What to do when a potential master is too pushy?

HI everyone!
I'm totally new at this, so if this comes out funny, please forgive me. I am a virgin. and damn proud of it! but, i love chatting with dommes on-line, it totally gets my mojo going. i've met this new guy and we've been chatting for about a month on a daily basis. now he is starting to want daily pictures of me, including my face. i've always had a strict rule about no details involved, like location, birthday, address, phone... things like that. i do this because im a very private person and i've heard really scary stories about weirdos on the web. am i being paranoid? i really want to continue this "relationship", but dont want to compromise my security. suggestions?

wetnhorny_slave said:

HI everyone!
I'm totally new at this, so if this comes out funny, please forgive me. I am a virgin. and damn proud of it! but, i love chatting with dommes on-line, it totally gets my mojo going. i've met this new guy and we've been chatting for about a month on a daily basis. now he is starting to want daily pictures of me, including my face. i've always had a strict rule about no details involved, like location, birthday, address, phone... things like that. i do this because im a very private person and i've heard really scary stories about weirdos on the web. am i being paranoid? i really want to continue this "relationship", but dont want to compromise my security. suggestions?

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In my opinion, wetnhorny, read the sticky titled "The Online Predator"... i've had many, many problems with this, and was guided to read that, and it helped me immensely.... hope it helps you also!!
By the way, welcome to Lit!! I've found my second home here, and i'm sure you will be welcomed with open arms also, as long as you are honest, and respectful of all those who post here.. you will find many, many helpful ideas in these pages....
hugs.... sierra

thank you so much, its so nice to get a good reply on my first post. i'll definately check that post out, good idea!

wetnhorny_slave said:

thank you so much, its so nice to get a good reply on my first post. i'll definately check that post out, good idea!

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You are very welcome... you will find that everyone here will lend an understanding and supportive ear to any and all questions you have... they have helped me through alot of trouble spots... they are GREAT!! If you want, also read the Mother Thread sticky that is located below "The Online Predator"... it contains soooo much useful information.. it is quite an undertaking tho.. as it is about 68 pages long.. but it can be done!! I am living proof!! Take care, and happy info hunting!! hugs sierra

SierraMoon said:

You are very welcome... you will find that everyone here will lend an understanding and supportive ear to any and all questions you have... they have helped me through alot of trouble spots... they are GREAT!! If you want, also read the Mother Thread sticky that is located below "The Online Predator"... it contains soooo much useful information.. it is quite an undertaking tho.. as it is about 68 pages long.. but it can be done!! I am living proof!! Take care, and happy info hunting!! hugs sierra

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Wetnhorny... the Mother Thread sticky is titled "The BDSM forum: Questions and Answers" read through that, and click the link that cym included, and it will take you to the Mother Thread..... as i said, worth the read!! sierra

wetnhorny_slave said:

HI everyone!
I'm totally new at this, so if this comes out funny, please forgive me. I am a virgin. and damn proud of it! but, i love chatting with dommes on-line, it totally gets my mojo going. i've met this new guy and we've been chatting for about a month on a daily basis. now he is starting to want daily pictures of me, including my face. i've always had a strict rule about no details involved, like location, birthday, address, phone... things like that. i do this because im a very private person and i've heard really scary stories about weirdos on the web. am i being paranoid? i really want to continue this "relationship", but dont want to compromise my security. suggestions?

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You have the right to see up boundaries in any sort of relationship, and expect that they be respected. Explain to him how you feel, and if he can't accept your wishes, then the question you need to ask yourself is whether or not you can expect him to respect them in other regards.

I second and third what Sierra and CarolineOh said. WetnhornySlave (I think I'll just call you WHS for brevity's sake), welcome to the friendlist, most open and honest board you will find. Trust these guys--they know a helluvalot. Congrats with being so confident in your nature, too, and feel free to give us any questions you have without fear of mockery or the like.

thank you quint, yes i know my handle is pretty long. i look forward to interacting with all the wonderful people here!

Wetn:

Any Dom interested in knowing you, as a person, will respect your limits. He will and should understand the need for caution without feeling offended.

Discuss this with him and based on his reaction, you may want to rethink your involvement with him.

Communication is key and hopefully He will communicate openly with you, listen and respond in kind. My hope would be that he respect your enough as a person to respect your wishes.

A good Dom often says, "When you are ready," at least in the beginning of the relationship.

Good Luck and be safe.

online relationships


For those of you that are in online relationships, my blindfold is off to ya! i don't know how ya do it.

When my Master and i found each other, i wasn't looking for a Master, at least not initially, not consciously, and most definitely not until i got to know him for real and in person.

WHS, i can't supply you with any advise in this area other than this... if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Trust your instinct.
I don't usually post much (this weekend is out of the norm for me) but i read a lot. These people here, they're good, listen to them, read what they have to say, their advise is good. To follow it or not is your choice. But it's about the best sounding board i've found. And what's more... they care!

wetnhorny_slave said:

HI everyone!
I'm totally new at this, so if this comes out funny, please forgive me. I am a virgin. and damn proud of it! but, i love chatting with dommes on-line, it totally gets my mojo going. i've met this new guy and we've been chatting for about a month on a daily basis. now he is starting to want daily pictures of me, including my face. i've always had a strict rule about no details involved, like location, birthday, address, phone... things like that. i do this because im a very private person and i've heard really scary stories about weirdos on the web. am i being paranoid? i really want to continue this "relationship", but dont want to compromise my security. suggestions?

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Welcome to the BDSM forum, WHS. As others have said, and just so you know, we've got a very honest and supportive community here, mostly geared toward skin-to-skin BDSM as opposed to online play.

As others have said, too, both you and your Dominant have the right and the obligation to set limits on your interactions that will be mutually respected.

The absolute basis of all consensual BDSM play, WHS, is the expectation that each of you will be honest about what you need and want and fear and hate - and not just in the realm of sexuality, but across the board with respect to you as a person.

If you're uneasy about the daily pics request, tell him that. If he's seeking your presence in his life in a meaningful manner, he'll probably ask you why you feel uncomfy - and then he'll work with you to resolve what's causing you distress. He won't, however, get pouty or angry because you feel uncomfortable and told him the truth about it.

We who entrust another person with our deepest selves in a way that could ultimately result in physical damage, we have to grow trust between us like one grows chives or marigolds. We have to plant good seeds and tend them carefully. We have to give them water and food. We have to watch to insure no pests or rodents begin using them as lunch.

We have to offer trust to be worthy of that from our partner, but in the beginning, we have to have reasons to offer that trust, too.

My advice would be to go with your gut instincts and continue your long-held and time-tested rules for online exposure. Explain to him your hesitancy and your fears. Do one of those online checklists together (here's a set of good ones: http://www.ds-haven.com/choosechecklist.html). Talk and keep talking until you feel comfortable changing your rules. Don't do a thing just cuz someone else tries to presure or guilt you into.

Your submission is a gift of love, a precious thing you offer to someone when you're ready to offer it.

It can't be taken from you.
It can't be guilted from you.
It can't be required of you.

Take your time on this. A month is nothing...nothing at all. Online people are often warm and funny and wonderful and just as they seem. But sometimes they're not. Don't give a bad guy the key to your house, in a manner of speaking.

Be careful. You can relax about this later, if it's warranted, but you can never take the info back after you've already hit the send button, you know?

I'd like to thank all of you who wrote in, it helped me make a decision i should have made a while ago. all of you were right, i was in a situation that wasnt good for me. i'm happy to say that i am no longer talking to the man concerned and that im glad to have done what is right for me. thank you all soooo much!

wetnhorny_slave said:

I'd like to thank all of you who wrote in, it helped me make a decision i should have made a while ago. all of you were right, i was in a situation that wasnt good for me. i'm happy to say that i am no longer talking to the man concerned and that im glad to have done what is right for me. thank you all soooo much!

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You are very welcome wetnhorny.... the group here is a very helpful bunch of people.. everyone has been so very kind to me, and very patient when answering any of my questions.. feel free to come back here with any concerns you may have!!! take care, and hugs to all... sierra

Another interesting topic which many have to del with at some point.....

The simple answer is: tell him to back off. If you haven't given yourself to him to serve as his submissive, he can only make requests of you, not demands. And also, any worthwhile dominant should respect boundaries. Explore them yes, but respect them.

The more complex answer is... is he really being pushy, or is he simply trying to progress the relationship, and you are saying "hey, this is turning into something real" and getting cold feet?

No accusations, because I don't know your situation. But be honest with yourself about what's really happening. If it is the latter, then it's a rather different issue.

Cheers! That is the great thing about being around here, the people.