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Old 01-19-2014, 01:02 AM   #1
Mello_SixtyNine
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Examples of Good 1st Person & 3rd person stories

Hi guys,

First post. I discovered the site a few months ago, and was inspired to submit a story. I recently submitted my first story to Literotica.com (Baxter's Plan). And when I say first story, I mean literally, this is the first story I have ever written in my life. I was not an english major in college so I was really winging it.

As I read the comments, I noticed two consistent things that posters didn't like about my story:

1) They didn't like how the story bounced between first & third person perspective.

2) Some posters really did not like the idea of the main character having a 12 1/2 inch penis. They said it was unbelievable.

I should have clarified at the beginning of my story that I was not writing a memoir or historical document. I did do a Google search though and found a guy named Jonah Falcon. The dude has a 13 1/2 inch cock (9 inch when flaccid). So technically, my story was still one inch in the realm of possibilty.

The reason I'm writing this post though is to request anyone to post some literotica.com story links of great stories that are completely written in first person perspective and great stories that are completely in third person.

I'm currently in the middle of my second story and I'd like to use these links as a reference. (I'm going to stick with writing about hugely hung guys fucking unrealistically hot twins though. I gotta be me! )

Thanks!

Last edited by Mello_SixtyNine : 01-19-2014 at 01:21 AM.
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Old 01-19-2014, 02:00 AM   #2
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For the most part, your story is written in first person. There are only a few brief sections where you switch from saying "I did this" to "Baxter did this" in the narrative, and it is very jarring. That's the major problem.

If you use "your" name in a first person story, it more or less has to be introducing yourself in the narrative, or said in dialogue.

There are a few places where "you" seem to know a bit too much of what's going on in other characters' heads. Those aren't as big of an offense and many readers won't even notice, but it's something you should consider.

Everything they're feeling that you mention in the narrative has to be something they've said, or something you can extrapolate from observations - and you'll more or less have to explain how you come to the conclusion.

Here's some of mine dealing with very similar pairings, which should be useful for comparison between the two perspectives.

Older man with much younger woman:

http://www.literotica.com/s/summers-heat-1 is in 3rd person.

http://www.literotica.com/s/nude-holly-day is in 1st person.

Brother-Sister incest:

http://www.literotica.com/s/paige-from-her-diary is in 3rd person.

http://www.literotica.com/s/peppermint-patty is in 1st person.
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Old 01-19-2014, 02:33 PM   #3
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Old 01-19-2014, 02:54 PM   #4
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Rather than taking randomly offered stories as "how to" references, why don't you do a search on stories that have won or placed in contests (the "Story Search" function permits that) with keywords that would be in stories you want to write? Then, if you can tell 1st person from 3rd person, you'll have some examples of stories voted as very good that also will be similar to stories you want to write--you can look for how they are working on more than the voice issue.
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Old 01-19-2014, 06:58 PM   #5
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On reading your story, I would offer some points. First, the tendency to address the reader - such as 'I must tell you' - is a real killer. We readers are voyeurs, we must be ignored by the writer. Otherwise the story, especially in first person, loses its emphasis.

First or third person? Up to the writer, but he should be consistent. First person, we see all through the protags eyes and the clash of switching to third person omniscient seems jarring.

I felt your switch to 'Baxter' took away and confused the emphasis you had created with your first person opening.

As you write, stay with your first or third person approach.
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Old 01-20-2014, 05:16 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mello_SixtyNine View Post
Hi guys,

First post. I discovered the site a few months ago, and was inspired to submit a story. I recently submitted my first story to Literotica.com (Baxter's Plan). And when I say first story, I mean literally, this is the first story I have ever written in my life. I was not an english major in college so I was really winging it.

As I read the comments, I noticed two consistent things that posters didn't like about my story:

1) They didn't like how the story bounced between first & third person perspective.

2) Some posters really did not like the idea of the main character having a 12 1/2 inch penis. They said it was unbelievable.

I should have clarified at the beginning of my story that I was not writing a memoir or historical document. I did do a Google search though and found a guy named Jonah Falcon. The dude has a 13 1/2 inch cock (9 inch when flaccid). So technically, my story was still one inch in the realm of possibilty.

The reason I'm writing this post though is to request anyone to post some literotica.com story links of great stories that are completely written in first person perspective and great stories that are completely in third person.

I'm currently in the middle of my second story and I'd like to use these links as a reference. (I'm going to stick with writing about hugely hung guys fucking unrealistically hot twins though. I gotta be me! )

Thanks!
hi,

First of all welcome to Literotica.

Second thing, it's been my experience that with short stories, if that is what you are writing, you should stick to one POV through the whole story. Longer stories like novellas or full length novels, you can play around with the POV. But short stories yes, you should stick with one POV through the whole story.

Hope this helps.
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Old 03-08-2014, 02:22 PM   #7
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Last edited by Mello_SixtyNine : 03-08-2014 at 09:25 PM.
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Old 03-09-2014, 10:42 AM   #8
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I have a friend who is less than 5'2' tall, who has a penis over 12 inches long. Now I have not actully measured it with a ruler, but I have dseen it, and it is real. It hangs to his knee or below. The length of his cock is 20% of his height. When we were roomates, a bunch of little rich girls used to bring their friends around just to see his cock. His 'groupies' if you will.

later, though, i discovered that very few women want to have sex with him a second time, some are too frightened the first time.

Yes yes ,I know, on the porn site they take bigger things than that, but he related to me that he often had to enclose at leasst one hand around it to keep from hurting a woman in intercourse.

So it can be a mixed blessing. Also in my experience large cocks do not get as hard as saller ones.
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