Old 06-03-2013, 09:09 AM   #1
iamshaun
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Drink

I don't know if this is classed as a poem or any good I just wrote it now as it was in my head, feel free to delete if it's not suitable.

My old friend drink,
he never fails to make me think, but are my thoughts always sincere once I have another beer?
When he is present he can make me smile, laugh, frown and cry this leads me to wonder why,
when he is gone I feel empty just like the glass we once shared this feeling makes me think;
is he actually a friend my old friend drink?
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Old 06-05-2013, 09:28 PM   #2
darkmaas
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Hi Shaun,

It certainly is a poem. It has an almost Victorian quality to the beginning. As one who is accused in these hallowed halls of spending to much time contemplating John Barleycorn, it's nice to see the issue dissected with a relatively simple friendship metaphor.

Welcome to our little piece of an alternative universe.

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Old 06-06-2013, 06:46 AM   #3
iamshaun
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darkmaas View Post
Hi Shaun,

It certainly is a poem. It has an almost Victorian quality to the beginning. As one who is accused in these hallowed halls of spending to much time contemplating John Barleycorn, it's nice to see the issue dissected with a relatively simple friendship metaphor.

Welcome to our little piece of an alternative universe.

::
Thank you, and thanks for the reply
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Old 06-17-2013, 01:34 AM   #4
Rogueslady
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iamshaun View Post
I don't know if this is classed as a poem or any good I just wrote it now as it was in my head, feel free to delete if it's not suitable.

My old friend drink,
he never fails to make me think, but are my thoughts always sincere once I have another beer?
When he is present he can make me smile, laugh, frown and cry this leads me to wonder why,
when he is gone I feel empty just like the glass we once shared this feeling makes me think;
is he actually a friend my old friend drink?
I like it. It was thought provoking!
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Old 06-17-2013, 06:11 AM   #5
bogusagain
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iamshaun View Post
I don't know if this is classed as a poem or any good I just wrote it now as it was in my head, feel free to delete if it's not suitable.

My old friend drink,
he never fails to make me think, but are my thoughts always sincere once I have another beer?
When he is present he can make me smile, laugh, frown and cry this leads me to wonder why,
when he is gone I feel empty just like the glass we once shared this feeling makes me think;
is he actually a friend my old friend drink?
A poem is what you want to call a poem. Only by writing and reading will you come to your own conclusions and be confident enough to present writing you consider a poem and not worry about people's reaction. If you keep presenting your work you'll eventually find people whose opinions you respect and learn from them.

Meanwhile, I've never had a problem with drink the way you see it.

drink gives the illusion, god is in his heaven
and all is well with the world, a cliche like this poem
about illusions and drink, because god isn't there

drink was the quickestway out of Manchester
so they decided there was too much drink
when they could have made Manchester better

they could have done what their god told them to do
but that cost money and effort and anyway
the poor are surplus population, untermensch at best

they also drink too much and curse about work
work that buys them drink, drink that cuts our profit
if you're not in the drink business yourself
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Old 06-17-2013, 09:33 AM   #6
iamshaun
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Originally Posted by Rogueslady View Post
I like it. It was thought provoking!
Thank you for your kind response

I tend to rush what I write, I've just wrote another two in 15mins so when I post I'd appreciate and feedback good or bad
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Old 06-18-2013, 09:54 AM   #7
Wide_eyed_Indulgence
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Hi Shaun --

I think it is a nice light touch on a heavy, serious subject. Well done.

Although I am a big fan of your picture thread; I am a bigger fan of your brain threads.
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