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Old 01-24-2014, 09:41 AM   #1
Mindfondler
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Question How to learn "dirty talk"

I've done several searches on the forum and I haven't been able to find a "how to" thread that covers this topic (apologies if I missed one somehow!). I imagine that I'm not the only person who might have this question, so here goes...

How can I learn to get better at giving "dirty talk"?

Please let me explain. I'm not terrible at talking dirtily. If my wife asks me to help her cum by whispering a few dirty affirmations in her ear, then I can oblige and they usually do the trick. However, my wife also expects me to be able to "warm her up" in this way for an extended time, and I don't feel comfortable or confident about that. I quickly "dry up" and don't know what to say.

I ought to be able to do this! I have a good vocabulary and quite a wide imagination, I'm not shocked by dirty words (although I usually try to express myself more elegantly), and I'm able to use my voice suggestively and seductively. However, the stark need to make the talk "dirty" seems to constrain my mind so that I become tongue-tied and awkward. I'm better at dirty humour than dirty descriptive talk, but you can imagine that my anxious insertion of a joke at an inappropriate moment has been a disastrous mood-killer. There's also the complication that some of the ideas that I'd like to express when I feel hot are likely to be a turn-off for my wife.

My wife doesn't do "dirty talk" herself, and doesn't give me many clues as to what she wants, so I feel rather isolated and nervous when she asks me to serve up a dirty monologue for her. I think she's surprised and a little frustrated when I struggle to provide it.

I'd be very grateful for any suggestions on how to improve my technique and confidence. I'm actually quite proficient at public speaking, so I wonder whether I should be applying techniques like talking into a mirror or recording myself, but both of those ideas seem ridiculous when applied in this context.

Many thanks for any constructive thoughts.

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Old 01-24-2014, 10:01 AM   #2
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i too feel awkward during dirty talk! when i get nervous i stutter a bit too so that doesn't really help

i love it though, so i feel like getting better to return the favor is something i have to do.

i've gone from too scared to say anything, to being able to deliver kinda believably by just practicing! just do it sometimes when you're alone too so the words don't sound strange coming out or you can think of new things at your own pace instead of being pressured in the moment.

getting ideas from reading erotica or watching porn is nice, too you can find some new things you think might be hot to say, that you wouldn't have thought of yourself. and of course porn itself is its own reward.
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Old 01-24-2014, 10:20 AM   #3
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You should read what you just wrote to her. It may be helpful for her to see how you're feeling so she can understand why you are struggling with this a bit. She can also see that: a) she needs to give you more input about what she likes to hear and b) she needs to talk, too. That a monologue isn't sexy for you and if she would interactively dirty talk you guys could get a good exchange going.

I think for some people dirty talk comes naturally because we are just so keyed up that we need something to do with some of that sexual energy and it comes out in words. For others, though, it can distract from the sexual energy and might mess up the flow.

I like to hear what my partner wants to do to me, that I have a pretty pussy, that it's tight and feels so fucking good, that he's been thinking of fucking me all day, that I'm his fuck toy, how hard I make him, what he wants me to do to him. I think many women are self conscious so hearing just how amazingly sexy she is might help.

But it's hard to say. She might want to hear how pretty her feet are or what great lasagna she bakes. We are all so different that if you explain why you're struggling she may be able to provide some tips.

You mention not wanting to share the dirtiest thoughts with her because they're likely to be a turn off. You won't know, though, unless you try it. Even the prudest woman lets a lot of that go when on the verge of orgasm. (now I'm curious to know what kind of stuff is so far out there that you can't share it with her!)

In my opinion she needs to know that you're holding back a bit because you're afraid she will be offended by your deepest, darkest fantasies and that dirty talking a mute isn't lots of fun. Once you stop holding back and she starts interacting a bit more you may find you have no problems dirty talking.
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Old 01-24-2014, 10:34 AM   #4
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Two excellent books I can recommend on the subject:

"The Fine Art of Erotic Talk" - Bonnie Gabriel

"Exhibitionism for the Shy" - Carol Queen

Good luck!
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Old 01-24-2014, 12:37 PM   #5
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This girlfriend I had, pleaded for me to speak to her while having sex.
It was awkward at first, but eventually I found that she wanted to hear my sexy voice (her words).
This took the burden away from the words and into the tone and intent.
"Not sounding like Barry White" was a good guideline I found, since it helped me to stay away from the obvious phrases, just to not feel silly.
After a month I guess, it felt natural and great results were had. It turns out I end up having conversations with myself, with her as the witness.
When I get in the proverbial zone, words flow… and every sentence calls for the next one…. and the next.
I still sometimes end up sounding like White, but from within the activity, it does not sound silly. It's actually pretty hot.
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Old 01-24-2014, 01:25 PM   #6
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Thanks very much for your replies, yandere, Domesticity, monoblanco and hiddenhere! They're all very helpful to me.

To pick up on several points:

Quote:
Originally Posted by yandere View Post
i've gone from too scared to say anything, to being able to deliver kinda believably by just practicing! just do it sometimes when you're alone too so the words don't sound strange coming out or you can think of new things at your own pace instead of being pressured in the moment.
Wow! That sounds fantastic.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yandere View Post
getting ideas from reading erotica or watching porn is nice, too you can find some new things you think might be hot to say, that you wouldn't have thought of yourself. and of course porn itself is its own reward.
Yes, although I'd prefer not to steal lines from badly-written erotica or porn. That might backfire.

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Originally Posted by Domesticity View Post
I like to hear what my partner wants to do to me, that I have a pretty pussy, that it's tight and feels so fucking good, that he's been thinking of fucking me all day, that I'm his fuck toy, how hard I make him, what he wants me to do to him.
I like these ideas very much! I might adopt some of them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Domesticity View Post
You mention not wanting to share the dirtiest thoughts with her because they're likely to be a turn off. You won't know, though, unless you try it. Even the prudest woman lets a lot of that go when on the verge of orgasm.
Unfortunately, there is a mismatch between us, as I explained in another thread a while ago.

I'm able to tell my wife, for example, that I find her sexy and adorable, and that I want to caress her body and make passionate love to her. She's fine with all of that. Once I get excited, though, my mind moves on to other ideas which I know are likely to spoil the mood for her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Domesticity View Post
(now I'm curious to know what kind of stuff is so far out there that you can't share it with her!)
It's not particularly far out! I'd like to say to my wife, for example, that I want to put my head between her legs and drive her wild with my tongue, or that I want to force her against the wall and take her roughly. My wife knows that I enjoy these ideas but, at best, she's ambivalent about them and, at worst, she finds them a turn-off.

I'm conflicted because I feel as if I'm being selfish and that I need to bottle up these desires, but the reality is that they're the ones that are in my head at that time, and it's difficult for me to summon up "vanilla" substitutes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Domesticity View Post
In my opinion she needs to know that you're holding back a bit because you're afraid she will be offended by your deepest, darkest fantasies and that dirty talking a mute isn't lots of fun. Once you stop holding back and she starts interacting a bit more you may find you have no problems dirty talking.
I'd like to be able to do that. We're normally very open with each other and talk things through. Unfortunately, I'm struggling to do that in this instance. I don't want seemingly to put pressure on my wife to indulge some of the desires that I would voice. We've talked about them before and I know they just don't appeal to her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by monoblanco View Post
Two excellent books I can recommend on the subject:

"The Fine Art of Erotic Talk" - Bonnie Gabriel

"Exhibitionism for the Shy" - Carol Queen

Good luck!
Thanks! I'll check those out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hiddenhere View Post
This girlfriend I had, pleaded for me to speak to her while having sex.
It was awkward at first, but eventually I found that she wanted to hear my sexy voice (her words).
This took the burden away from the words and into the tone and intent.
Thanks... that's encouraging! As with you, my wife has told me that she likes hearing the sound of my voice, even if she isn't concentrating on every word that I'm saying. Unfortunately, though, it often has the effect of relaxing her rather than arousing her.
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Old 01-24-2014, 01:49 PM   #7
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It's Pretty easy!

Make up a story. It doesn't have to be true, just be creative. An example: I had a dream we were on an airplane. We took the red eye so it was late at night and everybody was sleeping. We had a blanket covering us so nobody could see what we doing. I rubbed my hand on your thigh for a while. Then I moved it under your skirt........... See pretty simple, The scenes are endless.

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Old 01-24-2014, 08:16 PM   #8
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You might want to start by writing dirty to each other. Send some erotic texts or e-mails. It can be easier to do it when you aren't looking at each other and then after you get used to opening up that way to each other in writing, try some phone sex. Doing it remotely at first might help you do it face to face.
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Old 01-25-2014, 04:15 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mnbreastluver View Post
Make up a story. It doesn't have to be true, just be creative. An example: I had a dream we were on an airplane. We took the red eye so it was late at night and everybody was sleeping. We had a blanket covering us so nobody could see what we doing. I rubbed my hand on your thigh for a while. Then I moved it under your skirt........... See pretty simple, The scenes are endless.
I second this, it's an excellent way to lead into some heavier action. It's also a lot of fun taking turns and going sentence for sentence, or even just having the non-storyteller finish off the odd sentence.
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Old 01-25-2014, 04:32 AM   #10
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I think you've had some really useful advice here, so I second all of that but as one who LOVES being talked dirty to, I'd say the thing that gets me hottest every time is a slow, almost whispered running commentary of what you are about to do to me and how and then doing it with commentary. So, something like, " I'm going to pull your nipples until it hurts" (do it) as you are doing so, "see what I'm doing to you, you're loving it, you little pain slut..." Or whatever. That or telling her you're going to take her roughly on the stairs, doing it and talking her through the phases, making you hard, her becoming wet, saying things like, "you're going to make me cum in you any second", "look what you've made me do, I've cum right up your cunt" ... all that sort of thing would get me going.

I guess my point is that it doesn't have to be particularly inventively filthy, rather a description of the events taking place seems to work for me. I dunno, try it, it can't hurt, I'm sure she'll soon tell you if it turns her on or not!
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Old 01-25-2014, 04:45 AM   #11
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I understand your predicament. It's never ease when one or both partners are not entirely frank and honest about what they need, or perhaps don't have the vocabulary to articulate their wants. All that I can advise is that you are truthful to yourself and that you take things at a slow pace. I think that most people respond to "naughty" terms, particularly when their ardour is in the ascent. Start with some simple phrases, telling her what you are about to do to her, and - if she is responsive - graduate to more raunchier words and ideas.
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Old 01-25-2014, 04:52 PM   #12
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Thanks to mnbreastliver, amofiga, Ropebunny, Suzy__Tapshoes and Helen46!

I'm finding all of the replies in this thread very helpful, and I'm thinking of pursuing an amalgamation of the suggestions that have been made; hopefully some if not all of the elements will be fruitful.

Once again, I'd like to pick up on some specific points...

Quote:
Originally Posted by mnbreastluver View Post
Make up a story. It doesn't have to be true, just be creative. An example: I had a dream we were on an airplane. We took the red eye so it was late at night and everybody was sleeping. We had a blanket covering us so nobody could see what we doing. I rubbed my hand on your thigh for a while. Then I moved it under your skirt........... See pretty simple, The scenes are endless.
I feel self-conscious about making up stories on the spot; I prefer to work from something that I have either written down beforehand or drawn from another source. I can see, though, that spontaneity might have some extra attractions -- especially the ability to adjust the action in response to any cues from my wife.

Quote:
Originally Posted by amofiga View Post
You might want to start by writing dirty to each other. Send some erotic texts or e-mails. It can be easier to do it when you aren't looking at each other and then after you get used to opening up that way to each other in writing, try some phone sex. Doing it remotely at first might help you do it face to face.
My wife and I used to do some of that, but we fell out of the habit. It might be fun to pick it up again, even though I fear that the traffic may all be in one direction. For erotic texts, I'll need to check that nobody else is going to pick up my wife's phone while she's at work.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ropebunny View Post
I second this, it's an excellent way to lead into some heavier action. It's also a lot of fun taking turns and going sentence for sentence, or even just having the non-storyteller finish off the odd sentence.
Perhaps that could be one of the "rules" to ensure that my wife participates actively.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Suzy__Tapshoes View Post
I think you've had some really useful advice here, so I second all of that but as one who LOVES being talked dirty to, I'd say the thing that gets me hottest every time is a slow, almost whispered running commentary of what you are about to do to me and how and then doing it with commentary. So, something like, " I'm going to pull your nipples until it hurts" (do it) as you are doing so, "see what I'm doing to you, you're loving it, you little pain slut..." Or whatever. That or telling her you're going to take her roughly on the stairs, doing it and talking her through the phases, making you hard, her becoming wet, saying things like, "you're going to make me cum in you any second", "look what you've made me do, I've cum right up your cunt" ... all that sort of thing would get me going.
I'm very grateful for your suggestions. I'll see if I can adapt them to use with my wife. It's good for me to have the reassurance that they at least work for someone else.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Suzy__Tapshoes View Post
I guess my point is that it doesn't have to be particularly inventively filthy, rather a description of the events taking place seems to work for me. I dunno, try it, it can't hurt, I'm sure she'll soon tell you if it turns her on or not!
I think you're right that I've been over-thinking this. I'd like to be able to deliver a well-prepared and polished monologue to please my wife, but my spontaneous flow of thoughts would be more natural and may work better for her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen46 View Post
I understand your predicament. It's never ease when one or both partners are not entirely frank and honest about what they need, or perhaps don't have the vocabulary to articulate their wants. All that I can advise is that you are truthful to yourself and that you take things at a slow pace. I think that most people respond to "naughty" terms, particularly when their ardour is in the ascent. Start with some simple phrases, telling her what you are about to do to her, and - if she is responsive - graduate to more raunchier words and ideas.
I take your point about a gradual build-up. I've seen hints from my wife once she is aroused that she finds my raunchier ideas more exciting than she will admit to me. I still have my fears about killing the mood for her by mentioning something that she's just not into, but I guess that trial and error is my only option as things stand.

Thanks again to everyone who has posted replies on this thread so far.
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Old 01-25-2014, 07:06 PM   #13
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I agree with a lot of the other suggestions. I think starting out by texting was easiest for me. It gives you a little distance and you don't have to be face to face. It feels like a safer way to try out how dirty you want to get and see what they like. I'm also a fan of the running commentary as mentioned above. I love hearing what's coming or what he wants to do. I still find dirty talk a little awkward but I'm getting better. One of the things that helped me was to just think of what you would say in the moment. I tend to just shut my brain off during sex and just enjoy how things feel so I needed to adjust this to be more vocal. You really can't go wrong with telling her how good things are feeling for you. I'm always happy to know when I'm pleasing my man.
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Old 01-27-2014, 12:09 PM   #14
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Thanks, luvnmyboys!

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvnmyboys View Post
I agree with a lot of the other suggestions. I think starting out by texting was easiest for me. It gives you a little distance and you don't have to be face to face. It feels like a safer way to try out how dirty you want to get and see what they like.
I'm going to give this another try! I was worrying that my wife's workmates might pick up her phone and read her texts, but then it occurred to me that this might be a delicious risk for my wife to have to deal with.

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvnmyboys View Post
I'm also a fan of the running commentary as mentioned above. I love hearing what's coming or what he wants to do. I still find dirty talk a little awkward but I'm getting better. One of the things that helped me was to just think of what you would say in the moment.
For me, "in the moment" is often just a load of excited gibberish. I'm not sure what that says about me.

I think I'll be better at dirty talk if I can learn to suppress the critical part of my brain that listens to what I'm saying and tells me that it's clichéd and unpoetic. I guess there's a time and a place for eruditeness -- but this isn't it!

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvnmyboys View Post
I tend to just shut my brain off during sex and just enjoy how things feel so I needed to adjust this to be more vocal. You really can't go wrong with telling her how good things are feeling for you. I'm always happy to know when I'm pleasing my man.
That's encouraging -- thanks!
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Old 01-31-2014, 11:34 AM   #15
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Try a different venue.. Perhaps, out shopping or at dinner. The "inappropriate" nature of the local might put a little less pressure on you to be creative at the time. A touch helps too, no matter where you are, not a lewd one, but a lingering hand on the nape of the neck, side of the face or waist or shoulder while you say a naughty phrase can really increase the excitement, involving more senses and get her imagination going too.
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Old 01-31-2014, 04:08 PM   #16
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Thanks, jodylee!

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Try a different venue.. Perhaps, out shopping or at dinner. The "inappropriate" nature of the local might put a little less pressure on you to be creative at the time.
That's a great suggestion! At first, I imagined that I might find it more difficult to talk (or, more likely, whisper!) dirtily when out-and-about in a public location. On second thoughts, though, I realised that the thrill of it (and the excitement of "shocking" my wife) would probably spur me on to do it even better.

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A touch helps too, no matter where you are, not a lewd one, but a lingering hand on the nape of the neck, side of the face or waist or shoulder while you say a naughty phrase can really increase the excitement, involving more senses and get her imagination going too.
Yes -- I'm aware of the added power of touch. It doesn't even have to be a firm contact. I've noticed that a whispered word accompanied by just a slight brushing of an upper arm, shoulder or neck can be very arousing.
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Old 02-05-2014, 03:14 PM   #17
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Just do it! LOL practice makes perfect, the key is to hone in on what turns your partner on. Don't be surprised to find out that dirty-talk turnons doesn't translate to making them real. Fantasy rarely meets the expectations anyway because fantasy operates in a vacuum without feelings and emotions. Keep it as play and you'll find your way to amazing erotic experiences.
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Old 02-13-2014, 07:41 AM   #18
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Out of all sense of reason, I decided to try the "Survivor Contest" for contributors to Lit's stories. One of the 35 categories is "Text with Audio".

My voice is, and has been, obviously male since I was about ten and I don't have the upper range to even pretend to be female or the technical know how to alter it without sounding like Alvin and his backup chorus. As a result, I decided I needed to go with what I have and be obviously male. (Yeah, turn down the bass or you're going to rattle the windows when it posts.)

In my checkered past, I've been accused of having a voice that either a) makes females grab their panties for a quick check or b) soothes them to sleep. They might just have been being nice to me, but I figured might as well try it out and see what happens.

I suppose I could do just about anything since it doesn't specifically state what kind of text with audio. But, since the site is Literotica.com, I figured that I should at least try to make it erotic.

It is incredibly easy to think what to say to an individual person you know. But, strangers who might run across it as posted on an erotic web site?

You might at least think about trying that. Write out a fantasy, then record yourself reading it. I think if you can do that, it would be a little bit easier to say to this woman you thought enough of to not only marry but give the keys to the place where you sleep. Vulnerable. Exposed.

Other than that, here's a couple of things I've picked up that some here might agree with while others pull out rotten vegetables and eggs past their expiration.

1) Don't ask her if you can do something. Tell her what you want to do to her.

2) Be specific. Compliments don't work as well if they are so generic you could be talking to any of the women you run into in the course of the day.

3) Don't say "I'm going to make you cum." Say, "I am going to make you feel good." or "I want to give you pleasure."

4) Use "you" as often as possible. For example, instead of "That feels so good" try "You make me feel so good".

5) You can always start out PG-13, "You make me have naughty thoughts" and then crank it up little by little. But, it's kind of hard to back down from "You make my cock so hard it aches to be up inside your sweet cunt!" Unless, of course, shock value is part of what you are trying for (i.e., whispered in her ear at the supermarket while she can feel the line of your body against her back)

Hopefully somebody else will turn up to either correct or fill in what I've missed.
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Old 02-13-2014, 09:26 AM   #19
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I find I have no problem talking dirty "in the throes"; it pretty much doesn't matter what you say to her when she's aroused, it only matters that you're saying it to [/i]her./[/i] I just say what comes into my head; it may sound silly or stupid or paralyzingly mundane in any other context, but at that moment it's perfect.

Just make sure you're focusing on her when you talk: what you're going to do to her, how you're going to make her feel, etc.

I find that the difference between "I'm so hard" and "You make me so hard" is terribly significant to most women; they don't actually want to know how you're feeling, but how they are making you feel. She wants validation that you're entirely "present in the moment" and that she's at the center of your attention and that you aren't doing/feeling the same things that you would with any random woman off the street (even if that last is true ).

My own problem is dirty texting. I find it much more difficult to do because it's a pre-meditated act rather than off-the-cuff, and I tend to over-analyze what I say, how I say it, and what effect it will have.

Finally, a lot of women have a mental Good Girl in their head. Good Girls aren't sluts. Good Girls aren't easy. Good Girls don't do depraved things like sucking a cock or fucking on a first date or cumming by having their clit licked. The Good Girl is always worried about your opinion of her.

Many women find that having their man talk dirty to them allows them to--no, gives them permission to--shut the Good Girl up and let the Bad Girl out. If you're telling her she's your fuck toy and you still want to be with her, then it must be okay to be your fuck toy and you won't think less of them if they let go and really enjoy the sexual and sensual experience.

Just my opinion...but then, I've been known to be full of shit from time to time, also.
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Old 02-18-2014, 05:00 AM   #20
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1) Don't ask her if you can do something. Tell her what you want to do to her.

2) Be specific. Compliments don't work as well if they are so generic you could be talking to any of the women you run into in the course of the day.
THISSSS^^^^^^^^

OK this is a bit delicate the balance between making her feel soooo wanted you just couldn't help DOING what you want with her despite her protestations and... "real" non-consent. But since you're married and it seems trust is pretty good between you two throwing in a lil dirty line she's "uncomfortable" with (no warming) when she's close to her climax and not stopping keeping on telling her how naughty she is would probably fit the bill. Good luck!

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Old 02-18-2014, 05:02 AM   #21
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Ditto what burningmonkey said!!! Couldn't have said ot any better myself
OP: you're off to a great start though!! Man you're lucky to have a girl like that wooh kinda half the fun taking the journey with her right? Of course the unmarried guy WOULD say that lol. Keep at it.

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Old 02-18-2014, 05:58 AM   #22
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There is some really awesome advice in this thread.

One important thing to remember is that dirty talk, like most sexual encounters, is highly psychological.

Maybe you could start a few hours before you see each other. Just a small text. "I'm thinking of you " , get her wondering *what* you're thinking and why it made you wink. Then a little bit later. "Just can't stop thinking of you, counting down the minutes until we see each other."

Let her know what you're feeling, that thinking of her excites you. "Just thinking of you makes it very hot in here."

"Is it quitting time yet? I'm getting hard just imagining your thighs"

"I'm getting in my car this very second, wish you were here so I could see the tops of your breasts out of your shirt"

(These can be adapted to small comments, if you actually are spending the entire day together)

Then when you do see each other, start really heating things up. "You look so sexy in that outfit, can't wait to get you out of it" and add in some things you want to do "I want to slide my hand up your back, snap off your bra, and suck your nipples 'till you moan".

Keep it going, spicing it up more and more with things you see about her, things you want to do to her, things she makes your body feel. How good it would be to strip her down, spread her legs and... well... whatever you plan to do then.

At that stage, you might both be so worked up that the words are already flowing.

Best of luck!! Listen to the others here, it's good advice!
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Old 02-18-2014, 12:33 PM   #23
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Sorry for my delay in replying to the latest posts. Once again, real life has been getting in my way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GooodGurrl View Post
There is some really awesome advice in this thread.
I must agree! There is some brilliant advice on this thread, and I'm feeling very excited by the possibilities that it raises. Thanks very much to all!

I'd like to pick up on some specifics:

Quote:
Originally Posted by luv2cnips View Post
Just do it! LOL practice makes perfect, the key is to hone in on what turns your partner on. Don't be surprised to find out that dirty-talk turnons doesn't translate to making them real. Fantasy rarely meets the expectations anyway because fantasy operates in a vacuum without feelings and emotions. Keep it as play and you'll find your way to amazing erotic experiences.
For me at least, that's a very important point. I'm in the habit of thinking carefully before I speak, and I tend to take that habit into the bedroom with me. I think I need to learn to "put on my fantasy hat", switch off the critical part of my mind, and just play.

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Originally Posted by Acktion View Post
Write out a fantasy, then record yourself reading it. I think if you can do that, it would be a little bit easier to say to this woman you thought enough of to not only marry but give the keys to the place where you sleep. Vulnerable. Exposed.
I tried that once, but then I felt embarrassed and tore up the paper (once again, the critical part of my mind intervened). I'd like to attempt it again, though -- this time with my "fantasy hat" firmly in place (see above).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Acktion View Post
1) Don't ask her if you can do something. Tell her what you want to do to her.

2) Be specific. Compliments don't work as well if they are so generic you could be talking to any of the women you run into in the course of the day.

3) Don't say "I'm going to make you cum." Say, "I am going to make you feel good." or "I want to give you pleasure."

4) Use "you" as often as possible. For example, instead of "That feels so good" try "You make me feel so good".

5) You can always start out PG-13, "You make me have naughty thoughts" and then crank it up little by little. But, it's kind of hard to back down from "You make my cock so hard it aches to be up inside your sweet cunt!" Unless, of course, shock value is part of what you are trying for (i.e., whispered in her ear at the supermarket while she can feel the line of your body against her back)
1) I'll try this! I tend to be unerringly polite, even in the throes of passion.

2, 3, 4) OK. I think these are fairly natural for me to do.

5) I rather like the sound of the "shock value" approach! (At my own risk, of course )

Quote:
Originally Posted by BurningMonkey View Post
Just make sure you're focusing on her when you talk: what you're going to do to her, how you're going to make her feel, etc.

I find that the difference between "I'm so hard" and "You make me so hard" is terribly significant to most women; they don't actually want to know how you're feeling, but how they are making you feel. She wants validation that you're entirely "present in the moment" and that she's at the center of your attention and that you aren't doing/feeling the same things that you would with any random woman off the street (even if that last is true ).
That's quite a subtle point, but I can see that it's an incredibly powerful one. Once again, I believe that I do these things fairly naturally, but I don't think there's any harm in me cranking up the volume even further on them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BurningMonkey View Post
Finally, a lot of women have a mental Good Girl in their head. Good Girls aren't sluts. Good Girls aren't easy. Good Girls don't do depraved things like sucking a cock or fucking on a first date or cumming by having their clit licked. The Good Girl is always worried about your opinion of her.

Many women find that having their man talk dirty to them allows them to--no, gives them permission to--shut the Good Girl up and let the Bad Girl out. If you're telling her she's your fuck toy and you still want to be with her, then it must be okay to be your fuck toy and you won't think less of them if they let go and really enjoy the sexual and sensual experience.
That's definitely relevant to my wife. I like the way that you've explained it. It suggests to me that, by talking dirty at the right time, I can help my wife by liberating her Bad Girl so that we can both have more fun. That sense of responsibility can operate as a spur for me to put any feelings of embarrassment on one side.

Quote:
Originally Posted by deanp221 View Post
OK this is a bit delicate the balance between making her feel soooo wanted you just couldn't help DOING what you want with her despite her protestations and... "real" non-consent. But since you're married and it seems trust is pretty good between you two throwing in a lil dirty line she's "uncomfortable" with (no warming) when she's close to her climax and not stopping keeping on telling her how naughty she is would probably fit the bill. Good luck!
Yes -- I'm lucky to have a lot of margin for error. Also, my wife and I have a safeword system in place, just in case there's any need to signal for an emergency stop.

Quote:
Originally Posted by deanp221 View Post
OP: you're off to a great start though!! Man you're lucky to have a girl like that wooh kinda half the fun taking the journey with her right? Of course the unmarried guy WOULD say that lol. Keep at it.
I think you're expressing some of the same excitement that I'm feeling right now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GooodGurrl View Post
Maybe you could start a few hours before you see each other. Just a small text. "I'm thinking of you " , get her wondering *what* you're thinking and why it made you wink. Then a little bit later. "Just can't stop thinking of you, counting down the minutes until we see each other."

Let her know what you're feeling, that thinking of her excites you. "Just thinking of you makes it very hot in here."

"Is it quitting time yet? I'm getting hard just imagining your thighs"

"I'm getting in my car this very second, wish you were here so I could see the tops of your breasts out of your shirt"

(These can be adapted to small comments, if you actually are spending the entire day together)

Then when you do see each other, start really heating things up. "You look so sexy in that outfit, can't wait to get you out of it" and add in some things you want to do "I want to slide my hand up your back, snap off your bra, and suck your nipples 'till you moan".

Keep it going, spicing it up more and more with things you see about her, things you want to do to her, things she makes your body feel. How good it would be to strip her down, spread her legs and... well... whatever you plan to do then.

At that stage, you might both be so worked up that the words are already flowing.
Waaah.... your ideas there have really got me going now!
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Old 02-18-2014, 09:52 PM   #24
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I found this book helpful when I first started cyberring.
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Old 02-19-2014, 06:47 AM   #25
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I found this book helpful when I first started cyberring.
Thanks very much for the tip. Duly ordered!

I'm encouraged to see that the author is a woman and that the book contains a lot of input from women. I'd like to encourage my wife to read it with me, and I think it will be helpful for her that the book takes a female-positive view.
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