Subs with ADHD: Question for Dom/mes, Tops, Mistresses, Master and all other PYL's..

snowy ciara

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Okay, so here's my question..

I'm hyperactive. I've never had the behavioral issues that most children with ADHD do, but that's because my kindergarten teacher had a sibling with this problem and recognised the symptoms in less than a week. She notified my parents, who got me help right away. The good news is, because of early intervention, I never had the self esteem issues and depression that most kids get. I had some minor self esteem issues, but none really related to the disorder. They were also able to teach me to deal with this WITHOUT DRUGS. Everytime I see one of my Ritalin or Prozac addled school chums I thank God for the my parents. (Yes, I admit that these medications can be helpful; especially in extreme cases. BUT the usual response with a sick kid is to throw a pill at it. I've always felt that should be a last resort.)

But anyway. Usually, ADHD symptoms disappear after adolescence. No one knows if the disorder actually disappears or if the coping mechanisms one learns takes over. In my case, it's the latter. Sometimes I have to stop and take a deep breath and think. Physically calm myself down. Sometimes I have to go to the gym and get rid of all that energy in a physical way. (or maybe I need to just find a lover). I've now got control mechanisms built into my brain now to help me. They're just not automatic yet.

Dom/mes, Tops, PYL's, whomever.. If a sub comes to you and says "I'd love to work with you, serve you, be with you, but I'm ADHD and sometimes have issues with the simplest of things." What would you do?

Would you write them off? Or would you design a system/plan/training program with this in mind? How would you handle an ADHD sub?

Just in case you folks need a little more info, this site gives a pretty good run down of the basics.

Adults with ADHD
 
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I have developed ADHD symtoms since being an adult.

Im not joking. As a kid I was very placid, but now, crikey Im hypo.
 
That happens sometimes, and it's becoming more and more common. Again, I hope you're looking at alternative therapies if possible before throwing the latest drug of the week at it.
 
If we feel that someone is worth it, we will work with them in whatever way we need to, be it ADHD, or any other behavioral, mental, emotional, or physical issue that they may have.
 
A Master is above all one you utterly trust and their concern for your well being is one of their main responsibilities as such. It is part of the contract between Dom and sub. I was diagnosed with hyperactivity as a child , this was pre-ADHD. Alot of it comes from children not being properly raised due to lifes circumstances and taught early how to deal with life. This is not a dis to parents. We all know how hard it is to juggle all of the responsibilities in today's world. There are tons of other reasons but learning how to cope with your problems without drugs is always the best way. As a Master, I would understand all of my slaves health and mental conditions and as her Master should be the one to both help her with it and design a means to both let her live a good life and control her condition if any.
 
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Re: Subs with ADHD: Question for Dom/mes, Tops, Mistresses, Master and all other PYL's..

snowy ciara said:
If a sub comes to you and says "I'd love to work with you, serve you, be with you, but I'm ADHD and sometimes have issues with the simplest of things." What would you do?

The joy I find with playing with a willing submissive is that she is a real person. She's not some robot programmed to serve, but a real flesh and blood woman who WANTS to please.

Now, in my experience, all flesh and blood people come with issues. It's part of being human, all part of the experience. Sometimes it is those very issues that drive them to serve a dominant.

So in the case of ADHD, it wouldn't be off-putting. It would be something to be considered and worked with, sure.

I think the only things that would be off-putting for me is if I didn't find the person attractive (hence I don't play with males), or if she claimed to be submissive, but in fact it was just a pretence.
 
QUOTE]Originally posted by ToyDoc
Alot of it comes from children not being properly raised due to lifes circumstances and taught early how to deal with life. This is not a dis to parents. [/QUOTE]

Thanks for your input. I had a minor quibble. Re the snippage above.

In some cases, you are correct. A cause of hyperactivity is insuffiecient social conditioning.

However, the majority of ADHD is organic in origin. Form the add-adhd help center

From the Q and A page:

Q: What are Causes of ADD ADHD and Attention Deficit Disorder?

A: While doctors disagree on the root causes of ADD ADHD, the causes of ADD ADHD are found in the functioning of the brain. Attention Deficit Disorder ADD ADHD is a limiting metabolic dysfunction of the brain. When neural building materials are lacking, neurological demands cannot be fulfilled easily. This interferes with the efficient processing of information.

Demands for new learning, memory, and the management of information cannot be satisfied, which overworks and stresses the brain.


This site also had interesting info:
the mental health channel One of their postulations is that insufficient amounts of the brain chemical dopamine may affect ADD/ADHD kids. This can be caused by brain trauma, fetal alcahol/drug syndrome, pediatric lead poisoning, and premature birth.


and finally, from the mayo clinic website Although the exact cause of ADHD isn't well understood, researchers have identified several factors that may play a role in the disorder:

* Altered brain function. The parts of the brain that regulate attention, planning and motor control seem to be less active in children with ADHD. In addition, adults and children with ADHD appear to have low levels of dopamine — a brain chemical with a number of important functions. Among other things, dopamine sends messages to the part of the brain that controls movement, helps regulate attention and affects motivation. Some adults with ADHD have very low levels of the enzyme that produces dopamine (dopa decarboxylase). Other people with ADHD seem to have too many dopamine transporters, which remove dopamine after it is produced.
* Heredity. ADHD tends to run in families. Most children with ADHD have at least one relative with the disorder, and approximately one-third of men with a history of ADHD have children who also have ADHD. Furthermore, when one identical twin has ADHD, the other twin almost always has the disorder as well.
* Maternal smoking, drug use and exposure to toxins. Pregnant women who smoke are at increased risk of having children with ADHD. And alcohol or drug abuse during pregnancy may reduce activity of the nerve cells (neurons) that produce dopamine. In addition, pregnant women who are exposed to environmental poisons such as dioxins and PCBs are more likely to have children with ADHD.

My doctor has also noticed that the majority of her patients with ADD/ADHD were born to mothers over the age of 40.

So, using myself for an example, we see three of the above risk factors. I have several relatives with close blood ties (an uncle on my fathers side,diagnosed as an adult, and two of his kids), and I was a month premature, and my mother was in her early 40's when I was born. In my case, we're looking a organic causes. My Dr. also attributes a great deal of my success in handling this to parental involvment.
 
I would learn all that I could about the ADD and then work with her on it. Custom tailor a training regimen to her. Maybe develop some other ways to get around it, maybe not.

Either way, it wouldn't hinder me or her too much.
 
Honestly learning disabilities can be very hard,most people think people with them are retards...I have a ld very close to ADD, my Dom used to have ADD...he is helping my part of my mind that gets distracted easily to get stronger...so my learning disabilities become easier to deal with...anyone can get over their faults if they truly want to. You know?
 
My previous post on this subject was hurried and I am sure i missed a few points I would like to add. I was diagnosed as a child of having a learning disability . That I would always be hard to teach and a poor student. At that time they do not much but hold back a grade and hope you caught on. If you acted up they usually spanked your ass and made you sit in time out. Accidently i ws involved in a school project and my IQ was evaluated and it seems I did not have a learning disability at all, I was merely bored. Moved me up two grades and I did fine. I just needed a challenge. But that was me and does not applly to all. I agree that diet is a large part of it. I can tell when I get off of my normal eating routine and it effects me physically and mentally. I have spent years with children and teens working with them thru sports and my dojo. Exercise and proper diet has turned many of them around. But everyone is different and it takes a lot of honest hard work to find out what helps anyone.
 
No problem, Pyro.. I didn't mean to sound harsh. But a lot of us hear stuff to the effect of:

"It's all the parent's fault"
"You're lazy."
"You're stupid"
"You have a sub level IQ"
"If you'd only apply yourself.."

As you pointed out, that wasn't true in your case and it wasn't in mine either. With proper guidance and assistance, these things can be over come. From what you said in your second post, you went through some of the same things I did. Learning to compensate by discipline, and diet helps. I don't mean just physical discipline. I mean mental and emotional discipline.

Basically, for whatever reason, my brain doesn't function like most peoples. I've seen the bloodwork show my chemistry is off, and I've seen the CT scans and MRI scans that show that parts of my brain are more active than usual.

I've learned to compensate. I live by my planner and my journal and my schedules and my routines. This doesn't mean that I can't be flexible, I can. But it's a little harder for me to do so.

This whole thread idea came up when I answered a PM from another site. Again, I'm not actively searching for a Dom/me. But she PM'd me and we talked and she seemed nice. I told her from the get go that I'm not looking for a Dom/me, just sort of learning about who, or what I am. She said she was fine with this. So we'd been having a nice little conversation, exchange of ideas going on. It came up after about a week or so that I'm ADHD. Long story short, she dropped me like a hot rock.

I queried her, asking what was up. She basically said that she had been interested in me, even though I had indicated I was not ready for a Dom/me yet. (apparently, my desire to not jump neck first into a collar was totally irrelevant to her.) But then she decided that working with "a person with that problem" is too "labor intensive" and that "she does not wish to participate in a relationship with someone who cannot concentrate solely on me."

After I finished being pissed off at her high handed manner, and the fact that she obviously was not reading what I was emailing to her, I began to wonder. How many people would find this to be a deal breaker?
 
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snowy ciara said:
This whole thread idea came up when I answered a PM from another site. Again, I'm not actively searching for a Dom/me. But she PM'd me and we talked and she seemed nice. I told her from the get go that I'm not looking for a Dom/me, just sort of learning about who, or what I am. She said she was fine with this. So we'd been having a nice little conversation, exchange of ideas going on. It came up after about a week or so that I'm ADHD. Long story short, she dropped me like a hot rock.

I queried her, asking what was up. She basically said that she had been interested in me, even though I had indicated I was not ready for a Dom/me yet. (apparently, my desire to not jump neck first into a collar was totally irrelevant to her.) But then she decided that working with "a person with that problem" is too "labor intensive" and that "she does not wish to participate in a relationship with someone who cannot concentrate solely on me."

After I finished being pissed off at her high handed manner, and the fact that she obviously was not reading what I was emailing to her, I began to wonder. How many people would find this to be a deal breaker?

Some people just suck and don't deserve the title of dom/me that they claim. A good dominant will see the person, not the disorder or handicap or diability ...
 
I am afraid you were talking to a idiot, not a Dom/me. The first, most important and the one greatest thing so few seem to understand is this. A Dom/me among all things must care for, want to learn all about, and invest much time and effort in the proper care, teaching, and life of their sub. A dom/me after all is the caretaker and holder of if not all of, a very large part of the life of their sub. When a Dom/me accepts the submission of a person they enter into a agreement and commitment. Any Dom/me that wants you to "jump" into a collar right off the bat without knowing you, is just playing a game, not living a life. Trust me, the rapture you experience will only get better the longer you are with and know your Dom/me or sub.
 
Hmmm... the old "it doesn't matter what they say, I'll assume they really want to do what I say" thing.

See someone's blurty thread in the cafe for the same issue.

I think it's sad you met someone that shallow, but... to be expected. There are a lot of them out there!

*hugs*
 
soapstar said:
I have developed ADHD symtoms since being an adult.

Im not joking. As a kid I was very placid, but now, crikey Im hypo.

This is an indication of a thyroid problem
 
snowy
thank you for giving me the heads up on this thread

as I shared with BC
I do not know anything
and everyday life reaffirms that

1) I have read and found some relfief from ADD/ADHD from the
use of a product i sell called Focus Attention combined with using
Esstential Fatty acids

2) ever submissive bring to the table areas where they are "high maintence" ..... some times that area(s) of maintence are more than the Dom is prepared for

3) BDSM and D/s are two sperate tings that do combin for some
and the degree that one is willing to identify with and combin them determine the fit of the people involved

I know I had a 4th point
but alas ..... my brain is down to to few
brain cells
 
NP Richard..

I'd lend you some brain cells, but sadly, I think I need to hang on the synapses I have that are firing properly!

It was just a question that was sort of bugging me. And it makes me wonder if I want to reveal this thing to any potential Dom/mes in the future.

I know, you can't build a relationship on half truths, and lies of omission, and I'm pretty sure I'd tell the person. I'm pretty honest, and can't lie worth beans anyway! And besides, I just told all of cyberspace! :p But still, rejection hurts, even if you weren't seriously looking for companionship.
 
Rejection does hurt, agreed. Even from those who you weren't even contemplating a relationship with. We all love to be loved.

Part of life though -- learning to deal with rejection in its many forms. Because it does happen.
 
snowy ciara said:
But still, rejection hurts, even if you weren't seriously looking for companionship.

yes it does
and more so from those you would like to have a relationship with
and even more so from those you are in a relationship with

(or think you are)
 
This is my 1/2 asleep ramblings as I try to flip over to being totally nocturnal for my job after being awake all day ... and spending time with ghosst's family this afternoon ... so if I repeat myself or others, or if I quit making sense, please forgive me and let me know when I'm awake so I can edit :p

A red flag should have gone up when she was trying to pursue you even though you were not interested in anything but friendship - someone like that is not worth your time or trouble. A good Dominant will respect that you are not ready, and will realize that for that reason alone a relationship with you would not work and will not work until you are ready.

The fact that she dropped you after finding out that you have ADHD is another red flag - she is not a Dominant that is worth the title.

Anyone who is seriously looking for a long-term thing will be willing and able to work around whatever may be needed - in a vanilla relationship or otherwise. This is something that a lot of people don't seem to grasp - everyone has issues of one kind or another, and if you want a relationship that will last, you must work with those issues. A relationship is not easy, and anyone expecting one to be is a fool.

I'm very very sorry that this happened to you, but you are definately better without this person even as a friend. I hope that the rejection doesn't get to you too much *hugs of support*

Miss Karen
 
Thanks Miss K, Richard, Fungi.. Maybe it's just youth and inexperience talking, but I couldn't see the forest for the trees on this one. Luckily, there are several PYL's who've been exceedingly patient with me and my endless questions, so now I can kinda see what went wrong here.

You ladies and gents rock..
 
Glad to have been of some service ... that's what we're here for - to get support when we need it, and give it when we can ...
 
Richard49 said:
I can ot speak for the rest
but
I have stones pitched at me often

*falls out of chair laughing* No stones here ... I get boulders ...
 
Richard49 said:
I can ot speak for the rest
but
I have stones pitched at me often

laughing at all three of you that's not quite what I meant, folks..

:rose: :rose: :rose: 's for you all
 
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