Ritual in BDSM

The recent threads on religion and bdsm have gotten me wondering about the part that rituals play in what we do. In a religious context, ritual performs the functions of creating a sense of community, continuity, and comfort. In short, trust.
And in bdsm, it seems that so much of what we do is a ritualization of sensuality. Don't most of our scenes take on at least some aspect of ritual? Isn't this the source of much of the formalization of language and protocol that is so important to many practitioners?
I'd really like to hear think on this subject, particularly what one magnificent lady has to say.

There is quite the parallel between BDSM and religious practices. Within Catholicism, alone, there is S&M elements. Don't confuse sadomasochistic sexual acts with my thoughts. There's servitude, flaggellation(sp?), discipline, punishment, and a hierarchy of power.
BDSM is ritualistic. A sacramental want.

raindancer said:

There is quite the parallel between BDSM and religious practices. Within Catholicism, alone, there is S&M elements. Don't confuse sadomasochistic sexual acts with my thoughts. There's servitude, flaggellation(sp?), discipline, punishment, and a hierarchy of power.
BDSM is ritualistic. A sacramental want.

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I was raised Catholic, RD, I understand exactly what you are saying. In both the Church and in bdsm, the concept of showing devotion through servitude is emphasized. And you are right, there is also a tradition in Catholicism of flagellation, scourging, wearing of hair shirts, etc as a sacrement.
I wonder if those raised in other spiritual traditions can see similar connections in their heritages.
So the big question I am getting at is, to some extent, is the ritualized aspect of bdsm filling a void for some people, left by the diminishing emphasis on ritual in modern religion?

Caroline, I have thought about this question all day. I was not raised in a church where there were a lot of rituals and have always felt a little cheated about that fact.

Himself and I have few rituals in our play, probably much less than most people. In fact, I never thought about that until the last few days.

I have come to understand that for some the rituals are very important. I don't how BDSM could be made anymore meaningful for me. I don't know if we added more ritualized play if that would make it more meaningful.


It fills a need in my life on both a sexual and spiritual level to the extent that the relationship I have with Himself is spiritual.

Hmm ritualized flogging... a spiritual experience.

Hmm... (seem to start all my posts off with that lately. you folks are making me think, and think hard.)

I suspect there are aspects of Catholicism that I have carried into BDSM, but ritual and formality aren't so much what got brought in. The feeling of service and selflessness are part of it; the constant theme of threes nags at me, too. The connection with others and awareness of self, It's a confused and tangled, or perhaps very well braided stream of thought and emotion, for me anyway.

SpectreT said:

Hmm... (seem to start all my posts off with that lately. you folks are making me think, and think hard.)

I suspect there are aspects of Catholicism that I have carried into BDSM, but ritual and formality aren't so much what got brought in. The feeling of service and selflessness are part of it; the constant theme of threes nags at me, too. The connection with others and awareness of self, It's a confused and tangled, or perhaps very well braided stream of thought and emotion, for me anyway.

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Spectre, I hope you will expand on your thoughts. I am curious as to how you relate the concept of Trinity to BDSM.

It's unimaginative, uninspired.

We'll start with The Trinity.. And I'm not sure I've got enough gas for more.

God, the Father, the Dom of all Doms. He didn't believe in his subs having limits, took shit from no one, and made sure that there was no way to disobey without extreme punishment. Lot, Abraham, Adam, examples abound of how he laid the law.

Christ, the Son, the Submissive. Teacher of many, of service to others. His parable of the Good Samaritan is used even today to describe someone who helps out of the blue, for no other reason than to help. He lived it, too, giving his pain, humiliation and finally, his life for the world.

About the Holy Spirit, I know nothing for certain, but I see a more tempered and even path. An advocate for the downtrodden, a layer of rules, a judge. A switch, if you will.

The bible is full of threes, though, and so is BDSM......

I see your question clearly, now.
Sometimes, my mind wanders off into tangent land. Forgive me, love.
I am Cherokee Indian. My mother is a Protestant. So, I have been exposed to quite an array of spirituality. My life is full of rituals because I need them. Why? Because I find every moment to be sacred. And, if I connect with another, whether it be through friendship or D/s- I want the moments to be celebrated. BDSM fullfills that, in so many ways. I hope that makes a bit of sense.
Great thread, Caroline.

On Ritual

In a religious context, ritual performs the functions of creating a sense of community, continuity, and comfort.

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Caroline ritual certainly does do all this but is powerful in other ways too. Ritual (opinion here) is about creating atmosphere, creating receptivity, creating impact, making a space where the action happens(away from the rest of life), creating a bond between participants and observers (in a religious context BDSM too sometimes). It is why costime and setting are important to many in BDSM, the dungeon, the leather etceteras. Equates to a church and robes and music and smoke and stained glass windows and cold draughts and those awful pews. It is all threater.

Ritual in BDSM (Church too) is about taking the participants away from reality and into the threater of the mind (using the body as a conduit). About creating an alternate reality.

24/7 lifstylers use strong rituals to take them to extraordinary places, away from everyday humdrum.

BDSM is ALL about the mind and ritual helps get us in there.

h

raindancer said:

I see your question clearly, now.
Sometimes, my mind wanders off into tangent land. Forgive me, love.
I am Cherokee Indian. My mother is a Protestant. So, I have been exposed to quite an array of spirituality. My life is full of rituals because I need them. Why? Because I find every moment to be sacred. And, if I connect with another, whether it be through friendship or D/s- I want the moments to be celebrated. BDSM fullfills that, in so many ways. I hope that makes a bit of sense.
Great thread, Caroline.

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What a beautiful answer. Thank you, dear heart.

Re: On Ritual

pierced_boy said:

Caroline ritual certainly does do all this but is powerful in other ways too. Ritual (opinion here) is about creating atmosphere, creating receptivity, creating impact, making a space where the action happens(away from the rest of life), creating a bond between participants and observers (in a religious context BDSM too sometimes). It is why costime and setting are important to many in BDSM, the dungeon, the leather etceteras. Equates to a church and robes and music and smoke and stained glass windows and cold draughts and those awful pews

Ritual in BDSM (Church too) is about taking the participants away from reality and into the threater of the mind (taking the body along of course). About creating an alternate reality.

I suspect even 24/7 lifstylers use strong rituals to take them to extrodinary places, away from everyday humdrum.

BDSM is ALL about the mind and ritual helps get us in there.

h

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Harry, I think that is very insightful. Both religious ritual and bdsm ritual take us out of our mundane existence into somehting that feels much more transcendent. Thank you.

An extensive ramble, be warned!

For many (or most) people in Judeo-Christian traditions, sex and religion are completely separate things, and the only sexual expression which does not qualify as sin is the procreative union between a husband and wife. While I won't get into a debate about whether or not that represents an accurate interpretation of the Biblical text (hear that, Todd?), I will with fair confidence assert that such is the model most of us are taught. So, "other" sex becomes a subject of guilt.

Not everyone, though, completely isolates sexuality from spiritual growth, no matter what confusing messages we're sent by our various religious upbringings. The idea that the body, mind, and spirit were three (there's that number again) separate things didn't really catch on until the growth of "science" as a discipline in the 18th century. Tantric sexual practices from Hinduism, performance of ritualized sexualities from polytheistic pagan traditions like Wicca, and even the resurgence of interest in "sacred whoredom" points to the possibility of re-merging these two concepts of sex and religion, body and spirit. However, the echoes of their connection have been there all along.

As several have already pointed out, the Catholic church offers perhaps the most clear case of a Christian religion preserving a connection between ritual, power, sensuality, and spiritual growth. While BDSM may echo the torture chambers of the Inquisition, it also evidences many other traditions--the cat-of-nine tails was invented by monks, after all. The act of confession is a BDSM act as well, isn't it? The seeking of guidance from a loving Dominant--a Daddy, or Father, if you will; the confession of one's weaknesses and failings, coupled with both punishment and acts of loving service for redemption; these things are BDSM in nature.

And, like T pointed out, the concept of Trinity does fit remarkably well into Catholicism (and other Christian traditions), as well as reflecting our own practices.

In my own religious tradition, sex and religious rites are often merged more clearly. The traditional coupling of the God and Goddess (represented by a High Priest and Priestess) is a ritual which celebrates the wheel of life. It is undertaken in the full view of a coven, and it is not done for prurient interest but to embody the spiritual celebration of life and its balance (male/female, life/death, spring/fall, planting/harvest, etc.)

Masochism also creates rituals for spiritual change. In Elaine Scarry's The Body in Pain, the psychologist explores the capacity for pain to eliminate or literally erase language. A body in pain is a body without meaningful speech. As such a body, she argues that one is no longer a clearly defined individual, that individual identity is a product of speech and thought in language. With pain, this is erased or pushed to the margins of consciousness. What occupies the center of awareness, then, is the sensation itself, and its connection to the one who inflicts it. In that moment, during those acts, the definition of self is tied to the sadist. This is what we refer to as sub-space, isn't it? Interestingly, the sadist can also get "blissed out," entering into what we might call Dom/me space--also losing their capacity for speech.

In this sense, then, sadomasochistic enactment carries in it the possibility of transcending ego, of spiritual change through annihlation of the self in the short term in favor of growth and emotional connection to another in the long view.

And because of the loss of language and the capacity, even the need, for both parties to lose their language abilities, the ritualized acts carry another pair of significant meanings as well. First, they make sacred the acts themselves by connecting them with our powerful visual signifiers of spiritual growth--the markers of religion and power. And second, they give us a path to follow. By staging an interrogation (Inquisition), a confession (church), a flogging (rites of initiation), and other scenes, we plan in advance for what's going to happen and what to expect of each other in the moments to follow. Then, when the capacity for speech is transcended, the emotional and spiritual connection between the participants can flow even without the words to discuss it, and the actions themselves can follow a ritualized, preplanned course, freeing the selfhood of the Dominant for the same kind of temporary annihlation sought by the submissive who craves the ecstatic release of sub-space.

As Dennis Miller would say...
Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Re: An extensive ramble, be warned!

uh.... so what.. d'ya think witchcraft will make me quirt harder? uh, cause if so I'll do ya baby... uh.. if ya want.

RisiaSkye said:

For many (or most) people in Judeo-Christian traditions, sex and religion are completely separate things, and the only sexual expression which does not qualify as sin is the procreative union between a husband and wife. While I won't get into a debate about whether or not that represents an accurate interpretation of the Biblical text (hear that, Todd?), I will with fair confidence assert that such is the model most of us are taught. So, "other" sex becomes a subject of guilt.

Not everyone, though, completely isolates sexuality from spiritual growth, no matter what confusing messages we're sent by our various religious upbringings. The idea that the body, mind, and spirit were three (there's that number again) separate things didn't really catch on until the growth of "science" as a discipline in the 18th century. Tantric sexual practices from Hinduism, performance of ritualized sexualities from polytheistic pagan traditions like Wicca, and even the resurgence of interest in "sacred whoredom" points to the possibility of re-merging these two concepts of sex and religion, body and spirit. However, the echoes of their connection have been there all along.

As several have already pointed out, the Catholic church offers perhaps the most clear case of a Christian religion preserving a connection between ritual, power, sensuality, and spiritual growth. While BDSM may echo the torture chambers of the Inquisition, it also evidences many other traditions--the cat-of-nine tails was invented by monks, after all. The act of confession is a BDSM act as well, isn't it? The seeking of guidance from a loving Dominant--a Daddy, or Father, if you will; the confession of one's weaknesses and failings, coupled with both punishment and acts of loving service for redemption; these things are BDSM in nature.

And, like T pointed out, the concept of Trinity does fit remarkably well into Catholicism (and other Christian traditions), as well as reflecting our own practices.

In my own religious tradition, sex and religious rites are often merged more clearly. The traditional coupling of the God and Goddess (represented by a High Priest and Priestess) is a ritual which celebrates the wheel of life. It is undertaken in the full view of a coven, and it is not done for prurient interest but to embody the spiritual celebration of life and its balance (male/female, life/death, spring/fall, planting/harvest, etc.)

Masochism also creates rituals for spiritual change. In Elaine Scarry's The Body in Pain, the psychologist explores the capacity for pain to eliminate or literally erase language. A body in pain is a body without meaningful speech. As such a body, she argues that one is no longer a clearly defined individual, that individual identity is a product of speech and thought in language. With pain, this is erased or pushed to the margins of consciousness. What occupies the center of awareness, then, is the sensation itself, and its connection to the one who inflicts it. In that moment, during those acts, the definition of self is tied to the sadist. This is what we refer to as sub-space, isn't it? Interestingly, the sadist can also get "blissed out," entering into what we might call Dom/me space--also losing their capacity for speech.

In this sense, then, sadomasochistic enactment carries in it the possibility of transcending ego, of spiritual change through annihlation of the self in the short term in favor of growth and emotional connection to another in the long view.

And because of the loss of language and the capacity, even the need, for both parties to lose their language abilities, the ritualized acts carry another pair of significant meanings as well. First, they make sacred the acts themselves by connecting them with our powerful visual signifiers of spiritual growth--the markers of religion and power. And second, they give us a path to follow. By staging an interrogation (Inquisition), a confession (church), a flogging (rites of initiation), and other scenes, we plan in advance for what's going to happen and what to expect of each other in the moments to follow. Then, when the capacity for speech is transcended, the emotional and spiritual connection between the participants can flow even without the words to discuss it, and the actions themselves can follow a ritualized, preplanned course, freeing the selfhood of the Dominant for the same kind of temporary annihlation sought by the submissive who craves the ecstatic release of sub-space.

As Dennis Miller would say...
Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Click to expand...

Risia. Wow. Thank you for that post. It is so much to digest. If you get a chance to write more about this, I am eager to hang on every word, you have me fascinated.

She's great, isn't she? She has me in awe, she really does. More than anyone, when she posts she makes my mouth drop and say really stupid shit.

CarolineOh said:

Risia. Wow. Thank you for that post. It is so much to digest. If you get a chance to write more about this, I am eager to hang on every word, you have me fascinated.

Click to expand...

Ritual In BDSM

Hmmm, CarolineOh you really want me to put both feet into it now don't you?

Well lets see if I can do this simply and not too boring or too preachy.

Ritual in religion:

WEll by our very nature we seem to to be a creature of habit. One of our habits when it comes to a spiritual or religious aspect is one we sometimes gain from our own homelife.

That would be the feeling of if thier is a a God or a greater being we must do something to please it in order to gain its favor.

Many religious institutions of man made creation have latched unto this powerfully.

Some religious institutions would have you Say this paryer at that time, eat this and drink that at a specific time, tell this to whom at a specific point in time, attend here at seid times, etc.

And most by our nature feel complete and accepted unto thier belief by these actions of doing something in order to gain our beings acceptance

Ritual in BDSM Lifestyle:

Like wise some of us in our sexual nature do not feel complete with basic vanilla missionary for baby making only sex.

Somewhere within our nature there is a need to do something more to feel complete.

To some it is to tie up thier partner and have a power over them, to others it may be to tied up by thier partners to release thier trust to thier partner much like in spirituality and/or religion where we give over our own needs and wants to the expectations and needs of the greater being.

To some it is to be diciplined {spanked, whipped and flogged} to feel good, to others it is to discipline another. Much as a penatance that is invovled in some religions, wheere one must deprive them self of a food, self whipping, self flagelation, self deprivation etc.

To some it is a need to to be in pain, to be hurt in order to dervive sexual pleaure. To some in religion the greater being is a mean guy and teaches through trials and rough hard times.

To some it is the need to give pain to others fr thier sexual pleasure. as in religion some leaders get off on a power trip by subjegating thier flocks.

Likewise some prefer a power base and others prefer a suervistude base, Dom/sub relation ship. In religion there is a Dom/sub relation between leader and and thier flock of followers.

In Conclusion:

Life itself is ritual to some its a basic, wake up, eat, work, eat, play, sleep and repeat. So in esence ritual in different aspects of our lives would be a normal occurance.

To how far we take ritual and routine in our lives, depends on the individual and thier personal nature and reflection and needs and wants demand.

Thank you sorry for being to long winded and preachy.
Todd

Sorry this was supposed to be a reply not a new post, my apologies CarolineOh

Heh. You two be careful, or you'll just encourage me.

Oh, and thanks. I spend way too much time thinking about this kinda stuff; it's an occupational hazard.

RisiaSkye said:

Heh. You two be careful, or you'll just encourage me.

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Could I add my encouragment too?

I would love to add something of worth to this thread, but feel a bit tongue-tied and slightly in awe!

oooooooooo what a great thread!!!!

being raised catholic, i have often thought of this.....

ooohhhh i am going to have to come back and write on this wow... and so many good posts already...

for me, i have related submission to Christ as well ~ yes, He was the ultimate submissive, even unto death...

but lately, i have been leaning towards realting submission to zen philosophy ~
what i have been trying to get to lately is for me...
the ultimate state of submission is to have NO SELFISH DESIRES...to completly lose one's self in another...my Dom friend told me, when i was frustrated by having "cravings" of my own, "mo" He said...."people spend lifetimes on mountian tops to get to the state you are seeking"

and i, being the perfectionist submissive that i am, nodded solemly, and went to seek a mountian top ~ namely, lit....and finding this thread, i smiled~

now, perhaps i went a bit away from the ritual...or perhaps no....

these are just my thoughts.....

cymbidia, RisiaSkye, or WriterDom

Can you use the merge feature and merge this thread into CarolineOh's thread?

Thanks

No need to apologize Todd. thank you for sharing your thoughts, they were not boring or preachy at all, but very insightful.

CarolineOh said:

No need to apologize Todd. thank you for sharing your thoughts, they were not boring or preachy at all, but very insightful.

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Thank you CarolineOh

Well, we've got a chicken/egg situation here. I'll quit when you quit spanking my mind. More please.

RisiaSkye said:

Heh. You two be careful, or you'll just encourage me.

Oh, and thanks. I spend way too much time thinking about this kinda stuff; it's an occupational hazard.

Click to expand...

For Me,

ritual is taken out of a religious context.

I use ritual as a means of continuity, of control. It is a way of getting the behaviours I desire performed reliably and repeatedly. Ritual also serves to reinforce my slave's feelings of submission. I only use two or three rituals. But I require them to be performed without error.

Ebony