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Old 01-04-2014, 05:45 PM   #1
curvestotheleft
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Question Resolve erectile issues

I'm a 47 year old male and have just met a fabulous lady. We both enjoy sex with one another, but I'm having problems achieving and maintaing a hard-on. To her credit, her outstanding oral skills allow me to ultimately have an orgasm, but most times do not make me hard enough for sexual intercourse. Out of 7 bedroom romp sessions during the week, I may get hard enough to have actual intercourse only once or twice.

Since she enjoys receiving head (something her past partners had no interest in at all), I'm able to take care of her. Through a combination of oral and digital stimulation I've even helped her squirt for the first time ever. We've quickly learned how to work together so she can do so on a regular basis.

It's still not the same as being able to have intercourse like I want, and she deserves.

This is a new challenge for me, and we both believe it may be stress-related (recent breakup for me, house on the market, job search, etc). I have yet to go to a doctor about these issues, but may be forced to do so if I can't resolve them on my own. Watching NFL games on Sundays it's easy to get the impression that every man in America over the age of 40 is having trouble getting and keeping an erection!!!

Has anyone (or their partners) had similar experience with symptoms like these?

How did you address them (self treatment or doctor visit first)?

Did you choose medication (cialis, viagra) or some other means of 'straightening' things out?

It's actually a coincidence that my lady introduced me to his board, since she's previously submitted stories here. Hopefully I'll find help which will allow me to take our bedroom activities to an even higher level.

I look forward to your feedback/help.
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Old 01-04-2014, 09:39 PM   #2
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See a doc. He/she will look for other health issues that may underlie your "problem." If other causes are ruled out, and ed is the diagnosis, get the pills and have fun. Viagra gives me badass erections, but they come with a cost: the side effects are pretty rough. Most of the time, I go with Cialis, which my body tolerates better.
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Old 01-04-2014, 09:57 PM   #3
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Viagra makes me really flushed, which I don't like; I've occasionally experienced the side effect where vision is bluish. I heard a rumour it's now available as a generic, which would certainly cut the cost quite a bit. Haven't tried Cialis yet.

Stress is definitely a part of it. Weight and general fitness (and of course age) are also big contributors.

I find that manual stimulation by my gf helps get me hard, then we go until I lose it, (if that happens) at which point I pull out and finger her or play with other parts of her anatomy while she strokes me to get me hard again. Sometimes that works well enough for me to bring her to climax by intercourse, otherwise I'll use a dildo or a vibrator or go down on her. She'll usually finish me with a blowjob or handjob afterwards. Yeah, it's hardly the same as climaxing inside her, but eh. The situation is what it is and I do my best to make sure she has an orgasm one way or another.
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Old 01-05-2014, 01:10 AM   #4
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thanks

thank you both for your responses.

twister did you see a urologist or your regular doctor?
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Old 01-05-2014, 06:40 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curvestotheleft View Post
thank you both for your responses.

twister did you see a urologist or your regular doctor?
My gp prescribed the meds at my request. I'm nearly 20 years older than you, so ed was much more likely age related.

I want to point out that Viagra has a half-life of ~4 hours. If used late in the evening, we can enjoy the benefits, and then I'm able to sleep off the side effects. Not ideal, but workable.
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Old 01-05-2014, 12:59 PM   #6
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If you think you're suffering from ED, as mentioned previously, you should definitely seek professional advice.

I'm 41 and am starting to notice similar things in my own libido to what you describe. Not as bad, but noticeable.

Because of that, I've done some investigating over the last year and have discovered that many doctors consider ED to be one of the early symptoms of coronary artery disease. Why isn't your dick getting hard and staying hard? Because your veins (specifically the epithelial cells) cannot dilate like they used to when you were younger which means blood flow is reduced.

You can take drugs like Viagra or Cialis which will treat the symptom but they will not address the underlying cause.

If you want to be able to get hard for your lover AND you want to be healthy, you must address this as a health issue.

There are several things you can do now to start addressing this, most of them related to diet, nutrition, and exercise. Stress is definitely a factor but here are some others:

Do you drink coffee or anything else with caffeine? Stop, or at least cut down.

Do you drink alcohol? Stop, or at least cut down.

Do you smoke? Stop, or at least cut down.

Do you eat meat and dairy? Stop, or at least cut down.

Do you eat the RDA of fresh fruits and vegetables? Start.

Do you eat a high-fiber diet? Start.

Do you exercise regularly (minimum 30 minutes a day)? Start.

These are a few things to think about and discuss with your doctor. Also, keep this in mind if you DO go to a doctor. MDs are NOT dieticians or nutritionists. After talking to a doctor about the medical side of this, ask for a referral to someone you can talk to who is an expert in diet and nutrition.

In the interest of full disclosure, I'm a few months into the process of doing all 7 of the things above and it IS showing results, slowly, but surely.
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Old 01-05-2014, 01:12 PM   #7
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I have had issues with it, some of it was age, some of it is that I wasn't in great shape, and some of it might have been the effects of having been on female hormones before reverting more than a short time ago.....

When I first noticed I was having trouble keeping an erection, I tried my doctor, who quickly gave me a prescription for viagra. It works, though I never had the 4 hour erection (maybe the dose was low, not sure), and quite honestly, the side effects weren't pleasant, caused my sinus passages to swell, my tongue swelled a bit........plus it also sucks because you have to take it in advance, which takes out spontaneity.

There is daily use Cialis (which I have never used personally) that reputedly allows you to do it any time (I don't know if it requires matching bathtubs, as on the commercial *lol*).

Obviously, it is important that the doctor check for other issues, ED can be caused by low testosterone, but it often is caused by circulatory issues, that may be related to being overweight, blocked vessels or pre-diabetes or diabetes itself (not an MD, only what I have ready)..

So what I did, when I decided viagra wasn't great:

1)I tried an herbal supplement that has several things designed to increase blood flow (Horny Goat Weed, ginko, ginseng, some other stuff) and for me it worked. Some claim it is placebo effect, can't be real, etc, but it worked (again, for me).....if it is placebo, it is a hell of a lot cheaper than viagra (with insurance, it was 10 bucks a pop), this stuff is about 30 a month, and I trust it, same place makes the heart health vitamins and such the doctor recommended. Places like GNC sell supplements, even drugstores do, and might be worth a try (if you could find something made and sold in Germany, highly recommended, unlike the US, supplements are regulated in terms of quality and ingredients, that isn't true in the US, they could be importing stuff with dried rhino horn mixed with melamime and the FDA wouldn't care....).



One warning, be really careful about the places advertising Viagra and Cialis cheap, without a prescription, etc..lot of that crap is coming from India and China, and who knows what is in it, lot of it simply doesn't work, some of it has dubious stuff in it.

2)That worked, but something else I found. Like you, I have a lot of stress in my life, a job with long hours and a lot of stress, plus having a kid in college paying full cost, etc, etc.........and I was out of shape, overweight, not exercising, add that to stress and it isn't good.

In the past couple of months, we have changed how we eat and get fit, I have dropped about 30 pounds (with more to go), but more importantly, I am doing strength/conditioning exercises, using bodyweight exercises mostly, my body is toning up rather than getting skinny from aerobic exercise, and man is it making a difference. Exercise helps counter stress, but it also increases blood flow and such too, and man, what a difference! Combining a diet that stresses lean protein, vegetables, cuts out sugar, and puts grains and starchy carbs in the right proportion, eating healthy fats, has made a big difference with the fitness stuff.....I am not having problems with ED, between the supplement and the exercise (and I can tell the difference, I was on the supplement a year or more before getting fit), I am not having problems and my erections are def more like they were when I was younger (no, it didn't make me 22 again,alas *lol*).

Even if there are medical issues, eating right and getting in shape probably will help, and if I had to stress one thing I have learned, don't try doing it by aerobic exercise, emphasize strength/fitness training, doctors are full of shit with the hour a day on the treadmill crap, it is mostly bs......and obviously, getting into shape also isn't going to hurt your heart, your brain, and other parts of your body, either

None of what I am saying is some miracle diet or miracle supplement, and everyone is different, and with this stuff people have to find what works for them. Wish you luck, if you want some links to fitness sites and such I found were valuable with diet and exercise advice, feel free to PM me, not going to sell you anything, I promise, I don't do this professionally
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Old 01-05-2014, 03:19 PM   #8
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Several have said it. First see a doctor. ED "MAY" indicate other issues like heart problems. NOT saying that's the case but you should check. Also your blood sugar. Any problems with diabetes? Are you over weight? Do you smoke? All potentisl erection killers.

Apparently your "libido" is ok so you're probably ok in the testosterone area but have that checked too. Erections aren't necessarily tied to low-T unless you just don't have the urge for erections. Testosterone = desire, not necessarily the ability to get hard.

The other thing you need to work out with your girlfriend is how important is actual fucking to you. I mean when you're young and even when there is this "get pregnant" thing going on, fucking is the "main event". As you get older, fucking is only one of many ways to enjoy sex. It seems like she likes oral and you like oral and maybe that's the "main event" 5 out of 7 times.

Also, at age 40+ maybe you just can't assume that every day sex or multiple times a day sex is going to happen. Maybe try for every other day to let things percolate a little and the erections will be easier. But.....I'm not a doctor.......see a doctor. If you need the little blue or yellow pill, let's hope you have insurance to cover at least part of it. I've heard that they cost $$$$$
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Old 01-05-2014, 03:30 PM   #9
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I second monoblanco's notes about healthy lifestyle and eating drinking.

The new issue I wish to raise: the best of the herbal alternatives to viagra: look at BaliMojo from Malaysia [website].

And also: other herbals which are not about ed specifically but about feeding libido and reproductive organs generally. To mention two:

Vitrix maximum impact by Nutrex [US] is a natural testosterone prompter which works for many men but not for all. - a daily dose thing.

VigRXPlus, also a daily dose, with quite remarkable medium and long term benefits. see their website.

Cheers. Simon. Feel free to pm me for a conversation about any of those and my experience of them.
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Old 01-05-2014, 03:36 PM   #10
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L-Arginine

Try L-Arginine. 3,000-5,000mg on an empty stomach 2 hours before play time. I won't guarantee results but I know it helps me.
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Old 01-05-2014, 10:45 PM   #11
curvestotheleft
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Thanks again

Thank you to the additional parties willing to share their
experiences. I appreciate all the feedback. If I can
rectify (no pun intended) the problem long term without
the use of drugs, that will be ideal. This could all be a sign to begin
taking better care of myself.

One thing no one mentioned was using a cock pump on a
regular basis to increase blood flow or the use of a cock ring during
intercourse. I have no experience with either. Does anyone?
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Old 01-06-2014, 12:29 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curvestotheleft View Post
One thing no one mentioned was using a cock pump on a
regular basis to increase blood flow or the use of a cock ring during
intercourse. I have no experience with either. Does anyone?
Penis enlargement (Wikipedia):

Quote:
A penis pump is a cylinder that is fitted over the penis, with a manual or motorized pump to create a partial vacuum around the penis, engorging it as blood is drawn in. A variety of penis pump designs have been adopted by penis pump manufacturers. As vacuum increases, the pressure within the blood vessels of the penis increases as well; excessive vacuum causes vascular damage.

Penis pumps may be used to temporarily overcome symptoms of impotence, but do not cure the condition: a tourniquet-like ring must be applied to keep the blood trapped within the penis, otherwise the erection will immediately subside. Pumps may work even if there is nerve or vascular damage preventing a natural erection, but excessive or prolonged use (hours) will cause permanent harm.

Pumping must be done very carefully to avoid serious injury: over-enthusiastic pumping can burst blood vessels and form blisters.

The effectiveness of penis pumps for permanent penis enlargement was examined by Kazem, Hosseini and Alizadeh. They studied 37 men with penis length less than 10 cm and found no significant change in penile length after using pumps for six months, although the follow-up have found 30% satisfaction with the method. The conclusion of the paper stated that vacuum treatment of the penis is not an effective method for penile elongation, but provides psychological satisfaction for some men.
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Old 01-06-2014, 04:00 AM   #13
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Seconding the recommendations to see a doctor, since ED can be symptomatic of circulatory stuff that needs to be addressed.

In the meantime:

Quote:
Originally Posted by curvestotheleft View Post
Since she enjoys receiving head (something her past partners had no interest in at all), I'm able to take care of her. Through a combination of oral and digital stimulation I've even helped her squirt for the first time ever. We've quickly learned how to work together so she can do so on a regular basis.

It's still not the same as being able to have intercourse like I want, and she deserves.
Has she actually said that having penis-in-vagina sex is a big thing for her? I suspect a lot of ladies would be quite fine with little or no PiV if the oral and digital was working well for them, and it sounds like it is for her.

If you want PiV (and she's OK with it) then it's quite reasonable to be frustrated on your own account. But unless you've established that she's dissatisfied, don't talk yourself into feeling inadequate on her behalf as well - performance pressure is unlikely to help matters, especially with the other stresses you describe.
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Old 01-06-2014, 06:07 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curvestotheleft View Post
One thing no one mentioned was using a cock pump on a
regular basis to increase blood flow or the use of a cock ring during
intercourse. I have no experience with either. Does anyone?
Rings mate:

Those stretchy rubbery ones for just on your cock are suited to a lot of guys, but you need to have the erection first, and then they assist in maintaining it. My experience is that they slightly spoil the experience of ejaculation for a guy.

The wholly other kind of ring: whether metal or leather, around your whole junk and put on while flacid - getting the sizing of these right is critical! - I find to be a huge bonus for getting and keeping the best erection you're capable of.

I've posted some about that on "Boys and their Toys" thread at Playground, pages 2 and 3. Learning to put a steel ring on is quite an art mind! But the sensation is fabulous as is the look if you both are ok with a bit of kinkyness. Simon.
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Old 01-06-2014, 07:30 AM   #15
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Please may I ask a question?

Would it be normal, if you have frequent sex, to find it difficult to stay completely hard the second or third time in a session?

And is there anything I can do to help

Last edited by may_I_please : 01-06-2014 at 07:32 AM. Reason: Another question
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Old 01-06-2014, 07:47 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by may_I_please View Post
Please may I ask a question?

Would it be normal, if you have frequent sex, to find it difficult to stay completely hard the second or third time in a session?

And is there anything I can do to help
Hey that is completely normal unless you are 19 or something! There's a thing called 'the refraction period' which is the time after ejaculation before a guy can get it up again. Might be 30 minutes or a couple of hours. That period extends rapidly through young and mid adulthood for most men, settling at about two days for a fit guy in his 60s, and longer for those not so fit in their 50s.

Recreational use of viagra or one of the herbal equivalents mentioned above might be one way to keep it up for round 2 and 3, but I reckon it's worth 'listening' to what your body is telling you and accepting that, at least most of the time. Make round One a long and totally satisfying experience and then sleep!

That's my take for what it's worth. Simon
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Old 01-06-2014, 07:56 AM   #17
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Thank you Simon

It's not up to me when and whether we go again normally and he tends to just leave about 15 mins in between which I suppose with his being mid 40s may be pushing it. Like the OP I find when he lets me suck his cock there is more of a "reaction"
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Old 01-06-2014, 08:09 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by may_I_please View Post
Thank you Simon

It's not up to me when and whether we go again normally and he tends to just leave about 15 mins in between which I suppose with his being mid 40s may be pushing it. Like the OP I find when he lets me suck his cock there is more of a "reaction"
Hey, may_I_please ... he's one fit dude. Or, more likely, you are one hot lay!
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Old 01-07-2014, 12:40 AM   #19
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My 2...see your MD and explain your issue (yep its a PITA) clearly. Ask specificly for the meds, use the meds. Sounds like your new partner will be supportive and that helps.
My experience is that Cialis works well, seems to have an effect on me for about 48 hours, no side effects. I also have found that niacin helps, as does l-arginine. I take niacin twice a day and double up on the dose if we're going to have sex plus take the l-arginine then. Sometimes the niacin and l-arginine works nearly as well the Cialis.
Good luck.
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Old 01-27-2014, 06:29 PM   #20
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Just visited with the Urologist about this very same topic. After a few tests he determined that at my age, 60, that my prostate gland is somewhat enlarged so some medication to help shrink the prostate should do the trick and a prescription for Cialis to give things a little jump start.
First time out of the shoot with Cialis was great. It was very nice to finish what I started for a change.
Don't be embarrassed to make an appointment with a Urologist. You are not the first person to have this issue and you won't be the last. Go and let them help you.
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Old 01-29-2014, 05:18 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Biker_Type View Post
My 2...see your MD and explain your issue (yep its a PITA) clearly. Ask specificly for the meds, use the meds. Sounds like your new partner will be supportive and that helps.
My experience is that Cialis works well, seems to have an effect on me for about 48 hours, no side effects. I also have found that niacin helps, as does l-arginine. I take niacin twice a day and double up on the dose if we're going to have sex plus take the l-arginine then. Sometimes the niacin and l-arginine works nearly as well the Cialis.
Good luck.
I had prostate cancer and radiation. A number of us all had the same problem after the treatments. I tried all the advertised helpers and Viagra helps you get hard best of all. However you must use a minimum dose of 100 not the 25 or 50 size. As far as lasting 48 hours it only lasts in your system 6 hours the max. I have never seen anyone going into the ER because they could't get their cock down. If they did I want what they took!
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Old 01-31-2014, 03:44 PM   #22
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Hi CTTL,

You situation seems very similar to mine. We are roughly the same age. I, too, am in a fairly new sexual relationship with an amazing woman. Bear with me on this post, I will get to the point.

For about 10 years I have noticed a steady decline in my sexual performance. This had manifested itself primarily in a significantly increased refractory period. I wrote this off to, sadly, age. I did not have the physical body I used to have when I was a young man. That is life.

Approximately one and a half months ago, the ultimate nightmare occurred for the first time ever in my life. I was very "soft" with my lover. I was ready to go mentally, no issue there, however physically I was only semi-hard. I got through the session, no one said anything about this (we chatted much later and I more or less confessed, she said she noticed a bit but it wasn't a big deal [very kind of her to say so]... it was, however, a big deal for me). It is terrible to orgasm via a somewhat flaccid penis and to be very aroused but no response.

I went to DEFCON 1 on this which may sound dramatic after all it wasn't cancer or any other life threatening ailment but if you are a man with an extremely vibrant, fantastic sex life... well... it is very serious. It scared the daylights out of me actually. I was shaking as I talked to my doctor.

I am blessed with good genes, however I live a sedentary lifestyle (not proud of this, it is just the way it is) and don't eat very well (meaning healthy eating, I enjoy rich foods etc.) and remain fine in the weight / looks department (6'3" 200#). This lulls me into a false sense of thinking "I am healthy"... well I was / am not. I am in terrible shape is the conclusion I came to.

I started at a gym and am making a serious effort (2 hours per day... every day). I have set this time aside, moved my work around, moved my leisure time around and gotten very serious... I am committed to this. I do a 2 hour cardio and weight circuit, the gym has staff to help with this.

I am eating better and taking vitamins. No more Coke (just water now) etc. I have not given up on foods I like (pizza, red meat etc.) but I have cut back. I did not give up alcohol either, again just a reduction. I do not smoke, never have, but if I did I would have tried to stop this for sure.

I feel much better now even after only 6 weeks... and of course... what we are all waiting for... no drama in my sex life. Yes the data is inconclusive this early but I really feel my ED issue was simply an unhealthy body / lifestyle. I am definitely harder (both in private and with my lover) and while I still am annoyed with my long standing refractory period issue, at least my "soft session" has not returned. I am convinced my lifestyle change is the reason.

I do not know your state of health, that is for you to decide and your own business. I had to be honest with myself and face the fact I was not healthy. I would suggest making sure that first off you are in good health, get lots of exercise, make sure your cardio-vascular system is tip top (strong vessels and strong blood flow are key) no need for exotic drugs until you are sure they are required.

I hope my own personal account is similar and helpful for you. If it is simply a matter of a healthier lifestyle change that will be a great relief I am sure.

James

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Old 01-31-2014, 06:13 PM   #23
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I was going to post something similar and yes Im convinced its linked to my diet and lack of exercise which I have now changed.

I am still taking Cialis, but what I have noticed is that Alcohol, even a glass of wine affects this.
And whilst I can be nice and hard, if I try and have a long session and especially if I try too many position, it goes soft.
So I cant enjoy it for too long, and have to finish earlier than we both want.

I've read that the average time for actual intercourse is 11 mins!
By learning control, we can increase it to 14 mins, which is the supposedly golden time

Anyone else found this?
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Old 02-01-2014, 03:45 AM   #24
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I was going to post something similar and yes Im convinced its linked to my diet and lack of exercise which I have now changed.

I am still taking Cialis, but what I have noticed is that Alcohol, even a glass of wine affects this.
And whilst I can be nice and hard, if I try and have a long session and especially if I try too many position, it goes soft.
So I cant enjoy it for too long, and have to finish earlier than we both want.

I've read that the average time for actual intercourse is 11 mins!
By learning control, we can increase it to 14 mins, which is the supposedly golden time

Anyone else found this?
A big difference between the pharmacuetical and the herbal erection pills is that the good herbal ones are not diminished in effect by alcohol.

11 - 14 minutes: I can be in my wife quite a lot longer than that, I have to say. I think it's because we both love to take some breaks from focus on the fucking; so we'll have a long nipple attention thing, or simply snogging, while hardly moving my cock. And then to change position, or change furniture, mid way too. Sometimes half an hour? I think one factor has got to be that we have been very close at all sorts of levels for more than 30 years, so we enjoy a really un-hurried session. I do hope there are others for whom it's like this.
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