Submission does not mean losing myself....

it means, to me, gaining more in fact. She guides me to more of me then I ever knew was there. In my submission to sweet Mistress Hecate I have not grown less a person, but become more. More aware and free, more open, more thinking then I ever was before. I needed her gentle nudge, her wisdom so to speak. Once I was apt to rush in to things, without thought, sometimes good, many times rashly. Now I think more before acting, before speaking up. I feel more confidant though, so that when I do speak out, or act, it is with the knowledge I am worth the words I am speaking.

Isn't that what submission is? It is not burying yourself under what your Master/Mistress whatever you call them wants, but it is finding yourself in their love. And, I believe, the same is true in reverse. In having the "power" over me, she must think more, be more careful n her words and actions. It makes her more aware of who she is, and what she can be.

This is wisdom, at it's best.
Submission is about embracing a part of yourself and freeing the vulnerable side of your spirit. Vulnerability is not to be confused with weakness. It takes incredible strength to submit and serve.
Turning away from what's inside yourself can be easier. Submissives step forward, into the light, and kneel proudly.

Y'all are talking about the same thing at the same time in different threads!
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=73258

Perhaps i can yours into the other thread, Merelan, since you guys are smaller (so far)? Maybe you will? Your insights are *marvelous* and others will be interested in hearing them, too.

A new awareness

m, you are right . . . submission is not "burying" yourself for another or into another, but rather finding a new awareness that you have that you didn't realize. It is "coming" to the realization of the potential you have not only for another but for yourself.

A great bump, catalina.

In submission, I believe many who are novices to the lifestyle fear losing themselves, their identity and a sense of who they are.

In truth, that is not nor should it ever be the case. In a healthy relationship, D/s completes who we are and helps us to acquaint ourselves with a piece of our persona that may have lain dormant or may have been overtly interfering with previous relationships.

No, we don't lose ourselves in D/s. We find ourselves.

MissTaken said:

No, we don't lose ourselves in D/s. We find ourselves.

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This for me is a truth also. I am saddened when I see people who think submission means giving another the chance to make you who they want you to be. Though a Dominant might help you through various means to improve or build on who you are, the perception should never be it is their role to rescue or remake you. A Dominant should be attracted to the submissive for the foundation that is already laid. Through this, I believe not only does the submissive gain, but the Dominant also, until both evolve into the respective people they become through the interaction of two souls who respect each other.

Catalina

catalina_francisco said:

This for me is a truth also. I am saddened when I see people who think submission means giving another the chance to make you who they want you to be. Though a Dominant might help you through various means to improve or build on who you are, the perception should never be it is their role to rescue or remake you. A Dominant should be attracted to the submissive for the foundation that is already laid. Through this, I believe not only does the submissive gain, but the Dominant also, until both evolve into the respective people they become through the interaction of two souls who respect each other.

Catalina

Click to expand...

well said

cool thread

i've always been a resident observer. a true voyeur. for whatever reason i was drawn to the 'lifestyle'. played at being a participant until i finally realized i was to observe. be the student. i've learned so much about love, life and sacrifice from the various BDSM journals i read online. and from lurking these forums. there is so much to be learned from true submission and true domination. its speaks to the heart of what its is to be human, i think. i feel privileged to be the observer. and so far, i've yet to be shunned for my 'vanilla-ness'. which i think speaks well of the community at large. too bad other vanillas can not see past the obvious, the titillation to grasp that there are universal lessons to be learned. thank you!

Good timing for the bump to this thread ciara ...

And i have to agree completely ... i have burried the submissive part of me for years and years for a variety of reasons. I have worked hard to hide that away and ignore it ... to be "superwoman" to the world. And i have always felt that no one knew me... no one knew the real me ... it was hidden so far away and buried so deep that i wasn't even sure *i* knew the real me! And the beauty of my relationship with Daddy is that he expects nothing less than all of me... the real me. His acceptance of all i am is helping me to understand and accept myself. Through my submission to him, i have found myself ... and i have never felt such freedom and security as i do now.

Thank you Daddy, for accepting me as i am. Thank you for encouraging me to tear down those walls and for encouraging me to accept myself as fully as you do.

A's Sweet Baby said:

Good timing for the bump to this thread ciara ...

And i have to agree completely ... i have burried the submissive part of me for years and years for a variety of reasons. I have worked hard to hide that away and ignore it ... to be "superwoman" to the world. And i have always felt that no one knew me... no one knew the real me ... it was hidden so far away and buried so deep that i wasn't even sure *i* knew the real me! And the beauty of my relationship with Daddy is that he expects nothing less than all of me... the real me. His acceptance of all i am is helping me to understand and accept myself. Through my submission to him, i have found myself ... and i have never felt such freedom and security as i do now.

Thank you Daddy, for accepting me as i am. Thank you for encouraging me to tear down those walls and for encouraging me to accept myself as fully as you do.

Click to expand...

you are more beautiful with each step you take, and for you to accept the true and deepest you is of the upmost joy to me. I love to witness the look in your face and being, as you openly admit that you love and accept more and more of yourself. As you respond to your hidden hungers I see you grow as the little girl I love so deeply.

In my submission I am discovering the real me, who hid herself away from the world for so long. Master is encouraging me to be more outgoing, to do things I never thought I could.

For instance, last night He made me drive home from the speedway. I am not a confident driver in the city, being a country girl my whole life. Master sat in the passenger seat, telling me which lane to get in and which way to turn. I have a terrible sense of direction! By the time we got home my shoulders and neck were sore with tension and my hands hurt from gripping the steering wheel, but I did it! He was so proud of me, and I was proud of myself, and the next time will be easier, because I know I can do it......

I'm also being encouraged to dress more sexily. He goes into eBay and buys me clothes. Short skirts and boots and stockings. Things I never used to wear.....but He loves to see me in them. Next step....shorter skirts with no panties, in public Very shy submissive here.....

MissTaken said:

A great bump, catalina.

In submission, I believe many who are novices to the lifestyle fear losing themselves, their identity and a sense of who they are.

In truth, that is not nor should it ever be the case. In a healthy relationship, D/s completes who we are and helps us to acquaint ourselves with a piece of our persona that may have lain dormant or may have been overtly interfering with previous relationships.

No, we don't lose ourselves in D/s. We find ourselves.

Click to expand...

This thread being bumped today has finalized a decision I was trying to make. Thank you all.

Wow, a lot of missed faces here, though most of all an interesting thread.

Catalina

Very Romantic and Sweet. How could anyone not want to be a submissive?

Stella_Omega said:

Very Romantic and Sweet. How could anyone not want to be a submissive?

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Don't know about that, but I imagine being Hecate's submissive would be many things, all good.

Catalina

MissTaken said:

A great bump, catalina.

In submission, I believe many who are novices to the lifestyle fear losing themselves, their identity and a sense of who they are.

In truth, that is not nor should it ever be the case. In a healthy relationship, D/s completes who we are and helps us to acquaint ourselves with a piece of our persona that may have lain dormant or may have been overtly interfering with previous relationships.

No, we don't lose ourselves in D/s. We find ourselves.

Click to expand...

What a lovely read! Thank you for bumping it!


Yes, I am sure that there are many people that experience this need to surrender as weakness, but I definitely agree that it actually requires vulnerability and thusly admirable strength. For anyone that has ever been hurt or betrayed, even more so. To find oneself is a journey and not a destination as we are ever evolving and adapting critters. To know the nuances of the destination as you take your first steps down a winding road seems ideal but maybe not as realistic as one would hope. The journey can be and often is a messy and confusing one. I think that for some the fear of getting "lost" is misinterpreted as a much deeper fear of a new personal truth being found and thereby losing or changing the reality that has sustained them. .

Sometimes it is difficult and scary to find and face our truth, because when it is a deep personal and foundational truth it is not like one can easily forget or ignore it anymore. It just is. It can mean significant change for those that were forced to suppress needs and adapt to find a false acceptance to support their social survival. This process of discovery can bring out all sorts of emotions, fear is just one of them. Change can be scary, so I think that feeling scared is a reasonable response. Emotions are never wrong in and of them selves, but the choices we make while charged in them can be.

I think that a nurturing and healthy relationship should ideally bring out the best in us and provide sanctuary for what we view is the worst in us, be it PYL/pyl driven or not.

Curious_in_Cali said:

What a lovely read! Thank you for bumping it!


Yes, I am sure that there are many people that experience this need to surrender as weakness, but I definitely agree that it actually requires vulnerability and thusly admirable strength. For anyone that has ever been hurt or betrayed, even more so. To find oneself is a journey and not a destination as we are ever evolving and adapting critters. To know the nuances of the destination as you take your first steps down a winding road seems ideal but maybe not as realistic as one would hope. The journey can be and often is a messy and confusing one. I think that for some the fear of getting "lost" is misinterpreted as a much deeper fear of a new personal truth being found and thereby losing or changing the reality that has sustained them. .

Sometimes it is difficult and scary to find and face our truth, because when it is a deep personal and foundational truth it is not like one can easily forget or ignore it anymore. It just is. It can mean significant change for those that were forced to suppress needs and adapt to find a false acceptance to support their social survival. This process of discovery can bring out all sorts of emotions, fear is just one of them. Change can be scary, so I think that feeling scared is a reasonable response. Emotions are never wrong in and of them selves, but the choices we make while charged in them can be.

I think that a nurturing and healthy relationship should ideally bring out the best in us and provide sanctuary for what we view is the worst in us, be it PYL/pyl driven or not.

Click to expand...

I think that is very well written and speaks eons about your character

If you read what passes for BD/SM fiction, you see the common idea that submission=weak. If a man submits to a woman, he is some sort of wimp, etc, if a woman submits to a man, she is some sort of weak willed women too afraid to stand up for herself, a woman domming a women is an abusive bitch, etc, etc...
Want to get sick to your stomach? Read a story called "Tough Love" in the BD/SM section, it is really more like non consent, but the wife in the story and the hubby end up fitting the stereotype perfectly, the supposedly loving wife turns into bitch who totally degrades hubby and is ready to turn him into a non entity, and hubby eventually fights for himself at the end but then submits to the woman who so badly abused him, with like no attempt at cleaning up the mess.....

Yeah, there are subs out there who are doormat types, who want to be told to do everything, who fit the stereotype, but they are a minority and from my experience when still active out there, a lot of dominants absolutely hated that in a sub, they wanted a proud, strong person who willingly chooses to submit to their power in some way, shape or form (whatever that is), they want someone who they can respect and/or love as a person, and they want a strong person whose own power they can yield. As one domme friend of mine put it, what is the fun of bending and shaping a doormat to your will, how much fun is it having someone who doesn't have anything outside yourself but depends on you (the dominant) to give them a personality/existence? On the other hand My Lady would probably roll her eyes seeing what I wrote, and tell me maybe I needed to work on being a little bit less out there *lol*

I don't know what BDSM fiction you are reading, but it sounds pretty fucking drab.

Maybe I can give you a better reading list.

Stella_Omega said:

I don't know what BDSM fiction you are reading, but it sounds pretty fucking drab.

Maybe I can give you a better reading list.

Click to expand...

I would love a good reading list. I have peeked in and out of here for several years, and having just finished the Fifty Shades trilogy, I am restless and hungry for more.
It is an impossibility for me to experiment with D/s.......my husband is pure vanilla, and so I must explore my intense desire to be a submissive only through reading.
Our one attempt at tying my hands behind my back had me panting and feeling so helpless and aroused, but unfortunately it was awkward and we ended up laughing together. He's just not bent that way and never will be.
But back to my request......what are some really well-written, authentic books about the D/s lifestyle?

First, thank you for this discussion. I am new to the D/s lifestyle but have always been curious about it. I had no one to talk to about this, friends or lovers, so I had to do a lot of reading. That confused me even more, as it seemed it could be extreme or vanilla. It didn't occur to me that it is what you, D/s, make it.

I agree. For me it does not mean losing myself. It means being MORE myself.

Really? I love losing myself in the moment. Though not permanently, of course.

Liminality is a big part of who I am.