I need help on this one

Ok, I am not going to try to make this too long.

I currently live with my top/boyfriend, I will have been here a year in August. I am a bi submissive female, the rules in the house for me are no other men besides my boyfriend, which is quite alright with me, but I can play with other women.

Ok with that said here's the problem. My boyfriend has this obsession with having sex with me and another girl. Ok that in itself is not the problem... it's how he is going about getting this girl that bugs me...

In my personal believes I beleive what is between my boyfriend and I stays between my boyfriend and I. And what I have with a girlfriend stays between just the girlfriend and I. Ok that's reasonable I think.

Well my boyfriend is constantly nagging me to get a girlfriend so we can have a threesome. Ok to me finding the right man takes time... the same goes for a girl. I don't take the first man that comes a long, neither would I with a girl.

I am sorry if I have lost you.

Well I come to find out that my boyfriend is going online pertending to be me and is picking up on girls online and trying to hook them up with me. Then he doens't understand why this makes me angry. The first time I found out about it, I told him not to do it again and that I don't want him finding a "girlfriend" for me, I would like to be able to do that for myself. He got all hurt and said, well I thoughts thats what you wanted. ... So it stopped for a couple of months...

Well I thought the problem had been solved... but he's doing it again.

WHAT DO I DO?

bringing in a third party is only going to work if you have a strong bond of trust already established between your boyfriend and yourself. From what you say, he has already violated that trust with his subterfuge. So my advice would be that you not do it, I don't believe it would be a healthy or fulfilling experience for any of you.

Don't allow yourself to be used by anyone..including your boyfriend through his deception...he knows what he is doing is wrong by impersonating you yet puts his own hornyness before his respect for you and your relationship.


There is no way anything good is likely to come from this.

Only in honesty and mutual desire can a threesome be a valuable and enjoyable experience.

My opinion only of course.

I'm with JB and Shadowsdream on this. I've done threesomes, and they have worked out fine, but I was aware of how easily they could have gone wrong without complete confidence in the good intentions of all parties.
Consider not just your own feelings, but also the feelings of the other woman if she discovers she was brought into the situation under false pretenses.

I agree with what everyone has said here. All I'd like to add is this.....its all about consent. You must both want this. You don't sound like this is something YOU really want, but something your boyfriend is trying to push on you. So my advice is do not do it.

James Blandings said:

bringing in a third party is only going to work if you have a strong bond of trust already established between your boyfriend and yourself. From what you say, he has already violated that trust with his subterfuge. So my advice would be that you not do it, I don't believe it would be a healthy or fulfilling experience for any of you.

Click to expand...

I agree
The trust has been broken

I voted yes before reading your post.

Threesomes are wonderful.........however if your boyfreind can not be trusted than

Hell I would be out of there period

I agree. It is all about trust. Himself and I have been dealing with this for over 6 months now. And we have finally come to an understanding and I have the final say. If for any reason I don't care for the person, we don't do it. This is now working well for us.

Two cents...

Hi;

Bringing another in under the circumstances as illustrated sounds like most of the thinking is being done by somebody's little head instead of the big head, to be charitable to the BFriend's possible motivations.

Behaving badly crosses all lifestyles (as in the orgasm at the vanilla dinner table thread)...and BFriend has made at least a boo-boo in his excitement to fulfill the fantasy in question.

How the relative scale of this boo-boo is characterized by you or reflects on the relationship as a whole is something for you to consider in the fullness of what you know versus the snapshot of your lives we see here.

I have seen similar circumstances have widely varying effects on the relationships of the people involved.

Your mileage may vary. Look within for feelings. Some limitations may apply.

My gut says: Too bad you can't wiggle your nose and switch roles for a few hours...sounds like he deserves at least a good spanking and his internet priviledges removed until he learns to play nice again.

Bon chance;
Lance

What he is doing is very sneaky to me and wrong. He is lying to the new person about who he is - that he is you. It sounds like the two of you have set out ground rules that work for both of you. He is not following those rules. If both of you want this to work, he has to follow the rules.

Personally, I would feel very betrayed by his actions as might any potential woman he meets online pretending he is you.

I originally voted yes before reading your explanation. I would like to change my vote to no.

One more voice to say no. Getting involved in a threesome in the circumstances you described would be a very bad idea.

Another concurrance

I've been in all flavors of threesomes: MMF, FFM, and FFF.

Every threesome i've been in has had strongly BDSM-flavored overtones.

With only two exceptions, every single one of those threesomes was either a very casual play situation - or ended, eventually, with one of the three of us having some kinda hurt feelings over the emotions/physicality/expectations involved in actually fucking two people at the same time - and watching them fuck each other.

Threesome sex is for people who have *REALLY* steady relationships.
They're for people who don't lie to each other.
They're for people who BOTH want to have the experience.

Are you and he like that?

If not, just say "no".
Say, "No. I am not ready for this. And why the hell are you pushing me, anyway?"

Then go shopping with his money to calm down a little.

Thanks

Thank you for all of your responces. I know in the end this is something I have to figure out for myself, but it is nice to hear good advice in the meantime. I was just wondering if I had been over reacting and it was all in my head. But it would seem not. I don't know I would think with him being the top... he would make more mature decisions... but then again just because your a top doesn't mean your mature... <Sigh>

rainCrow, I just took a few minutes to look over your website. It seems to me that you are a beautiful, talented young woman. So let me give you one small piece of unsolicted advice:
Don't settle. Consider yourself a prize worth winning.

Re: Thanks

RainCrow said:

Thank you for all of your responces. I know in the end this is something I have to figure out for myself, but it is nice to hear good advice in the meantime. I was just wondering if I had been over reacting and it was all in my head. But it would seem not. I don't know I would think with him being the top... he would make more mature decisions... but then again just because your a top doesn't mean your mature... <Sigh>

Click to expand...

Time for this old man to rant !!!!!
So forgive me and ignor me in advance.

Years ago when I enterned this community [BDSM]
You could safely have certain expectations about a Dom
One was that you [a sub] could feel safe with him/her
Second that they were honest

Today so many enter this lifestyle through the bedroom first and have had no training as a Dom or as a humanbeing.

Maybe it had to do with the threats from mainstream society
Things like going to jail because of who you were/are
but we knew each other either directly or no more than 2-3 people removed. Our word was our bond and we looked after each other.

A sub was valued. He/she was the most valuable thing in the world. They were treated with great value. They were the most valuable thing in that existed.

A collar meet something. In most cases it met more than marrage.
Now days you see a sub wearing one persons collar one week and someone elses the next. Hell I have even seen Doms wear collars.

Ok .... I will not go on but God knows I want to.

I would like you all to come over to a thread I started asking what a 24/7 TPE looks like today. I would like to hear your impute

RainCrow, good luck.