Vanilla Privacy

I have strong opinions about invading the privacy of the vanilla world when Our kinks are brought into their homes without their knowledge.

You probably wonder what in the hell is She talking about now!

I have just been speaking with a long time real life fem slave who was recounting the latest escapapades of her Master and the new trainee in their home.

Long story short, the sub orgasmed during a neighbours bar b que...at the table...

Apparently no one noticed but the other slave and her Master...the question I am asking Myself is...do We as Dominants have the RIGHT to push Our sexuallity down the throats of others in the safety and privacy of their own homes?

I know public humiliation can be a good thing for many of us but public to Me is not in a large Bar b que party held by the neighbours....am I just being picky?

No, not picky at all.

I would certainly not be able to engage in anything D/s in mixed company with friends and family who either didn't know what my kinks were or who didn't/couldn't accept them.

I think it is just as wrong to impose our sexuality on others as it is for others to try to impose theirs on us.
I don't think that anyone should have to deny who they are, and if someone is out as being into bdsm, they should not have to hide it, and there is, I think, an acceptable level of flirting type play that we ought to be able to engage in as much as anyone else, but to actually play to the point of orgasm at a neighbor's home is just plain rude.

No one has the right to push sexuality down the throats of others.

I feel everything has its own place and time. I also agree that vanilla people shouldn't have to put up with our kinky lives any more than we should have to deal with theirs. Simple respect for someone's space is all that is needed. I consider it a rather brazen act for the people to include the neighbor's outdoor gathering in their sex lives. I am very kinky, and I would be upset if someone invaded my party this way.

Phewwwwwwwwww

Thank you all for the comments...I can be a bit of a formal pain in the ass sometimes but this scenerio just hit Me as contemptable.

Rude does not = Kink

All seem to agree

I honestly don't think kink has anything to do with this, rude is rude, would it have been ok if it was a 'nilla couple "doing it" behind the garage? NO! This is just plain rude no matter what lifestyle they live

Hmm...just for the sake of being contrary then...

If nobody noticed it, aside from the two of you who wouldn't be offended by it, then is it actually rude?

If it's done in a somewhat private way, even in a public place, I have a hard time thinking of it as pushing sexuality down the throats of others.

Now if you were offended by it other than just because of where it took place...that could be different.

I wouldn't have a problem with a 'nilla couple going at it behind the garage either...once again, if it was still private for the most part.

BBD said:

If nobody noticed it, aside from the two of you who wouldn't be offended by it, then is it actually rude?

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Nobody can be sure it wasn't noticed by others, maybe they were being polite and thought it best not to speak about it.

lilredwolph said:

Nobody can be sure it wasn't noticed by others, maybe they were being polite and thought it best not to speak about it.

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By the same token, nobody can be sure that it was noticed by others. I'm only approaching the hypothetical as presented...not noticed by others. Assuming for the sake of discussion that's true...is it rude or not? I lean towards not, and that's all I'm saying.

Granted, I wouldn't find it all that rude anyway but I'm trying to go by societal norms here.

I feel it is somewhat rude noticed or not only because, it could have been noticed.

If it was a bring your favorite dildo BBQ hey go for it, but this sounds to have been a bring potato salad and chat awhile type BBQ.

lilredwolph said:

Nobody can be sure it wasn't noticed by others, maybe they were being polite and thought it best not to speak about it.

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i totally agree with this.. if it was me, i may have been very put off by seeing it, and therefor been either too polite or too embarassed to say anything.
i can understand the whole public humiliation thing, but at a gathering such as this, it seems that it was in poor taste.
JMHO
sierra

SierraMoon said:

i totally agree with this.. if it was me, i may have been very put off by seeing it, and therefor been either too polite or too embarassed to say anything.

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And, I probably wouldn't invite them again.

Who knows who could have been there, noticed it, and thought because it wasn't mentioned by others, it was OK that they did it. The rumor mill could be thriving today.

Sexuality belongs in a setting where everyone is comfortable with and amenable toward overt sexuality.

If that's at a backyard barbeque, so be it.

If that backyard barbeque is not, however, a place at which overt sexuality is encouraged, then to do what was described above, even in a mostly hidden fashion, is rude and boorish behavior.

Period.

I don't like it

Just like I do not like going to a restaurant with my family and be subjected to some "lovers" with their hands down each other's clothing, and their tongues down each other's throats.

There is a time and place for everything, and showing off is showing off whether it be vanilla or kinky.

Ebony

Re: I don't like it

Ebonyfire said:

Just like I do not like going to a restaurant with my family and be subjected to some "lovers" with their hands down each other's clothing, and their tongues down each other's throats.

There is a time and place for everything, and showing off is showing off whether it be vanilla or kinky.

Ebony

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I agree completely.

Rude is rude and with all the talk of trust and control, BDSM people ought to know that better than anyone, I would think.

I'm in agreement; that was out of line.

***Compulsive Devil's Advocate Warning!***

That said, public control is apparently one of the more common fantasies. How many "my husband had the remote and made me go out in public"-themed stories have we got just here on Lit? probably over 100, though that's a thoroughly unscientific guess, with no data to back it up. I'm not going to bother re-iterating the "if a sub comes at a barbecue, and no one notices, is it rude?" question, either.

***End Devil's Advocate Warning***

Sorry, I keep doing that; taking up the case for someone I don't agree with. It's a nasty habit, folks. Don't fall into it.

Another consideration: What if she couldn't control her noise while she was coming? Even one little yelp.....

Folks need to think carefully before acting out a fantasy.

SpectreT said:

"if a sub comes at a barbecue, and no one notices, is it rude?"

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OK, I'm sure this was intentional, but that statement sort of oddly fits with the old pondering question...

If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is there to hear, does it make a sound?

OK, it is still a bit early in the morning for me. Maybe another cup of coffee is in order?

SpectreT said:

I'm in agreement; that was out of line.

***Compulsive Devil's Advocate Warning!***

That said, public control is apparently one of the more common fantasies. How many "my husband had the remote and made me go out in public"-themed stories have we got just here on Lit? probably over 100, though that's a thoroughly unscientific guess, with no data to back it up. I'm not going to bother re-iterating the "if a sub comes at a barbecue, and no one notices, is it rude?" question, either.

***End Devil's Advocate Warning***

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We play around a bit with public control, and I have, on Sam's orders, gone out of the house wearing a buttplug, and that sort of thing, but I think there ought to be a reasonable limit to what we do in public. To me, the difference between non-explicit public control and having an orgasm at a BBQ is like the difference between holding hands in public and , well, having an orgasm at a BBQ!

IMHO

I am not sure this example is forcing anything on people that were not involved. Many a vanilla orgasm has occured in similar situations just for fun with no Dom/sub issues. Some people just like the thrill of possibly being found out.

The board is full of stories, some even true, of people getting it on discreetly. Remote control vibrators were made for this purpose.

Still going along in the devil's advocate role then...

What if for the person in question a quiet orgasm that wouldn't seem like more than holding hands is possible?

If that didn't make sense, I'll clear it up later.
I need coffee, too.

Maybe it's more neopolitan than vanilla.

Hi;

I find it tremendously interesting that there are are least three flavours swirled into this particular Miss Manners type etiquette question.

First:

I think we all know that it's not considered polite to have an orgasm at the dinner table, regardless of one's upbringing, the relative formality of the event, or whether the main course is chicken ,beef, or vegan.
A "Come to Dinner" vs "Cum at Dinner" invitation is generally understood before one arrives.
If in doubt, fake it I suppose.
Corrollary: farting is also considered in poor taste at most tables, as is belching...though both are indeed sometimes tres funny, as I suggest, a trembler of an orgasm could also be, under the appropriate circumstances.

Second:

The reason there is some much written on the topic...golly, there must be 100's of mainstream movies and tv shows with hands under the table cloths, toe jobs, and of course "When Harry Met Sally", Clairol Herbal Organics commercials, etc....is precisely because it's naughty,"just not done" and about sex. Yum...so of course people want to talk about it! Blaming them for doing it....quietly, unnoticed...seems a wee bit conservative, regardless of one's LifeFlavour. A full flogging with anal penetration on top of the Vanilla Jones family's Thanksgiving turkey with Grandma Jones present during the saying of the blessing, on the other hand, to use a reductio ad absurdum, would of course clearly be over the top. And bad manners. Pass the gravy? Uh, no thanks, Bob.

Third:

Because it's naughty and not done in polite company, it's just hot. Nice people sometimes do naughty things when their motors are running. Sometimes the only difference between hot and thoroughly disgusting is whether you're the one being pleasured or not. As a host, I'd be disgusted to find you had jerked off Bob during dessert. If I'm Bob, it might just be a memory I'll cherish forever.

Conclusion:

The answer is definitely: "It depends."

"One man's mirth, another man's misery"
Thanks;
Lance

Re: Maybe it's more neopolitan than vanilla.

*laughing*
Well said

Re: Maybe it's more neopolitan than vanilla.

Lancecastor said:

A full flogging with anal penetration

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I'll have seconds of this, please. You can just leave the bowl right here next to my elbow, too. I'll take care of it.








Is anyone besides me really liking the asides and additions of newest crop of new guys who've wandered in here?

Y'all are great additions to the place. I hope you stay around.