Focusing On Pain

Most of you know, I was hit by a car a few weeks ago and suffered a number of injuries.
I have been gradually backing off my dosage of pain medication, and occasionally as I make these adjustments, the pain will flare beyond the meds ability to handle it.
On these occasions I have several times been able to concentrate on the sensation of the pain, and mentally isolate it, almost separating it from the physical realm and turning it into something almost abstract.
I don't know if I am describing this in a way that makes sense, but what I have found is that I am able to manipulate my pain to some degree. It's like I can step away from it and examine it, poke at it, prod it, let it wash over me or hold it at bay.
None of this pain is in any way erotic to me. The worst of it is in the side of my face and feels like an intense toothache (I have a broken jaw). But I wonder, if it was eroticized pain, if this is similar to how people in bdsm process really intense sensation play, or if anyone has insight into it's application in bdsm.

Non-erotic pain is non-erotic.
On that i think we can all agree.

But how we handle pain, whatever its genesis, might be much the same from instance to instance. Your description of isolating and manipulating the pain associated with your accident (bad pain), Caroline, is very similar to what i do with erotic pain (good pain).

I think of intense sensation play (aka, the consensual application of intense pain for erotic gratification) as something into which i immerse my *self*. I focus on it and concentrate on it. My present play partner knew immediately what others have known: it's a good thing to use words to focus me into the sensations, into the pain. Tell me to focus on it. Instruct me to process it. Use the words if i'm fighting the sensations. Use your dominance over me, the real power i've given you over my responses, to focus me into the pain, into the sensations, into the eroticism of the second by second intensity.

If i can find a way to *not* fight the pain, i am rewarded. If i can lose myself in it, if i can find a way to let it fill me so there's no room for coherency - only response - then i drop. And when i drop, the world changes and becomes something of crystalline immediacy and transcendant rapture.

I don't drop every time i play.
I don't drop with the same kind of play, reliably.
Dropping is always a thing of energy flow and mood and the moment.

But it's worth everything, that dropping. It's worth the fear and hesitancy and pushing the edges. It's worth the pain and tears. It's worth the immeasureable trust that has to be learned, earned, given, and accepted.

And so we become good at processing pain, we who play in this sandbox. All kinds of pain. We do it because we have to; to not do it means living a half life. But the rewards! Ah! The rewards are most definitely there, aren't they? Though insubstantial and hard to define, when we go flying, we know that every second of time we've learned to isolate and manipulate pain has been worthwhile.

I've never experienced the intensity of pain you are experiencing, hon. But, sensation play can be a manipulation of senses and levels of these senses.
There's quite the similarity.

I hope you're feeling better.

My God, cym, thank you for that response, I am bowled over by your perception. Thank you.
Let me take another step, here, please. Another question I have pondered is why there should be so much corelation between DS and SM. What is the thread that binds them together for so many of us? I think I see it in your reply, that the guidance of the dominant is what allows us to process and focus the pain in such a manner that we can achieve that most ecstatic state you describe.
My mind is expanding daily by reading here. Thank you cym, you adorable guru.

raindancer said:

I've never experienced the intensity of pain you are experiencing, hon. But, sensation play can be a manipulation of senses and levels of these senses.
There's quite the similarity.

I hope you're feeling better.

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Thank you, dear, I am feeling much better. I think I am contemplating these matters more now that I am on hiatus from exploring them physically. I guess it's true, every cloud has a silver lining.

Very true, Caroline. And, I have every faith that every second is purposeful. Even the rough ones. I mean, look at how you are growing from your experience. I don't know you well but I see growth. Be proud of you.

I too have felt this

Caroline- Cym does hit it close to the nail but I felt similar bad pain and the best thing you can do is isolate it and then think beyond it. Worked for me and made me a better person, I think, afterward.
Really hope you are better soon and quite sure it is the injury and not the hiatus that is making you feel this way.

Re: I too have felt this

dave's thing said:

Caroline- Cym does hit it close to the nail but I felt similar bad pain and the best thing you can do is isolate it and then think beyond it. Worked for me and made me a better person, I think, afterward.
Really hope you are better soon and quite sure it is the injury and not the hiatus that is making you feel this way.

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Thank you. I think that process of isolating and thinking beyond the pain is what I am doing. My question was in how this relates to how we process pain in bdsm, and cym answered that quite well, I think.
I appreciate your kind thoughts. As I said in a previous reply, I am prone to finding the silver lining in the dark cloud, and although I am certainly not happy to have been injured, I am grateful for the opportunity to use it as a learning experience.

Re: Re: I too have felt this

CarolineOh said:

Thank you. I think that process of isolating and thinking beyond the pain is what I am doing. My question was in how this relates to how we process pain in bdsm, and cym answered that quite well, I think.
I appreciate your kind thoughts. As I said in a previous reply, I am prone to finding the silver lining in the dark cloud, and although I am certainly not happy to have been injured, I am grateful for the opportunity to use it as a learning experience.

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Now both of you have put this very well

CarolineOh said:

Thank you, dear, I am feeling much better. I think I am contemplating these matters more now that I am on hiatus from exploring them physically. I guess it's true, every cloud has a silver lining.

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If you didn't get hurt, I wouldnt have come here to tell people how you were doing, and I wouldnt have had my eyes opened to learn about BDSM.So something good can always come out of bad fortune.

thinking about pain...

Caroline,
Thanks for raising the issue. I think the mental aspect of pain is an interesting one. I haven't gotten to pain as part of sexual play yet but I have experienced a fair amount of physical pain as a competitive athlete.

The thing I have have noticed is how your mental framework really shapes how you respond to pain. For example, people who are depressed or sad tend to feel pain much more than those who are in a better mindset. In sports, focusing on the task at hand, along with adreneline, can allow people to push through pain and perform.

It seems similar to BDSM issues...people have discussed bad experiences with Doms who broke their trust versus those that had wonderful painful experiences with those they love/trust/ or care about them.

I don't know if this adds anything to your thread or not. I am glad to see that you are doing better and did experience some positives (Sam's post) from your accident.

activesense

Bad Pain

We are just so grateful you are back Caroline!

I am not a sub, but I can speak to the bad pain. When I was 19 I was in a car accident, and although I went through the back window, I emerged unhurt. Outwardly, that is. I had no visible(or invisible ) injuries, but I was in pain from head to foot. Even my hair hurt. My mind just kind of shut down, but if anyone touched me I screamed. I was not even black and blue. Of course the doctors were amazed I was not dead. I, on the other hand wished I was dead for about 48 hours. Then my brain started to change things. I started to adapt to the pain. It went away after a month for so, but until it did. I had to keep my mind busy, with other things, so that I could forget the pain. After all these years, I still remember that pain.

I do not remember the pain of childbirth, which I did virtually drug free, but I remember that car accident.

I am told that bad pain and erotic pain have at least one thing in common. The threshhold for both increases with time. Do others find that to be true?

Ebony

Re: Bad Pain

Ebonyfire said:

I am told that bad pain and erotic pain have at least one thing in common. The threshhold for both increases with time. Do others find that to be true?

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Yes.
Definitely.
For me, anyway.

As i grow and do more and play harder and new ways with new people, my appetites change, too. My needs change. I ache for new experiences, new limits to push, new feelings to feel, new edges to walk.

To get those new sensations, my pain threshold has increased.

To get those new sensations, i've learned to handle pain in new ways, ways i could not have imagined 10 years ago - or 20 years ago - or 30 years ago, when i began to play in this sandbox.

Right now, i'm sitting here writing this to you with between 17 and 20 distinct cane welts buring redly into the skin from the tops of my thighs almost to my knees, each leg, in the front. They are from play i was a part of yesterday morning. It fucking hurt getting those welts. It was fucking scary. And i slid into and out of subspace during the whole process, too, finally dropping into it so deeply that i wasn't aware any longer of where i was or what i was doing. My play partner had to talk me out of it.

There's no fucking way i could have handled that kinda pain when i was new to this. I probably couldn't have handled it 5 years ago. I've built up to being able to play for extended periods of time with intense sensation - and i've built up to it because my ache and hunger for more more more more more has increased with exposure.

I know this isn't going to be a very popular opinion.
I know there are people here who are scared that there's no end to the need for sensation. They will see these words as confirmation of thier fears.

However, these words are only my truth.
Your truth is probably different.
We are all different people and we all take from this and put into it what we need - and piss on everyone else. (Something, btw, some of us enjoy. )

Re: Re: Bad Pain

cymbidia said:

I know this isn't going to be a very popular opinion.
I know there are people here who are scared that there's no end to the need for sensation. They will see these words as confirmation of thier fears.

However, these words are only my truth.
Your truth is probably different.
We are all different people and we all take from this and put into it what we need - and piss on everyone else. (Something, btw, some of us enjoy. )

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You hit the nail on the head. You can choose the road you take in this as in other life choices. I do not even own a cane, and will probably never own one. It is not the type of play that suits my kind of dominance.

But so what? Both of our choices are real and true for ourselves. Others may differ even more. My sissy sub has almost doubled his threshhold for pain in the last year. He is becoming quite the little pain slut. He is even surprised at how he craves it. However, he knows I am not a sadist, so he is not going to go too much farther, because it is not my style. And, so far he has shown no signs of being a heavy player.

Ebony

Ebony, thank you, I am glad to be back. And thanks to you, cym, and activesense for your insights on this issue. I thought about it for several days before posting because I wasn't sure I could formulate what it was I wanted to get across, and the response has been wonderfully understanding.

cym, your post is a little scary, but I also have to reflect that no matter how far I advance into bdsm, the choice is ultimately always mine to push onward or pull back. If I didn't trust myself i would not have come this far, I will continue to trust myself, But caned on the FRONT of your legs?? OW!!

and Sam, love, for you:

Aside:
OMG! Carloline, isn't that an Art Frahm painting you're using as an avatar? Did you find him at Jim Lileks' Institute of Official Cheer? I'm so pleased not to be the only one who's seen them. The man was a serious loon.

And if you haven't, you must check out the Art Frahm pages at Celery + Gravity = Art!

Sorry to interrupt. Please resume the adults' conversation, with no further childish distractions.

This IS something i've had a chance to study too

Not from a BDSM perspective, but as a part of my study of yoga. Yoga is all about one's connection between spirit and body, and pain is on the "cutting edge" (no pun) of that relationship.

Various medical situations have put me in terrific pain in the past, and for me drugs do very little for sharp pains. (perhaps related to my years of "chemistry experiments" using my body as a laboratory)

The technique you and cym have described of "facing the source" has been very effective for me.

i put the technique to music in a song i wrote called "Just Don't Bother Me":

"There was a bad thing that used to always chase me
It was the one thing that i truly feared
i couldn't run one day i turned and let it face me
It let out a scream and it clean disappeared

And it Just Don't Bother Me No More..."

The technique can be applied to many situations which hurt, scare or just "spoil your day".

You're on the right track for sure. It's unfortunate that your lessons are so compulsory!

Wishing you a swift and total recovery.
You and Sam have even more to explore now!

RisiaSkye said:

Aside:
OMG! Carloline, isn't that an Art Frahm painting you're using as an avatar? Did you find him at Jim Lileks' Institute of Official Cheer? I'm so pleased not to be the only one who's seen them. The man was a serious loon.

And if you haven't, you must check out the Art Frahm pages at Celery + Gravity = Art!

Sorry to interrupt. Please resume the adults' conversation, with no further childish distractions.

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Yes it is, Risia. I found it here, at a Russian site dedicated to American pinup artists:http://www.pinup.ru:8101/gallery.phtml?gallery=5

Re: This IS something i've had a chance to study too

DRxBlue said:

Not from a BDSM perspective, but as a part of my study of yoga. Yoga is all about one's connection between spirit and body, and pain is on the "cutting edge" (no pun) of that relationship.

Various medical situations have put me in terrific pain in the past, and for me drugs do very little for sharp pains. (perhaps related to my years of "chemistry experiments" using my body as a laboratory)

The technique you and cym have described of "facing the source" has been very effective for me.

i put the technique to music in a song i wrote called "Just Don't Bother Me":

"There was a bad thing that used to always chase me
It was the one thing that i truly feared
i couldn't run one day i turned and let it face me
It let out a scream and it clean disappeared

And it Just Don't Bother Me No More..."

The technique can be applied to many situations which hurt, scare or just "spoil your day".

You're on the right track for sure. It's unfortunate that your lessons are so compulsory!

Wishing you a swift and total recovery.
You and Sam have even more to explore now!

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Thank you, dear Doctor Blue. I am looking forward to applying my new insights

Sorry to hear about your accident, CarolineOh, and hope your healing is going well...

Cym, in your first response, you went beyond mere words into fucking poetry....you certainly know your stuff.

I wanted to pick up on what was said about the pain of childbirth and going beyond pain where that still point inside allows pain to be overcome and the mind emerges as if from fire, but cleansed...

when I had my children I thought I was going to die, to split open, it was the worse pain I'd ever endured....yet my midwife and I had practiced mind meditation like a form of self-hypnosis to get through this pain...get through it and on to the other side...

i believe that with all pain I've experienced it's made me stronger. and like others have said, ready for the next level. But is there a threshold?

Cyn

When I was a kid, 9 or 10 years old, I was very ill, and suffered a high fever and a lot of pain. I remember lying on the couch wrapped up in blankets sweating and shivering and I closed my eyes and you know how you see those little sparky lights on the inside of your eyelids? Well I concentrated on them and made them all focus into a single point, which I imagined as the tip of a needle, and I pretended that all my pain was coming from being poked with that needle, and when i did, I found that all of a sudden I could play with it and make it come and go.
So I imagine this is the sort of thing caroline was talking about in her post, and yes, it is something that has been usefull in my bdsm explorations, I think it is the process by which I am able to process "pain" as a pleasurable feeling.

This concept of isolating the pain reminds me of something I read in a book written by a surgeon once. He had a patient who had a condition in which the slightest thing caused her excruciating pain: if she was startled, if someone brushed up against her in the slightest way, etc. Her life was dominated by the pain. She lived in constant fear and was essentially being robbed of life.

As a very last and desperate resort, the surgeon performed a partial lobotomy in which a connection to (I believe) the frontal cortex of the brain was severed. (By inserting the scalpel up underneath the patient's eyelid, no less. Makes you glad you don't have to be awake for some procedures.)

He met the woman again about a year after the operation. She was smiling and laughing and thoroughly enjoying life. He asked her about the pain and she replied, "Oh, the pain is excruciating. It just doesn't bother me anymore."

I've often wondered if it could be possible to do the same "isolating" trick mentally. Though I've never put it to the test.

Anyway, just thought I would pass this interesting story on.

Hope you feel better, by the way, Caroline.

Thank you cyn and John, I am doing well. I appreciate your kind thoughts.

cyn1959 said:

But is there a threshold?

Cyn

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There most certainly is a threshold but it is not static, it moves all the time.

Many years ago I had an paralysing accident, a side effect of which was pain, in parts of the body with no feeling, caused by nerve damage. No pain killers can affect it (other than cocaine and heroin which I refuse to try - no point killing yourself to kill the pain!)

It is a pain that is with me 24/7 and the level of pain has increased steadily over a long period of years.

When the pain first surfaced it was excrutiating worse than any toothache, worse than the pain of kidney stones. I slept only on alternate nights and thought that this pain was going to dominate (excuse the unintentional pun) my life.

Slowly my pain threshold increased and it became manageable. Every year the pain gets worse and for a few weeks I am unbearable. Then the threshold moves up a notch and life goes on.

It took a few years for me to realise but it seems that no matter how severe the pain, the body will eventually compensate to a degree where you can live with it.

I wonder if this is why Cym talks of now experiencing pain that she would have been unable to handle years ago.

Interesting bump perhaps...

Catalina