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Old 12-07-2013, 10:16 PM   #101
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Confusion?

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Originally Posted by tiny_tits View Post
While we do sext what we want, we are both reluctant to have candid sex talks. Neither of us feel comfortable discussing what we want sexually
DO you know what you want?
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Old 12-07-2013, 11:39 PM   #102
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Originally Posted by Paul_Chance View Post
"Siri would get me killed..." is just flat out funny.

As for advice - I tend to line up with CutieMouse - being "bad" isn't about a specific sexual act - it is about being comfortable and enthusiastic about the act and the person you are performing it with.

From the people I have known who were "bad girls" in the good sense (most of them were bad women), they had two things in common:

First, they were comfortable in their own skin, with their own body. They could be unabashedly naked with a partner. This can be learned by simply practice. Get a full length mirror and spend hours just studying yourself - really studying yourself, until you are comfortable with how you look.

Second, they were comfortable about expressing themselves sexually, through actions and words. They said and showed what they wanted and spoke openly about what they intended to do. This can also be learned. There is an intimacy exercise that I am a huge fan of, as I find it works extremely well.

Take your lover, find someplace where you can be uninterrupted. Turn the lights on. Both strip naked and sit/lay on the bed. Take turns carefully studying each others body, touching and caressing every inch of it. Talk about what you see, what you think, what you like. Ask questions. Answer questions. Do this for a solid hour. Repeat until you are both very comfortable with the process and can simply lay together stark naked. The whole purpose of the exercise is to help you learn intimacy and drop your inhibitions.
Best yet- thanks Paul!
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Old 12-07-2013, 11:42 PM   #103
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Originally Posted by Jessie_Pinkman View Post
so your boyfriend was an asshole.
But sounds like since then, you still want to try it.

Do you?
While that was a major setback, yes, I do.
I get really turned on when he plays with me there.
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Old 12-08-2013, 08:38 AM   #104
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Best yet- thanks Paul!
Thanks Tiny - and good luck. The journey into the erotic world is a life long one. Never stop learning.
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Old 12-08-2013, 04:18 PM   #105
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Is there a version of Dom / Sub that doesn't involve pain or degradation?
More on the side of giving orders, etc?
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Old 12-08-2013, 04:22 PM   #106
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Yes, the receipt/infliction of punishment and pain are not necessary. The acronym BDSM stands for multiple fetishes that are sometimes related, but not necessarily. You'll see variants, but originally it was bondage, domination, sadism and masochism - each is a particular kink in its own right and there are many people who are only into one variant.
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Old 12-08-2013, 04:47 PM   #107
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I haven't read the rest of the thread but I'd say that if you force it, it will feel forced and awkward and your partner will sense your lack of comfort and feel awkward himself. I speak from personal experience here. 99 times out of 100 the best sex happens when the two people are comfortable with each other. The idea that straight off the bat you can be totally at ease with somebody and throw all caution to the wind with instant chemistry mostly comes from porn and bad romance, not real life.
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Old 12-08-2013, 09:51 PM   #108
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As a man, I completely agree with the dirty talk suggestion!

One of the hottest experiences I ever had was with a college girlfriend. She was sucking my dick and then paused and asked me "Did you fuck Laura (previous girlfriend) with this cock?"....I didn't know what to say. I was afraid to say the wrong thing. She then began alternating between sucking/licking and talking....."I know you did, I can still taste her nasty cunt all over you".....suck/lick......."It fucking turns me on!!".........lick/suck............"She creamed all over every inch of this thing, didn't she?"..........lick/suck........."I can't blame her. I am gonna cream all over this thing too!"

Another time I was watching a ballgame and it was getting late. She just walked over to me and held her fingers under my nose. They had obviously just been in a very wet pussy only seconds before. "I am going to bed, don't stay up too late"..................I shut the game off and followed her to the bedroom.

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Old 12-09-2013, 12:02 PM   #109
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Originally Posted by tiny_tits View Post
I really don't care if he brags to his friends.
The question was if you care if he dumps you.
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Old 12-09-2013, 01:27 PM   #110
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiny_tits View Post
First of all, apologies up front for
(a) not looking back beyond the first few pages for a similar thread
(b) the use of 'girl' instead of woman or female. Somehow, "Bad Woman" doesn't sound quite right.

------------------------------------------------------------
I'm looking for tips, tricks and hints for the inhibited or shy woman who needs to learn how to let go. .

I really feel I have a ways to go. I know its not just as simple as stripping and crawling to him on my hands and knees, or just jumping on the bed naked.

What I'm looking for are hints on being seductive, exciting, erotic.

How about use of sex toys, props, dressing naughty, Kind of a 'how to turn up my Ideas on how to be a bad girl in the sense of letting go and allowing yourself to enjoy what the world of sex has to offerpersonal volume'. But more in a technical sense, rather than discussing my personal self esteem.

So guys, what is a turn on for you in the bedroom?
Girls, what helped you become more exotic / erotic / naughty in the bedroom?

*PS* I am not looking for PM's.
If you respond to this topic by PM, consider this as your response:

Thank you for your reply, but please respond on the thread, so others can agree / add to / disagree.

I highlighted that sentence, because I hope that the reason you are pursuing this is because you want to enhance your sexual experiences for yourself, and not because you want to impress a partner with your bedroom calisthenics.

This is going to be kind of rambly, and perhaps a bit general, but it's something I wanted to get of my chest. I've been thinking about replying to your thread for a few days now, but didn't think my advice was the kind of advice you were looking for. I've decided to throw it out there anyway, and you can take from it whatever you like or need.

At 22, you could be my daughter. As such, I'm going to approach this as if you were a daughter, and the types of things I would want to tell my daughter, and what I wish my own mother might have said to me.

When I was your age, my sole concern when it came to sex was whether or not the guy "liked" me. In other words, was I doing what he wanted, making him hot, getting him off the way he wanted it, etc. I worried about how I looked during sex. I worried if my hair or makeup still looked good, did my cellulite show, and was I making the appropriate noises. It was all about trying to live up to whatever his expectation was. My own enjoyment and pleasure in the act was secondary, and wasn't a priority.

This was in an age before computers, and the ability to consume porn faster than hamburgers through a McDonalds drive though window. The little porn that I saw during that time was a couple of Hustler magazines that had black dots over the genitals wherever there was any penetrative sex. I'm sure the boys got to see a bit more, but I'm also pretty sure even the dirty movies available back then would be considered tame by the standards of some of the kinky stuff I've seen recently.

Now, young people can see every possible type of sex imaginable at the click of a mouse, and at an age when I was probably still playing with Barbie and Ken and their androgynous genitals. And truly, my heart aches for young people who are basing their ideas about what sex should be from pornography. If I were 21 today, and looked at porn as a way to base what I needed to be like for real life sex, I'd probably never have taken my clothes off!

I have to say this to you because I really do hope that you are not trying to make some guy happy by being some sort of slutty little porn star for him, when it's not who you are and you are not comfortable with it.

I worry that the young men of today are putting pressure on the girls to let them do things to them that they see in porn, but, the young women don't really enjoy or feel comfortable with. Yet, they think they SHOULD be comfortable with it, because we see so much of it in porn...and everyone is doing that stuff, right?

A friend of mine's daughter was anally raped last year. She told me that the high school kids are doing anal now because you can't get pregnant from anal. When I was in high school, I am not sure anyone even considered anal as being an option...not at that age anyway.

So...what I really want to say to you is this: Please, do what you do with your partner because it will make you happy, and not because you are trying to impress or be something or someone you really aren't.

Relish your body, your sexuality, your physical response to your own touch and your to partner's. Learn the rhythm of your body, and show your partner what you need from him. You don't have to be Meryl Streep in the bedroom. Just let things flow naturally between the two of you, and you will find your inner "bad girl" soon enough. Being comfortable with a man will be the thing that will bring that aspect out in you. Being sexually open and responsive does not necessarily mean dressing up, toys, anal sex, bondage, or kink. For me, it just means the ability to freely give and to accept the pleasure that is offered. Having a partner whom you trust, who you know wants not just to take their cookies, but will give back to you in equal measure.

I'm trying not to come off all preachy here...and I am sorry if it seems that way. I'm truly not trying to be.

I just want to be sure your motivation for this is for the right reasons. I've been 22, and I know how badly that I wanted to be the "perfect woman" for some guy, and the anxiety it brought me when I measured myself by my own yardstick and came up wanting. I'd love to think that you will get the opportunity to explore and express your sensuality and sexuality on your own timetable, naturally.

Hugs!

Aphro
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Old 12-09-2013, 03:18 PM   #111
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^^^That is the best advice you have/will receive. Read, reread, memorize, and take to heart.
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Old 12-09-2013, 05:05 PM   #112
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^^^That is the best advice you have/will receive. Read, reread, memorize, and take to heart.
Aphro- thank you so much
PM'ed you- hope you don't mind
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Old 12-10-2013, 02:23 AM   #113
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Some Info For Tiny

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aphroditiac View Post
I highlighted that sentence, because I hope that the reason you are pursuing this is because you want to enhance your sexual experiences for yourself, and not because you want to impress a partner with your bedroom calisthenics.

This is going to be kind of rambly, and perhaps a bit general, but it's something I wanted to get of my chest. I've been thinking about replying to your thread for a few days now, but didn't think my advice was the kind of advice you were looking for. I've decided to throw it out there anyway, and you can take from it whatever you like or need.

At 22, you could be my daughter. As such, I'm going to approach this as if you were a daughter, and the types of things I would want to tell my daughter, and what I wish my own mother might have said to me.

When I was your age, my sole concern when it came to sex was whether or not the guy "liked" me. In other words, was I doing what he wanted, making him hot, getting him off the way he wanted it, etc. I worried about how I looked during sex. I worried if my hair or makeup still looked good, did my cellulite show, and was I making the appropriate noises. It was all about trying to live up to whatever his expectation was. My own enjoyment and pleasure in the act was secondary, and wasn't a priority.

This was in an age before computers, and the ability to consume porn faster than hamburgers through a McDonalds drive though window. The little porn that I saw during that time was a couple of Hustler magazines that had black dots over the genitals wherever there was any penetrative sex. I'm sure the boys got to see a bit more, but I'm also pretty sure even the dirty movies available back then would be considered tame by the standards of some of the kinky stuff I've seen recently.

Now, young people can see every possible type of sex imaginable at the click of a mouse, and at an age when I was probably still playing with Barbie and Ken and their androgynous genitals. And truly, my heart aches for young people who are basing their ideas about what sex should be from pornography. If I were 21 today, and looked at porn as a way to base what I needed to be like for real life sex, I'd probably never have taken my clothes off!

I have to say this to you because I really do hope that you are not trying to make some guy happy by being some sort of slutty little porn star for him, when it's not who you are and you are not comfortable with it.

I worry that the young men of today are putting pressure on the girls to let them do things to them that they see in porn, but, the young women don't really enjoy or feel comfortable with. Yet, they think they SHOULD be comfortable with it, because we see so much of it in porn...and everyone is doing that stuff, right?

A friend of mine's daughter was anally raped last year. She told me that the high school kids are doing anal now because you can't get pregnant from anal. When I was in high school, I am not sure anyone even considered anal as being an option...not at that age anyway.

So...what I really want to say to you is this: Please, do what you do with your partner because it will make you happy, and not because you are trying to impress or be something or someone you really aren't.

Relish your body, your sexuality, your physical response to your own touch and your to partner's. Learn the rhythm of your body, and show your partner what you need from him. You don't have to be Meryl Streep in the bedroom. Just let things flow naturally between the two of you, and you will find your inner "bad girl" soon enough. Being comfortable with a man will be the thing that will bring that aspect out in you. Being sexually open and responsive does not necessarily mean dressing up, toys, anal sex, bondage, or kink. For me, it just means the ability to freely give and to accept the pleasure that is offered. Having a partner whom you trust, who you know wants not just to take their cookies, but will give back to you in equal measure.

I'm trying not to come off all preachy here...and I am sorry if it seems that way. I'm truly not trying to be.

I just want to be sure your motivation for this is for the right reasons. I've been 22, and I know how badly that I wanted to be the "perfect woman" for some guy, and the anxiety it brought me when I measured myself by my own yardstick and came up wanting. I'd love to think that you will get the opportunity to explore and express your sensuality and sexuality on your own timetable, naturally.

Hugs!

Aphro
This is actually some of the best advice that has been given to you. I am older also, and your in a tough age group. You have grown up thinking big tits are so important. I have been with women both big and small, it is not the size that matters it is how you react and enjoy them being touched, fondled and sucked on. Your defeated if you think your tiny tits are not what men want. Men want a responsive woman, The size doesn't make them any more or less responsive. The man with you is a big part in this equation. A man should be looking to give pleasure to you. He should find out what turns you on. What things you enjoy. A mans reaction to you as a person and a sexual being is most important it is not for you just to pleasure the man, it is him to find out what pleasures you and most of the time communication is important. It doesn't have to be verbal, It can be a movement of your hand placing his hand where you love to be touch or the pressure of the touch or the exact place of the touch. You appear to be a sexual being, but I do believe your looking for what the guy wants more than your concerned about what you want. You will learn as you grow older and more sexually active.

Unless your a true submissive, and your only goal is for his pleasure then you just might be missing out on some really good times. But one person did say something that struck a bell with me

DO YOU REALLY KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

That is most important tiny. That can take time figuring out you also mention that in your time here you are becoming somewhat interested in the bi side of the area of sexuality. The only way you will know that is not by reading posts is by finding a woman that you feel attracted to and giving it a shot.

The people here are all well intentioned but until you do discover what you truly like you have to be in the game, and not be used, and do not think your size or shape has anything to do with it. If a guy tosses you aside because of smaller breasts thats not your fault it his is loss.

Hope this helps somewhat.
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Old 12-11-2013, 01:30 AM   #114
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Most men who are worth being with can sense if the girl is turned on
It is commonly believed that a nymphomaniac girl has the libido of an average male
so if you can think of ways to turn yourself on before you meet or approach your mate half the battle is won
having said that it would be appropriate to know what turns you on the most
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Old 12-11-2013, 06:30 PM   #115
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I think before you can learn to let go with other people, you really need to learn to let go with yourself.

When I was alone, I would lock my door, take my clothes off and stand in front of the mirror and tried to appreciate myself, I wasn't looking at the imperfections of my body, the spot there, bit of fat here etc etc, I was trying to look at the woman...

I then started touching myself, feeling my body and discovering what I liked and didn't like, becoming that little more bold as time went on...positions going from the somewhat tame ones like kneeling to the more risque squatting or bending over at the waist and exposing myself (granted, at the time I was only exposing myself in the mirror) but bending forward, looking at me spreading my ass cheeks and seeing me like that... it sparks quite a carnal emotion if the mood is right.

Then there's also the verbal side of things as well... there's a line in Secretary, where she's in the bathroom, touching herself and she mutters the words, "put your prick in my mouth" it's quite empowering.

As time progressed, I found myself leaving my door unlocked, intentionally or not, I'm not really sure, but the added prospect of being caught in such a compromising position sparked all kinds of emotions, some of which I felt guilty about, others I enjoyed.

There's nights where I lost myself in the throws of passion when making love to myself, I'd be on all fours, fingering myself imagining either a guy or a woman entering me from behind, while I had someone in front of me, granted it wasn't every night nor would you want it.

Some times it was slow and passionate, other times it was somewhat rough and in some ways from an onlooker's point of view, could be seen as degrading, on all fours, panties in my mouth, fingering myself hard and fast.

All of these things didn't happen overnight, it's a learning process and men (either through religion or simply the macho, thinking he's god's gift to women type) sometimes don't help when they chastise you for having sexual impulses...

A guy can fuck 10 women and he's a stud, ladies man...

A woman gets fucked by ten guys, she's easy, a slut, gold digger etc etc.
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Old 12-12-2013, 02:30 AM   #116
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There are many great replies here and almost all of them relevant too. That's one of the things I like about this site. Nobody cuts up an honest question and we all TRY and help regardless of our level of experience.

One question I didn't see was HOW IS YOUR SEX LIFE? Do you oragsm. Sometimes? A LOT? Every time? Multiples?

You will find that the more you orgasm the more you WANT TO orgasm. That's a good thing. Your brain produces massive amounts of oxytocin during an orgasm and you get HIGH on that. If you keep orgasming your brain keeps producing oxytocin and you get used to that high and want to maintain it. That translates into being horny ALL the time!! When you are horny all the time your self-confidence climbs. Your self esteem goes UP too and you end up feeling far more sexual and sensual than if you just have occasional sex and, like many women, only orgasm occasionally when you do have sex.

Many things CAN cause orgasm(s). It is up to YOU with your partner actively participating to find those things, explore and find others and keep innovating, keep experimenting. Keep reading erotic stories to find the ones that GRAB YOU and make your teeth chatter. It is all an amazing journey. NEVER let it become routine. There is no excuse EVER for thinking "borrring ... ." Do things spur of the moment. Do things you've planned and envisioned weeks in advance. NEVER expect ONE (only) response. Our hormone level change and what you may LOVE one day just hurts the next or just doesn't feel right. Do what feels right. Be ready to adapt or change direction or speed when a FANTASY is not playing out as you imagined. That is par for the course and should never be thought of as a "failure." It might work wonderfully the next time you try it. If you've got a good guy and he is confident you should have a mutula understanding that anything he does to or for you, you should be able to reciprocate. Discover who likes what. It is never a list that comes quickly. You develop it over a loooooong time. Sometimes years. It CAN be just as exciting two or three DECADES from now as the day you first discovered it. It CAN be THAT good.

From personal "research" I have found that NOTHING will produce the number and intensity of orgasms as G-GASMS!! Mix them in with clitoral but clitoral O's are often limited by over-sensitivity after the first orgasm. G-Gasms CAN go on forever. Remember the oxytocin? If your partner can produce a dozen, 30, 50 ... or more massive orgasms whenever you have sex/make love your oxytocin levels will be off the friggin chart. Girlfriends will be able to SMELL it on you and you B/F's buddies will too. This CAN be soooo good you'll want to share it with your parents!!

If you haven't tried this/ discovered this yet give it a whirl. If it works for ya'll it WILL change your life and what you thought was a good & close relationship before will improve expotentially. Here is my thread and technique for helping achieve levels of orgasm you may have thought was bullshit before if somebody was bragging that their B/F / hubbie had given them 30 giant O's the night before. It's NOT BS. Hope it works for you. Enjoy!!

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=70892
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:38 PM   #117
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I get this question alot- do I know what I want?

The simple answer is no.

How can you know what you want when you only know you are dissatisfied?

Like, I think I can be good in bed- I even practice deep throating on a banana in a condom- but I still feel I am not as adventuresome as others.

Now, while I enjoy some anal play, I have been abused there before, and have a few hangups that have to be resolved before full out anal sex.

Otherwise, I am pretty open to anything sexual- including multiple partners.

But I 'suck' at expressing those issues
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:44 PM   #118
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Originally Posted by tiny_tits View Post
I get this question alot- do I know what I want?

The simple answer is no.

How can you know what you want when you only know you are dissatisfied?

Like, I think I can be good in bed- I even practice deep throating on a banana in a condom- but I still feel I am not as adventuresome as others.

Now, while I enjoy some anal play, I have been abused there before, and have a few hangups that have to be resolved before full out anal sex.

Otherwise, I am pretty open to anything sexual- including multiple partners.

But I 'suck' at expressing those issues
I think you just did a pretty good job of explaining it.

You may only need a guy willing to go slow and ask you what you like. If you need to, we can practice on yahoo.
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:46 PM   #119
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I think you just did a pretty good job of explaining it.

You may only need a guy willing to go slow and ask you what you like. If you need to, we can practice on yahoo.
... but you are just your average pervert
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:47 PM   #120
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... but you are just your average pervert
I say that to keep away the 'normal' people. Some consider me above average.
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Old 12-12-2013, 10:18 PM   #121
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How can you know what you want when you only know you are dissatisfied?
I think this question lies at the heart of this whole thread.

What specifically are you dissatisfied with? Is it your performance? Your lover's? Both? Are you not reaching orgasm? If you are, is it not satisfying you in the way you think it should? Are you worried that you're not satisfying your lover? Any or all of the above?

And are we talking about emotional or physical satisfaction? or both? If what you're really after is emotional and not physical satisfaction, no amount of skill in the bedroom can promise you that. I think we've all been going on the assumption that you're seeking physical satisfaction.

Many of the previous posts are full of great advice so I apologize if this sounds like a broken record...

You should try to get in touch with what drives your own sexual response. What kind of things or situations help you relax and get into a sexual state of mind? What kind of actions or situations arouse you? What kind of actions or situations really REALLY turn you on? And what leads to true feelings of satisfaction?

For example, when you post pics to your other thread, does that sort of exhibitionism turn you on? If so, there's a good place to start. If it gets your blood flowing, follow that feeling, explore it, keep doing that thing that makes you feel good, gets you really turned on, and see if you can satisfy yourself. And then afterward, think about it. Not as in psychological analysis or anything, but just think about what you liked and maybe what you can do differently next time. Then, next time, try the same things but with a little variation. And build on that. It really comes down to a process of exploration.

You can explore by yourself and then bring your lover into it but it's probably better to start out exploring on your own so you have a better understanding of what makes you feel good, what turns you on, how you can satisfy yourself. Because if you don't know how to do that, it will be all the more difficult to when you add another person to the mix.

But above all, don't be too critical. You're learning. Sex is a skill. Good sex takes lots of practice. If you want to be a sexual jedi (and I kinda hope you do ) keep practicing.
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Old 12-13-2013, 12:09 AM   #122
tiny_tits
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Quote:
Originally Posted by monoblanco View Post
I think this question lies at the heart of this whole thread.

What specifically are you dissatisfied with? Is it your performance? Your lover's? Both? Are you not reaching orgasm? If you are, is it not satisfying you in the way you think it should? Are you worried that you're not satisfying your lover? Any or all of the above?

And are we talking about emotional or physical satisfaction? or both? If what you're really after is emotional and not physical satisfaction, no amount of skill in the bedroom can promise you that. I think we've all been going on the assumption that you're seeking physical satisfaction.

Many of the previous posts are full of great advice so I apologize if this sounds like a broken record...

You should try to get in touch with what drives your own sexual response. What kind of things or situations help you relax and get into a sexual state of mind? What kind of actions or situations arouse you? What kind of actions or situations really REALLY turn you on? And what leads to true feelings of satisfaction?

For example, when you post pics to your other thread, does that sort of exhibitionism turn you on? If so, there's a good place to start. If it gets your blood flowing, follow that feeling, explore it, keep doing that thing that makes you feel good, gets you really turned on, and see if you can satisfy yourself. And then afterward, think about it. Not as in psychological analysis or anything, but just think about what you liked and maybe what you can do differently next time. Then, next time, try the same things but with a little variation. And build on that. It really comes down to a process of exploration.

You can explore by yourself and then bring your lover into it but it's probably better to start out exploring on your own so you have a better understanding of what makes you feel good, what turns you on, how you can satisfy yourself. Because if you don't know how to do that, it will be all the more difficult to when you add another person to the mix.

But above all, don't be too critical. You're learning. Sex is a skill. Good sex takes lots of practice. If you want to be a sexual jedi (and I kinda hope you do ) keep practicing.
so many questions...

What specifically are you dissatisfied with? Is it your performance? Your lover's? Both?
Yes, I do think I could be better.
The guys I've been with don't experiment much; maybe I'm not motivating them...

Are you not reaching orgasm?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

If you are, is it not satisfying you in the way you think it should?
This for sure.

Are you worried that you're not satisfying your lover?
They always cum. I have no idea how satisfied...

And are we talking about emotional or physical satisfaction? or both?
Emotional is a whole 'nuther issue. Not going there right now.
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Old 12-13-2013, 05:29 AM   #123
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It occurs to me that you need a new name. Don't let the size of your breasts define you...there is so much more.
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Old 12-13-2013, 03:59 PM   #124
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The wording of the question suggests a problem because, in my lexicon, what you mean by "bad" is actually "good" as in, "How can a good girl become a better one in bed?" Do you, in fact, feel that you would be behaving wrongly if you enjoy yourself in bed? That might be a problem if true.
There is nothing so satisfying in intimacy as a partner who will take time, enjoy exploration of both bodies, not be quick to say "no" and, most of all, let herself enjoy her body. That sort of implies or suggests that knowing what is pleasurable for you is important or, at least you won't say no to something because you haven't done it before.
So, know thyself or be willing to learn about yourself and select guys who are respectful of you and are of the same mindset.
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Old 12-13-2013, 05:17 PM   #125
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