From Computer to RL (Personal)

Okay.

Some of you have noticed me getting a little bit cranky of late, and some of it's just typical 30-year-old-guy, midlife crisis crap, some of it's a little deeper.

The Spectre is a little dissatisfied with his lonely state, and needs some folks he can be "out" to in Real Life as well as the friends I've made here on lit. This thread is gonna be a kind of journal of what I'm doing about it, so if anyone else feels kind of stuck in their lives, they've got something to read and relate to.

Tonight, I emailed the webmaster of the Syracuse Dungeon Society, to find out if they're still active, since their web links are dead. (Thanks, cymbidia, for finding the addy for me) If they are, and still holding munches, I plan on introducing myself at the next one, assuming I'm invited.

(Good God, Did I refer to myself in the third person? I'm watching way too much wrestling on TV.)

Good for you, Spectre!

Please let me know how it goes, and maybe..... maybe....

blushing......

(Good god... did he just say "typical 30-year-old-guy, midlife crisis crap"?)


Fuck!
That must make me, like, on death's door or something!


Hey T! You can't have a mid-life crises until you get to mid-life! Do you only plan to live until you're 60? I'm telling you, big guy, it's not all that far away when you're sitting where i'm sitting, and it's not an age when one wants to be giving it all up, either.



Geeze... 30... mid-life crises... kids today... what're they learning in schools anyway?... man... why i had to walk to school 20 miles barefoot in the snow... mid-life crises, my ass...

Over a long period of time i might be friends with some people from Lit. in real life if i get to know them good enough and if my SO would like to be friends with them in real life too!
Just a thought....

Spectre T...

I am so happy for you that you are making this move. I know how hard it is to go from on-line to RL. All of you were there with me when I made that move. It is the best thing that I have every done.

I know just how hard and scary it is. I know, too, how much better you will feel when you have made this move.

Just keep us posted!!

c

cymbidia said:

(Good god... did he just say "typical 30-year-old-guy, midlife crisis crap"?)


Fuck!
That must make me, like, on death's door or something!


Hey T! You can't have a mid-life crises until you get to mid-life! Do you only plan to live until you're 60? I'm telling you, big guy, it's not all that far away when you're sitting where i'm sitting, and it's not an age when one wants to be giving it all up, either.



Geeze... 30... mid-life crises... kids today... what're they learning in schools anyway?... man... why i had to walk to school 20 miles barefoot in the snow... mid-life crises, my ass...

Click to expand...

heh.

Men, on average, don't live as long.

Overweight men especially.

I need to drop about 100 pounds if I expect to live much past 70, so it's in the general, oversized ballpark for mid-life.

sort of.

and calling me, at 30, a "kid" doesn't speak well for you, either, cym.....

Besides, it seems like 30-ish is when something goes haywire in single men's brains and they start acting like pissy fifteen year olds.

cellis said:

Spectre T...

I am so happy for you that you are making this move. I know how hard it is to go from on-line to RL. All of you were there with me when I made that move. It is the best thing that I have every done.

I know just how hard and scary it is. I know, too, how much better you will feel when you have made this move.

Just keep us posted!!

c

Click to expand...

Er... that was the idea behind the thread.

That, and a kind of "Public Service" to any other computer shut-ins who may need some inspiration from seeing what someone else is going through on their journey.

Reading comic books gave me an odd sense of ethical obligation to try and help people out where and when I have the ability.

SpectreT said:

and calling me, at 30, a "kid" doesn't speak well for you, either, cym.....

Click to expand...

Well... heck... but...~sputter~...
Okay, then.
You're not a kid at 30.


I still think it's brave of you to do this, T, and amazingly open to share it with us.

BTW, the weight thing?
Don't sweat it, 100 pounds over or 10 or 150.
You will see people of all sizes at your munch when you go. I swear to you right now, me in CA and you in NY, i swear to you that at your munch, you'll see people bigger than you and smaller, darker and lighter, with and without hair (and that inclues the women) and all of them, T, will be as normal looking as you are. (Maybe more normal looking - i haven't seen your pic.)

And even though you have that experience with Chamber of Commerce (or whatever) lunches in your town, going to your first munch will be a bit different. Please be ready for the fact that as you walk in, you'll feel kinda, well, sorta, almost naked in a weird way. You'll *KNOW* something very private about every single other person there, something we're unused to knowing about other people, especially other people who are strangers.

Don't sweat it.
Brazen it out.
So what?
SO WHAT if they know you like nipple clamps in one way or another, and anal dildos either giving or getting? So what? They do, too. All of them. Relax.

And have fun.

Meet people.
Don't just sit in the corner and remain quiet.
You only get to do this one a month, maybe.

In my area, we have two Sunday munches and one Tuesday evening dinner monthly. There's one this Sunday, as a matter of fact. Thi'll be my third time meeting with this particular munch group and i'm beginning to get a few emails from a couple of them.

Full inclusion takes time. Remember that, too.

Believe me, cym, I am so used to being the "new kid".

I know I won't really be "fully integrated" for quite a while.

I know I won't be invited to "play parties" anytime soon.

I know this.

And my health is the only reason I'm concerned about my weight.

The person I am shows through very strongly, very quickly. I make friends pretty quickly and easily, given regular enough exposure to people. It's partly a gift, but it's mostly that core of.... something..... that you and Hecate and Magister and the four RL friends that I've had for well over fifteen years now have all seen. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm grateful I have it. Life, I think, would be terrible without it.

I'll try an e-mail to correct that lack of an image thing. The only pic I have of myself on my PC is enormous, and I don't have software to resize it, or it'd be my avatar by now. I'm way the hell past caring if anyone finds out I'm the infamous SpectreT, the guy who writes lesbian bondage stories on Literotica.

.....and in all my camaraderie, I've failed to mention;

no return e-mail from the Syracuse Dungeon Society yet.

still waiting.

Be sure to let us know, Spectre.

Syracuse might be as close to wayyyy upstate as I may find.

I think they have munch groups in Ottawa, but hesitate to cross the border for a munch. What would I tell customs officers?

Uniform: "And what is your destination, ma'am?"

Me: " Ottawa"

Uniform: "And what is the purpose of your visit?"

Me: "I am going to a munch."

Uniform: "What exactly is a munch, ma'am?"

Me: (blushing emphatically and stuttering) "It is a social gathering of BDSMers"

Uniform: "Pull your vehicle into the carport, ma'am. We will need to search the vehicle and cuff and search you as well!"

or the Uniform may say, "Hey! I get off work at nine and will see you there!"

Anyway, the point being, best wishes, good luck, and report back!

*hugs*

~snickering wildly at MissT's characterization of *that* interrogation~

So, i was at this Tuesday night dinner with my local munch group two Tuesdays ago, right? We had the whole banquet room and it was about 3/4 of the way filled with us, maybe 40 people were there. Everyone was eating and drinking and talking and laughing and remembering this big party where that happened or when she did that thing with the crop to him at that play party.

The tables were arranged into a big U; we could all see each other pretty well. I was at one of the corners of the U, near me were a couple other subs, both men, and we were giggling about stocks still being on our lists and comparing the tats we had. I was having a fine time.

The door opened and in walked the restaurant manager.

Immediately the laughter died down and *everyone* became almost palpably more guarded.

"How were your dinners?" he asked us.

Bob, the munch organizer, answered for us all. "Fine," he said, "everything was just fine, thanks."

"So," the restaurant manager continued looking around at us curiously, "what group are you with?"

There was dead silence in the room.

"We're an internet group," Bob said, and everyone started breathing again.

The manager nodded and smiled and left. The talk and laughter resumed. Another potential crises averted.



We still can't be out in nilla places, not really, not even in groups, but it sure feels good to talk freely with others like us, you know?

Munches are the best.
Go to yours.
You'll be glad you did, i promise.

Update: Wednesday, March 13, 2002

Anyone who knows me knows that I excel at several things.

One of them is being impatient, and another is being frustrated. I do both spectacularly well, especially given the amount of practice I have at both.

As you may have guessed, still no word back on my e-mail.

Which stands to reason, now that I think on it. If there were someone to read my e-mail, there'd be someone to maintain the web presence of the Syracuse Dungeon Society.

Anyone have any advice on finding a local munch group that doesn't have a web presence?

I will ask a friend of mine in Syracuse and see what he suggests. He has been in the lifestyle for quite a while, so perhaps???


One can only hope!

So sorry, SpectreT. I actually am a bit disappointed myself .

To Think, In this Modern Age....

of technology, that we should be reduced to talking to someone, to asking around, to actually interacting with other people.....

(Please laugh. That was pure, ear-to-ear-grin, sarcasm.)

MissT, I'd appreciate any help I can get, from any quarter. Something in me needs to socialize, to get out, to stop living here in font of this screen. And I'm going to find a way.

I'd just like it to be a tad bit less of a challenge to even get started.

Like I said, I'm impatient, and easy to frustrate.

Keep the faith, whatever that faith may be.....

Another thought:

Syracuse may not have a group anymore, although that would surprise me greatly.

That means it may yet fall on me to get something going around here.

That's a scary concept.......

Yes, SpectreT..

Lately, it seems that the whole scene is here on the computer.

Sincerely, thank God it is a tool by which some needs can be met, but it is a poor substitute for real life interaction.

For me, it isn't even "play" that I wish I had. Being able to sit down with a friend and have coffee....feeling free to be open about my sexuality.... now that is my idea of a great afternoon.



*wistfully smiling*

But...between us...we will pull something together!

Okay,. I stayed quiet. I didn't want to get hopes up. Checked with a few friends. I guess the only groups that are active here in town... swallowing. Yes, I too live in Syracuse.
The one guy I know, and trust, actually heads out to Albany or sometimes Utica. Go figure.
The groups here in town are invitation only, except a few that are constantly being raided and which are highly not recommended. So, I am trying to wangle an invite to one. Not sure it's going to work, as they are very paranoid, no shit. No wonder either, knowing the "freedom" of lifestyle we have here.

Maybe we should start out own.

Will let you know as soon as I hear anything.

I had actually thought about starting one in Watertown as it seems to be a good central point for many of the north country BDSM folks.

And yes, I had heard of some in Albany area.

Okay, gang! Let's put on our thinking caps!

Damn, can you imagine the three of us together? To hell with everyone else.

LOL

Either we or the worlds we live in would never be the same!

Man, I lead a sheltered life..... I didn't even know the cops in this town raided anything....

And yes, the three of us would be pretty interesting as a "club".

Merelan, ya could've said something about the "invitation only" thing....

Figures.

<grumbling>....last time I got invited to anything, it was an "invitation to the world"..... Probably wasting my damn time....

.......

No.

Damn it, No.

Impatience and frustration have made me a quitter for way too long.

Not this time.

Not that I have any ideas.....

my god, upstate must cultivate kinky people, i'm like an hour out of syracuse. actually i'll be passing through there friday, so if you see someone walking from the bus staiton to the airport it's probably me.

i think we might be able to start a club once we get everyone out of the woodwork

seXieleXie said:

my god, upstate must cultivate kinky people, i'm like an hour out of syracuse. actually i'll be passing through there friday, so if you see someone walking from the bus staiton to the airport it's probably me.

i think we might be able to start a club once we get everyone out of the woodwork

Click to expand...

That's a hell of a walk - about five to seven miles, depending on which way you walk. Might be better off hopping on Centro, if there's a bus that heads to Hancock from the Regional Transportation Center. Or maybe call a cab.....

Well, it seems like the locals are all really closed up, "by invitation only"... How the hell do they find new people?

sorry. Still a bit ticked at that one.

like I said, maybe we have to start our own crew, since it seems like an exclusive club in the Greater (hah!) Syracuse Area......