get erect, she grinned. "Sure what the hell she said buttt". He tensed up looking at her gorgeous green.eyes "tell me one thing,whats that party goin on in your pants?" The color drained from his face he looked down he had a full erection. "Dont be shy weve been friends a long time. Do you.like my new sneakers?" Blushing he muttered yes very muchhhh. She paused and then smiled. "Do you.like girls in nikes? Do you have a fetish? He finally spoke "Yes, i didnt know if i should tell you.I didnt wanna weird you out and weve been friends... "Stop" she said smiling "Its ok we are cool. "Do u.mind if i run in your house and grab water?" No he said not at all. As she walks to his door his mind races and thinks how he would give anything to make her sneakers covered in his cum. He unlocks the door and she walks to the kitchen. "Where are your glasses?" First cabinet.on the right he yells. He walks in the kitchen and there she stands lips wrapped around the glass sweaty and flush. She smiles and says "here have some water" and hands it to him. He finishes and she looks at him. "Come here". He walks to her as her piercing green eyes watch and bites her lip grinning. "Soooo my buddy has a sneaker fetish ehh?" She runs the toe of her sneaker on his leggg. Watching his clothed cock swelll. "Somebodys happyy.." Codys face beet red " she grabs his hand and leads him to the living room shoving him on the couch."What are you doing?" he asks "Ive always noticed you looking at my feet when we talk." Smiling "I have a sneaker fetish too and always wore them to see your reaction". He smiles big and she begins to kiss him full mouth with tongue then pulls back. Before he could say what she places her foot on his cock." "Unzip now!!" I want you to run your cock on my shoe. He obliges releasing his throbbing member, feeling the mesh against his tip. She continues to smile as he strokes faster cum filling his cock and then begins to shoot warm ropes on top of the sneaker. She grins big as he exhales. She leans in kisses him hard and whispers "Good Boy" see you tonight. Leaving him on the couch spent he watches her leave and hears the door close. Could this be sneaker love he wondered?

To be continued
 
Your submission doesn't need an editor; it needs an autopsy.

| i need an editor apparently im dumb and got shredded in the authors form

You weren't "shredded in the Authors' Forum" because you're dumb.
You asked why your story wasn't approved and you were given feedback, most of which was constructive.
Have you taken any of the advice given and worked on your story by implementing any of the changes suggested?

It needs to be clarified that an editor's job is to polish and tweak; not to do a re-write on a threadbare story to make it acceptable for publication. Perhaps what you are looking for is a co-writer to work with you based on your story idea.

Take the advice given, keep writing and working on your skills, and I say this with all due respect, but maybe take a few grammar classes / online lessons to help you with some of the fundamentals of writing.
(Also, please learn to copy and paste selectively.)
 
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