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How do you know your ready to do a public scene?

S

StormySkies

Experienced
Joined
Oct 23, 2001
Posts
56
Hi A/all.

My question is how do you know your ready to do a public scene? i have been in the lifestyle for over a year now. My Master is great and he is also very understanding. W/we go to the munches here monthly and have been to the private play parties after the munch. But i have never scened in public. i am afraid to. i just dont know if i am ready yet or not. i mean what would happen if we started and i just couldnt do it? i know I would thorughly dissapoint my Master. And he says he is willing to wait and take it day by day. W/we do scence at home. W/we are in a 24/7 relationship and are married as well. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
stormyskies
 
Well, I am new to all this, but I would say that if he is willing to wait, just try to slowly build yourself up for it.

Start with a small fairly quick one when you feel you are comfortable. If you like it, or think you can handle more... just keep building up to a full scene. Since it sounds like he is willing to wait on your comfort level, then I wouldn't push into it until you know you are comfortable.
 
Hello SS, and welcome to the BDSM Forum here at Lit. We're always glad to have new voices among us.

Public scening can be terrifying.
They can also be incredibly powerful.


Do you have fantasies of such public play? Is anything in the exhibition realm in your store of fantasies? If such pubic showing of your private sexuality does not excite you on a basic level, then it does not excite you. We do things for our Dominants, though, i know, that we might not consider on our own - but this is a big one, indeed.

Perhaps you can ease into it gently, slowly.

Perhaps, at your next play party, he can lead you around leashed, or remove pieces of your clothing to a predetermined level. You could assess your headspace and indicate to him if you could continue to go more into public play or if you needed to hold off for that time.

If you jump right into a public flogging or something, man!, that would be terrifying, even though you're with the same people you've been munching with for a year. Munches and play parties are not the same at all, are they?

Ask him to allow you to take it very slowly, in baby steps. That's what i would do with something with which i was i feeling some trepidation.
:cool:
 
It would seem to me that performing in public is no different from speaking in public. If you can't stand the look of all those eyes on you, then you're going to feel awful and not enjoy yourself. (Then again, if your eyes are bound then you won't see them...)

Since performance anxiety/stage fright can affect both the doms and subs then I'd say start small. A smallish party with your closest friends should be first, regardless of what you do. If you plan a public display for your first performance, even the strongest wills can get squeamish. Build up to the grand show.

Oh, and pretending the crowd is in their underwear won't work to calm you down, since the party you're at probably displays this already and the crowd is more than willing to display.

(By the way, I help people with speech presentations, go fig.)
 
Public Play

Some people never play in public. If it just does not seem right for you, then don't sweat it. There is no BDSM Gestapo out there ready to come down on you for not scening in public.

I have taken my toy out to a club and shown in him off. He found it humiliating, erotic and stimulating. He was hard the whole time he was there. It made me resolve to find more opportunities to use him in this manner.

Ebony
 
StormySkies said:
Hi A/all.

My question is how do you know your ready to do a public scene?
Click to expand...

My suggestion is that you start to attend to public places, just to watch first. I'm sure that when you see others having so much fun, you will not resist and will want to have some for yourself and your master as well.:)
 
I think I will only be ready for participation in a public scene when my retirement package is fully deposited into my estate.

Until then, I prefer to keep my job!

I have almost been burned at an invitation only party and could have paid with irrepairable damages. I was very blessed that time. There won't be a next time here in my home state. And considering how often I run into old coworkers when I leave the state, I doubt I ever will play publicly. I guess I'd better work my ass off so that I can be a sexy 75 year old -- the age I expect "retirement" to be upped to by the time I am in my granny years.
 
I have taken my girlfriend (at the time) to a BDSM club with her hands strapped behind her with leather straps.
 
H/hello A/all,

i just wanted to say T/Thanks to A/all who replied. i shared this thread with my Dom when he came home from work the other day. And W/we talked about the posting and the responses. It was very helpful. W/we are still planning on attending the munches and the parties in the future. i just wanted to say a big Thankyou to A/all.

amy:)
 
Late Arrival

It appears you are very well matched and have open and honest communication.

Take your time,...TRUST your Master,...but be sure to HONESTLY talk to him about your feelings,...your desires.Do you WANT to do the public scene for him?

Now,...soon,...later,...maybe,...never,...when a certain group or couple is present?

The whole KEY here is honest,open,truthful, complete communication between you and him.
 
Another good one to revisit perhaps. Has anyone any experiences to share about how they worked through this particular fear? I think for many it is real, but one some might be reluctant to discuss for a variety of reasons.

Catalina:rose:
 
Not to state the obvious, but how about a blindfold? If need be, some ear plugs. Work out a tap code or something so your Master can check on you without hearing him too well. Sometimes if you can tune out what's around you it's much easier. Most of the fear of playing in front of others is the same fear that keeps us from making a speech in front of a crowd. Especially in a case where Master and Slave are already very comfortable with each other. I had a slave once who used to need to not be able to see others, she was concerned about what others may be saying about her. It took a little while, but the blindfold eventually came off.
 
I think the blindfold was mentioned earlier, and as you say can be effective. but to me, I would think there are those out there who would have difficulty just knowing what was to happen with or without visuals. I think it is likely a lot more common than some admit for a variety of reasons.

C:rose:
 
Last edited:
Thanks for getting this thread going again. i'm going through the public play issue now and it helps to read what others have to say. my playpartner is very understanding and hasn't pushed the issue. i tend to be a little shy in public even though i'm comfortable (for the most part) with all the people that attend the parties. i think that i'd like to try it but shy off at the last moment. i'm working my courage up for being "double Dommed" next weekend. Maybe it'll be a good start!!
 
CherryPop22 said:
May i ask what are Munches?
Click to expand...



Munches are meet and greet events hosted by BDSM clubs. They're usually held in a public place (to make new people more comfortable). :)
 
AnelizeDarkEyes said:
Very simply...

I will know I'm ready for a public scene when He tells me I am.

~anelize
Click to expand...

That's certainly valid for submissives...a Master worth his salt wouldn't take one out unless he felt she could handle it, unless he had reasosn to see her not handle it

But let's flip the thread a bit, how does a Top know when s/he is prepared to do it publically?
 
As a bottom all you have to do is wait for a really hot fembottom to ask her master if she can fondle the new girl, and then come over and make eyes at you. You forget all about the audience rather quickly, trust me on this. ;)

When I was bottoming a lot, I actually felt a lot safer playing in public. I felt more in control of parameters and as long as someone I knew was watching I felt better about my ass meeting a new Top's whip than if we were on the Top's turf, in their apartment.

I began topping in public as soon as I felt comfortable enough with the simple techniques I had down, and as soon as I had a plan and someone I wanted to try it out on. You know confidence when you feel it, and if you can't do your scene with a moduicum of confidence, well, I hate to be so blunt but you're not ready for your scene. This isn't to say "never a shadow of a doubt" but you can't be in a panic over what you're doing, clearly.
 
i was told by my Dom today that Sat is going to be the day for me to play at a party. i know the people that will be there but as i tend to be shy the thought terrifies me. i guess what i'm looking for is tips to help . i will do it for my Dom but i'm not sure how i'm going to react. Its something that we've discussed and he feels that i'm ready. He's also enjoying my nerves quite a bit. He has promised me a blindfold (for a bit anyway). i trust him but it still scares me. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!
 
Re: Late Arrival

artful said:
It appears you are very well matched and have open and honest communication.

Take your time,...TRUST your Master,...but be sure to HONESTLY talk to him about your feelings,...your desires.Do you WANT to do the public scene for him?

Now,...soon,...later,...maybe,...never,...when a certain group or couple is present?

The whole KEY here is honest,open,truthful, complete communication between you and him.
Click to expand...

I so miss this man and our backgammon games...
 
lassarina said:
i was told by my Dom today that Sat is going to be the day for me to play at a party. i know the people that will be there but as i tend to be shy the thought terrifies me. i guess what i'm looking for is tips to help . i will do it for my Dom but i'm not sure how i'm going to react. Its something that we've discussed and he feels that i'm ready. He's also enjoying my nerves quite a bit. He has promised me a blindfold (for a bit anyway). i trust him but it still scares me. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!
Click to expand...

I guess it depends partly on what is included in the play, though a general rule of thumb seems to be place your trust in your Dominant, draw your strength from them if and when needed, and remember this is about pleasing them and making them proud of you, not you personally. Hope you sail through and enjoy it fully. :)

Catalina :rose:
 
catalina_francisco said:
I guess it depends partly on what is included in the play, though a general rule of thumb seems to be place your trust in your Dominant, draw your strength from them if and when needed, and remember this is about pleasing them and making them proud of you, not you personally. Hope you sail through and enjoy it fully. :)

Catalina :rose:
Click to expand...


Thanks for the words of encouragment. i know this is something that we've discussed throughly and he feels that i'm ready. i am terrified of doing something to make him ashamed of me or not pleasing him. He's always testing limits and taking me to new levels. i am resolved to do this but still nervous (as if you couldn't tell lol).
 
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