Sometimes life is not so good

I find myself here almost every single day; reading, posting when I think I have something to say, reflecting, feeling, learning.
Today is not a good day, loneliness (and those blasted hormones) eating my heart out. Even as I write I hesitate whether I will put this "out" or not, who would be interested even to read much less to respond. Still there's is the feeling of belonging, and the feeling that I know "you", just a little, by reading and following all the different streams in here....
What is growing inside me is so strong, and I have travelled far since the beginning, still not even seeing the shadow of the goal yet, but that is how it should be.

In a few days I will meet someone who has become quite important to me, we have spent hours and hours on the phone and online, learning, exploring, asking and answering. And developing strong emotions.
Nervous?; yes and no. Right now I just feel I need to find out.
A "negative" outcome won't change who I am, I will forever be a dominant (and forever remain human, susceptible to the thunderstorm of emotions that live inside me). I just need to know - to get out of the vacuum that I feel is building around me and preventing constructive behaviour.

Sorry about the ramble on a beautiful Saturday that really should be spent celebrating life. I hope yours is better than mine.

I sounds to me like you have alot to be thankful for, verypowerful. I hope you find the happiness you are looking for.

Thank you , dixicritter, I suppose that you are right and it's just hard to see it that way right now. Rereading my post I realize that I was so deep in my own thoughts I thought that I wrote the question I'm asking - but I didn't. The question is something like; have you been feeling this way, and what did you do about it/what happened?

Confusedly
VP

We all have those days

At least I know I do. I have them less often, bacause I am happy in the life I have chosen for the near future. I hope your road to discovery is smooth. May your meeting turn out to be a positive step.

Good luck to you, and keep posting.

Ebony

Those days before you cross the bridge between online & phone to actually meeting are stressful. There isn't anything you can do if influence the outcome, so I try to block it out as best I can. And I usually can do that pretty well until the day comes.

Don't do what I do,

I usually go shopping! For me shopping cures almost everything!

Ebony

The first time...

...I met someone irl I'd met online, we'd not exchanged photos (pre www), we had talked on the phone but three or four times, and then had agreed to spend a week together. Thousands of miles were traversed for the first meeting at an airport.

There was trust, truth and perhaps a bit of good fortune in that meeting, I think now, looking back over the years.

I know the feeling....

Bon chance!
Lance

Verypowerful, you are indeed very powerful to admit your confusion and uncertainty, but yet your resolve to face the outcome, whatever it may be.

I have had 2 meetings with people I met online, the first one was of a sexual nature and did not go well, the second was just a long time e-friend that was going to be near my area, and that meeting went well.

Yes, I have felt like you do, very recently as a matter of fact...doubting, hopeful, fearful, elated, depressed, confused, in love, all at once. That emotional rollercoaster is one of the great perks of being human. Enjoy the feelings whatever they may be, and let the outcome take care of itself.

Take care and best wishes. If the fates would have it so, so it will be.

Meeting someone new with the hopes of some sort of relationship for the first time all over again. And then the added pressure of D/s expectations.

Stressful? Yes.
Difficult? Definitely.

Beautiful? Very. The utter wealth of emotion that humans can experience beggars the imagination.
Courageous? Indubitably. Hope is such a fragile thing for something so incredibly strong.

I am in awe.

Ritual is comfortable to the human mind. If you don't have one, create one. Perhaps a full inventory of things you intend to bring with you, what they're used for, and how you intend to use them. Follow with a study of the checklist and contract if you have one or details of the scene if you have one planned. This is what good field commanders do prior to battle. They also know that the best plans are the adaptable ones.

Journalling is not only comfortable, but helpful in the future. Begin one if you don't have one. You'll have a reference to how you've changed and what you should do the next meeting.

Meditation is healing to the spirit. It's also difficult enough to master, so don't feel bad if you can't accomplish it while jouncing around and waiting. However, afterward learn to do it for future instances. Familiarity doesn't necessarily breed ease.

Distraction is the next best thing. Put it out of your head as much as possible.

Finally, the absolute best of luck to you! I sincerely hope that you and your new partner have a wonderful time together.

Speechless (almost)

Ebonyfire, WriterDom, Lancecastor, Cirrus, KillerMuffin; thank you for your support!
We spoke again on the phone yesterday, as we do every day. Only five days to go. We have exchanged photos (several), thoughts, things about our past and hopes for the future. So far we feel very comfortable, more than comfortable, but of course there are no guarantees for the way we will feel in real life.

Ebonyfire; yes I've tried shopping and it does help; ended up with a another beautiful pair of black heels with straps and strings...

Writer Dom; stressful - yes and I agree that "life goes on" - better today than yesterday I'm happy to say.

Lancecastor; I hope for good fortune as well, and have always trusted my gut instincts - often with a good result. And they tell me to go for it.

Cirrus; yes admitting to true emotions I do consider a strength in myself, even though it is not always easy. Passionate as I am the emotional rollercoaster certainly does take my breath away at times.

KillerMuffin; "preparing for battle" - a good analogy - the battle within to have the courage to be......and bringing strength and wisdom. We actually did checklists on the phone, I was hesitant at first but it turned out very good with lots of laughs and sharing.
Rituals: it's funny how they almost create themselves and grow stronger..


Off to do a reality check out there now.
Thank you for being here.

VP

How far away are you two? And is she coming to your place, or are you going there, or is it a neutral place?

We are about 1500 (give or take) kilometers apart, within the same country though, fortunately.
We are meeting at a sort of neutral place, at a mutual friends' - who is in the lifestyle - and that both him and I know well. This feels like a very good place, also considering the fact that he has spent a lot more time in the lifestyle than I have.

VP

Sleepless

Four more days to go, and I should be thinking of other things - if it was possible. Suggestions?

VP

I'm in a similar situation, Verypowerful.

I just spent the weekend with my play partner, a man fast becoming central in my life, someone growing into a balanced and potent realization of his dominance. I'll spend much of tomorrow with him, too.

On Wednesday, though, in a couple days, i leave to fly away to Colorado, many many miles from my home in the San Francisco bay area, to meet someone with whom i began a friendship prior to my feelings taking a deeper turn for the first man. The trip has been planned for some time; i cannot and will change the plans now.

Beyond the uncertainty of what i feel for each of these men, both of them very different kinds of dominants, lies the truth of each: the first one has a life partner already and there is no hope that what lies between he and i will ever go beyond a predefined point and the second one lives far away and has his life rooted there, as mine is rooted here.

Both situations seem destined for an early, delicate death, do they not?

And i haven't even met, face to face, the second one yet, only spent many hours on the phone with him, and exchanged many emails and pics.

Already the butterflies are fluttering around my tummy over the implications for me in the next few days...weeks...

Think of these things: If nothing else, you get a grand adventure.
If nothing else, you get to hug someone you would never have been able to hug were it 15 years ago.

Shoulders back.
Head up.
Feel the power at your core.
And, uh, masturbate as often as you need to, too, in these last few anxiety-ridden days.

I'll wish you luck if you'll wish me the same.








(So, uh, anyone think i'm an emotional masochist instead of just a sexual masochist?)

Verypowerful: best of luck and happiness to you. I wish you the best on your meeting. It's not much in the way of help, but it's all I've got.

cym: you know what I think about the emotional masochism question. Now, go fix your html color code, okay?

Verypowerful

Remember! This is also a shopping trip! So there is no way to lose! Think shoes...leather and latex!

And of course fruit salad for breakfast in the middle of the afternoon!

I'm going

Two more days to go, leaving home tomorrow - and when I come back I'll let you all know how it went.
Keep your fingers crossed....

VP

I've got my fingers crossed for you, VP, and for me.
Tomorrow at this time i'll be in the air already.

Verypowerful, I do not know you as you do not know me. I can make one suggestion when you meet your friend, that you be as honest about yourself and ask that they are also be honest. It can be a most pleasurable experience, but baby-steps should betaken to build that path.

Back again

Exhausted, filled with impressions, and very happy.
Nothing happened in the way that I expected it to, and everything, almost, happened in the very best way it could.
More when I have rested.


VP