As The Hospital Pervs-- It's Overtime Time

The hospital is full. There are no beds, and the Emergency Department is filled with debauchery. To accommodate the perverted, the CEO has decided to expand, and create new units.
We need more head nurses to assist and satisfy the needs of the sexually depraved.

This is the medical kink, and real-time bedside nursing in an intensive care unit, specializing in unique care.

Health care is never ending, 24/7 just like this thread.

*Disclaimer: All scenarios have been changed protect the privacy from my disgusting mind.

As The Hospital Pervs

Garp!

You are all technical sergeant Garp, and I am a Jenny.
It's that soothing release, and we are all damaged.

Let me jerk-you, get off.

Garp!

What's going on here

iamshaun said:

What's going on here

Click to expand...

I love part-time pricks, but we are on mandatory overtime at the Perverted Hospital. You can start pricking at the RN desk, anytime.

“In this dirty-minded world you are either somebody's wife or somebody's whore, or fast on your way to becoming one or the other.”
― John Irving, The World According to Garp

I woke up from a dream. I was doing overtime on the telemetry floor to help out from 7pm-11pm after working a full 12 hours in the intensive care unit.

In the middle of getting report to assume care, my favorite Resident, my first real crush approached me, and said: "I have to discuss something with you." I asked sweetly: "Can you call me after I get this under control?"

The slutty speech therapist said: "You can talk to me!" You know that speech therapist, the one humping every doctors leg with her clicky heels and tight pants.

In the hallway while walking to the sickest patient, there he was walking stalking. He said: "I don't have your number." I gave it to him.

I woke up and never found out what he wanted to say.

carried over reply--

Balladeer08 said:

I have great veins for them to stick. Weightlifting does that, and I have always been somewhat of a gym rat. Not the overdone Mr. Olympus variety, just physical fitness and ability to perform. I'd say my body looks more like Robert Conrad from the Wild, Wild West days (a girlfriend told me this once). Not quite as "cut", but then I'm 61. He was in his 30's then. Not many guys my age have visible six pack abs. So I have large blood vessels, easy to get a needle in.

Yeah, I think they should inform me about what tests as well. But they are the VA. Great power with never the same doctor twice is pretty much a guarantee that some things will not be done well. I told them I didn't want the statins for high blood pressure. They prescribed them anyway, mailed them and billed me. And won't take them back. Forget the refund, how do I properly dispose of the damn pills? I don't want to just flush them, I expect that is bad for the fish or something.

Click to expand...

I love a big vein to slip an 18 gauge into, I imagine it's as easy as slipping a large penis into a well wet vaginal vault.

You can take the pills to a local pharmacy, and tell them you want to dispose them properly.

My first crush is the chief resident now, but I won't forget his third year and my first year in the ICU. I won't forget my first sick young patient and how he stayed in the room with me for 12 hours. I didn't cry, and that was the first time I realized: I can do this.

He even gave report to the night nurse so that I could play catch up and document each amp of sodium bicarb that went in-- and what time everything was done, as I stared at the chart and wondered what just happened. He signed out for me, before signing himself out to the night resident. All I had to do was document and give the night nurse a hug before leaving.

And now when he visits and leaves, he blows me a kiss with his hand. He's one of the best.

sweepthefloor said:

My first crush is the chief resident now, but I won't forget his third year and my first year in the ICU. I won't forget my first sick young patient and how he stayed in the room with me for 12 hours. I didn't cry, and that was the first time I realized: I can do this.

He even gave report to the night nurse so that I could play catch up and document each amp of sodium bicarb that went in-- and what time everything was done, as I stared at the chart and wondered what just happened. He signed out for me, before signing himself out to the night resident. All I had to do was document and give the night nurse a hug before leaving.

And now when he visits and leaves, he blows me a kiss with his hand. He's one of the best.

Click to expand...

clearly he deserves your "bedside manner" in an empty exam room next chance you get

pete said:

clearly he deserves your "bedside manner" in an empty exam room next chance you get

Click to expand...

He is married! You should see his wife, beautiful.

I woke up today to a dream about one of our Surgeons. We walked around this weird hospital campus. He talked and I listened. We sat on these steps and I was behind him. The ever assessing nurse that is me noticed that something was strange about his back. I pulled down his shirt and his spine had spikes like a lizard but was made of soft flesh.

I was startled but touched him. I asked him if it hurt. He told me it hurt in ways he can not describe.

He was second call and another surgeon paged him to the trauma bay. He said he would see me later. I woke up.
--

I woke up wondering. It's been a long week and the stress about my half-assed charting is freaking me out. I know I am going to get in trouble about the code blue sheets: I forgot to write in when the patient expired after the second code.

And I know it's ok. There is a death note from the doctor with time of death on the chart, but it's just my imperfection that is driving me crazy.

I'm glad you were able to so quickly start up a new facility. In this day, it's hard to get governmental approval.

Why do doctors refuse to listen? My sister's medical files a ay she has bad veins that either can't be hit with an iv or will blow out so use an ultrasound and pic line. Every hospital she goes to some hot shot doctor trys an iv and ends up pumping a muscle full of whatever medicine it is. She trys to tell them this every time.

The nurses on the otherhand are always awesome!

A big thank you to the nurses out there

SBroadB9 said:

I'm glad you were able to so quickly start up a new facility. In this day, it's hard to get governmental approval.

Click to expand...

When there is demand we find resources. The government doesn't want us setting up tent triage shops in the city streets, sucking cock for the lonely.

remy_lebeau8 said:

Why do doctors refuse to listen? My sister's medical files a ay she has bad veins that either can't be hit with an iv or will blow out so use an ultrasound and pic line. Every hospital she goes to some hot shot doctor trys an iv and ends up pumping a muscle full of whatever medicine it is. She trys to tell them this every time.

The nurses on the otherhand are always awesome!

A big thank you to the nurses out there

Click to expand...

It's a matter of central line insertion practice-- they never want to believe because they don't want central lines unless it's surely necessary. Central lines, including PIC(lines) are an infection risk.

That being said: if she always needs a central line and has veins that bad they should just get the line instead of poking her, and infiltrating medication into the tissue. A nurse will advocate for that. We can see from the start if the veins are impossible.

We don't let doctors or residents insert peripheral IVs on our unit, especially ones with bad veins. Nurses have more practice, we do it better. I am not going to let a resident make a pin cushion out of my patient. They don't even insert PIC lines, but they will insert central lines in the jugular and they do a good job at that. It's just a different scope of practice.

Listening is hard to hear when they have a million other things to think about, and that is why nurses exist. Thank you.

My only advice is that your sister demand to not be poked unless they are sure they can get it-- one try, one shot. We have a two stick policy. If I can't get it in two sticks, another nurse gets two sticks, after that they get a central line.

I had a dream about my medical director the other day...giving me orders while I was bent over the desk and he had my pants pulled down spanking me. I woke up and couldn't help but giggle. I see him as more of the spankee then the spanker.

I have a thing for voices. There are several men I talk to at work who have amazing voices and I would kill to have them whispering what a dirty little girl I am while I either play with myself or they play with me. And they are all super polite and flirty. Makes my nights a little better.

sweepthefloor said:

It's a matter of central line insertion practice-- they never want to believe because they don't want central lines unless it's surely necessary. Central lines, including PIC(lines) are an infection risk.

That being said: if she always needs a central line and has veins that bad they should just get the line instead of poking her, and infiltrating medication into the tissue. A nurse will advocate for that. We can see from the start if the veins are impossible.

We don't let doctors or residents insert peripheral IVs on our unit, especially ones with bad veins. Nurses have more practice, we do it better. I am not going to let a resident make a pin cushion out of my patient. They don't even insert PIC lines, but they will insert central lines in the jugular and they do a good job at that. It's just a different scope of practice.

Listening is hard to hear when they have a million other things to think about, and that is why nurses exist. Thank you.

My only advice is that your sister demand to not be poked unless they are sure they can get it-- one try, one shot. We have a two stick policy. If I can't get it in two sticks, another nurse gets two sticks, after that they get a central line.

Click to expand...

You crazy girl, Obama cut any overtime pay you want.

GoddessTink said:

I had a dream about my medical director the other day...giving me orders while I was bent over the desk and he had my pants pulled down spanking me. I woke up and couldn't help but giggle. I see him as more of the spankee then the spanker.

I have a thing for voices. There are several men I talk to at work who have amazing voices and I would kill to have them whispering what a dirty little girl I am while I either play with myself or they play with me. And they are all super polite and flirty. Makes my nights a little better.

Click to expand...

I only remember my dreams in the morning, and I didn't wake to dreaming this day.
I like voices too. I am good for sexing my voice up to the radiologist or someone else that can't see me, especially pharmacy. It gets the Versed and Fentanyl drips into the MedStation faster. I like to imagine what they look like.

I often wonder about certain Surgeons at work, if they are the spankee or the spanker. There is one that comes in and is so bossy and demanding that I think his wife spanks him every night, so he compensates and takes his aggression out on us. He wants hourly intake and outputs even on post-operative day #3. He freaks out: This is an ICU!

Shagly said:

You crazy girl, Obama cut any overtime pay you want.

Click to expand...

Is this some kind of a joke? The census is high and administration is begging for those willing to work OT. They even schedule us OT as if it were mandatory. The Affordable Care Act has nothing to do with the bedside, when people are sick they get admitted to the ICU. And when there is no insurance the hospital absorbs the cost via charity care, and government funding.

GoFuckYourself said:

fruit kabob

Click to expand...

I should eat more sweet fruit. I am a vegetable and bread girl. I once knew this girl from nursing school that looked up this crazy theory about blood type and food preferences. I should check that out and see if it correlates.

So I worked ER as a nurse aide, but had grown up in the hospital because mom and brother are both medical people. I knew all the nurses but this one doc was new to me. My first day on the job we had a cardiac arrest come in, my boss was there and kind of pushed me in to do CPR. The woman died but the doctor complimented me on my chest compressions. I'm still standing in the step stool so I'm talk enough to do compressions, he walks up and slaps me in the ass and says "you can do compressions in my room anytime"

Everyone in the room (we are talking, less than a minute after the woman was pronounced) looks at me like "what is she going to say". I just started laughing and asked "is that normal or am I special??"


I was special...

A nurse called me a tough stick yesterday, but when the blood flowed on the first attempt, she curtsied. My heart fell on the floor and burst into a million pieces.

GoddessTink said:

So I worked ER as a nurse aide, but had grown up in the hospital because mom and brother are both medical people. I knew all the nurses but this one doc was new to me. My first day on the job we had a cardiac arrest come in, my boss was there and kind of pushed me in to do CPR. The woman died but the doctor complimented me on my chest compressions. I'm still standing in the step stool so I'm talk enough to do compressions, he walks up and slaps me in the ass and says "you can do compressions in my room anytime"

Everyone in the room (we are talking, less than a minute after the woman was pronounced) looks at me like "what is she going to say". I just started laughing and asked "is that normal or am I special??"


I was special...

Click to expand...

I like to say and write in my note: "High Quality CPR given."
In the ER the techs/aides are always doing the compressions, it's hard work. In ICU our Residents do them. They line up, get told when to switch, and get feedback: deeper, faster, let the chest recoil. I haven't done chest compressions for about five years.

I like to be the recorder because it gives me a sense of the overall picture. I wrote a letter to my director that will be forwarded to the director of medical teaching about the last code blue x2 within an hour. The leadership and control was outstanding. It just proves my point about the third years and how fast they develop. I had no idea she was going to be such a great leader. I thought it was going to be a nurse driven mess.

We knew the patient was going to code-- anytime there is tachycardia that drops to the 50s without medication induced bradycardia-- something is wrong. We got ready, took the gown off the patient, got the code cart, got the step stool, got the first dose of epinephrine ready,marked the central pulse with a marker to find it easier with the doppler later, put the backboard under the patient and I went to the Residents desk and said: bed two is about to code.

By the time they got to the room at 1001-- asystole and CPR initiated. The awesome third year took immediate control and assigned roles. The communication was just like in the movie from class. She told the medication prep nurse what medication to prepare, the medication nurse communicated to me every time a medication went in, and the Resident kept saying to me: tell me when it's two minutes, and repeat to me medications given already. And she basically told everyone what to do: Continue CPR, check pulse, check rhythm, continue CPR, Vasopressin. Pulse!

Round Two: a shockable rhythm: pulseless v-tach she wanted a charge to 300 joules, continue CPR while charging, clear, deliver the shock- and the junior residents looked afraid to do it. I delivered the first shock and said: I can't record and work the LifePak at the same time. She assigned a Resident. Amiodarone was given and joules stacked to 360 delivered by the assigned resident. She didn't even forget to tell Respiratory to remove oxygen before shocking.

Did anyone call the family? And they did, and said stop. Time of death.......

I went to bed that night hearing her voice: tell me when it's two minutes, has it been two minutes yet? How many epi? How many bicarbs? I could hear my voice: one more minute to encourage the chest compressor because two minutes is a long time.

You are special.

InternationalFunboy said:

A nurse called me a tough stick yesterday, but when the blood flowed on the first attempt, she curtsied. My heart fell on the floor and burst into a million pieces.

Click to expand...

It's love that turns a tough hard stick into a one shot easy wonder. It's a relief, you are going to feel a pinch. I don't go fishing for cells or love in empty river beds.

Burst hearts on the floor in millions of pieces get swept up carefully with my sterile broom. It's that crazy glue called dermabond that works well, and I pick out the dust pieces carefully with my clean tweezers before placing it back in a chest. There is no infection from my clean floor-- so let it fall lover.

Nursie Janey--
Sweeping up hearts since 19XXX