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Old 02-11-2014, 09:45 PM   #1
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Article on cuckold fantasies

Found this via Jezebel.com. Since LW and cuckoldry are frequent topics, I thought it might be of interest.

http://playboysfw.kinja.com/cuckolde...myspiritguide1
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Old 02-11-2014, 10:34 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by PennLady View Post
Found this via Jezebel.com. Since LW and cuckoldry are frequent topics, I thought it might be of interest.
Well, once again, I don't think it should be called cuckholding if the husband wants this for his wife. But if that's what it's gonna be called, that's what it's gonna be called I find myself in agreement with the idea that what's behind the popularity of such stories is reaffirming the wife's super hotness. Other men not only lust after her, but, given the chance, go crazy.

It's similar, I think, to the idea of a guy arriving with a sexy woman on his arm (trophy wife/girlfriend). He rises in the esteem of other men because this is his wife. The other guy gets to have that sex—and acknowledge that this man is married to the sexiest woman alive. He will remember that sex and live in envy of the husband.

When I wrote my "cuckhold" story, my view was that the husband was proud when other men lusted after his wife. It was a compliment to him. In addition, I think these men just get off seeing their wife's lost in pleasure, and as they can't watch themselves giving her pleasure, they put in a fantasy man so they can watch. I do find it interesting that most men want the other man to have a larger penis.
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Old 02-11-2014, 10:38 PM   #3
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When neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam...

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Orgy Orgasm and Say Goddamn! What?
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Old 02-11-2014, 10:40 PM   #4
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Well, once again, I don't think it should be called cuckholding if the husband wants this for his wife. But if that's what it's gonna be called, that's what it's gonna be called I find myself in agreement with the idea that what's behind the popularity of such stories is reaffirming the wife's super hotness. Other men not only lust after her, but, given the chance, go crazy.

It's similar, I think, to the idea of a guy arriving with a sexy woman on his arm (trophy wife/girlfriend). He rises in the esteem of other men because this is his wife. The other guy gets to have that sex—and acknowledge that this man is married to the sexiest woman alive. He will remember that sex and live in envy of the husband.

When I wrote my "cuckhold" story, my view was that the husband was proud when other men lusted after his wife. It was a compliment to him. In addition, I think these men just get off seeing their wife's lost in pleasure, and as they can't watch themselves giving her pleasure, they put in a fantasy man so they can watch. I do find it interesting that most men want the other man to have a larger penis.
Actually in all my cuckold stories that's how I try to portray the husband without saying it outright. He's damn proud of what he's got and he is will to share her with a select few men. He may pick them or she might pick them. But he's just showing off his hot wife to everyone.
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Old 02-11-2014, 10:50 PM   #5
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Two of the more rational comments on the article:

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Umm... you realize that the people watching cuckold porn don't necessarily identify with the cuckolded husband, right? I'd bet that most of them don't. Porn watchers could identify with the other dude, or they could just find it interesting to watch another man getting cuckolded, without actually identifying with any of the characters in the scene. Claiming that the interest in cuckold porn is evidence of men "fantasizing about their wives cheating on them" is a REAL far reach unsubstantiatedy by anything.
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I think that a lot of this might come from men experiencing so much porn throughout their lives that they're very attracted and comfortable with the idea of being at the exterior of sex. They like the idea of being able to consume sex with their wives in the same way that they've long consumed porn: on the outside, looking in, controlling the experience of when/who/how long.

Men don't just want their wives to cuckold them, after all; they want their wives to cuckold them while they watch, a type of voyeurism that they're far more comfortable with after years of beating off to other people having sex. Seeing their wife as a pornstar—big dick, over-the-top >female pleasure and all—is all part of the appeal.
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Unmentioned was one interpretation of the willing cuckold, which was that a bisexual or closeted homosexual husband might enjoy imagining, watching, and/or hearing about his wife having sex with other men. In effect, he would using his wife as a proxy or 'cat's paw".
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Old 02-11-2014, 11:48 PM   #6
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Two of the more rational comments on the article:
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Seeing their wife as a pornstar—big dick, over-the-top >female pleasure and all—is all part of the appeal.
------——
That is a very good point—that the men are effectively fantasizing that their wife is the star of a porn movie. And so she, of course, makes love to the porn-star man. Makes a lot of sense. Thanks for posting that comment.
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Old 02-12-2014, 12:42 AM   #7
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Perhaps the biggest facilitator of change in sexual norms towards narcissistic pleasure, particularly voyeurism, has been the internet. The internet has exposed more people to explicit depictions of human sexuality than any other medium--more than porn magazines, videos, and strip clubs. However, this move towards voyeurism is not entirely unprecedented. With the greater proliferation of television and cable in the 20th century, more and more people have become voyeurs in the real and fictional lives of entertainers and celebrities. Today, more people can tell you who Kim Kardashian than who Janet Yellen is, despite the fact that the latter is perhaps the most powerful woman in the world of banking and finance. It seems fairly reasonable that people might imagine themselves or their spouses as porn stars, or prefer voyeurism to actual sex.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/201...ped-having-sex
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/0...n_1242014.html
http://digitaljournal.com/article/360704

A few interesting quotes:

----------
Apparently the word Mendokusai is used frequently by both men and women. It means means "Too troublesome" or "I can't be bothered."
It seems from Haworth's interviews with Aoyama reveal that the sexes don't feel they need each other on a permanent basis for sex and prefer instant sexual gratification with no commitments which are often supported by "online porn, virtual-reality "girlfriends", anime cartoons."
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BBC News spoke to one such "herbivore" man (see video above). The man, Yusaki Yakahashi said: "Building a relationship seems like too much effort. To get her to like me and for me to like her... I'd have to give up everything I do at the weekend for her. I don't want to do that."

Another theory that seeks to explain Japan's shrinking population is that Japanese youth spend too much time engaged with technology, living in virtual worlds or settling for virtual girlfriends rather than real ones.
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Aoyama says the sexes, especially in Japan's giant cities, are "spiralling away from each other". Lacking long-term shared goals, many are turning to what she terms "Pot Noodle love" – easy or instant gratification, in the form of casual sex, short-term trysts and the usual technological suspects: online porn, virtual-reality "girlfriends", anime cartoons. Or else they're opting out altogether and replacing love and sex with other urban pastimes.
----------

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Aoyama cites one man in his early 30s, a virgin, who can't get sexually aroused unless he watches female robots on a game similar to Power Rangers.
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(O.o) WTF?

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Emi Kuwahata, 23, and her friend, Eri Asada, 22, meet me in the shopping district of Shibuya. The café they choose is beneath an art gallery near the train station, wedged in an alley between pachinko pinball parlours and adult video shops. Kuwahata, a fashion graduate, is in a casual relationship with a man 13 years her senior. "We meet once a week to go clubbing," she says. "I don't have time for a regular boyfriend. I'm trying to become a fashion designer." Asada, who studied economics, has no interest in love. "I gave up dating three years ago. I don't miss boyfriends or sex. I don't even like holding hands."
----------

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Old 02-12-2014, 12:29 PM   #8
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i truly do not understand that cuckold desire that, according to Lit, most men seem to have.

Don't get it. Sure, I understand wanting to show off the wife. I AM proud of her. But it goes as far as "I have her and you don't. She chose me." It's a terribly immature stance I know, and it treats my wife like an object, and she's not, but there IS an element of that in me, as there is any man, and any man who tells you there isn't is deluded or a liar.

But I will not countenance her wandering off and being some other guys sex toy. We've shared and done the swinging thing, but it was _always_ about balance. I got some, she got some, and we did it together.

It was never "I'm off on a date tonight honey, don't wait up."

That's just disrespect. When you marry someone, you vow that they are the only one for you. The moment you decide to go on a date with someone else, they aren't. It's fairly binary in that situation. It's not a "but I still love you" or a "Don't worry, emotions won't come into it" moment, as a lot people want to portray (mainly, I think, to give themselves justifications for indulging in their desires). It's a blatant, "I want to fuck him right now" moment, which is precisely what you stood up in front of the world and said you would NOT do.

Now I understand that emotions can come into play, a desire to try something new etc etc. But the whole point of being rational is that we do NOT have to pander to those emotions. Of course they are there, but the ability to act or not act on those emotions is what separates us from primates.

Now even with 'permission', my point is that a decent relationship is based on trust and faith and love. The moment you announce "I want to fuck someone else" or "I want you to fuck someone else", trust, and particularly faith, takes a hit. Of course it does. And for some, that's the allure - the humiliation of allowing someone else access to your woman. I truly don't 'get' that emotion at all, but I do at least understand it exists.

It's just something I don't get. The thrill of your wife out on a date with someone else? What the hell is the thrill in that? It just gets me angry, annoyed and wonder what the hell happened to that man to not only allow it, but get off with it, and it makes me wonder what the woman actually does think of her husband to do it. Because a woman deeply in love with her husband just wouldn't.

I can understand swinging, I can understand an open marriage (wouldn't work for me personally, but I at least understand the fact that there's balance), but a cuckold relationship is entirely one sided and just...well, weird.
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Old 02-12-2014, 12:41 PM   #9
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Very interesting article. I also liked that she said that there are a 'lot' of interest in Bondage, forced sex, cross-dressing and exhibitionism. Also popular subjects in Lit.

It's odd how the meanings of words change, with cuckolding having changed from the man not knowing his wife is cheating to knowing and approving of it, if not downright being the instigator. What is the term now for when hubby doesn't know? Cheating wife?
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Old 02-12-2014, 01:25 PM   #10
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Very interesting article. I also liked that she said that there are a 'lot' of interest in Bondage, forced sex, cross-dressing and exhibitionism. Also popular subjects in Lit.

It's odd how the meanings of words change, with cuckolding having changed from the man not knowing his wife is cheating to knowing and approving of it, if not downright being the instigator. What is the term now for when hubby doesn't know? Cheating wife?
Sit tight and the meaning will change several times.
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Old 02-12-2014, 06:59 PM   #11
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Well, once again, I don't think it should be called cuckholding if the husband wants this for his wife. But if that's what it's gonna be called, that's what it's gonna be called I find myself in agreement with the idea that what's behind the popularity of such stories is reaffirming the wife's super hotness. Other men not only lust after her, but, given the chance, go crazy.

It's similar, I think, to the idea of a guy arriving with a sexy woman on his arm (trophy wife/girlfriend). He rises in the esteem of other men because this is his wife. The other guy gets to have that sex—and acknowledge that this man is married to the sexiest woman alive. He will remember that sex and live in envy of the husband.

When I wrote my "cuckhold" story, my view was that the husband was proud when other men lusted after his wife. It was a compliment to him. In addition, I think these men just get off seeing their wife's lost in pleasure, and as they can't watch themselves giving her pleasure, they put in a fantasy man so they can watch. I do find it interesting that most men want the other man to have a larger penis.
The attitude you describe is that of the typical swinger.

I still feel a cuck is completely different.

A swinger will share his wife or sit and watch her enjoyed.

Cucking is when it gets into the humiliation (and some husbands do enjoy that) of the situation.

My theory is that cucking is a split off of BDSM in the sense that the cuck is the submissive
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Old 02-12-2014, 07:03 PM   #12
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The attitude you describe is that of the typical swinger.

I still feel a cuck is completely different.

A swinger will share his wife or sit and watch her enjoyed.

Cucking is when it gets into the humiliation (and some husbands do enjoy that) of the situation.

My theory is that cucking is a split off of BDSM in the sense that the cuck is the submissive
Yah, that has a solid feel to it. I think there is probably more to it, as with all things, but I've made some similar observations.
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Old 02-12-2014, 07:13 PM   #13
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Yah, that has a solid feel to it. I think there is probably more to it, as with all things, but I've made some similar observations.
Whenever we agree on something, I am not so sure it is a good thing
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Old 02-12-2014, 08:05 PM   #14
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Now even with 'permission', my point is that a decent relationship is based on trust and faith and love. The moment you announce "I want to fuck someone else" or "I want you to fuck someone else", trust, and particularly faith, takes a hit.
But that's not the fantasy. The fantasy is that the husband hooks is wife up with this guy and *watches*. Not that she says, "I wanna fuck someone else," and he says, "sure honey, have a good time, I'll leave the light on...."

The men WANT to watch the wife fucking someone else, and they want, from these fantasies, to arrange it for her and be there to see it. THAT is the fantasy—you're blaming the wife for not being faithful, but according to the fantasy, the husband is effectively whoring her out. Acting as her pimp.

I think that undermines your point.
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Old 02-12-2014, 08:22 PM   #15
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Cucking is when it gets into the humiliation (and some husbands do enjoy that) of the situation.
I'm in agreement. The whole idea of "cuckold" is that the husband is shamed by his wife faithlessness. And I also agree that this put it in the BDSM area. But the article lumped in fantasies of men inviting men to have sex with their wives and enjoying the show rather than being forced to watch, or humiliated by it, etc.

So, whether we agree with it or not (and clearly we don't), the definition of a cuckold fantasy/story is expanding to mean: the husband remains "faithful" while the wife engages in sex outside the marriage—and how this happens or how the husband feels about it isn't material.
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Old 02-12-2014, 08:46 PM   #16
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Coincidently, as I was reading this thread, Uncle Kracker's song, "Follow Me" played. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JKAid8Z-rA An excerpt of the lyrics follows:

"I'm not worried about the ring you wear because as long as no one knows then nobody can care. You're feeling guilty, and I'm well aware. But, you don't look ashamed, and Baby, I'm not scared. ... ... I'm not the reason that you go astray. We'll be alright if you don't ask me to stay. ... Don't know how you met me. You can't say why. You can't turn around and say goodbye. All you know is when I'm with you I make you free and swim through your veins like a fish in the sea. I'm singing. Follow me. Everything is alright. I'll be the one to tuck you in at night. If you want to leave I can guarantee, you won't find nobody else like me."

The song seems to be about straightforward female marital infidelity. The protagonist obviously offers an attraction not found at home. When she is hesitant, the protagonist tells her that if she leaves she will miss out on a one of a kind connection with somebody who makes her feel free and swims through her veins like a fish in the sea.

The flip side of the song is the unwitting cuckold at home. Does she not love her husband at all, or does she love him very much but craves a bond with someone who understands her better? She's not ashamed. What does that imply?

Can a wife love her husband but still want another man? Does loving her husband or not have any bearing on his being cuckolded? Is the wife required to abandon her husband and divorce before exploring a better emotional or physical match? Even when a better match is found, does that necessitate abandoning the less perfect match with shared history? Is polyamory the answer?
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Old 02-12-2014, 08:54 PM   #17
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But uncle cracheads song is about straight up cheating, not doing it in front of hubby.

The lyrics make me think hubby is unaware.

The song annoys me. Especially that line "I'm not scared."

First off a true man is not a dog and wouldn't screw a married woman.

second of all the first lesson my old man taught me about women was "if she's not yours you don't touch because someday there will be a mad dog behind one of them with your name on a bullet"

The guys in that song inevitable run into problems. Well deserved ones.
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Old 02-12-2014, 10:16 PM   #18
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But uncle cracheads song is about straight up cheating, not doing it in front of hubby.

The lyrics make me think hubby is unaware.

The song annoys me. Especially that line "I'm not scared."

First off a true man is not a dog and wouldn't screw a married woman.
First, what is a "true man"? I suspect that you're applying a particular philosophical opinion as to what a "true man" would or wouldn't do. Besides, a narcissistic person isn't concerned about consequences to the woman or some other person's family. Their own pleasure is what matters to them.

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second of all the first lesson my old man taught me about women was "if she's not yours you don't touch because someday there will be a mad dog behind one of them with your name on a bullet"

The guys in that song inevitable run into problems. Well deserved ones.
Rules that I learned:
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2. If you're always looking for trouble, sooner or later you'll find one that you can't handle.
3. God might have created men and women, but firearms made them equal. (A variation of the old Colt slogan: "God created men equal, Col. Colt made them equal...") So never think that just because you're big, strong, and tough that you can just muscle your way out of any trouble.
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Old 02-12-2014, 10:40 PM   #19
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First off, what is a real man?

There are definitions of what a real man is, in every culture, every religion, every country, every organization, every gang on this planet. And while a few might be similar, none are the same. So no matter what your daddy told you, it probably doesn't jibe with someone else definition.

See my rules are completely different than some of those stated...

A real man...

is honest with those he is close to or does business with. (family, friends, business partners, etc.)
is kind to women and children. (he doesn't beat or molest either of them)
is kind to animals.
is color blind.
doesn't kill unless absolutely necessary. (my wife being unfaithful doesn't qualify, you being rude might)
will, however, if offered, except the pleasures of a married woman. (I won't chase them but I will except their gift)

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Old 02-12-2014, 10:40 PM   #20
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*reads* An interesting exploration.
I like it very much, that they wrote a down-to-earth caution, at the end.
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Old 02-12-2014, 10:51 PM   #21
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Coincidently, as I was reading this thread, Uncle Kracker's song, "Follow Me" played. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JKAid8Z-rA An excerpt of the lyrics follows:

"I'm not worried about the ring you wear because as long as no one knows then nobody can care. You're feeling guilty, and I'm well aware. But, you don't look ashamed, and Baby, I'm not scared. ... ... I'm not the reason that you go astray. We'll be alright if you don't ask me to stay. ... Don't know how you met me. You can't say why. You can't turn around and say goodbye. All you know is when I'm with you I make you free and swim through your veins like a fish in the sea. I'm singing. Follow me. Everything is alright. I'll be the one to tuck you in at night. If you want to leave I can guarantee, you won't find nobody else like me."

The song seems to be about straightforward female marital infidelity. The protagonist obviously offers an attraction not found at home. When she is hesitant, the protagonist tells her that if she leaves she will miss out on a one of a kind connection with somebody who makes her feel free and swims through her veins like a fish in the sea.
I would never use a pickup line like that... and I'd expect that more than a little alcohol would have to be swimming in her veins for it to work. "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker." LOL!

Quote:
The flip side of the song is the unwitting cuckold at home. Does she not love her husband at all, or does she love him very much but craves a bond with someone who understands her better? She's not ashamed. What does that imply?
Well, she's feeling guilt, so there's something there. One typically does not feel guilt if one does not care. I would presume that she doesn't look ashamed because she's having a fun time.

Quote:
Can a wife love her husband but still want another man?
Duh, yeah! I can love my girlfriend but still want to nail the coed flirting with me. That doesn't mean that I should fuck her or even express interest in fucking her.

Quote:
Does loving her husband or not have any bearing on his being cuckolded?
Since cuckolding is what happens, irrespective of feelings, I would say that it has no bearing upon it. If one spouse cheats, the other is cuckolded/cucqueaned, whether or not there is any affection.

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Is the wife required to abandon her husband and divorce before exploring a better emotional or physical match?
Marriage is a social contract. Without taking into account any civil or religious obligations, social contracts rely upon individuals consenting, either explicitly or tacitly, to surrender some of their freedoms and submit to some expectations of their contracting partner, in exchange for continuing to live within a particular arrangement (such as marriage). If a husband or wife wants to 'explore a better emotional or physical match', he or she should notify the current contracting partner of the desire to terminate the contract under friendly terms. If a husband or wife chooses to violate the social contract, then they should be prepared to face the consequences of breaking the contract, particularly a hostile soon-to-be-former partner.

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Even when a better match is found, does that necessitate abandoning the less perfect match with shared history?
Unless the 'less than perfect match' (e.g. the current partner) consents to a change in the terms of the agreed contract/marriage, it does necessitate abandoning/terminating the current contract.

Quote:
Is polyamory the answer?
If so, it's a choice that should have been made before forming a monogamous marriage with the current partner.

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Old 02-13-2014, 12:07 AM   #22
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Nice article. I'm always interested in the examinations of human sexuality.

The most logical explanation I've heard regarding men & cuckolding, is that men want to know that their wives are happy, even after they're gone. Apparently it's common for policeman and firefighters because they know their lives are on the line, and they want someone to watch over their wives if something were to happen.

I know I'm butchering the theory, but it made sense when I heard it.

Personally, I think it has to do with seeing the woman they love in a moment of intense sexual passion. When a guy watches porn, he wants to see the woman screaming and having a great time. If she treats it like a job, has a bored look on her face and receives no pleasure, then no one is interested. People want the screaming and weird facial expressions.

And I think the vast majority of men who have cuckold fantasies are unable to give that to their wife. So they want to see someone else do it, so they can see the woman they love have that pleasure, and get off on it.
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Old 02-13-2014, 12:20 AM   #23
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Personally, I think being a knowing cuckold (I think most cuckolds aren't aware of it at the beginning and probably for some time--and then are in denial for a while longer) reflects a man not wanting to lose the woman--either that she's dominant and he's intimidated by her or the man feels she's the best he can get and that living with the situation has more advantages and going through the process of getting rid of her and whatever support he has to continue giving her. Or not wanting the embarrassment of his friends and families knowing she's rejected him for another man (even though they probably know that a long time before he does if he's a true cuckold--he remains in denial of that for a long time too).

I think it's easy to romanticize it too much. I think in most cases when he begins to realize he's being cuckolded that his thoughts on what to do are centered on himself and his needs and reputation, not on her. Basically he feels it emasculates him and he does whatever he can to deny and cover up for that.

I think the perspective that a man would continue playing the cuckold after realizing he'd been made one comes out of wanted to make his wife happy is probably a Polyannish female perspective on the issue.
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Old 02-13-2014, 12:56 AM   #24
JAMESBJOHNSON
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The most logical explanation is, its all bull shit.

Christmas 1972 my uncle brought his RV to work, plus 2 hookers, then told the guys HAVE FUN. Not one man got in line for pussy. My uncle concluded that men are mostly cowards and bull-shitters, he's right.
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Old 02-13-2014, 08:31 AM   #25
PennLady
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovecraft68 View Post
But uncle cracheads song is about straight up cheating, not doing it in front of hubby.

The lyrics make me think hubby is unaware.

The song annoys me. Especially that line "I'm not scared."
I thought about this for a bit, never having really known the lyrics, and it occurs to me that it could be read, if you wanted, as a woman dealing with an abusive relationship. The "I'm not scared" could be the guy saying he's not afraid of the abuser. It's a bit of a stretch, but not unreasonable. And it's not what my first interpretation would be.

As for other questions, like can a person love two people at once, I think the answer is yes. The issue is what they do about it. If you have promised to be with someone, whether it's a recognized marriage (civil and/or religious), or one where the partners simply promised each other then no, you don't do anything. You honor your promise.

Polyamory isn't the answer, at least not in a vacuum. Not everyone is emotionally capable of that, whether it's because of their personal nature or the way they were raised, or whatever. Regardless, as Proxy says, that would have to be discussed with any potential partners from the beginning.
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