excuse me please, I need some direction

I was wondering if there were any threads in here discussing safe calls.

If you're meeting someone for the first time, and you have a person to call so someone knows where you are.

How does that work? How does that first time work?

anyway, please let me know.

perky

You arrange a time with your friend at which you're supposed to make the call to them. While on the phone, you have a prearranged word or phrase you're supposed to say so that they know you're not being forced somehow to make the call and everything is fine. They should also have the name and info of the person you're meeting, their location and all that. If you don't make the call within an allotted amount of time, they're supposed to contact the appropriate authorities.

I think that's the basics. I'm sure others here can give more detailed information, ideas, etc.

thankyou.

*sighs*

cym says that I'm not allowed to be a safe call because I will hunt them down and break theminto itsy bitsy inky dinky tiny little bleeding pieces of quivering dead guy. She uses someone else. I'd be hurt, but, well, it's true. I would hunt them down and do damage to them if I thought they were hurting her.

I use Risia. I had to use my mother once upon a time and that one instance convinced me that requiring a safe call is a situation best set up WAY ahead of time. Putting it together while you're driving to meet the mystery date is not the right way to do it. Learn from my mistakes, grasshopper.

Muff, i love you. You know that. But you would end up in jail if one of them just happened to look bad at me and i can't have that on my conscience. Who would cook for the StudMuffin?

Perky?
We have LOTS of safe call info that's been posted to this forum and the thread that preceeded it. I'll root it out for you and post here in the next day or two, okay? I'm feeling kinda lazy at the moment. I'm sorry.

BBD gave you the basics but there's lots more we can give you on it, too.

cymbidia said:

Perky?
We have LOTS of safe call info that's been posted to this forum and the thread that preceeded it. I'll root it out for you and post here in the next day or two, okay? I'm feeling kinda lazy at the moment. I'm sorry.

BBD gave you the basics but there's lots more we can give you on it, too.

Click to expand...

thanks cym,
no need to rush. I'm not going to do anything in the immediate future. I need the information first.

Perky, here are a couple of links to past discussions we've had on the subject of safe calls. Be warned, though! The first link is just a funny story i told one day and probably won't help you much at all except as an illustration of what not to do in the matter.

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=62798&highlight=safe+AND+call


Page 50, our original BDSM thread, halfway down the page, lexie begins a convo about safe calls:
http://www.literotica.com/forum/sho...age=20&highlight=safe AND calls&pagenumber=50


I'll get more info to you pretty soon.
I have to go to sleep now, though.

okay, I read that

cymbidia said:

Page 50, our original BDSM thread, halfway down the page, lexie begins a convo about safe calls:
http://www.literotica.com/forum/sho...age=20&highlight=safe AND calls&pagenumber=50

Click to expand...

Now, when do you usually make the safe call? at the beginning? halfway through? I've never been with someone that I didn't know before hand, so I'm a novice in that respect.

Most people make a safe call on arrival where they will be playing, and often a second call a half hour or hour later just as a sort of double check.

http://www.io.com/~ambrosio/dating/safecall.html

Safe Calls
(Author Unknown)
Any Dom/me or sub who is reputable and trustworthy should have no problems with these or similar procedures, and if they do, perhaps that should be a warning signal that they are not what they appear to be.

The following information should be given to the person(s) receiving your safe calls:

Your full name
Your home address and phone number
Make, model, color, and license plate number of your car if you are driving yourself, or
Detailed information (flight numbers and times, rental car information, etc.) if you are using other transportation
ALL the information you have on person you are meeting, including:

Their full name and screenname(s) or logon ID(s)
Their address and phone number(s)
Their age, description, any and ALL information you have on the person you are meeting.


Pass on to your safe call person(s):

Where you are meeting
The name of place you are meeting
The address of the meeting place, including room number (if applicable) and phone number (if you do not have it ahead of time, give it during first phone call)
When you are meeting - time and date
The phone number for the local POLICE in the town you are meeting
Be sure to have agreed and understood codewords for your safe call, one indicating that everything is ok, and one indicating that you need help.

The first phone call should be made within 15 minutes of the established meeting time.

The second phone call should be made within 30 minutes after the first.

The third phone call should be made within 2 hours after that or before leaving the place of the meeting, whichever comes first.

The fourth phone call should be made within 30 minutes of leaving the meeting.

Note: If the meeting lasts longer than 3 hours, phone calls should be made no less than every 2 hours apart until you part company... then proceed with the procedure for the departing call and the last call.




Something kinda new:
National Safe Call Network
http://www.dungeonrealm.com/safecalls.html

The above listing is *extremely* detailed. I've never done all of the things it has listed out, but i always do some of them (as Risia knows).

Here's the way i usually work it:

1. I try not to ever be alone in a possibly intimate situation with a someone i haven't already spent a lot of time talking with. That what email is for, and phgones, and coffeeshops, that getting-to-know-you talking. I don't even want to be in a possibly intimate situation with someone i don't already have a good foundation of trust for cuz that Dominant will probably be swinging a flogger at my ass at some point during the session and i don't want to be wondering, "Is he going to cane me instead even though i am totally freaked out by canes?"

2. I give my safe call personal info about the one i'm going to meeting ahead of time. If that person refused to give me the personal info (which has never happened to me), i would cancel our sesion. I get the personal infor from looking at his driver's license and/or from calling her house and/or from seeing his license plate. I don't rely on the potential partner to tell me the truth. NEVER EVER have i had anyone feel at all awkward with my asking for this info. They hand over thier driver's license easily and without awkwardness; everyone knows the score with this. It's not a problem.

3. My safe call places the call to me, i don't call her. We decide beforehand around about when that call will come in but she calls when she calls. That way, i really don't know when the call is coming and i can't tell the Dominant and s/he can't hold back on being a bad guy until after the safe call is done.

If i were going to do a session longer than a couple hours, i would arrange for two calls at very times.

4. Risia asks me the questions we've discussed ahead of time. "Are you okay?" "Is it going okay?" If i answer in some odd way, then it is NOT okay and she'd (i'm sure) ask more questions to try to determine if i was in trouble.

Actually, R and i should work on this part a little more, i think.

That's all.
That's what i do.

It all really comes down to spending enoug time with them up front to be pretty damn sure they wany what you want when the door is closed and you've both got your clothes are off.

And i wouldn't let someone new to me bind me too tightly or blindfold me, either.

~excuse me...excuse me...didin't mean to jostle you...just bumping this for Glaive who is going to be my new safe call guy...a local so Risia and i don't have to do the safe call thing long distance anymore~






BTW, R is a completely wonderous safe call person. One couldn't ask for better. Well, except if they were not a long distance call away, maybe. (R made long distance safe calls for me...and not just once, either. Now that's friendship!)

A good friend told me yesterday that she has been making phony safecalls, calling her own number and pretending she is contacting a friend. I was appalled, I thought she knew better than that.
This shows a good point to me, that as people get BDSM experience they often begin to figure they know what they are doing, and let safety precautions slide. To me, the most dangerous time of a person's BDSM journey is not when they are starting out, but when they get to the point where they start figuring they know what they are doing.

cymbidia said:

~excuse me...excuse me...didin't mean to jostle you...just bumping this for Glaive who is going to be my new safe call guy...a local so Risia and i don't have to do the safe call thing long distance anymore~

Click to expand...

I've been replaced?
~sniffle~

BTW, R is a completely wonderous safe call person. One couldn't ask for better. Well, except if they were not a long distance call away, maybe. (R made long distance safe calls for me...and not just once, either. Now that's friendship!)

Click to expand...

And I'd do it again in a heartbeat. In a pinch, I'd do it for anyone here, rather than see them go out there without someone watching their back, even a stranger a long distance away.

RisiaSkye said:

I've been replaced?
~sniffle~

Click to expand...

Never ever, darlin'.

Just trying to cut down on those pesky and unnecessary long distance calls when i can't do much more than pant into the phone that - hell yes! - i'm just fine...

I'd rather save the call for later and tell you all about it when i'm able to talk with (hopefully) a little more coherency.

Bumping to answer a pm question on safe calls.

I usually know a person pretty well before I play with them. But I make sure they know what a safe call is and arrange that they have someone to call. And with someone new to all this it does raise their comfort level if you bring it up first.

good info here!

Okay....well then, what do you do about a safe call when the person is coming to visit you in your own town and no one you know in your own town even really knows about what is going on with the person or the situation?

A safe call does not necessarily need to be someone who is living close to you or in the area where the meeting should take place. The most important thing about a safe call is to make it and that you know that the person who you are making the safe call to will act if you do not call.

Almost anything that can be said about safe calls has been said. Everyone please remember to make one. It is important and if you feel that it is difficult for you to call then take a mobile phone with you and have someone call you. This is not only for subs but for everyone involved in BDSM, also if you are a dom or switch have the safe call.

Whenever I have met anyone for the first couple of times I have had a safe call, sometimes having friends call me or me calling them. Also please remember to have your first meeting in a public place. Make it in a restaurant, bar or something that is in your taste.

Ask for an ID, I know this might sound a bit over the top, but the best thing to do is meet in a public place ask for an picture ID and then make the safe call and give the details to your friend. Especially if you have made contact over the Internet you can not be safe enough.

Francisco.

InnerDarkness, I think Risia's post (long ago) was the most telling. Your safety is a little more important than a couple of minutes of long-distance phone time--I somehow doubt that people really spend all that long chatting when their potential Dominant is sitting across the table from them. Let SOMEone in. It's important.

I too am extremely curious what a person would say to the police in such a situation; I've been fortunate and never had to call the police before, but it also leaves me with a dearth of experience that would hamper my ability as a safe callee.

Thanks for the bump, WD.

PinkOrchid said:

Has anyone who was the safe call ever had to call the police? Exactly what does one say to the cops in this situation?

Click to expand...

Not yet, but just about to when my phone rang with the call from my sub friend who then had to convince me she really was okay. The D she was meeting had not struck me as safe from some of the content of their conversations. We had agreed she would call me twice throughout the meeting, the first being shortly after meeting. The call didn't come so I tried phoning her 3 times, each time her phone ringing out. She then called me to tell me she had not wanted to interrupt his conversation with her and was calling now as he had gone to the mensroom. Needless to say I let her know how unimpressed I was, especially as she thought it was funny I had stressed about her safety, and tried to explain how she needed to realise the true meaning of a safe call before, rather than after it could save her life.

C

Here are some additional thoughts, off the top of my head....

The "safe call receiver" should let the "safe call maker" know EXACTLY what they will do if you fall out of contact.

• 15 minutes past deadline: I start calling your cell phone
• 30 minutes past deadline: I call a local friend and tell them to go check your residence
• 60 minutes past deadline: I call the cops and tell them everything
• etc.

If I was the safe call receiver and I needed to call the police, I would dial the direct/local number and calmly announce that I needed to report an abduction/kidnapping. Do not let them confuse it with a missing person report. Be clear and explain how you know it is an abduction/kidnapping by giving the honest details.

InnerDarkness said:

Okay....well then, what do you do about a safe call when the person is coming to visit you in your own town and no one you know in your own town even really knows about what is going on with the person or the situation?

Click to expand...

If I were in your shoes, I would send a PM to a couple of female Literotica posters that you find reliable/trustworthy and ask them to be your backup. If they couldn't personally do it, one of them could certainly point you in the right direction. It's not perfect, but take whatever you can get....good luck!

Mr Blonde said:

Here are some additional thoughts, off the top of my head....

The "safe call receiver" should let the "safe call maker" know EXACTLY what they will do if you fall out of contact.

• 15 minutes past deadline: I start calling your cell phone
• 30 minutes past deadline: I call a local friend and tell them to go check your residence
• 60 minutes past deadline: I call the cops and tell them everything
• etc.

If I was the safe call receiver and I needed to call the police, I would dial the direct/local number and calmly announce that I needed to report an abduction/kidnapping. Do not let them confuse it with a missing person report. Be clear and explain how you know it is an abduction/kidnapping by giving the honest details.




If I were in your shoes, I would send a PM to a couple of female Literotica posters that you find reliable/trustworthy and ask them to be your backup. If they couldn't personally do it, one of them could certainly point you in the right direction. It's not perfect, but take whatever you can get....good luck!

Click to expand...

You can probably arrange a Safe Call with one of your friends without ever mentioning any D/s. Tell them you're meeting someone you met online and you want to be extra careful about your safety. They'll ask lots of questions, but none that you can't answer honestly and never tell them more than you're comfortable with.

If that doesn't work for you, definitely PM someone here, i'm sure anyone would be willing to be your safe call.

morninggirl5 said:

You can probably arrange a Safe Call with one of your friends without ever mentioning any D/s. .

Click to expand...

nice to see you here again.