I've found myself an online Master...

and Im so afraid I'll not please him... I'm afraid he'll think me inadequate...

how can I best please him?

It's online right? Let him hack you up into a bazillion million pieces with a butter knife. How could you possibly prove your loyalty better than that?

Surely he'll appreciate what's left of you after that.

vixenshe said:

and Im so afraid I'll not please him... I'm afraid he'll think me inadequate...

how can I best please him?

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Re: Re: I've found myself an online Master...

monster666 said:

It's online right? Let him hack you up into a bazillion million pieces with a butter knife. How could you possibly prove your loyalty better than that?

Surely he'll appreciate what's left of you after that.

Click to expand...

thank you.
it was a serious question I asked, okay? I'm new to this.

Re: Re: Re: I've found myself an online Master...

Then I'd say approach it the same as you would any other relationship. Matching mutual needs applies in BDSM relationships the same as it does in others. There is no substitute for talking needs over, especially if it's an online thing.

You'll find that although this board is online, the subject matter is geared more toward real-life experience.

vixenshe said:

thank you.
it was a serious question I asked, okay? I'm new to this.

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oh vixen, please be careful.

i've read about your difficult past. you spent quite some time mired in a cycle of abuse. as you explore power exchange i urge you to be extremely careful that you don't get pulled back into that same cycle.


that being said, it is difficult to advise someone on how to please some unknown entity. if you were asking about how to physically please someone, well i'm sure everyone on this board could come up with some suggestions being that the people on this board focus on "skin-to-skin" bdsm, i don't know that the general population is equipped with the experiance needed to give pointers.

in addition, all relationships are as unique as the people involved in them. without knowing all your limits, desires, wishes and fears, not to mention those of your new dominant... well, we can't help you.

this post seems to me to be a sign that you two need to work on communication and getting to know each other. of course, that's simply my opinion, nothing more or less.

Yeah .... what seXieleXie said

Seriously, be carefull for online predators. Many .. many are fakers. Or they have no clue of the lifestyle, but think they do.

I know you're really new to this.

I've never been in an "online BDSM relationship", but known a few that have. Some that I've seen make me laugh.

I only have practiced skin-to-skin BDSM. I just can't seem to grasp online play, unless it's simply fooling around with someone. I've never played online in chatrooms.

Anyway, PLEASE, PLEASE ... read up on the lifestyle, communicate and fully express what you want. DON"T get bullied into something you really don't want to do.

Remember, don't let him cut you off from your friends and the rest of the net.

Get to know each other before you "commit" to anything. Again the best advice is to know your limits.

Well, that's my opinion

I also agree with Rooster and seXieleXie. Friendship or at least some kind of personal basis should come first. You can't please someone you don't know.

I still don't understand how can have a BDSM relationship online. I mean, if your Master/Mistress tells you to do something, how do they really know you're doing it...or not doing it? How can you have an exchange of power when you aren't together in the flesh?

To me, and I may be wrong here, I can see where online BDSM might be fun, but to me it would all seem like a fantasy, like reading a really good erotic story.

Cirrus said:

I still don't understand how can have a BDSM relationship online. I mean, if your Master/Mistress tells you to do something, how do they really know you're doing it...or not doing it? How can you have an exchange of power when you aren't together in the flesh?

To me, and I may be wrong here, I can see where online BDSM might be fun, but to me it would all seem like a fantasy, like reading a really good erotic story.

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Well.. A big part of BDSM and power exchange is trust is it not? I guess the Master has to trust that their pet is doing what they are asked to do.

Jen and I have been together since December, and in February I was collared by her. We have been working through an online/on the phone relationship and though it isn't easy it is doable. Though we know that in the end we will be doing things real life. She has me do things over the phone mostly. But it does involve a lot a roleplaying as a means to work through issues before we are together.

vixenshe said:

and Im so afraid I'll not please him... I'm afraid he'll think me inadequate...

how can I best please him?

Click to expand...

Has he given you any reason to believe you are inadequete? if so leave immediatly.

Why don't you ask him? Simply say - I am a little frightened and unsure - I am afraid of losing you, I am afraid of not being good enough for you - I am not sure how to please you
(and I do know how hard it can be to actually say this but believe me it is worth while if not vital for your emotional wellbeing to be brave and make the effort)

Any good Dom will take time to reassure you and work through this whether online or RL, if he dismisses your concern and fear he is not worth playing with.

Re: Re: I've found myself an online Master...

petrel said:

Has he given you any reason to believe you are inadequete? if so leave immediatly.

Why don't you ask him? Simply say - I am a little frightened and unsure - I am afraid of losing you, I am afraid of not being good enough for you - I am not sure how to please you
(and I do know how hard it can be to actually say this but believe me it is worth while if not vital for your emotional wellbeing to be brave and make the effort)

Any good Dom will take time to reassure you and work through this whether online or RL, if he dismisses your concern and fear he is not worth playing with.

Click to expand...

1) He has not given me any reason to feel that I'm inadequate.. I just.. I FEEL inadequate.. I want to learn him, but.. as yet, he has not told me what he wants.. it's more me testing the waters, and him reassuring or correcting me (which just sucks, from my point of view).
I have told him that I'm unsure, and he got a little better at it, but still, this is such a new learning experience for me that I hardly know what to expect.

I will speak with him tonight, and ask him for specifics, and tell him my remaining fear... thank you for your replies, everyone...

Vix,
For the most part you've gotten some great advice here. I did the online BDSM for a period of time last summer. But I have had some experience with skin-to-skin prior to that.

Online is very different from R/L. Personally, I don't find it nearly as satisfying. In fact, over time, it becomes downright frustrating. But, for what it's worth, here's what I can offer you:

1. Do be careful. As stated above, there are many, many online predators. There are many passing themselves off as Doms who really have no clue what it means to be one. They are in it for a few "kinks". I would not reveal any personal information such as address, phone, etc, until a time when you get to know him extremely well.

2. I would not jump into a Master/sub relationship right away. Trust is the foundational element, and to meet some one online and then say, "We are in a BDSM relationship" just doesn't have the time to build the trust that you need. Email, instant message each other. Get to know him, reveal your emotions to him as you feel comfortable. Realize that you are handing a certain level of control of your life to this person, and he can tell you anything he thinks you might want to hear. Take your time, and engage in non-BDSM types of communication first.

3. Set boundaries! This is possibly even more important in an online relationship. (if that can be possible) How would you handle a situation if this Dom were to tell you that you could not engage in any physical activity with your boyfriend? Are you willing to let this man influence and possibly direct your R/L relationship? Things really need to be spelled out, because neither of you will be able to actually be around the other.


For me, while I enjoyed the time I had last summer, I was smart about it and it worked for what it was. A different kind of play, for a short period of time. We started off emailing each other, then went to instant messaging. We would write stories to each other after a while. The relationship just graduated into a online Master/sub relationship, and it was enjoyable. But, it did come to an end, and I think it ended at just the right time for both of us.

We still keep in touch, though not in the same way, and it's cool. I only recently talked to him on the phone, which was great.

Explore what you need to, but be smart. Know this is probably not going to go any further than online, and know when to end it. And never, ever be afraid to simply cut him off if he begins to become abusive. Also, remember that online is really not the same as skin-to-skin. I know some will argue with me, but it really isn't. There were a couple of times when I was told to do something, and didn't - he was none the wiser, and I felt no guilt. That isn't truly what a D/s is all about, and it's more difficult to do that in R/L.

Take care, Vix. You are too special not to!


Edited to add: If you ever feel you need to speak to some one, Vix, please feel free to PM me. I'd be more than happy to offer whatever help I can.

SexyChele said:

Vix,
For the most part you've gotten some great advice here. I did the online BDSM for a period of time last summer. But I have had some experience with skin-to-skin prior to that.

Online is very different from R/L. Personally, I don't find it nearly as satisfying. In fact, over time, it becomes downright frustrating. But, for what it's worth, here's what I can offer you:

1. Do be careful. As stated above, there are many, many online predators. There are many passing themselves off as Doms who really have no clue what it means to be one. They are in it for a few "kinks". I would not reveal any personal information such as address, phone, etc, until a time when you get to know him extremely well.

2. I would not jump into a Master/sub relationship right away. Trust is the foundational element, and to meet some one online and then say, "We are in a BDSM relationship" just doesn't have the time to build the trust that you need. Email, instant message each other. Get to know him, reveal your emotions to him as you feel comfortable. Realize that you are handing a certain level of control of your life to this person, and he can tell you anything he thinks you might want to hear. Take your time, and engage in non-BDSM types of communication first.

3. Set boundaries! This is possibly even more important in an online relationship. (if that can be possible) How would you handle a situation if this Dom were to tell you that you could not engage in any physical activity with your boyfriend? Are you willing to let this man influence and possibly direct your R/L relationship? Things really need to be spelled out, because neither of you will be able to actually be around the other.


For me, while I enjoyed the time I had last summer, I was smart about it and it worked for what it was. A different kind of play, for a short period of time. We started off emailing each other, then went to instant messaging. We would write stories to each other after a while. The relationship just graduated into a online Master/sub relationship, and it was enjoyable. But, it did come to an end, and I think it ended at just the right time for both of us.

We still keep in touch, though not in the same way, and it's cool. I only recently talked to him on the phone, which was great.

Explore what you need to, but be smart. Know this is probably not going to go any further than online, and know when to end it. And never, ever be afraid to simply cut him off if he begins to become abusive. Also, remember that online is really not the same as skin-to-skin. I know some will argue with me, but it really isn't. There were a couple of times when I was told to do something, and didn't - he was none the wiser, and I felt no guilt. That isn't truly what a D/s is all about, and it's more difficult to do that in R/L.

Take care, Vix. You are too special not to!


Edited to add: If you ever feel you need to speak to some one, Vix, please feel free to PM me. I'd be more than happy to offer whatever help I can.

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CHele, the more I read from you, the more I respect you.

Now then, I have saved your message to my computer, so that I can read it when I'm not online. I'm gonna reply to parts of it, just so you have SOME idea of where I'm at (mentally)...

1) I haven't given him address, phone, where I go to school, nothing. I have not given him my official email address, and he is unaware of my name, as we have not yet asked. Believe me, after some of the experiences I have had on the internet, I am careful about the personal stuff.

2) I agree with you, and I think I should pull back a little to spend more time talking, learning him before I learn him in that way, and before he learns me in that way. I am unsure of myself, and I would rather have some kind of friendship foundation to build on. So I think I'll be having a talk with him.

3) Boundaries have been set. He's got a few in stone, and so do I. We've talked about them, and we've discussed hard-and-fast set Limits, and flexible boundaries that we have. I believe, however, that he will not fully understand my own boundaries (though he might respect them) until he's aware of my sexual past. This is something I'm going to have to talk to him about. (Man, you're making me think). As far as RL situations and control go, he is aware that he has no control over me in my RL. I have told him that one of my hard-fast limits is that I am not going to do anything to jeopardize the relationship I have with my SO. I am unwilling to lose my SO over this, and Sir knows it. He and I have also talked about interruptions in conversation. He knows that I have a life outside the computer, and we have agreed that, if real life happens, and we are interrupted because of it, then we must understand and accept. I have told him I am only interested in an online relationship, and that I will not meet him. He has accepted that (although, I wonder if he still hopes). I have also read each and every one of his posts here on Lit. There are only 130 of them, but I read them all. So that I could learn about him.

Once again, thank you, CHele... it's nice to know I have smarter, more experienced people looking out for me... I will keep you posted...

Question

And the point is?

Re: Question

SouthernSting said:

And the point is?

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the point of me finding an online master? Or the point of me telling you all?

Just kidding a little

Sorry - Did not in any way mean to offend but I find your feeling to be fairly normal. Isn't it exciting learning about yourself? All the advise you are getting is on target but you must live through your feelings and learn and grow. That's what makes these relationships so "captivating"

May all your dreams come true.

We're here for ya vixie .....

vixie ... your stuck with that name now

I don't need to restate what other's have already said...

I had an online Dom for a short while. Although he was very wise and taught me much, I found that I need more of a one on one type relationship...real contact, daily. I have so many things to question and need the encouragement to go on searching... never seem to have them answered just the way I can understand. I do thank Him for the taste of things to come...

I trully hope this relationship fulfills what you are lacking in your life at this time...Trust is the key...

Justine

D/s Online

My mo is in Michigan, I in Florida. We've known each other three months. Neither of us has ever attmepted this online before. If you can't at some point work towards a real life future I don't see the point. We've been together once so far for two exhaustingly short days. We don't cyber. We chat, we come to the Thread and read and share our experiences so others might learn and us too. The only thing I can realistically demand from her is respect. I get that tenfold. If you can't talk to each other either here or in real life you WILL crash and burn. We very nearly did. That is an experience I will share soon with all of you. While it's still fresh in My mind. Commincate people. Read and chat with others who have actually done this in real life. You'll be better for it. Talk.

what He said ~

i hate this online thing ~ i need it to be real, too, but that is our mutual goal ~ soooo until then, it is what it is....talking....

vixie, i wish you the best ~ i cant give much advice about the online thing, because all of my previous relationship have been skin to skin, but, my thoughts are with you...

Just to keep you all posted...

Sir and I have been talking... both on here, and on an instant messenger. And I have learned much in such a short time. He has been very reassuring, and very understanding that I am learning, and may be slow to catch on at times. *blush* I've received some assignments from him already, too, and I'm working on them as well as I can.

I've just spent 3 hours doing his bidding, and I must say, I'm floating on air from his praise...



Things are going well.. we are learning about each other as people, and as Master and pet, and we are exploring, while at the same time having fun...

Vixie, darling, as long as you are happy and having fun, I am all for it!
I'm glad that things are going good for the two of you.

im glad things are working out for you! ive had bad experiences on-line, so i just want to urge caution. but i can tell by your previous posts that you are allready very cautious, very smart!

wishing you the best of luck and happiness

Best of luck to ya baby girl!

Vix,
Glad to hear that you are enjoying this new part of you! Stay cautious and alert, but enjoy! (I'm almost jealous! )