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Old 05-02-2013, 01:52 PM   #1
bird154
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is it possible to find a real relationship

I live in Atl, am a African American submissive female and am into this kink...is it possible to find a real relationship in this lifestyle?
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Old 05-02-2013, 02:57 PM   #2
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I live in Atl, am a African American submissive female and am into this kink...is it possible to find a real relationship in this lifestyle?
Of course it is, depending on what you mean by "real" above. What makes you question whether this is possible?
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Old 05-02-2013, 03:08 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bird154 View Post
I live in Atl, am a African American submissive female and am into this kink...is it possible to find a real relationship in this lifestyle?
I don't see how "African American" factors in here, there are Dominant and submissive types in all ethnicities. It's finding the right partner for you that is the hard part.
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Old 05-02-2013, 03:11 PM   #4
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Join Fetlife and look for kink communities in your area. I've heard Atlanta has a large, active community.
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Old 05-02-2013, 03:12 PM   #5
VladHarkonnen
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Maybe it does factor in.

Bird, when you say "this kink" are you referring to some sort of race play? I could see that narrowing your choices a little but not eliminating them.
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Old 05-02-2013, 03:21 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by bird154 View Post
I live in Atl, am a African American submissive female and am into this kink...is it possible to find a real relationship in this lifestyle?
To answer your initial question directly: Yes.

Good luck to you, and welcome to BDSM Talk and the BDSM Café. There are many folks who hang in this forum and discuss BDSM-related topics, issues and questions (Talk) on a pretty constant basis, and wander over here into the Café to discuss just about anything, sometimes from a BDSM view, sometimes from the point of view of practicing/interested BDSMers, and sometimes just from our own warped sense of humor.

If you have questions/concerns/issues about BDSM culture, Talk is a great place to get some very considered, very experienced, and very thoughtful responses (as well as the occasional snark, because very few of us have no sense of humor at all, lol!). Many of our "regular" posters have been involved in BDSM for years and years, and many for decades, and while their experiences may not relate *directly* to your questions or issues, the posters there are generally doing their best to be honest, direct and helpful.

Another resource you might find helpful and informative in finding out more about the possibilities of both the BDSM culture and relationships in it in the "real world" is Fetlife.com (sign-up page). It's free and pretty much worldwide. The current status page lists "41,929 Kinksters living in Georgia," and shows "130 Upcoming events in Georgia" on the Georgia page.

ETA: Vlad's response to Loverskitten's question is valid, as well. It may be a factor in making your quest a *little* more difficult to resolve, but not by any means impossible. I've seen many interracial BDSM relationships in my 40+ years of doing this thing, from M/f to F/m in either race, to multiples of one or both genders and multiples of one or multiple races (poly relationships). Few of them who took the time to learn about each other had any noticeably higher "failure" rate than I've seen of heterogeneous racial relationships.
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Old 05-02-2013, 03:27 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by midwestyankee View Post
Of course it is, depending on what you mean by "real" above. What makes you question whether this is possible?
Thank you all for your responses...I indicate AA because if anyone is looking who sees this I want them to know what ethnicity I am...I ask about real because I have met alot of men who play at this or that but dont seem to have any genuiness...and I will go to fet, thank you again,
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Old 05-02-2013, 03:30 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by bird154 View Post
Thank you all for your responses...I indicate AA because if anyone is looking who sees this I want them to know what ethnicity I am...I ask about real because I have met alot of men who play at this or that but dont seem to have any genuiness...and I will go to fet, thank you again,
Peace
I'm glad you got some help here. So do check out the many discussions and groups at Fet as well as the happenings in and around home.

But also come back here and join in the conversation here. These two sites are a little different and we like to think that we're a pretty friendly bunch around here.
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Old 05-17-2013, 06:00 AM   #9
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Looking at the thread title I wasn't even considering even though I was in a sub-fora the subtext of her question.

I dunno..... it seems like the possibility of realistically seeking any sort of in depth relationship As classically defined whether formalized through marriage or not seems a fleeting pursuit to me.

Now granted I haven't actively pursued such a thing and or given much thought as the how one would do that but just people in general observing anecdotally relationships; ones that I think have got a shot don't seem to make it 3 or 4 months these days.

Course I live in a town with a highly skewed gender differential.

To the OP's question though I would think that somebody with dominant tendencies has no more or less likelihood of being good relationship material.

I do think that though there anything that narrows the field of potential candidates that are compatible with your needs and desires obviously makes the search tougher.... I would think that in your case the object would be to get out there and find men who suck eggs if it dont minute traits and then as you find that you've developed enough of a friendship to delve someone into specifics of kink qualify your candidates at that time but first you gotta find a guy then you gotta find a guy then determine if you suitable rather than look for men who have suitable kings and try to find the one that you have a mutual chemistry with.

The reason for my thinking on that is from a basic sales perspective... if you find a canidate thatt meets all of your requirements you're going to try to pound that round peg into a square hole
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Old 07-16-2013, 09:51 AM   #10
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I'm new too, and what I'm wondering is this: how do you balance the need to be whipped and bound and used with the need to be held and made love to? I'm generally submissive in personality but part of me just wants to curl up beside him and be held. Is that a realistic desire or does being dominate mean that he will always be distant, strict and hard? I don't know if I'm explaining this right but the jist of it is you have these scenes where the woman is bound and being put though her paces but what happens after the ropes come off and the flogger gets put away?
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Old 07-16-2013, 10:14 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by thecurioussubmissive View Post
I'm new too, and what I'm wondering is this: how do you balance the need to be whipped and bound and used with the need to be held and made love to? I'm generally submissive in personality but part of me just wants to curl up beside him and be held. Is that a realistic desire or does being dominate mean that he will always be distant, strict and hard? I don't know if I'm explaining this right but the jist of it is you have these scenes where the woman is bound and being put though her paces but what happens after the ropes come off and the flogger gets put away?
Each to there own, after, I just release her and then hold her in my arms, kising her hair her ears, her eyes. I love the moments after
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Old 07-17-2013, 03:45 PM   #12
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Ive found real love with my sub, lost it then got it back 8 years later and its better than ever. =)
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Old 07-17-2013, 03:53 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thecurioussubmissive View Post
I'm new too, and what I'm wondering is this: how do you balance the need to be whipped and bound and used with the need to be held and made love to? I'm generally submissive in personality but part of me just wants to curl up beside him and be held. Is that a realistic desire or does being dominate mean that he will always be distant, strict and hard? I don't know if I'm explaining this right but the jist of it is you have these scenes where the woman is bound and being put though her paces but what happens after the ropes come off and the flogger gets put away?
In my experience with my master he is more patient, loving, thoughtful and attentive than any vanilla lover I have had. Yes, the need for him to be strict, cold, hard and in control is very much something we both need, but he realises after pain play that I can be exhausted, emotional and needy. He responds perfectly to how I feel, and likewise I hope I do when he wants me to do something, or act in a certain way. Its a two way street
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Old 07-17-2013, 05:08 PM   #14
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Take your time n find someone that will go the distance!

Am absolutely certain you can, as an african american myself, I was very lucky. I found someone, but they were NOT from this site nor from any internet site. I dated someone from these parts, and what I got was lies, deception and pretense, lucky for me I got out soon as I realize his duplicity games. You wont find anyone of substance on these parts or the net. Try local jazz or bluez festivals/venues, fetish shows are the best place to meet kinky people
Good Luck


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I live in Atl, am a African American submissive female and am into this kink...is it possible to find a real relationship in this lifestyle?
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