What makes a good sub

I would like to hear not only from masters but also subs
What makes a good sub?

Appearence: that will vary from master to master
Some like them short...some like them tall
Some like them thin ...some like them BBW

However I think we might be able to agree that we like them that take care of themselves. Someone we can be proud of at a nilla social event.

Charactor (sp): for me honest,open minded and willing

Social: I want a sub that is intelligent and an achiver in her own right

Spiritual: What she says she believes and what she believes come close to matching up
takes us back to honesty

Well what would you all added?

Richard

A good sub has an ability to communicate well and does so often.

A good sub will tell her Dom/me if

bothers her/him

annoys her/him

frightens her/him

turns her/him off

pisses her/him off

turns her/him on

makes her/him happy

etc

She will not let the little frustrations fester and build into something bigger than they need to be.

Replace "sub" in the first sentence with "friend" "lover" "wife" "daughter" "employee" etc.....

Communication is the crux of any healthy relationship....BDSM or Not!

Agree but....

There is more in my mind than just honesty and being open. Loyalty,& sence of pride in what he/she does and is doing. I am still learning alot in what it is to be in a Dom relationship but I am still stead fast in how I feel both should be treated and that is with total respect of each other and neither should take more than they are willing to give.

Agreed.

In fact, I really like that you brought up the sense of pride....

Agreed.

Agreed.

Please

A good sub will want to please the Dom and understand that a good Dom understands her cravings, needs and desires and acts on them for her best interest. A good Dom will NOT emotionally break or hurt the sub. A good sub will definitely want to please her sub.

Whoops!

uhhhh, on the previous last sentence of my earlier reply . . . the last sentence should read: A good sub will definitely want to please her DOM.

sorry . . . carry on . . . next???

A good sub

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Re: A good sub

pierced_boy said:

I have read the replies with interest as I need to develop myself in this area.
It seems that a good sub must be a "good or great friend" like wise the Dom must fit into the same category.
After all we are going to give somebody a great and precious gift, the gift of our body , the gift of our mind, the gift of our emotions, the gift of our sensations, the gift of our pain, the gift of our pleasue and ultimately the gift of our release (however that comes) with ownership of our actions and reactions. We cede responsiblity for the outcomes, what a gift.
This gift requires great craftpersonship, considerable time and immense trust. Truely a huge investment. We must demand great outcomes. We can only do this with a truely great friend.
This means we must be a truely great friend!
love

Click to expand...

Perhaps without realizing it you hit another key point......
The sub gives herself/themself....
They risk being turned down.......
They make the offer from a true heart......(back to honesty or being honorable)

You can not give what you do not own

Richard

Ah! The age-old question: what qualities make a good submissive?

That's one each Dominant has to answer for him/herself, of course, as everyone has different ualities that they admire and discourage. My tendancy to question my Dominant so i can understand for sure what i'm expected to do, what my Dominant wants to achieve, might be seen by some as topping from the bottom or too pushy or not yielding enough or something. To others, it's welcome and desireable that i want to always know precisely what they wish of me and they encourage my questions.

I have a couple websites for you guys to go have a look at. These are places in which others like us have written on the subject of "What makes a good submissive". There are a variety of insights available here and i urge you to have a look at all or some of them.

Please bring any questions you have on anything you read back here, and quote the area you have concerns about, if you would.

"The Good Submissive" by paula, from LATCHES (A non-profit support and discussion group for submissive women who have real-time, physical experience in a D/s with some aspect of BDSM practiced.)
http://latches.webslaves.com/shortlicks/july_97/goodsub.htm


"SUBMISSIVE MYTHOLOGY (2): The 'Good' Submissive" by Mistress Steele (a long time shining light in the international BDSM community and the operator of a very thorough website dealing with many facets of BDSM sexuality, most of them rather more advance in nature than that which is suitable for a beginner.)
http://www.steel-door.com/good_submissive.htm


DS Kiosk's "Thinking -vs- Doing" by Alexus (The DS Kiosk at www.cuffs.com is a wonderful all-purpose resource for us, btw, if you haven't found the place on your own yet.)
http://www.cuffs.com/da/think-do.htm


And finally, from one of my very favorite sites on the net, Submissive Women Speak, is "The Healthy Female Submissive" by Yaldah Tovah, M.D. (SWS is "a place where submissive women and those who care about them will find information and advice which they can rely on, based on reality and experience rather than on romantic fantasy. We understand that as exciting and involving as fantasy power exchange is, reality is far more so, and we attempt here to provide help for anyone who wishes it in finding a way in which to live as a submissive in the real world.")
http://www.submissivewomenspeak.com/healthysub.htm


The information offered at the sites i've listed here is, IMO, of a quality far above what is offered at most online sites. You can trust these people, thier thoughts, and the advice/information they give.

However, as always, if something doesn't feel right to you, for your life, then go with that. You're the one who lives inside your skin. In the end, it has to be right for you.

Merelan and raindancer have some very good insights into this discussion, too.
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=1337083#post1337083

A good sub makes mistakes, silly ones. Like starting a new thread when one was already going.

A good sub not only wishes to please her mistress in everyway, but be pleased. Is not afraid to speak out with the truth, whether painful or not.
As in all relationships honesty and communication is key.
is it not? I know I speak simpler, but I speak from my heart.

I am a good sub, for I think of ways to please her, ways she may not even know of herself. And I take pride in my submission to her.

As she takes pride in me.

Shifting gears back to your second thread, Merelan!

Beautifully put.

Being submissive does not mean a loss of individuality or self. By being involved with the right Dom/me, both become more complete....as two halves make a whole.

A sad misconception is that a submissive becomes whomever and whatever her Master wishes. In fact, if the Dom/me is truly invested in the relationship, His/Her wish is only for the subto be herself and be the best she can be in all things.

And the converse is also true. A good sub will encourage and support the Dom/me as He/She grows, caring for Him/Her based upon who He/She is rather than what He/She can do.

It is easy to be lead by the firmness of the hand and the swiftness of the crop, but one must keep in mind, it is the heart, soul and mind that draws us and remains long after the hand is infirm with arthritis and the crop is too heavy to wield.

That is really why I started the other thread. To try to express it. To explain I did not lose myself, but foung it instead.

Miss Taken, so right, again. Two halves make a whole.
Someone had written asking me how I could do that. To submit and give myself, my all to her. I hadn't known I had.
Too bad she is gone at the moment, or she would agree. I haven't given my "all". by which I think, know, he meant my whole being.
Instead have shared it with her, and bound myself to one who makes me better, and more complete. And if, please God no... it ends. I go from it, more whole and closer to the me I want to be.

Make any sense?

self editing

MissTaken said:

Being submissive does not mean a loss of individuality or self. By being involved with the right Dom/me, both become more complete....as two halves make a whole.

A sad misconception is that a submissive becomes whomever and whatever her Master wishes. In fact, if the Dom/me is truly invested in the relationship, His/Her wish is only for the subto be herself and be the best she can be in all things.

And the converse is also true. A good sub will encourage and support the Dom/me as He/She grows, caring for Him/Her based upon who He/She is rather than what He/She can do.

Click to expand...

Editing self is damn dangerious
and if you are than left abadoned
well..........

You have a fractured self

other thread

Merelan said:

That is really why I started the other thread. To try to express it. To explain I did not lose myself, but foung it instead.

Click to expand...

What other thread?

Merelan said:

That is really why I started the other thread. To try to express it. To explain I did not lose myself, but foung it instead.

Miss Taken, so right, again. Two halves make a whole.
Someone had written asking me how I could do that. To submit and give myself, my all to her. I hadn't known I had.
Too bad she is gone at the moment, or she would agree. I haven't given my "all". by which I think, know, he meant my whole being.
Instead have shared it with her, and bound myself to one who makes me better, and more complete. And if, please God no... it ends. I go from it, more whole and closer to the me I want to be.

Make any sense?

Click to expand...

Yes, it makes a lot of sense, Merelan!




And Richard? cym posted the link above to the other thread.....Merelan and Raindancer were discussing this issue.

Personality

Has anyone mentioned personality?? I think so . . . but if not it needs to be mentioned. No Master wants a sub who has no personality. Mischieviousness, at times, in a sub, can be appreciated and used to both their advantages. A sub with no personality is like stale bread; it is there but has little taste!

Better and better

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Okay, personality. Yes. She chose me for who I am, and what she sees in me. What I am drew her to me, attracted her to me. Sure I have changed in my submission. But I change in every relationship I am in. So do you.
It is the me that she loves, not some made up character that she wants. If that were so, we would have left it on the role playing board.

If your Master or whomever tries to change you, reshape you. Well... Mistress says it better.

If you are attracted to a rose, why do you try to shape it into a lily? For a rose, no matter how pruned will only be a poor sample of a lily.

Get it? Of course, she says it in a longer, more poetic way. I simplified it alot.

I owe it to her to not let her change me. When she asks things of me I do not like, or feel are not me, well, I must tell her. Or I am a failure. it is a failure who lets those around them shape them into what they want. A strong person bends and twists, but is still the same.

Wow, pierced boy, good for you! That sounds like an absolutely wonderful way to avoid sleeping for a night. I'm so glad you're enjoying yourself!

Now, what makes a good sub? Apparently not me. My potential dom (who has no problem dominating conversations or decision making processes) recently told me that I'd never make a good sub. Forget that I've always been a highly-regarded sub, given the opportunity. Apparently I'm just not, um, vacuous enough for him. Grrr. He actually stormed out today following 15 minutes of silence after I had said, "You know, (his name), I am always going to be politically liberal, intellectually active, outspoken, focused on my work, and eager to masturbate when you're not eager for sex. I might be willing to compromise on a few of these, given the right incentive, but if you don't like me basically as I am, you should probably find someone who better fits your requirements."

Excuse the rant. It just seems to me that it's ridiculous for people to go around with specific expectations of what does/n't make a good sub, and then write off anyone who doesn't meet them, no matter what their history together proves to the contrary. I mean, really. He didn't even tell me what he'd like -- he just told me that I would never fulfill it.

Maybe that was just a challenge to anticipate his desires, but it sure didn't feel like it.

A view from the top

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Very nice post, Merelan. You are very fortunate.

I have a feeling that what fallon is suggesting is that His preference is for a sub who is spicey and a bit bratty from time to time. Some Dom's seem to enjoy a bit of a "smart ass" quality in a sub, as you know.


By the way....

I have been dying to reply to this thread...



What makes a good sub?


lots and lots of mayo!



Sorry, Richard. I really couldn't resist!

NemoAlia????

The man sounds like an ass.



Truly....we are who we are and that cannot be changed, nor should it.

While using the term "good sub" is a bit awkward, there is no such thing as a "good" sub. We are all different, not relative to "good" or "bad".

There are only "good" matches.

"Good matches." That's a marvelous idea -- for D/s and nilla both, I think.

Good matches

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