Submissive but not Masochistic?

Is there such an animal?

Well, I know I am.

Is it acceptable in the bdsm scene?

What I took away from my prior involvement, is that I'm not really all that masochistic. Yeah, yeah, I know, I got off on my clithood piercing, but still, as much as I tried, I never really enjoyed the spankings, etc.

I suppose I did enjoy light pain. Hot wax, some light nipple torture (well, I learned to like that), floggings.

I was always amazed by the women who could come from pain.

So, my question is, if I'm not really a masochist, is there still a place for people like me in the scene?

There is room for everyone!

.

So, my question is, if I'm not really a masochist, is there still a place for people like me in the scene? [/B][/QUOTE]


~~~
i do not see why there would not be a place for people like you in the scene, or anyone for that matter. BDSM is not all about excepting pain or giving it. Thats why the BD DS SM stands for different types of relationships in the lifestyle. Not everyone is into giveing or recieveing pain.

i myself am into recieving it. That's me though. i have met a few Dom's online, that wanted to meet and scene with me, but when they said that they could not get into dishing out pain, then i myself chose not to scene with them. Thank goodness everyone is not the same is the way i look at it though, or i think it would be a mighty dull world.

Non-masochistic submissives aren't uncommon. Can't say I've ever met a non-submissive masochistic, but I'm sure they are out there too.

Good heavens Ruby, I hope so. I too don't like the more severe or intense sensations. Only light ones. But as for being submissive? All the way that is me.

As in all walks of life there are as many variants as there are participants.

Rubyfruit said:

Is there such an animal?

So, my question is, if I'm not really a masochist, is there still a place for people like me in the scene?

Click to expand...

From what I have seen if you think BDSM D/s there is room for those not into pain.....or much pain...however reemember that "punishment" is suppose to be painful.....physicaly or emotionally......or both......

A "pain slut" does not learn from her errors with pain as a punishment

Richard
Michigan

Re: Re: Submissive but not Masochistic?

A "pain slut" does not learn from her errors with pain as a punishment

Richard



Now, that all depends on just how painful that punishment is. i am into pain, but there are just times when my Dom dishes that pain out in a different way or becomes more extreme with it that makes me learn my lesson. i am now into learning my lessons all to quickly with Him.

I'm one who doesn't learn a lesson from pain. In fact, my Dom finally told me "You don't have to misbehave to get a spanking, you know. All you have to do is say 'I've been a good girl, Sir, May I have a spanking please?' "

I know a few submissives who don't like pain. They love to serve. It doesn't seem to be unacceptable, but it seems harder for them to find a Dominant.

Interesting responses.

It does seem that pain - giving and receiving - is so completely interwoven in the scene that it might be hard to find a dominant who would be interested in a non-masochistic submissive (thank you Writer Dom).

I'm not looking, I'm just curious, as always.

Yes, Ruby! There are submissives within the BDSM world that are not masochistic.
The Bondage, discipline, along with the S&M part of BDSM does not have to be present within a D/s relationship. Submission is much, much more than receiving pain for a Dom/me's pleasure.
I've witnessed a few M/s relationships in which no physical pain was ever involved.

Great question.

Sure...

If a dominant can be non-sadist, then why can't a submissive be non-masochist?

All you have to do is find the right dominant for you.

Ebony <a non-sadistic bitch Domme>

Correlation

Two combos you probably won't ever meet:
A masochistic Dom
A sadistic sub

Though I do agree that it's possible to have Dom/sub without sadomasochism, it does seem that they go hand-in-hand. I'm a light pain kinda sub myself. Light spankings and whippings. Never tried hot wax and my nipples are really too small for clamps. Maybe that's why I've never blissed out.

Hiya R.F.!

Would it be off mark for me to say it sounds like you actually have a pretty normal attitude towards b/d...I have no idea how far you've gone...but most people get more turned on by the idea of it and s/m than by it and s/m itself (also not knowing any of the other posters histories and the fantasy vs reality aspect of this board) and can be much more satisfied by some light fantasy role play than anything else...I also know just how good it feels being dominated "the right way" by a really hot guy. As already stated the trick is to set your own limits...I have a hard time believing a woman will have a hard time finding a guy to do things to her and keeping it in a more surreal sensual context...I know there are certain types of paddles that can be swung with a pretty moderate hand but are padded to cause a loud "spanking" noise and very little discomfort to the spankee...

Re: Correlation

Quint said:

Two combos you probably won't ever meet:
A masochistic Dom
A sadistic sub

Click to expand...

Ah! Well. My last Dom was a needle man. He used them all the time on me *and* on himself. He pierced himself everywhere he ever pierced me, given our differences in parts. For instance, he did three PA's on himself (took each out after a couple weeks cuz sex wasn't any fun [=hurt, and *not* in a good way] with the piercings there). He had more piercings in his scrotum than, well, he had LOTS of piercings coming and going in his scrotum. Same with his nipples.

He liked the sensation of the needle sliding into and through his skin. I remember watching his cock get hard when he was doing nipple self-piercings.

Is that masochistic?

He was definitely Dom, though maybe a lot more of a switch than he told me about, as it turned out, but he was most definitely Dom, too. I think he's a masochistic Dom, of a sort.

Things between us fell apart in an ugly way and i could probably kick him in the nuts about now and derive some pleasure from hurting him in that way. Does that make me a sadistic sub?

~~~~~~~~~~
To the point:
There are definitely many submissives that are in this to fulfill a deep need to be serve and submit, to be used and controlled, to be found pleasureable and to learn to provide pleasure. I've known some who emphatically did not want to be involved with pain in any real way. Are they less of a submissive than one like me, a masosub?

Of course not.

We all give what we have to give and take what we need to be whole. The form of our submission differs greatly from one to another of us. No one's way (needs, joy, pleasure, fears, etc) are any better or more right than another person's.

One definitely can be submissive but not masochistic.

glamorilla said:

(also not knowing any of the other posters histories and the fantasy vs reality aspect of this board)

Click to expand...

Hello glamorilla and welcome to the BDSM Forum here at Lit. Just so you know, we’re inclined toward hands-on BDSM here. Included in our number are people who’ve got a lot of experience with all sides of the BDSM acronym as well as those who are interested and eager novices. (I’m using WD’s definition for novice: one who doesn’t have any real time experience. Yet.) There’s a bunch who fit between those two ends, too.

But we’re focused on skin-to-skin BDSM here, not the chat room kind.

I look forward to seeing more of your posts.
Welcome, again.

Cym,
Good points made. I don't think I need to spread butter on my foot yet to make it more palatable, but you do give me pause. The thread on "I like tattoos, does that make me a masochist?" kind of makes me question the masochism of your ex-dom (sorry about him being a dick, btw); there were good pros and cons made on the thread. I'm kind of laughing when I think about your perfect willingness to brutalize him...it's such a natural feeling when relationships go awry, but do nilla couples think of it as sadism or just reaction? Sadomasochism are hard lines to draw sometimes. But since your bottom line is "One definitely can be submissive but not masochistic," I will agree.

Re: Correlation

Quint said:

Two combos you probably won't ever meet:
A masochistic Dom
A sadistic sub

Though I do agree that it's possible to have Dom/sub without sadomasochism, it does seem that they go hand-in-hand. I'm a light pain kinda sub myself. Light spankings and whippings. Never tried hot wax and my nipples are really too small for clamps. Maybe that's why I've never blissed out.

Click to expand...

I have to respectfully dispute you on that. I've known more than a few masochistic Doms and a great many sadistic subs. In fact, I think the most sadistic players I've ever seen have been subs given the opportunity to top other subs.
I believe you are confusing physical and emotional preferences. While the configurations of Dom/sadist and sub/masochist are common, they are by no means universal.
And in any case, I persoanlly have some trouble with the terms "sadist" and "masochist" anyway, since they only have meaning if you believe that the point of sensation play is causing or feeling pain as pain, and not as pleasure.

::chokes on foot::

Well, guess I kinda gave away my newbie status with THAT generalization, hmm?

I need to find a community here. Maybe I'll learn enough not to make gross assumptions...

Thank you for instructing me, James.

Quint said:

::chokes on foot::

Well, guess I kinda gave away my newbie status with THAT generalization, hmm?

Click to expand...

Ah darlin', no big deal. It's a fairly logical conclusion to draw, correctness notwithstanding.

Have you had a chance to read any of the fine BDSM ref books one can buy for pretty cheap. For instance, i just got a copy of Consensual Sadomasochism from Amazon yesterday and -lo and behold!- on page 55 in the chapter entitled "Defining and Demystifying the Language" there's a whole little section on "Dominant Masochists and Submissive Sadists". Talk about timing!

On that page, near the bottom, the reader is told that one of the authors of the book, a Dominant Masochist, sometimes wants "the sensation or the release of tension that can accompany a whipping, caning, or piercing, and sees no reason to deny herself these pleasures because someone else has different notions of what" a Dominant should do or be or act like. When she feels like that, she plays with someone "who identifies as a submissive sadist and likes to do to her Top exactly the way the Top likes to be done".

There you have it, i guess.


~~~~~
This looks like a pretty good book; i've just been kinda skimming it, getting a flavor for it, haven't really dug into it at all yet.

For what it's worth, and for experienced players and novices alike, the book called Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns (or something like that - it's upstairs in my bedroom hiding from kid eyes and i'm too lazy to go look at the exact title right now) is the best book i've ever read on this stuff.

Quint said:

::chokes on foot::

Well, guess I kinda gave away my newbie status with THAT generalization, hmm?

I need to find a community here. Maybe I'll learn enough not to make gross assumptions...

Thank you for instructing me, James.

Click to expand...

No harm, no foul, Quint, as Cym said, it's a logical thing to think, and people with more experience than you have made the same mistake.
We are not here to pull rank, we are here to share. Any info I can provide to help I will

i'm a total novice Rubyfruit...

What i have read (even on this page) is that BDSM exists in almost as many forms as there are practitioners. That's the beauty and the freedom of it.

You define only the edges and boundaries, but within that you kinda make it up as you go along. Well...that's how it seems to me so far.

It astonishes me that you (especially if that incredibly beautiful woman in all your avatars is you) would even wonder if there would be a place for you.

i'd certainly be glad to prepare a face...i mean place for you to sit <oops>

keep exploring
Blue

Re: Re: Correlation

James Blandings said:

And in any case, I persoanlly have some trouble with the terms "sadist" and "masochist" anyway, since they only have meaning if you believe that the point of sensation play is causing or feeling pain as pain, and not as pleasure.

Click to expand...

I totally agree with you there.

Ebony <How ya doing James?>

cymbidia said:

For what it's worth, and for experienced players and novices alike, the book called Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns (or something like that - it's upstairs in my bedroom hiding from kid eyes and i'm too lazy to go look at the exact title right now) is the best book i've ever read on this stuff.

Click to expand...

just thought i would throw in my .02 worth.. the title of that book cym, is "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns". Excellent book... i got my copy from Amazon.com, also.. i also bought "The Loving Dominant" from there.. also a great book... They both gave me great insight to what this life is all about... i had half expected a somewhat boring read, but i actually laughed out loud a few times, the authors have great personalities!! Oooppps.. sorry, got off the thread a bit... will back into my corner again.. take care all ... sierra

no pain...

I'm one who doesn't learn a lesson from pain. In fact, my Dom finally told me "You don't have to misbehave to get a spanking, you know. All you have to do is say 'I've been a good girl, Sir, May I have a spanking please?' "

I know a few submissives who don't like pain. They love to serve. It doesn't seem to be unacceptable, but it seems harder for them to find a Dominant.

---------------
and "I" am one of em...
can't say as how "I" am ever going to get past all this with Mistress. I just hope all of you that have been so patient with me...understand me.
I cannot/will not/ put anyone down. I know there are those out there that like this pain thing. "I" just ain't one of em.
"I" am really just into serving...waiting on Her hand and foot...
"I" ain't about to go around asking for it. uh uh. no way jose'.
but I know...for a fact...it'll happen. and I hope everyone is right about that endorphin thing....coz I'm sure going to need em...

ok..y'all get back to what you were doing.
sorry I bothered you...

drive careful out there...ok?
oh....one more thing...awhile back...in one of these threads....
I asked somewhere about that piercing thing...
seems Mistress says the male member piercing isn't that bad of a deal after all....there are places that have shots to kill the pain before the piercing is done....wish I knew that before I got all upset....now I feel real stupid...
---
fyi---I told you all I was geting my new chastity soon???
guess who's wearing it now...ain't this a kick now...


gotta go y'all...be good--be careful--be good to yourself

mad dog in iowa

I am a submissive,but I am also not a masochist. (spell?)

I can take light spankings and that sort of play,but anything else and it is no longer enjoyable.

My dom knows this and accepts it,and does not take it beyond what I can take.