I don't know why I am posting this.

[PaxNurgle]

I am perfectly good with being asked out by a woman, and letting her make the first move (so to speak) and I am perfectly good with me paying for everything.

Reason being, in this day and age, often when the guy makes the first move and asks a girl out, he is automatically assumed to be "Too aggressive," "Too Forward", "Inappropriate," or even "Creepy," even if his approach and his intentions, are anything but. Hence, I typically play it safe and wait for her to at least indicate that she wants to be asked out.

 

[Sinceresub]

Out of frustration in my personal life I stepped away from this place and came back and wow did my original post go off the rails.

After thinking some perhaps I posted this because I was hoping to find someone to talk to about this all. I spoke to one person for a bit on Kik and I enjoyed it but she stopped responding which was a shame.

And perhaps even if it was just chatting I was hoping to find someone I could find a personal connection with even if it was just chatting. To me, what I am and what I seek isn't like some percieve say sex where they just want an outlet and nothing else there. I suppose I seek someone who is genuinely interested in me and in my pretty messed up (i don't mean messed up as a negative, but let's say not usual desires) mind and would enjoy peeling that onion.

Anyway, hello all. Hope you're having a good day.

 

[lisaharlot]

Find a munch in your area and go there. The people there want to meet you.

 

[Sinceresub]

I did go to one once but it's not really my thing. I'm not like socially backward, I'll talk to anyone but just groups and gatherings really aren't my thing. Always preferred a more one on one kind of thing I suppose.

 

[magic_rat]

Guess I'll abandon this thread since only responses I get are ones telling me to find a prostitute despite me saying that doesn't interest me

Prostitutes are a blind alley. Paying someone to pretend to feela certain way about you is unsatisfying.

Sign up to Fetlife. It's a cornucopia of kinks. There will be people in your area looking for people like you. In most areas they organise social events where you can just go and mingle in a safe, public setting, and be yourself, and talk to others without any guilt or shame.

I found it wonderfully liberating - to be able to talk openly and without judgement is mind-blowing.

 

[magic_rat]

I’ve heard that it’s still rather traditional in the US with men being expected to pay for dates, but I would hope that most women don’t date just because they want their food payed for?

K0fcali is talking from personal experience. Women will only date him if he pays. They probably make excuses and leave straight after dessert.​

 

[magic_rat]

But if more guys were good with being asked, it might be more frequent dates.

There would probably be less sex on the dates, too.

Maybe.

I'm good with being asked. Most of my dates have happened organically, without a formal invitation.

I was chatting to a lady in my social circle a few nights ago. We had serious eye contact but she had a thing going on with another guy so it went no further.

I got home and messaged her, just to tell her I'd enjoyed her company and was looking forward to chatting again sometime. She messaged back and said her guy had let her down, and where did I live?

There was sex.

 

[Lady2020]

I could very well be wrong. Maybe you appreciate experienced confident women because you don't feel experienced and confident. Maybe you sense they can help you. Hard to say. Good luck!

 

[Sinceresub]

I could very well be wrong. Maybe you appreciate experienced confident women because you don't feel experienced and confident. Maybe you sense they can help you. Hard to say. Good luck!

Well it is very true I like confident women very much. But it isn't due to lacknof experience or confidence.

I'd dated some women who were very confident and we got a long fine. But they didn't have that look I spoke of that brings out those feelings.


I am very much a submissive through and through. I am confident in that and confident in who I am. I like myself. But what I am doesn't interest most women, let alone what it is I need.

 

[firmbutgentle]

Well it is very true I like confident women very much. But it isn't due to lacknof experience or confidence.

I'd dated some women who were very confident and we got a long fine. But they didn't have that look I spoke of that brings out those feelings.


I am very much a submissive through and through. I am confident in that and confident in who I am. I like myself. But what I am doesn't interest most women, let alone what it is I need.

I’m sorry it feels that way, and I know how hard it can be to find someone with whom you have some mutual attraction and who shares your sexual tastes. My experience probably isn’t terribly comparable to yours — I’m a straight dominant man* — but it’s never been easy for me to meet people, and I am not good at dating / mixers. But in the end it worked out because I was patient, I left myself open to possibilities and took some chances, and ended up with someone I hope to spend the rest of my life with. And I never tried paid sex, especially for D/s it seems to completely miss the point. None of what‘s important to me can be purchased.

In any case, I’m glad you are confident in who you are, so take the next step and be confident that you will be attractive to the right woman.

*At first I wrote “dominant straight man” but that made it sound like I was looking for a submissive comedian.

 

[K0fcali]

K0fcali is talking from personal experience. Women will only date him if he pays. They probably make excuses and leave straight after dessert.​

I dont date at all actually. Not until i reach a certain status and success will i attempt to court any women. Thats the experience of most men. Women dont usually pay for first dates .

 

[K0fcali]

I dont date at all actually. Not until i reach a certain status and success will i attempt to court any women. Thats the experience of most men. Women dont usually pay for first dates .

Also why would in speak from anything but my personal experience? What other experience would i speak from?? I dont understand what your issue is with my comment.

 

[K0fcali]

I dont date at all actually. Not until i reach a certain status and success will i attempt to court any women. Thats the experience of most men. Women dont usually pay for first dates .

K0fcali is talking from personal experience. Women will only date him if he pays. They probably make excuses and leave straight after dessert.​

Are you saying you have been asked out on dates by women? If so you are in 5% of men that experience that. Youre experience dating is not the same as the other 95% of men so kinda irrelevant trying to compare the two.

 

[Dearelliot]

Dominant ladies! I'm happy paying.

 

[AnnyMouse28]

Isnt that true of any date you go on with a woman? She would only be there with you because you are paying. All women costs $$ and youre not actually serious about finding one unless your willing to spend some on her!

Every date I went on before I gave up dating I expected to pay for my own drinks/food. Half went this way. A few paid for everything. And a couple I ended up paying.

The last guy I dated actually gave me a great insight to the guy always paying. I made more money then him and ended up paying more often than not. I felt used in a way. He suggest we go to XYZ and then would slide the bill over to me. He even expected me to pay his way on MY birthday trip.

I expect any future dates I may go on I will pay my half.

 

[AlexBailey]

I did go to one once but it's not really my thing. I'm not like socially backward, I'll talk to anyone but just groups and gatherings really aren't my thing. Always preferred a more one on one kind of thing I suppose.

I’ve been asked out by and dated many dominant women. Most were already friends from school, the music scene, work, or other social activities but several just approached me because they liked something they saw in me.

I usually present in ways that are different and I’m not what most people would be interested in, but I think that also tends to attract the ‘right kind’ of people to me.

I once heard a musician talking about his esoteric band, saying “People who like our music are like people who like licorice — not everyone likes licorice but a lot of those who do REALLY like licorice.”

That’s me. I’m not for everyone but there are some folks who REALLY want me. My best long term relationships have all been with women who knew I was femme and kinky because they had seen it in me, just like how you mentioned “that look” that you see in some women.

Are you presenting in some way, any way that shows or even hints your proclivities? You might be able to find something that communicates your interests only to those who would be interested. If you’re into bondage at all you could try wearing a leather wrist cuff, or a black leather belt made in a typical ‘bondage’ style.

Other things can be more obvious, like a butch girl I knew who was always on the prowl for sub partners - if she wanted to get laid she would wear her “Strap-on Tools” T-shirt and watch for girls or guys who would see it and blush. It worked like a charm, and it made an easy and kinky conversation piece.

Just being a quiet person can be seen as submissive but there are plenty of other ways it can be interpreted. Pegging you as a sub would probably not be the first assumption.

 

[Sinceresub]

I’ve been asked out by and dated many dominant women. Most were already friends from school, the music scene, work, or other social activities but several just approached me because they liked something they saw in me.

I usually present in ways that are different and I’m not what most people would be interested in, but I think that also tends to attract the ‘right kind’ of people to me.

I once heard a musician talking about his esoteric band, saying “People who like our music are like people who like licorice — not everyone likes licorice but a lot of those who do REALLY like licorice.”

That’s me. I’m not for everyone but there are some folks who REALLY want me. My best long term relationships have all been with women who knew I was femme and kinky because they had seen it in me, just like how you mentioned “that look” that you see in some women.

Are you presenting in some way, any way that shows or even hints your proclivities? You might be able to find something that communicates your interests only to those who would be interested. If you’re into bondage at all you could try wearing a leather wrist cuff, or a black leather belt made in a typical ‘bondage’ style.

Other things can be more obvious, like a butch girl I knew who was always on the prowl for sub partners - if she wanted to get laid she would wear her “Strap-on Tools” T-shirt and watch for girls or guys who would see it and blush. It worked like a charm, and it made an easy and kinky conversation piece.

Just being a quiet person can be seen as submissive but there are plenty of other ways it can be interpreted. Pegging you as a sub would probably not be the first assumption.

Hello.

No, not presenting intentionally that I'd ever noticed. Most of the time I am just me and I am not submissive just walking around.

It's those few random women that bring out those feelings and it's usually just so sudden I don't have time to say anything because it's out of the blue.

Plus I also know just because she brings out those feelings in me doesn't mean I would interest her. And I also don't want to make her feel like I am a creep or that I am pushing myself on her or anything of the sort.

Even if she was somewhat interested I know I might be too submissive, or maybe me not having been with anyone is a turn off. Or maybe what I want is too much, I'd not really come out and told many what it is I truly seek.

 

[policywank]

Being a dominant woman I can certainly empathize with the OP's circumstances. Based upon the feedback I receive from men it seems like Dominant women are greatly outnumbered by the men who wish to be submissive to us. Most treat me like a genuine unicorn. Finding a pairing in which both partners want the same thing out of the experience is even more challenging. The chances of it transpiring organically are long to say the least.

I am fairly open about my Dom tendencies. I think that is something more broadly accepted than being a submissive male, so - easy for me to say - but I think it is pretty important to get that out there fairly pro-actively. I think that using clubs and/or online connections is probably an important avenue. There will be a lot of misses, but to find the right partner it will be a numbers game to some degree. If finding a vanilla monogamous partner is 1 in 50 then finding a Dom female partner is probably 1 in 1,000.

I'd also like to comment on the prospects of a pro Domme. I certainly wouldn't push anyone in that direction who isn't comfortable with it or who is seeking a deep long-term connection. However, I would like to refute the notion that all pros are universally acting solely for financial gain. Every person working in a service industry is working for money because they need to make a living. But that doesn't preclude them from enjoying their work and having a genuine connection with their customers. My favourite chef runs an excellent restaurant, genuinely enjoys serving his customers and makes a decent living doing it. Just because he doesn't volunteer to come to my house to make me dinner for free does not lead me to the conclusion that he is callous and selfish and only in it for the money.

The sex trade is a bit different than the restaurant trade. The environment increases the chances of people in acting primarily out of selfish interest. I work as a stripper when I was younger and it was similar. Some of the girls viewed the clients with disdain and just pumped them for as much money as possible. But it was far from universal. I had excellent relationships with some of my regulars and actually dated a few of them. To be clear if any of them (aside from the ones I dated) saw me as a substitute for a real relationship I would advise them not to do so. But I wasn't a money grabbing phony either.

It is possible to have a pro who will help a Sub learn what he/she likes and maybe fill a short-term need. It is no substitute for a proper relationship, but don't view all pros as predators and parasites.

 

[domjoe]

Sinceresub, I'd pity you, but you seem to be doing a great job yourself.

That might sound harsh, (and I'm not in Dom mode now) but perhaps you need to fixate less on your own wants, if what you want is a good relationship. I've been happily married for many years, and have learned that being dominant or submissive is NOT a full-time career. 100% submissive people are 100% selfish, ditto with dominants.

 

[Sinceresub]

Sinceresub, I'd pity you, but you seem to be doing a great job yourself.

That might sound harsh, (and I'm not in Dom mode now) but perhaps you need to fixate less on your own wants, if what you want is a good relationship. I've been happily married for many years, and have learned that being dominant or submissive is NOT a full-time career. 100% submissive people are 100% selfish, ditto with dominants.

If I am talking about myself then of course I'll focus on myself, that's what people do. I'm not talking to someone else directly and personally in here and certainly no one responding is interested me as their submissive.

I can't focus on someone else when there isn't someone else.

 

[Sinceresub]

Sinceresub, I'd pity you, but you seem to be doing a great job yourself.

That might sound harsh, (and I'm not in Dom mode now) but perhaps you need to fixate less on your own wants, if what you want is a good relationship. I've been happily married for many years, and have learned that being dominant or submissive is NOT a full-time career. 100% submissive people are 100% selfish, ditto with dominants.

If I am talking about myself then of course I'll focus on myself, that's what people do. I'm not talking to someone else directly and personally in here and certainly no one responding is interested me as their submissive.

I can't focus on someone else when there isn't someone else.

 

[LustyScribe]

This is also a fairly slow moving forum. It can take some time for a lot of people to see a thread

Such women do exist. I am one of them. We definitely are out here in the wilderness.

Both of these posts are spot on. This is a place where patience is more than a virtue; it's a necessity if you're really hoping to find someone who can help you. And they ARE out there/in here. You just have to wait for them.
Meanwhile, sit back, eat your popcorn, and be prepared to learn about the seemingly limitless breadth of human sexuality. This is a tremendous learning platform. And you may find that you're more than a one-trick pony. There are some incredibly provocative, insightful, and highly kinky people here. (Or maybe they're normal, and I'm weird. Who knows?) At any rate, welcome to the Boards, and good luck!

 

[IrisAlthea]

I can't focus on someone else when there isn't someone else.

Well, there are those wonen you were talking about:

My whole life the women I'd been attracted to and drawn to have something about them most women don't. A look in their eyes maybe, I don't know, I can't explain it really. But they bring out feelings in me most women don't. They make me feel shy, nervous, intimidated, embarrassed, and ummmmmmm VERY submissive

It’s essential to know what you want and need but the next step is trying to understand what the other person wants and needs, to see what you can bring to the table.

 

[eroticspank]

Hello.

Maybe I'm posting this because I don't have anyone to talk to about it really so I felt compelled to pour myself out here for whatever reason.

Ive dated quite a few women and we had fun and such but it never went anywhere. We would just end up being friends. Which was fine for a while but now it's so not so fine.

My whole life the women I'd been attracted to and drawn to have something about them most women don't. A look in their eyes maybe, I don't know, I can't explain it really. But they bring out feelings in me most women don't. They make me feel shy, nervous, intimidated, embarrassed, and ummmmmmm VERY submissive. I mean I love those feelings, a lot, but because of those feelings I can't approach them so I haven't exactly well..........been with a woman so to speak.

As time goes on it's gone from a curiosity, to a want, to a need. I'd been this way since I was younger. This isn't a fly by night idea for me I'd spent a long time looking, reading, chatting a bit. I met one dominant woman once for a drink and not much happened but it was enough to tell me I needed more, a lot more, hopefully more than I can handle.

The longer I wait the more of a deep seeded aching need it is, like a knot inside me. Aside from a few limits they can ask, tell, or force me to do any dirty, kinky, depraved, taboo thing they want. Even if I didn't care for something I'd still enjoy pleasing them.

This has just been on my mind more than usual lately and perhaps I needed some outlet to talk about it so I chose here.

I have read many of the posts on here and you have some great advice to read through. I am curious about your comment above regarding dating quite a few women, but you just became friends. My thought is to reach out to your female friends and talk to them. I imagine if they are good friends you can talk to them about anything, including your needs in the bedroom. You don't have to go into detail, just describe as you did in the above post, your feelings when you meet certain women. I know many guys that have met their life partners through a female friend or at least getting advice from one. Plus, many women will talk about bedroom things to friends more easily than with someone they are in a relationship with.

In my experience, the dominant women I met were the ones to make the first move. This was especially true when I was much younger. I did not have the confidence to approach a dominant woman but I hung out at certain places and just enjoyed watching them at work. I was around enough that they got to know me and eventually I was asked out. If not, it was still enjoyable because I learned a lot from being around that person.

ES