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Old 12-04-2013, 03:14 PM   #76
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Out of curiosity:

What is your goal? To have a long term relationship with this guy or that he brags about you to his friends?
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Old 12-04-2013, 07:00 PM   #77
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Primalex View Post
Out of curiosity:

What is your goal? To have a long term relationship with this guy or that he brags about you to his friends?


Why?

What am I missing?

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Old 12-04-2013, 07:42 PM   #78
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Originally Posted by Primalex View Post
Out of curiosity:

What is your goal? To have a long term relationship with this guy or that he brags about you to his friends?
Does it matter?

That responsibility falls on the guy - not her...

What is your goal in asking the question?
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Old 12-04-2013, 08:30 PM   #79
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have you masturbated in front of him?
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Old 12-04-2013, 08:52 PM   #80
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Get comfortable in your own skin, and worry less about being a bad girl, or sexually exciting enough. Once I stopped giving a damn about what men wanted or found exciting, or what qualified as "good girl" vs "bad girl", things started clicking into place.

Hell, if a man asks me today if I'm a "bad girl", I tend to reply "of course not. I'm always good." If they don't understand the universe "always good" opens up (to their benefit)... They weren't worth exploring with in the first place.
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Old 12-04-2013, 10:39 PM   #81
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Get comfortable in your own skin, and worry less about being a bad girl, or sexually exciting enough. Once I stopped giving a damn about what men wanted or found exciting, or what qualified as "good girl" vs "bad girl", things started clicking into place.

Hell, if a man asks me today if I'm a "bad girl", I tend to reply "of course not. I'm always good." If they don't understand the universe "always good" opens up (to their benefit)... They weren't worth exploring with in the first place.
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Old 12-05-2013, 12:28 AM   #82
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Originally Posted by CutieMouse View Post
Get comfortable in your own skin, and worry less about being a bad girl, or sexually exciting enough. Once I stopped giving a damn about what men wanted or found exciting, or what qualified as "good girl" vs "bad girl", things started clicking into place.

Hell, if a man asks me today if I'm a "bad girl", I tend to reply "of course not. I'm always good." If they don't understand the universe "always good" opens up (to their benefit)... They weren't worth exploring with in the first place.
This. Just this.

I understand the hang-ups about full-on anal, and I hope that they'll resolve with the right person, but I genuinely am glad that things are working out with you two.
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Old 12-05-2013, 06:12 AM   #83
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No, I have a bit of a hangup on full out anal sex.
But I do enjoy a bit of play there.
So why the hangup?
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Old 12-05-2013, 06:21 AM   #84
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One that takes the lead and teases, excites, ect. - again, not just follow the lead of the guy.
Then this is a combination issue, of your self worth, a guy's letting go. Etc. Try taking you guys hand the next time you are making out & lead him into the bedroom, telling him to not say a word as you strip in front of him then slowly undress him teasing him as you do. or reverse it undress him first teasing him then slowly strip in front of him. Sorry for the wordy reply. It is all about being comfortable with your "personal power", who you want to be.
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Old 12-05-2013, 11:11 AM   #85
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This. Just this.

I understand the hang-ups about full-on anal, and I hope that they'll resolve with the right person, but I genuinely am glad that things are working out with you two.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessie_Pinkman View Post
So why the hangup?
I sent it to the Anonymous Secrets thread here last month, and appreciated the support.

Yes, I've got an arms length of issues, but for the first time in my life, I'm now dealing with them.

Discussing them on Literotica has really really helped

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Old 12-05-2013, 11:12 AM   #86
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Then this is a combination issue, of your self worth, a guy's letting go. Etc. Try taking you guys hand the next time you are making out & lead him into the bedroom, telling him to not say a word as you strip in front of him then slowly undress him teasing him as you do. or reverse it undress him first teasing him then slowly strip in front of him. Sorry for the wordy reply. It is all about being comfortable with your "personal power", who you want to be.
I love wordy replies-
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Old 12-05-2013, 03:44 PM   #87
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Quote:
Originally Posted by leatherleaf View Post
That responsibility falls on the guy - not her...
The responsibility for a relationship falls on the guy?

Fascinating. I thought the whole point of a relationship is that it's not one-person's show.
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Old 12-05-2013, 05:50 PM   #88
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Originally Posted by Primalex View Post
The responsibility for a relationship falls on the guy?

Fascinating. I thought the whole point of a relationship is that it's not one-person's show.
Well she can't control if he brags to his friends now can she?
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Old 12-05-2013, 06:29 PM   #89
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What makes it easier to discuss here than it is to discuss with him? In many ways, the exploration of everything is the fun part of the relationship. I think it's important to allow your imaginations to wander together. Don't be afraid to tell him that you feel this intense curiosity about your sexual relationship with him and give him permission to let loose with you.

If he's as young as you are, he may still feel the need to get your approval. Let's face it - he may be young enough that he doesn't realize the potential of an adult sexual world.

It appears from your posts that you're easily able to overcome your shyness.. so maybe he's the one who is shy. Help him out of his shell.
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Old 12-05-2013, 06:32 PM   #90
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Quote:
Originally Posted by leatherleaf View Post
Well she can't control if he brags to his friends now can she?
If she can't control this, she can't control if he stays with her or not either, which would make this whole thread kinda futile.
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Old 12-05-2013, 07:08 PM   #91
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If she can't control this, she can't control if he stays with her or not either, which would make this whole thread kinda futile.
Nah I don't think so. I like to this she was doing this for herself. He never asked for it (unless I missed that part).
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Old 12-05-2013, 11:48 PM   #92
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What makes it easier to discuss here than it is to discuss with him? In many ways, the exploration of everything is the fun part of the relationship. I think it's important to allow your imaginations to wander together. Don't be afraid to tell him that you feel this intense curiosity about your sexual relationship with him and give him permission to let loose with you.

If he's as young as you are, he may still feel the need to get your approval. Let's face it - he may be young enough that he doesn't realize the potential of an adult sexual world.

It appears from your posts that you're easily able to overcome your shyness.. so maybe he's the one who is shy. Help him out of his shell.
While we do sext what we want, we are both reluctant to have candid sex talks. Neither of us feel comfortable discussing what we want sexually
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Old 12-05-2013, 11:49 PM   #93
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Well she can't control if he brags to his friends now can she?
I really don't care if he brags to his friends.
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Old 12-06-2013, 01:49 AM   #94
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While we do sext what we want, we are both reluctant to have candid sex talks. Neither of us feel comfortable discussing what we want sexually
It's still a way of exploring things while you're getting ready to say something face to face. My last partner and I spent 8 hours on Skype and when she asked me what I liked - in this case, all things anal - I had to type it out because I was too scared to say it. She was accepting of it. We never got around to it, and I'm terrified of telling my next partner, but it did work - and we sexted a lot and talked about it in our dirty talk thereafter. It can be a slow process opening up top someone, so baby steps are good.
I just read your anonymous post. Whether or not it actually would count as rape in a court of law is one thing which I'm not going to get into, but you have every right to feel violated and uncomfortable around the topic, and hangups are perfectly reasonable. Personally, I think you should try to over come them for yourself, but I'm talking from an outsider's perspective, so that might just be wishful thinking. That said, there's something to be said for reclaiming the whole thing from that guy, so that if you're with your current partner or someone else, you're not letting what happened to you be the deciding factor in what you do in the bedroom, if that makes sense? Just thinking aloud. Since my breakup with the partner I mentioned above (first and only girl I slept with), I have been really upset and confused and trying to "reclaim" my fantasies and my likes from that relationship. It was abusive in its own way, and that will take me a long time to get past. But back on to you. If talking through things on here has helped, then that's great. If sexting is the best way for you two to communicate about sex, then use it - try and get to somewhere where you two are comfortable talking about it person to person - but even then, if you're mid chat, and you want to discuss something that you can't bring yourself to say, there's nothing wrong with picking up your phone and writing it out and showing him/sending it to him if it's something you want but can't say. If you trust the person enough to want to try something, then this might be the best way to get the message across. It's all about what works for you.
Sorry for my rambling verbosity, and hope the general sentiment is agreeable, even if it just seems like the words are just nonsense.
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Old 12-06-2013, 07:01 AM   #95
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The advice I've pretty much given my children.. one of whom is as old as the op -

if you don't feel like you can openly discuss it, it's either the wrong partner or the wrong thing to try at the time. sexting is fun, a good ice breaker. It's not like you can take your phone into bed, halt the force, and text each other. Eventually you need to be able to respond to each other in real time..with real voices.

I have this image in my head of someone texting the safe word..
Knowing my text-to-type program, Siri would get me killed!

lol.. what do I know? I discovered sex before all this technology. I actually had to drag a cord from the kitchen phone into the bathroom if I wanted phone privacy.. and my dad could always pick up the other extension and "remind me" that someone needed to use the facilities
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Old 12-06-2013, 09:16 AM   #96
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The advice I've pretty much given my children.. one of whom is as old as the op -

if you don't feel like you can openly discuss it, it's either the wrong partner or the wrong thing to try at the time. sexting is fun, a good ice breaker. It's not like you can take your phone into bed, halt the force, and text each other. Eventually you need to be able to respond to each other in real time..with real voices.

I have this image in my head of someone texting the safe word..
Knowing my text-to-type program, Siri would get me killed!

lol.. what do I know? I discovered sex before all this technology. I actually had to drag a cord from the kitchen phone into the bathroom if I wanted phone privacy.. and my dad could always pick up the other extension and "remind me" that someone needed to use the facilities
No, I know you are right. It's just always been easier to do it than talk about it.
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Old 12-06-2013, 09:28 PM   #97
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"Siri would get me killed..." is just flat out funny.

As for advice - I tend to line up with CutieMouse - being "bad" isn't about a specific sexual act - it is about being comfortable and enthusiastic about the act and the person you are performing it with.

From the people I have known who were "bad girls" in the good sense (most of them were bad women), they had two things in common:

First, they were comfortable in their own skin, with their own body. They could be unabashedly naked with a partner. This can be learned by simply practice. Get a full length mirror and spend hours just studying yourself - really studying yourself, until you are comfortable with how you look.

Second, they were comfortable about expressing themselves sexually, through actions and words. They said and showed what they wanted and spoke openly about what they intended to do. This can also be learned. There is an intimacy exercise that I am a huge fan of, as I find it works extremely well.

Take your lover, find someplace where you can be uninterrupted. Turn the lights on. Both strip naked and sit/lay on the bed. Take turns carefully studying each others body, touching and caressing every inch of it. Talk about what you see, what you think, what you like. Ask questions. Answer questions. Do this for a solid hour. Repeat until you are both very comfortable with the process and can simply lay together stark naked. The whole purpose of the exercise is to help you learn intimacy and drop your inhibitions.
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Old 12-06-2013, 10:16 PM   #98
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As others have said, confidence is the big factor. If you're comfortable enough in your own skin, that's half the battle. And I'm not talking about false confidence, either, because it's easy to tell the difference. The genuine article is sexy as hell and has the potential to boost your attractiveness, performance, and enthusiasm. So the trick is to discover for yourself what will make you more confident. The rest is simply a matter of experimentation and being comfortable with a partner.
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Old 12-07-2013, 07:39 PM   #99
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiny_tits View Post
I sent it to the Anonymous Secrets thread here last month, and appreciated the support.

Yes, I've got an arms length of issues, but for the first time in my life, I'm now dealing with them.

Discussing them on Literotica has really really helped
so your boyfriend was an asshole.
But sounds like since then, you still want to try it.

Do you?
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Old 12-07-2013, 10:08 PM   #100
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Take your lover, find someplace where you can be uninterrupted. Turn the lights on. Both strip naked and sit/lay on the bed. Take turns carefully studying each others body, touching and caressing every inch of it. Talk about what you see, what you think, what you like. Ask questions. Answer questions. Do this for a solid hour. Repeat until you are both very comfortable with the process and can simply lay together stark naked. The whole purpose of the exercise is to help you learn intimacy and drop your inhibitions.
This. Always this. I needed this with my partners, I think. This just sums it all up. Brilliant advice.
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