Sub Drop?

[Ann0714]

In one of my posts, I mentioned the reconnection with an Ex from years ago.

We don't have an emotional relationship, it's purely physical.

He is a Dom in the rough, yet he knows that I will allow him to talk trash to me, toss me around during a sexual session and I end up wiped out from multiple orgasms.

Then he leaves . . . no phone calls, no email, nada . . . for many days.

when this sexual relationship began, I noticed AT FIRST, that a few hours after my SUPER HIGH slowly ebbed away, I became frantic, reliving what had occurred with him.

As the weeks went by, of course his visits per week increased due to his interest in my skills and ability to handle his trash talk and the rough n tumble acts, I noticed that my drop would happen maybe a day or two later.

I had NO idea why this was happening except that I felt humiliated and vulnerable. I didn't realize it was the endorphine drop within my brain.

I am so relieved that I found this post which now explains what I have been experiencing during the last 6 months.

With his philandering ways, (he basically has no feelings for the female gender except for what we can do for him) I now see that he is not the Dom I would require to help me come back to reality and maintain my sanity.

But dang, he knows how to push my buttons, and THAT will be a hard one to follow.

[kayte]

Originally Posted by Ann0714

In one of my posts, I mentioned the reconnection with an Ex from years ago.

We don't have an emotional relationship, it's purely physical.

He is a Dom in the rough, yet he knows that I will allow him to talk trash to me, toss me around during a sexual session and I end up wiped out from multiple orgasms.

Then he leaves . . . no phone calls, no email, nada . . . for many days.

when this sexual relationship began, I noticed AT FIRST, that a few hours after my SUPER HIGH slowly ebbed away, I became frantic, reliving what had occurred with him.

As the weeks went by, of course his visits per week increased due to his interest in my skills and ability to handle his trash talk and the rough n tumble acts, I noticed that my drop would happen maybe a day or two later.

I had NO idea why this was happening except that I felt humiliated and vulnerable. I didn't realize it was the endorphine drop within my brain.

I am so relieved that I found this post which now explains what I have been experiencing during the last 6 months.

With his philandering ways, (he basically has no feelings for the female gender except for what we can do for him) I now see that he is not the Dom I would require to help me come back to reality and maintain my sanity.

But dang, he knows how to push my buttons, and THAT will be a hard one to follow.

Good evening Ann ~ I am so happy to hear you did find out what was happening. That does do so much to deal with it. Hope everything works out for you.

[Ann0714]

and hello Kayte!

yes, it was pure fate that I found this thread.

I'm going through another drop but not to the extreme.

This other man whom I met while he helped my father before dying of cancer just out of the blue called me last night.

He's into the rough n tumble too, knows about my dislocated shoulder, did as much of the hard stuff but was always aware that my arm could be damaged even more.

And you know what???

Afterwards, he spooned me, kissed my forehead, talked me down, then got me back up again and repeated this about 4 more times. I was exhausted emotionally and physically.

So he called me this morning to see how I was.

HE IS A NURTURER, but knows once I heal, things will pick up QUITE A BIT.

I didn't think African-American men could be this way, at least in my past history, they pretty much just beat me up and kicked me to the curb!! lol

this Guy could be it for me, and Heaven knows I really need a stable and understanding Dom in my lowly life.

Thank you again for your welcome!!

[wenchhh]

OMG Ann, how wonderful for you! He sounds like a lovely guy. I"m so happy for you, and hope that this warm fuzzy feeling lasts for a long long time. You deserve it.
Oh girl, you just don't KNOW, well, you're learning, what a man of color can be like. There is no other feeling like when he considers you his, and gives you that look... that touch... and you're gone, to follow him anywhere. I've had a few of those, (as well as some toads) and boy... what great experiences. I'm jealous! LOL, no, not quite. I have a wonderful Dom myself, we're just having a little... well,I guess *I* am having the issues, and need to work thru them. I'm glad to see you feeling this way and happy! Keep us posted!

Originally Posted by Ann0714

and hello Kayte!

yes, it was pure fate that I found this thread.

I'm going through another drop but not to the extreme.

This other man whom I met while he helped my father before dying of cancer just out of the blue called me last night.

He's into the rough n tumble too, knows about my dislocated shoulder, did as much of the hard stuff but was always aware that my arm could be damaged even more.

And you know what???

Afterwards, he spooned me, kissed my forehead, talked me down, then got me back up again and repeated this about 4 more times. I was exhausted emotionally and physically.

So he called me this morning to see how I was.

HE IS A NURTURER, but knows once I heal, things will pick up QUITE A BIT.

I didn't think African-American men could be this way, at least in my past history, they pretty much just beat me up and kicked me to the curb!! lol

this Guy could be it for me, and Heaven knows I really need a stable and understanding Dom in my lowly life.

Thank you again for your welcome!!

[kayte]

Originally Posted by Ann0714

and hello Kayte!

yes, it was pure fate that I found this thread.

I'm going through another drop but not to the extreme.

This other man whom I met while he helped my father before dying of cancer just out of the blue called me last night.

He's into the rough n tumble too, knows about my dislocated shoulder, did as much of the hard stuff but was always aware that my arm could be damaged even more.

And you know what???

Afterwards, he spooned me, kissed my forehead, talked me down, then got me back up again and repeated this about 4 more times. I was exhausted emotionally and physically.

So he called me this morning to see how I was.

HE IS A NURTURER, but knows once I heal, things will pick up QUITE A BIT.

I didn't think African-American men could be this way, at least in my past history, they pretty much just beat me up and kicked me to the curb!! lol

this Guy could be it for me, and Heaven knows I really need a stable and understanding Dom in my lowly life.

Thank you again for your welcome!!

Good evening Ann ~ I am so thrilled reading your post! Sounds like you have found a real Dom.

[kayte]

A friendly morning bump.

[kayte]

Bumping to the top.

[DystopiaNoir]

I have yet to have a real life "session" or "scene" but I can tell already just from my experiences online and on the phone that I am very susceptible to Sub-Drop. I'm sure the versions of it that I have already experienced are probably very mild in comparison to after real-life play, but I'm already starting to feel it. Luckily for me, Daddy seems to be very attuned to this and "talks me down" even after a short phone conversation.

It is interesting to me that someone brought up the blood sugar/glucose comparison. I've got blood sugar issues myself and I'm sure that it probably has something to do with it, too. Maybe not as directly as the endorphin/dopamine causes, but everything seems so much worse when your blood sugar is low. (Perhaps that's why the warm drink remedy another person suggested works so well).

[kayte]

Originally Posted by DystopiaNoir

I have yet to have a real life "session" or "scene" but I can tell already just from my experiences online and on the phone that I am very susceptible to Sub-Drop. I'm sure the versions of it that I have already experienced are probably very mild in comparison to after real-life play, but I'm already starting to feel it. Luckily for me, Daddy seems to be very attuned to this and "talks me down" even after a short phone conversation.

It is interesting to me that someone brought up the blood sugar/glucose comparison. I've got blood sugar issues myself and I'm sure that it probably has something to do with it, too. Maybe not as directly as the endorphin/dopamine causes, but everything seems so much worse when your blood sugar is low. (Perhaps that's why the warm drink remedy another person suggested works so well).

Hi DystopiaNoir ~ Welcome to Lit and to the thread.

Hope you are getting all of the information you need.

[completenz]

hi guys
my first post!!!
The first time i dropped we both got such a shock. Neither of us had experienced anything like it.
What works for us? After we have finished playing He makes me drink a glass of fruit juice. We snuggle down in bed and He holds me so tightly and securely i eventually drop off to sleep in His arms.
The next day He watches me very carefully. If i begin to drop again His makes sure i eat some dark chocolate. Not sure how it works but it seems to lol
i feel blessed as He is a very affectionate and loving man.
hugs
c

[kayte]

Originally Posted by completenz

hi guys
my first post!!!
The first time i dropped we both got such a shock. Neither of us had experienced anything like it.
What works for us? After we have finished playing He makes me drink a glass of fruit juice. We snuggle down in bed and He holds me so tightly and securely i eventually drop off to sleep in His arms.
The next day He watches me very carefully. If i begin to drop again His makes sure i eat some dark chocolate. Not sure how it works but it seems to lol
i feel blessed as He is a very affectionate and loving man.
hugs
c

Welcome to Lit and to the thread completenz ~ Hope you are enjoying yourself and that you find all kinds of information.

As long as what is done works for the two of you that is what counts. Thank you for sharing with us.

[SubKekiLee]

Welcome CompleteNZ... That sounds good.. Mine always just holds me until I am back on earth ( so to speak) I am lucky I havent had a BS issue as I am diabetic and have been since I was a little girl.. but if I were you , You can also drink milk it has enough lactose in it to prevent from a HUGE high in BS control..

[kayte]

Originally Posted by SubKekiLee

Welcome CompleteNZ... That sounds good.. Mine always just holds me until I am back on earth ( so to speak) I am lucky I havent had a BS issue as I am diabetic and have been since I was a little girl.. but if I were you , You can also drink milk it has enough lactose in it to prevent from a HUGE high in BS control..

Hi KekiLee ~ Welcome to Lit and to the thread. Glad to hear you and your PYL have found what works for the both of you too.


PYL ~ Pick Your Label. Shorthand for Dom/Master/Mistress/Top/sub/slave/bottom

Since there were a couple of new Lit people here I thought I'd share that. Hope it helps if that has ever confused anyone.

[BarefootM]

I'm so glad to have stumbled on this thread.

I'm very new to BDSM and my dh of 11 years and I are moving toward a 24/7 D/s lifestyle. We've played a bit, but not all that intensely, so I hadn't dropped before. A few days ago we played hard for the first time and I was intensely in sub space for quite a while. Afterward I was shaking and cold. He sent me to bed, but didn't join me for quite a while. I was miserable. Wanted to sob for no real reason. I just waited for him to come to bed and he did hold me for a while, but it didn't feel like enough.

The next day (yesterday) was pretty hellish. I couldn't function well to do what I needed to do and he had a very long day at work, so I didn't see him or talk to him at all. I tried to tell him what was going on, but I don't think he got it. I haven't been with him at all today either. Today is better, but I'd rather avoid this as much as I can in the future.

Is there anything written specifically for Doms on this or aftercare in general that I could offer Him to read?

Thanks

[reignophelia]

Originally Posted by BarefootM

I'm so glad to have stumbled on this thread.

Snipped.

The next day (yesterday) was pretty hellish. I couldn't function well to do what I needed to do and he had a very long day at work, so I didn't see him or talk to him at all. I tried to tell him what was going on, but I don't think he got it. I haven't been with him at all today either. Today is better, but I'd rather avoid this as much as I can in the future.

Is there anything written specifically for Doms on this or aftercare in general that I could offer Him to read?

Thanks

I would like to know as well if anyone could suggest an effective way to explain this, or some sort of reading material.
Good question.
I hope you feel better.

[RJMasters]

In many ways sub space can be like an out of body expereince. People who practice meditation can often reach a sort of hypnotic state where they can almost be an observer of them self letting go of the physical constains of their body and feel an euphoric feeling. This of course comes with learning how to let go and remain in control since you are the one meditating and doing it.

But it is quite different when you are pushed or expereince sub space from another's hand. Many times there is an intensity inside that built up and then...wham! Complete surrendure and you hold nothing back...you are no more.

Same euphoric feelings occurring, but the difference is that you are not the one in control of this. You were up to that moment before you let go....but after that, the D is pretty much in complete control.

To leave someone in this lost state is cruel in many ways. There have been a few that actually like being left and they have to fight in order to get back to themselves...but most I have expereinced want and need to be brough back...

The problem is many D's do not understand what is happening or what they need to do at this point. Many enjoy it for a peroid of time then they are like ok, you can stop now...lol...sorry doesn't work like that.

The key to understanding this is "focus". Subspace is the absence of focus. It is the state in which nothiness exists and there you find yourself floating within this place. There are not exits or doors and even if there were you are so far gone that you wouldn't bother. There is really only one thing which can get through to you at this point, and that usually is the voice of the one who pushed you over the brink, the one you completely surrendured to.

So how or what should a D do in this situation? Well first of they should be very sensitive and aware that when you are in this place you are menatlly incapable of making rational decisions, that you can hurt yourself if you try to stand up or try to do even the simpliest of tasks....

There are times when I have had to put an arm around my shoulder and partially carry her to the bathroom because she was so far gone she would have fallen and hit her head just trying to walk to the bath room. I have even stood there and made sure she didn't just fall off....though that sounds funny, it actually isn't. I found here singing to herself laying on the bathroom floor one time because I left to go get some water....So one thing a D should expect if their submissive goes into deep sub space, is that they will be just like taking care of a person who is too intoxicated to stand on their own....If you can leave them laying down the better, but if they have to get up, you have to help them.

Another thing that will help is to reaffirm that you have them. Tell them "I got you" your ok. They may just giggle or say strange things like "that's nice" la la lalalalalala....

lol. Again imagine a person who has drunk so much they are wasted and slurring their words...they often say pretty funny things too.

With that said, how can a D help to bring them back out of subspace?

There are a few different ways, and one I would strongly avoid. One way is to sit behind them and let them lean back against you and you can talk to them softly...what I have found that works the best is to say their name over and over, like you are trying to get their attention. Do not be alarmed if they do not respond right away, and do not take it as a sign they are not respecting your dominance and obeying immediately. When they are so deep, they are not themselves and so such expectations at that time is a bit rediculious. The reason why you say their name, though this may sound funny...it is to remind them of who they are. You have to keep in mind that "they are not themselves" in this state. They surrendured completely who they were, their identity, their personhood...everything that they are inside and out is just a swirling mist in their minds at this time.

By calling or saying their name over and over gently and firmly, it helps them to remember who they are....and begins them on the way back up...reclaiming themselves and who they are.

Many times they will resist coming back out, because coming back out means that they have to regain focus. They have to take back some control and responsibility of their personhood. When they resist, you can and sometimes have to be firmer. You have to use more of a frimer voice and maybe even hold their head and tell them to look into your eyes...

I recommend the soft approach as it is always more enjoyable for you both, when you have to be stern, it is not an enjoyable journey to the surface as this cause them to be more forced to take back responsibility and control. Submissives who go into sub space often learn that when their D calls them, it is best to answer and comply more than to resist. The end result is much smoother and more enjoyable.

I also will have juice near by and as they emerge have her sip some juice. Continue to tell her how good she did and just talk "to" her. I give easy questions to help stimulate the logical areas of her brain. This again helps to elevate "awareness and focus".

Here are some things I would strongly avoid:

- Trying to shock someone out of subspace. Not a good idea at all. Infact DON'T DO IT! You can really fuck someone up doing this.

- Now is not the time for criticism of any kind or humiliation. You have direct access to their personhood, they are utterly exposed and defenseless, doing either of these at this time is a sure fire way to destroy their self esteme. And you can be sure that when they finally do come out of subspace, they will be scarred as well as a huge chunk of the unspoken trust between you two will be gone or on shaky ground. Don't be surprised if they do not surrendure to you again to this degree ever, as it's likely not going to happen.

- Don't ignore the situation. You at this point and time are responsible as their D. If you just leave them in this state, they will eventually find a way to crawl back out. For some it takes days even a week. They are not themselves, they cannot focus, they cannot think, they will feel distracted, they will slip back and forth between states. Unless you can afford to have them lay around daydreaming and such, never getting anything done. Don't blame them because you left them in this state. Help them to regain focus and awareness. They may expereince some residue type effects, but they will be less severe and will not last as long.

(EDIT ADD) - Also ignoring the situation as the D will teach the submissive that they cannot count on or turst their D to help them. It is likely that the submissive will resist surrendure in the future and will always hold back that part of themselves. In fact many women are terrified at letting go so completely, either because this is someothing new and they have never let themselves go this far before, or more likely is that they have learned to hold back a part of themselves as a learned behavior from previous people who acted in ways that hurt them when they felt so exposed or ignored them when they really needed them most.



After I help her to regain focus, she can have a number of reactions. Sometimes she will withdraw into herself and be kinda of sad. This is happens when the wieght of the world is laid back upon her shoulders after being is such a place where no responsibility exists. This is normal. Also, her body is spent. It has just been on an endorphin high, and now her body is crashing down. This is a normal reaction to this, so don't expect her to be bouncing off the walls all happy, that can happen, but it is rare.

I recommend letting her rest and also eat some good nutrious food. Plenty of water or juice. To help with her physical needs, with her emotional and mental needs, I would continue to reaffirm how much she means to you. How much you enjoy the person she is....(this isn't hard to do, just tell the truth). What this helps with though is it helps her to continue to take back who she is, and feel good about doing so because she knows that who she is is someone you enjoy. It makes it easier and even something that will make her happy, in learning that she can lay herself down and take herself back up when you require it of her and still know that wheather in subspace or out, you value the person she is.

In the end, subspace can be great, but it also can be pain to deal with if you don't like it. By understanding what is transpiring within the person who is in subspace, you are better equipt to recognize it when it happens as a D and how to respond to it. At least in my expereince the key is about helping them to regain "focus and awareness." A D can do a lot to lessen or even prevent many of the after effects of subspace if they understand this and are willing to help them come back out.

I am sure that everyone has different expereinces and needs. Like i said some people like to be left like that and be forced to deal with it on their own. Some D do not like dealing with subspace at all and will take measures to prevent one from letting themselves go there. In fact, "keeping them on the edge" has nothing to do with orgasms as much as it does keeping them on the edge of subspace, but pulling them back every time they begin to slip.

There are some things a submissive can do on their own if they find themselves experiencing after effects of subspace.

1st make sure you eat and drink some good things. Eat fruit and drink juice and water.

2nd you can sit down and write things about yourself that you like. "I like who I am because I am a kind person"/ "I like chocolate" I like being responsible for who I am" "I like being helpful and useful to my D"...etc... This will help you to get your insides on the same page with your world. Help you get centered. Regain focus and your commitment and responsibilities.

and for some....I repeate..."for some" requesting a little pain also helps. For some, this can have the opposite effect, so you have to know how you deal and process pain. Many like or enjoy pain when sexually arounsed, but pain void of sexual arousal has an entirely different effect. If you are such a person, 3 - 5 good stinging swats does wonders to make one become aware...Don't use this as a means to bring someone out of subspace, only in dealing with residual effects like the next day.

Exercise regularly. You body will recover faster.


Well, there you go. Take what makes sense to you and leave the rest.

~RJ

[reignophelia]

Much thanks RJMasters.

[RJMasters]

Originally Posted by reignophelia

Much thanks RJMasters.

Most welcome.

I think subspace is something people should be allowed to enjoy if they want, and the more they understand it, the better they can deal with the after effects. Allowing to enjoy the good and leaving the bad.

I feel for BareFootM. I hope that she and her D will read some of that and understand that subspace is someting that can be enjoyed and even desired, it just has to be handled in a careful way.

Keeping a person in subspace for too long is also not a great thing. Kind of like parachutting...the free fall is a rush and great....but its always best to pull the ripcord before hitting the ground if you know what I mean

[BarefootM]

RJMasters-
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I think that is the most comprehensive and helpful explaination I've seen (I was googling everything related last night, looking for some info). Your reply should be a permanent part of this board!

I am going to share this with my Husband.

[somberReality]

I'm not sure what subspace is.....will have to read up on this.

[A Desert Rose]

Originally Posted by somberReality

I'm not sure what subspace is.....will have to read up on this.

Me neither, doll but they tell me that when it's happened, you'll know it. ;-)

[kayte]

Originally Posted by A Desert Rose

Me neither, doll but they tell me that when it's happened, you'll know it. ;-)

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ADR}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


Nodding. Mmmmm remembering the first time.

[kayte]

Good afternoon everyone.

[A Desert Rose]

Originally Posted by kayte

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ADR}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


Nodding. Mmmmm remembering the first time.

I'm sorry Kayte... I totally missed this somehow...

Love to you Dolly. Hope things are going well for you.

[kayte]

Originally Posted by A Desert Rose

I'm sorry Kayte... I totally missed this somehow...

Love to you Dolly. Hope things are going well for you.

Good morning {{{{{{{ADR}}}}}}}}}

Love you Sweetie. Hope your week is turning into a terrific one for you. Things are going well for me hon.

Gee, and this interchange gets the thread bumped up too.