Fidelity and Jealousy

I've been thinking a lot about a hypothetical situation. Suppose you are sexually monogamous with your partner, who is submissive (you're dom/me). Would it make you jealous if s/he did non-sexual submissive things for someone else? For example, if s/he cleaned someone's house, gave them a manicure, etc.

Such acts wouldn't make me jealous normally, because they're the sorts of things someone does as a favor for a friend. But knowing my partner was submissive, that might make me jealous if they "gave" that submission to someone else, even if in a non-sexual way. If that makes sense.

The hypothetical can go the other way, too. If you're submissive and in a sexually monogamous relationship, would it make you jealous if other people performed non-sexual submissive acts with your dom/me?

Lain

Interesting point. I think we all have different areas which make us jealous - I am more jealous of my partners time than I am of him sexually - I don't get to see him as much as I would sometimes like and I know that he only spends time with people who really interest him.
I would be more jealous of him and another woman than I would of a male; and yes I think if I was 24/7 sub or domme I would get a bit jealous of my partner giving that element of a relationship to another person.
I think it comes down to how you differentiate between your partner and others you have relationships with. For me my partner is the one I share silly little things with, the person I turn to when things are tough and vice versa, the person I most want to spend time with; all of these things can be shared or supplemented by friends and family but the big one for this relationship is my partner is the one person I would have genital sex with (there are all kinds of other boundries but that is the real biggie)

On the other hand he is not the only person I would share fantasies with, dress up with, flirt with, cuddle or kiss.

I'll have to give this some more in depth thought before I can give an answer. I think it's a good question though

Jealousy:

Well, the bondaries of my real life D/s relationship were stretched a bit. Things that we had discussed and agreed upon didn't cause me any hard feelings or jealousy.

I only felt jealous when some of the expectations that we had negotiated were violated, and no, it wsan't entirely sexual in nature.

As you can imagine, this lead to that and the relationship was over once trust was destroyed.

When Master and i first discussed bringing another female sub into our relationship, i must admit i was very unsure of the whole idea and very jealous at the thought of sharing him. "What if he likes her better? What if she is prettier, thinner, more submissive, etc..."

Through many long hours of honest communication on both of our parts, we were able to agree on how this new relationship should proceed. By expressing my fears and facing them, i was able to overcome them.

As long as there is honest communication, complete trust, and a clear definition of everyone's boundaries. Jealousy need not be as large a factor as i first perceived it to be.

Bumping...bumping...bumping. http://users.pandora.be/eforum/emoticons4u/crazy/278.gif

Catalina

After being together a few years he has recently let me know that we have been in our relationship long enough to demand I stoo the very thing your asking about.Thankyou for BUMPING this.
I do things for people like the good little1% biker chick is expected to do.Get beers,food,cook,work,yad,yad,yad for 25yrs.I left that lifestyle 3 yrs ago when I met this man who is quite the opposite(wears a shirt and tie every day to work).He brought me in to the BDSM lifestyle from day 1 of our relationship teaching me in Baby Steps.He loves me,and I am no longer a young "CHICK",but a lovley women of 46 and his submissive.I am not to be jumping to wait on others,pick up after them and so on unless it's in our home peroid.He truly cares about me and wants only the best for me,so I do not fight it I do as he says.I love this and every part of this man and our D/s relationship.
My goodness I never written so much publicy.
lillum

Lain said:

The hypothetical can go the other way, too. If you're submissive and in a sexually monogamous relationship, would it make you jealous if other people performed non-sexual submissive acts with your dom/me?

Click to expand...

(the highlighting is mine)

We aren't. Our relationship is open-ended, and play partners are a reality at times. We discuss everything. Boundaries don't get stomped on if there's open and honest communication about what those boundaries ARE, with ALL parties involved. If someone can't hack the boundaries....that's for Sir to handle, and He does it quite well

~anelize

As everyone else has said, this is an interesting question.

I am a bi-sexual married woman. Although I have had sex with several women, my husband is the only man I've ever touched sexually and I'm the only woman he's been with. The situation you are describing fits us nicely, as we are heterosexually monogamous, but doesn't fit at all, because I have had (in the past) multiple homosexual partners.

I had to put some examples to the situation to think it through. My husband always clears the table and brings me something to drink while he washes the dishes. (No, it isn't BEER - usually.) Would it bother me if he did it for someone else? It hasn't when we have had dinner at someone else's house - but that is usually family. He has had business dinners at the houses of some of his superiors, a few of which are women. I'm fairly sure he didn't get them a drink after dinner, but he has told me that they think it odd that he clears his place and begins washing dishes. No complaints, but they think it's odd. This doesn't bother me. I consider it an extension of his "training", I suppose. Honestly, I think I like that other women are at least slightly jealous of his behavior.

I think it is important that I have had advance knowledge of these dinners. If, for example, I found out several months down the line that he had been having dinner with someone on a regular basis and washing their dishes, that might bother me. Partly, it's a time issue. Mostly, though, it would be that he had kept it secret from me. The process fo doing it in secret sort of hints that there is a reason to do so. Perhaps nothing sexual happened, but if she had pushed for it, would he have given in?

My husband knows about the women that I enjoy. He knew beforehand the first time I tried it and I told him as soon as we were together how wonderful it was. He says that he isn't jealous about it in the least. (Of course, he wants to be able to watch, too.) I have questioned him about it at length when I first decided that it was something I wanted to try and then again when I decided it was something I wanted to do on a recurring basis and with more than one partner. He doesn't feel threatened in the least, he says.

Both of us realize that what I do with the few select women I enjoy is very different than what I do with him. Although it is overtly sexual, it does not replace him in the least. If I had to choose, I would choose him and never regret it (at least until J-Lo admits that she likes to be dominated). I really can't explain why it is different or even how. My domination with him comes from a deep well of love for a man I've shared over twenty years with. My domination for my female lovers is more of a deepening of the bonds of friendship.

I'm sure this doesn't sound the way I want, so I'll stop. I hope it contributes to the conversation in some way.


Hugs,


Kat