Submitting vs Playing

Lately, I've been reading some posts where the terms submitting and playing sort of seem to be interchangeable in terms of activity involving more than one Dominant/partner. I'm curious about opinions here.

I see a distinct difference between submitting and playing. I am a natural submissive. My submission is an integral part of who I am. However, I reserve my submission for only one. If He directed me to play with others, I would comply. However, to my way of thinking, even while playing with that other Dom/me, I would still be submitting only to my Master.

So, let me ask you. Is there a difference between submitting and playing? Do please feel free to post your opinions.

Oh yes, there is a difference.

I have not submitted to anyone, but I play. There is a big difference.

Submission is something that I have refused to do on shaky ground. He knows this. I have not kept it a secret.

I have not been collared, I have not been branded, etc.

I wont be until I am sure that it is right. I will and have played alot though.

Thanks for the response, LTR. Its good to see you here again. I've missed you.

Desdemona said:

Thanks for the response, LTR. Its good to see you here again. I've missed you.

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I've missed you too doll. I hope that all is well in your world.

lovetoread said:

I've missed you too doll. I hope that all is well in your world.

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Things are great. Thanks. I'm counting the days until I'm with Snooze again. Friday won't get here soon enough.

Desdemona said:

Lately, I've been reading some posts where the terms submitting and playing sort of seem to be interchangeable in terms of activity involving more than one Dominant/partner. I'm curious about opinions here.

I see a distinct difference between submitting and playing. I am a natural submissive. My submission is an integral part of who I am. However, I reserve my submission for only one. If He directed me to play with others, I would comply. However, to my way of thinking, even while playing with that other Dom/me, I would still be submitting only to my Master.

So, let me ask you. Is there a difference between submitting and playing? Do please feel free to post your opinions.

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I agree with you, the two are different. I have submitted to my Master/husband exclusively. For me submission is something I can only experience in the true and deepest sense one on one.

Master does share me though as part of my submission to him. These experiences are only an extension of his dominance and control over me with both myself and any other participants becoming instruments for him to use, in the way he wishes it to be. Some (vanilla mostly) mistake this opportunity one for them to be my Master, even if only for that period, but it is something I always correct and clarify being there can only ever be one Master, and he is the one who offers them the chance to use me on his terms and under his safeguard. As yet he has not shared me with another Dom/me, but has made it clear the same will apply in that he is the only one who will ever hold my submission and have the right to exercise all it offers without restraint.

This is another reason why he is always present as he feels it partly a safety issue as well as his desire to see my submission in this way. The element which interests us both in this form of play is the control it gives him over me. As he so aptly points out, if I was more than willing and comfortable with being shared, it would lose most of it's purpose for him. He also feels if I am eager and willing from my own needs or wants, it is not submission but instead fulfilling my own needs/wants regardless of him.

Though it is new for us it has been an interesting experience as well as enlightening for me. I am sure it will become more so over time as the scenarios change and expand to present me with a never ending number of personal and submissive challenges.

Catalina

Yes, i think there is a HUGE difference between the two. For me, play is just that, and something that does not involve me submitting anything more than my body.

my submission does come naturally as Des also said, but what i give to Master in that submission is special and sacred to me. Submitting is more than just giving of my body, or the physical acts themselves, it is giving all of myself, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

If the time were to come that Master would want or desire me to 'play' with someone else, it would still just be that.. 'play,' my submission, and my devotion goes only to Him.

There is definately a difference! I only submit to D. THere are other Dom/mes that we know that I will address as Sir or Ma'am, but ONLY because they are friends of ours and I have D's permission. (There are several here whom I would call Sir or Ma'am, but D doesn't know any of you well enough to say it's ok.)

I have never played with another person, though there are those who have asked D about it. Some day when I am ready and I don't have to work, he'll set it up. Again, this is for his pleasure (the fact that I like most of them is irrelevent; if he says I'm going to scene with Mr. Scary, or with Grim and Evil, I will. But only if he is present cause that's a hard limit with me.) So I submit only to D, but I may end up playing with someone else.

Also, I know a really sweet cute submissive who is not collared who plays all the time. She is recently moved to this country and is going to school to study psychiatry, so she has decided not to get into a relationship, Ds or otherwise, until she has finished the med school part of her training. A Ds relationship is what she's looking for, but at this time she submits to no one. So she plays, and she may do a scene where she is submitting to someone, but she sees it as roleplay, not sincere submission.

Desdemona said:

Lately, I've been reading some posts where the terms submitting and playing sort of seem to be interchangeable in terms of activity involving more than one Dominant/partner. I'm curious about opinions here.

I see a distinct difference between submitting and playing. I am a natural submissive. My submission is an integral part of who I am. However, I reserve my submission for only one. If He directed me to play with others, I would comply. However, to my way of thinking, even while playing with that other Dom/me, I would still be submitting only to my Master.

So, let me ask you. Is there a difference between submitting and playing? Do please feel free to post your opinions.

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i use the term "play" most of the time b/c i do not care for the word "scene" very much. i will often use the word play in place of scene. That does not mean though that i am only "playing" a role or "playing" at submission. i am His and i take our relationship very seriously. It does not change outside of the bedroom. Someone i am close to knows of my relationship with Him, and has started in group situations "ordering" me to get him a drink, etc., apparently thinking that b/c i am submissive to Master, therefore, i must be submissive to anyone. my submission belongs to Him. He may direct me to use it how He sees fit because He owns it. So in serving another by His order, to me, is in essence, serving Him. Hoping i made some sense...

I voted that Yes, there is a definately a difference between play and submission.

I have never actually, truly submitted to any Man, online or in real life. I have played the role of a submissive many times in role play, and this is what I believe I desire, but have never actually given myself over in complete submission. I agree with Princess that "it is giving all of myself, physically, emotionally and spiritually." I have not found the person I am willing to do that with yet, but until I do...I shall continue to play...

and as for the discussions I have seen in other threads about being able to submit to more than one Dom/me...i dont really see that as possible, only because I consider it such a complete giving of myself to a person. I can play with many, but submit to only One.

Yes, there is a difference in my mind. With Mistress my submission is a foundation and an integral expression of our relationship - a constant, as is Her dominance - playing or not.

When I use the word playing, I generally mean specific scening. Although scening, or having sex, etc. with others is not a part of our relationship as She doesn't feel compelled to share me. The extent She shares me includes small acts of non-sexual service, like getting someone a drink, etc. or perhaps public scening, but between us alone.

ABC's, Snack Time and Story Time

Big difference. It seems to me that the term "play" is a substitution for constantly saying "sceneing." i find it a great way to express sceneing simply because play means getting to do something you've wanted to do badly and with abandon. Play is a privilege, a reward, a way to slip out to the demanding rigors of life and just let go.

Remember kindegarten? How great it felt to be let out for recess after laboring over getting those letters just right in your notebook? That's what sceneing is for lots of people i guess. Recess and with adult perks.

Bring on the dodge ball cuz i ain't movin' Well, only to turn and present a target

yes, there is a difference between submitting and playing. but for some, the two naturally go hand in hand. like Desdemona, i am a natural submissive, it's simply who i am, how i was born. however unlike Desdemona, i am not able to control who i submit to and who i don't...it's nothing i choose to do, it's just what i do, just as i breathe...i submit. whether i wish to or not, whether the person means something to me or not. it's just my nature and i've always been that way. so, if i'm playing with someone, sexually or non-sexually, i will be submitting to them, because that comes with the package. my Master shares me with other men sexually and domestically, but by serving them i am submitting to my Master AND to those other men. i submit to all.

Thank you all for your comments. Like many of you, I use the word *play* interchangeably with the word *scene*.

Its always interesting to see how different people interpret a concept.

Wow!

I dont' know if I can really answer this question.

I do believe I can play without submitting, but never have done so. After all, a big draw to the scene is the effect of submission....subspace.

Then, I will offer that there seem to be varying degrees of submission. I may submit to a play partner, but there may be conditions or limits to how far. Frankly, it may not be a service oriented relationship. And in doing so, it is likely that we are good friends. The relationship remains built upon affection, trust, respect and communication. It may simply be tht we are only intended to be friends, but submission can occur.

so as I talk in circles, I guess I don't play. So maybe I should just quit gabbing!!!! giggles

I have a head cold brewing and am not sure I am making sense, but it is tough question, no?

MissT, it is a hard question.

I think you're probably right, there are differing degrees, levels or types of submission. My own personal experience of submitting has certainly evolved and deepened with time, experience, and guidance. I also think, perhaps, that submission may be defined differently within each relationship.

I should have read before voting; I said that I use the terms interchangeably because I do. It was a semantic question for me. However, I take my playtime very, very seriously. *grin*

Quint, you just put a big smile on my face.


I've been known to take my play time pretty seriously also.

What I'm seeing:

There's submission at different levels, and in different forms, to different degrees depending on the level of intimacy between the parties. Depending on trust level and history and reason-for-trust.

When someone casually serves me and does as I say, because I say it, that falls within the dictionary definition of submission, I think. Perhaps it's best described as "service."

I think there are submissive people without one iota of the *service* instinct, those are almost two different things.

I don't see M's willingness to do as I say "real submission" because he's my fiance and with me at home and G's one shot night as my boi as "play submission"....it's still submitting in my mind, for the duration. It was still a viable and intense experience of submission, mindfuck, and willingness to abandon oneself.

What M is to me, that G is/was not is my partner. The intimacy frames the submission, it doesn't verify or falsify it.

Originally posted by Netzach SNIP
The intimacy frames the submission, it doesn't verify or falsify it.

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Netzach, thats a wonderfully concise way of summing up what I've seen here as well. Thank you.

A bit of a different spin

So, if you have attended a play party, who do you submit to?

Is it submission or recreational sex?

And, as I believe there is submission involved, wouldn't calling them "play" parties be a bit of what causes some of the confusion with regard to how we refer to our activities?

I will post my own responses later.

Hope you feel better soon Miss T....seem we are both feeling less than well. I agree with the concept submission comes in levels though in answering this thread previously I addressed it as the deepest form of submission where you give all of yourself. I still basically feel this is the only way I can think of submission as such as I cannot think of it as something you can give on a temporary basis and then take it back. To me that is play/pretense for a purpose, usually to please the one who truly has my submission. I am also aware this is just our view as we have committed on a lifetime level no matter what happens. It is what I always wanted as I knew when I submitted to a Master I wanted it to be true in every sense within my understanding of being a slave. This meant once I submitted I submitted fully and forever and even if things went bad, I cannot decide to pack my bags and leave. He owns me and that is not something that can be subject to whim on the day. So I still feel that though I may play with others at his command, I only submit to Master.

Catalina

I see a difference. I can "submit" in play, but I can't do it seriously. My lover sees the smirk on my face, and knows I'm only going along with it because I want to, and there's no actual thrill in the act of submission for me.

So playing, as in role-playing... well, yeah I can do that. But sumbitting? Nope.

Re: A bit of a different spin

Originally posted by MissTaken
So, if you have attended a play party, who do you submit to?

Is it submission or recreational sex?

And, as I believe there is submission involved, wouldn't calling them "play" parties be a bit of what causes some of the confusion with regard to how we refer to our activities?

I will post my own responses later.

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Ah.... the heart of the matter.

Within the context of my relationship with Snooze, I only submit to Him. If directed to play with others at a party, my participation is merely recreation with the others, but it is an act of submission to Snooze.

Now, I'm interested to hear other responses.

Catalina, our views are pretty similar.


FungiUg, I don't know what you look like, but having read your posts on this board, I can well imagine a smirk on your face as you role-play submission for fun. I'm sure your lover gets a kick out of seeing that smirk.

Hello Des. As one sub to another, you already know my answer to this and why I feel as I do.

Was great to talk to you yesterday. Have a great weekend.