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Old 05-27-2013, 03:27 PM   #1
ProwlingCat
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New Story - Looking For Feedback Please

I don't like to submit my stories until I'm satisfied with them. I always run them through an editor first, so when he gets back to me, I'll end up fixing it up, then sending it back and so on, which takes a couple weeks usually.

Anyway, I thought I could post it on here first to get some feedback regarding the story itself, and not the technical details.

For anyone wondering, I have posted on Lit before, but decided to start anew with a fresh ID.

So here's my story. It's the first of a series that revolves around the nine characters mentioned. I plan on writing several stories in the series. I don't necessarily plan on directly connecting them, they just all revolve around the same set of primary characters.

EDIT: Right now I'm working on a way to figure out how get this out without circumventing any rules. I may try and post a link to the MSW document so those who really want to take a look at it can, but only if that's allowed.

Download Link

Last edited by ProwlingCat : 05-27-2013 at 03:47 PM.
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Old 05-27-2013, 03:33 PM   #2
sr71plt
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Not the way it works here. The Feedback Forum is for stories posted to Literotica (look at the forum slug). The Web site selects what it publishes. When you post the story directly to the forum, you have circumvented the Web site's privilege of selecting what it publishes.
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Old 05-27-2013, 03:34 PM   #3
ProwlingCat
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I was unaware of that. I'm just trying to get some constructive feedback before I officially post it on the main site.
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Old 05-27-2013, 03:37 PM   #4
sr71plt
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ProwlingCat View Post
I was unaware of that. I'm just trying to get some constructive feedback before I officially post it on the main site.
Sorry, but it still doesn't work that way. You need to hit the edit button and reduce that to no more than three paragraphs.
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Old 05-27-2013, 04:04 PM   #5
LaRascasse
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Make a thread on the Editor's Forum asking for available editors/proofreaders to help you out and enable Private Messages from your User CP.
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My stories in case you are interested. Offbeat, unconventional and just a bit dark. Just a bit, I swear


In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love.
In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.
In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm.
I realized, through it all, thatů
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
-Albert Camus
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Old 05-27-2013, 04:08 PM   #6
ProwlingCat
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaRascasse View Post
Make a thread on the Editor's Forum asking for available editors/proofreaders to help you out and enable Private Messages from your User CP.
I enabled PM's.

I have an editor that I sent the story off to. I'm more interested in getting feedback on the story itself, not the technical stuff.
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Old 05-27-2013, 04:17 PM   #7
LaRascasse
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ProwlingCat View Post
I enabled PM's.

I have an editor that I sent the story off to. I'm more interested in getting feedback on the story itself, not the technical stuff.
I'm sure you can find someone for that too if you ask nicely in the Editor's Forum.
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My stories in case you are interested. Offbeat, unconventional and just a bit dark. Just a bit, I swear


In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love.
In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.
In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm.
I realized, through it all, thatů
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
-Albert Camus
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Old 05-27-2013, 04:19 PM   #8
ProwlingCat
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaRascasse View Post
I'm sure you can find someone for that too if you ask nicely in the Editor's Forum.
Thank you, I'll try that. I appreciate the advice.
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Old 05-29-2013, 05:03 AM   #9
Perfideous
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ProwlingCat View Post
I don't like to submit my stories until I'm satisfied with them. I always run them through an editor first, so when he gets back to me, I'll end up fixing it up, then sending it back and so on, which takes a couple weeks usually.

Anyway, I thought I could post it on here first to get some feedback regarding the story itself, and not the technical details.

For anyone wondering, I have posted on Lit before, but decided to start anew with a fresh ID.

So here's my story. It's the first of a series that revolves around the nine characters mentioned. I plan on writing several stories in the series. I don't necessarily plan on directly connecting them, they just all revolve around the same set of primary characters.

EDIT: Right now I'm working on a way to figure out how get this out without circumventing any rules. I may try and post a link to the MSW document so those who really want to take a look at it can, but only if that's allowed.

Download Link
Ok, so I did have a look at it. I'm a bit puzzled; it starts with a girl or teacher bursting into coach Madison's office only we find she isn't actually coach Madison she's really Assistant Coach Madison and before we've gone half a page the angst of Head Coach doing something nasty to one of the Volley Ball Team Members is forgotten with Assistant Coach Madison and the bursting -in-the -door girl/woman undressing each other and fondling their womanly features in a way that suggests its a well worn path if you catch my drift.

So what of the poor girl who was being victimized? I'm not sure- she seemed to vanish really.
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Old 05-29-2013, 09:06 AM   #10
PennLady
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I also dl'd it but couldn't get past the first page. Partly I just don't have time, but it also needs some work. As Perfideous noted, it moves awfully fast. Ryleigh (seems an overly-complicated spelling) comes bursting in, but then suddenly she and Madison are making out? Was that just a game or something?

I know you didn't want feedback on the technical stuff, but there were enough errors there that I wasn't willing to read much further.

Also, fair warning, on my computer the link to dl the file opened a couple of ad windows.
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Old 05-29-2013, 07:29 PM   #11
Tyro999
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ProwlingCat View Post
I enabled PM's.

I have an editor that I sent the story off to. I'm more interested in getting feedback on the story itself, not the technical stuff.
In the same editor's forum that you've already been advised about, you can ask for beta readers to team up with to read your stuff and give you "feedback on the story itself," in advance of submission to Literotica.

As Perfideous and PennLady suggest in their posts on your story, it would seem that you might benefit from a beta reader in addition to an editor.
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