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Old 12-17-2013, 06:36 PM   #51
twelveoone
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Oh I am a Robert Fripp fan but don't don't change the subject
fridayam?
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Old 12-18-2013, 12:43 AM   #52
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Originally Posted by fridayam View Post
A warm thank you to my old friend twelveone for his comment on "Heff in Epping", but I must correct him: The whole piece is speech, so why put inverted commas around "fuck me"

If my poem can be opaque to even such bright minds as have commented, then I must be at fault for burying the imagery too deeply, though I am not prepared to give up the game just yet

Ask yourself who else was a superb mechanic, limped and was ugly and yet was married to and cuckolded by the most beautiful woman

Btw, I have spent all day trying to get someone to come and fix my heating which has packed up on a bleak, drear day, without success
Howard Hefner ?
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Old 12-18-2013, 07:10 AM   #53
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thankyou to all that commented on my poem "creating shadows"
to 1201 tense issues seem to abound in my writing, this is the third time it has been picked up by three different poets, all of whom I respect, I must work on it.

to Harryhill, thanks for bringing the piece up in my old thread to workshop and share thoughts on,

greenmountainer and ishtat, unsure why I used the word infinitesimal, it is a mouthful, I cant justify it, thank you for pointing it out as a hurdle,

To desejo, punctuation and spelling are two glaring faults of mine also been spoken about a couple of times. I wasn't expecting so many comments so thank you all.
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Old 12-18-2013, 07:26 AM   #54
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Originally Posted by todski28 View Post
thankyou to all that commented on my poem "creating shadows"
to 1201 tense issues seem to abound in my writing, this is the third time it has been picked up by three different poets, all of whom I respect, I must work on it.

to Harryhill, thanks for bringing the piece up in my old thread to workshop and share thoughts on,

greenmountainer and ishtat, unsure why I used the word infinitesimal, it is a mouthful, I cant justify it, thank you for pointing it out as a hurdle,

To desejo, punctuation and spelling are two glaring faults of mine also been spoken about a couple of times. I wasn't expecting so many comments so thank you all.
it was worth all those and more
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Old 12-18-2013, 07:47 PM   #55
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Originally Posted by todski28 View Post
thankyou to all that commented on my poem "creating shadows"
to 1201 tense issues seem to abound in my writing, this is the third time it has been picked up by three different poets, all of whom I respect, I must work on it.

to Harryhill, thanks for bringing the piece up in my old thread to workshop and share thoughts on,

greenmountainer and ishtat, unsure why I used the word infinitesimal, it is a mouthful, I cant justify it, thank you for pointing it out as a hurdle,

To desejo, punctuation and spelling are two glaring faults of mine also been spoken about a couple of times. I wasn't expecting so many comments so thank you all.
tod, I admire you
you do know the reason for present tense, is it puts it all in front of the reader
also any suffix on a word weakens it.
it's all incremental
that said, if you can justify any choice you make, fuck everybody
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Old 12-19-2013, 02:59 PM   #56
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My thanks to Harry, wakingDown, Angie, and Desejo for their comments on "Candy Apple Red" and Angie for the recommend.

Indeed the car was a metaphor, one where my reach may have exceeded my grasp in a parody of some of the comments I've seen in "New Poems" over the years, present company in PF&D excluded.
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Old 12-23-2013, 06:11 PM   #57
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I owe some sincere thankyous to Angeline, Tristesse2, HarryHill and Oldbear63 for their comments on "Exhaust Fumes".

Oldbear63, I'm glad and sorry it touched a nerve: I sense we are part of that club of old survivors I love your poetry, sir, and thank you for appreciating mine.

HarryHill, thank you--I do think poetry should get under the skin

Tess, so many of my female acquaintances are petrolheads I don't think the masculine side is that relevant, but thank you for appreciating that there was a metaphor let loose in that stream-of-consciousness I try to achieve

Angeline, thank you as always for your lovely comment I made a really good TV programme once, and the Producer, in his cups, described me as clever--I was (still am) not sure if that was a compliment or not I know yours was well meant and i thank you whole-heartedly for it

On a personal note, this year has been the worst of my personal and professional life and I apologise if I have been absent and appearing to dip in and out of Lit: it is perforce what has been required of me.

A Happy Christmas to all on here, and happy writing x
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Old 12-23-2013, 06:15 PM   #58
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Oh, by the way, the answer to my Christmas quiz was Hephaestus ("Heff in Epping")
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Old 12-24-2013, 08:21 AM   #59
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Thanks to Ash, Angie, butters, Tess, and Harry for taking the time to comment on "The City of Charn Is Dying, Mike." Truth sometimes is stranger than fiction. Except that my then 3 year old son, Mike, was on my lap, not on a rocking horse, and Aslan wasn't for sale as a stuffed animal, everything else happened as stated in the poem many years ago.

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Old 12-24-2013, 03:02 PM   #60
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thanks, everybody, for all the comments on melt and hydrothermal venting

sometimes - when it's cold outside - it's nice to turn up the heat a little
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Old 12-25-2013, 03:20 PM   #61
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To GM , Oldbear & Tazz thank you for kind comments on "What is ..........?" . GM -- your reconstruction of my poem is Outta' the World : Thank You !
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Old 12-25-2013, 03:26 PM   #62
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My sincere thanks to greenmountaineer for comments on "Exhaust Fumes" and "Icebergs" and to Oldbear63 for his comment on "Icebergs".

A Happy Christmas to all here and all their families x
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Old 12-25-2013, 03:26 PM   #63
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Thank you to Butters & Oldbear
for commentin' on "Christmas , Diwli. Id ?

I'm glad my poem 'works' for both of you
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Old 12-26-2013, 09:48 AM   #64
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ah, thanks everyone, now who stole the check I left with the card
$1.00 to the Raλlian Space Travel Institute
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Old 12-27-2013, 01:07 PM   #65
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I admire you, comment you left on OB63, you do one a week like that, you will go much further faster....
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Old 12-27-2013, 01:16 PM   #66
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todski
I admire you, comment you left on OB63, you do one a week like that, you will go much further faster....
Thanks 1201, in the new year I plan on opening a thread to break down poems from my perspective but put it in open discussion format so people can critique the critique as well as the poem, to critique what I think is at least half properly takes more work than generating poems which I think may be half your point in regards to comments in general. I will finish this 30 in 30 run and hang up the keyboard for a little while in regards to writing because I feel I have hit a plateau there and attempt to critique, reiterate that attempt to critique
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Old 12-27-2013, 01:53 PM   #67
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Thanks 1201, in the new year I plan on opening a thread to break down poems from my perspective but put it in open discussion format so people can critique the critique as well as the poem, to critique what I think is at least half properly takes more work than generating poems which I think may be half your point in regards to comments in general. I will finish this 30 in 30 run and hang up the keyboard for a little while in regards to writing because I feel I have hit a plateau there and attempt to critique, reiterate that attempt to critique
Critical exclaim?
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well buttered
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Old 12-28-2013, 09:00 AM   #68
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My thanks to 1201, Angie, OldBear, and Harry for taking the to comment on "on the Origin of Language."

PS. Thanks to Neo too.

Last edited by greenmountaineer : 12-28-2013 at 02:22 PM.
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Old 12-28-2013, 04:30 PM   #69
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My thanks to 1201, Angie, OldBear, and Harry for taking the to comment on "on the Origin of Language."

PS. Thanks to Neo too.
off to take a butcher's, gm

thanks to everyone who left comments on oh lait, when the clowns have gone, and he plays the flute. some interesting takes. a better writer might direct their audience exactly where they should go. i'm working on it.... well, when i say working i kinda mean hoping

edit: oh gm, that's put so simply - you hand-feed us the visuals side-by-side with the audio, leaving no doubt or misinterpretation. this is exactly the sort of thing i mean about 'better' writers. you herded us around any obstacles to the X and shut the gate. sorted.
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Old 12-28-2013, 09:27 PM   #70
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Thanks 1201, in the new year I plan on opening a thread to break down poems from my perspective but put it in open discussion format so people can critique the critique as well as the poem, to critique what I think is at least half properly takes more work than generating poems which I think may be half your point in regards to comments in general. I will finish this 30 in 30 run and hang up the keyboard for a little while in regards to writing because I feel I have hit a plateau there and attempt to critique, reiterate that attempt to critique
look, you called it like you saw it, extensively
Right down I cut down on poetry crit, decided social is the way to go. I probably just pissed three more people off. They deserved it.
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Old 12-30-2013, 10:45 AM   #71
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look, you called it like you saw it, extensively
Right down I cut down on poetry crit, decided social is the way to go. I probably just pissed three more people off. They deserved it.
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Originally Posted by Neonurotic View Post
If you liked the poem and it made you feel something, it is a good poem in your opinion and worthy of that recommend you gave it. oneiria writes well, go and read the body of work on their submission page. Reading others poetry not only teaches you what good poetry is, it also improves your own writing.
Hello, Neo
A much better way is the occasional comment in depth. i.e work your way though it. Same goes for the person you were talking too.

In short, cut the crap "good" is always subjective, you make it less so by parsing it out.
Or like that poet whine
Show don't tell
Show don't tell
nah, nah

big year coming up - it ends in four
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Old 12-30-2013, 11:36 AM   #72
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Hello, Neo
A much better way is the occasional comment in depth. i.e work your way though it. Same goes for the person you were talking too.

In short, cut the crap "good" is always subjective, you make it less so by parsing it out.
Or like that poet whine
Show don't tell
Show don't tell
nah, nah
Maybe I will if I find something to comment on in depth without boring myself or the poet.


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big year coming up - it ends in four
I'm not a doomsdayer and Maximos may or may not been off his crock. We shall see. I'm in the part of the states where everyone is a survivalist and been preparing for the end of days for years.
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Old 12-30-2013, 06:56 PM   #73
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Sincere thank yous to Desejo, Oldbear63 and Todski28 for their kind comments on "Recycled Paper".

Desejo, I loved your detailed comments May I just say that, reading your own lovely poems, we follow different drummers. All the points you make, I have chosen because of the rhythm I wanted, the way I felt it should be read out loud. I normally cut any extraneous words, but these words made the rhythm right so I kept them

Btw, the present tense is often so dull--it hovers uncertainly between the past and the future
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Old 12-30-2013, 11:03 PM   #74
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Sincere thank yous to Desejo, Oldbear63 and Todski28 for their kind comments on "Recycled Paper".

Desejo, I loved your detailed comments May I just say that, reading your own lovely poems, we follow different drummers. All the points you make, I have chosen because of the rhythm I wanted, the way I felt it should be read out loud. I normally cut any extraneous words, but these words made the rhythm right so I kept them

Btw, the present tense is often so dull--it hovers uncertainly between the past and the future
In other words - you follow a drummer...and I do not (musically speaking)
It's an interesting distinction, and one of the reasons I think commenting can be challenging. Different strokes, drums.. and tense preferences.

I had never thought about what tense I prefer to write in, now I am going to start paying attention to that. I have a feeling that I neglect the future. Next year I will not!!!

Happy new year all.
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Old 12-31-2013, 12:39 PM   #75
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My thanks to Tess and Desejo for taking the time to comment on ""Rolf Who Begat Salvador."
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