bot writing stories III

[Zeb_Carter]

So, here is what HAIM wrote...

The room was dark and cool, air circulating, causes a slight echo deep in the darkness. The room had been empty. The last time there had been time for a person to stand in this room, it had been as if he had been made out of light. He remembered a strange form standing in the dark, and when there was no longer any light he knew the shape was a person. He recognized this person as his father, and this shape was a person who was a soldier. The shape of the people had become larger, and they stared at him, staring at each other, to see if they should give him help or leave him.The odd shapes, barely visible in the darkness, now become solid forms, consisting of large padded chairs and control boards, studded with buttons, dials, levers, telltales, and switches.

Now here is what I wrote...

The room was dark and cool, air circulating, causes a slight echo deep in the darkness. Slowly, lights flicker to life. Small red, green and white spots glowing all around the great room, start to dispel the darkness that drapes it. Then, suddenly, great overhead lights flash into existence, accompanied by a buzzing sound, banishing the darkness to the furthest reaches of the large room. The odd shapes, barely visible in the darkness, now become solid forms, consisting of large padded chairs and control boards, studded with buttons, dials, levers, telltales, and switches.

I like mine better, although what it wrote was intriguing.

 

[KeithD]

Yours abruptly and unnecessarily flips from past tense to present within the first sentence, creating a sentence fragment in the process. Other than that . . .

 

[Thefireflies]

I couldn’t help myself

Seems the infected are women, or children, waiting their turn in the bathroom.

At first the people didn’t take it seriously, but as the number of infected climbed, the masses began raiding the supermarket for supplies. At first the staff tried to stop them, but after a while it became clear the infected women were just children waiting for their turn in the bathroom. This was soon followed by the next wave, but this time the infections were a lot harder to catch. Within several weeks there were over a hundred infected women scattered everywhere, making it hard to keep track of all of the people at the store. With a sickening howl, people began scrambling for the toilet. One woman had to dodge her way through the customers in the checkout line so she could open the door to the restroom.
Josey picked up her last roll of toilet paper, trying to hold herself together, wishing she hadn’t laughed at the frenzied shoppers several weeks previously.

But the cats were not happy…and they all lived happily ever after.

Once upon a time... There was a woman. And a man who loved her. They grew up together and had a perfect happy childhood... Until... The two met again... Only it was different then... They met while playing in their front yard... Only... there was a dog with them... When the two found out the dog was theirs, they immediately ran to the dog, and got it out of their yard... ...Only to find three other dogs on the property... As if having three cats was a problem any longer... But... the cats were not happy...And they all lived happily ever after.


Not sure what Lit category to put this one in

Ray fired, the proton stream tearing into the wall and missing his intended target, the green apparition who fled down the hall with a scream, disappearing into the wall and leaving behind a wet, sticky ectoplasmic residue. Peter and the robot reached back into the closet and grabbed a bucket of water and a vacuum cleaner. The vacuum cleaner began spraying water like a giant red tsunami upon the room, covering the floor in a dense, foul soup. Ray quickly made his escape into the back of the closet. In his hands he held the hose that the robot was holding. He then turned around and was greeted by Peter. He looked back at Ray from the shadows and Peter smirked, placing his hands on the robot's shoulders and giving a small grin.
Peter writhed on the floor, covered in a viscous clear goo, and he looked up at Ray, declaring in a nonchalant tone, “He slimed me.”