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Old 05-07-2013, 06:46 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by Netzach View Post
Think with your brain. Know what you're getting. Know what you're not. Write off babies, Christmas, birthdays, and be pleasantly surprised whenever you get what you'd like. Sometimes there's nothing wrong with that. Life is short, and for some people grasping is less important than enjoying what is.

Don't sit at home making him your every only thought. Don't doom yourself to a life of misery because that's what everyone says always happens either. Be in the moment, own the decision you make, and don't let anyone make you feel like a pariah either. They're not in your shoes. His wife is not your problem, but his. We're responsible for OUR lives and I've learned not to assume that the unwitting spouse is automatically the long suffering martyr or that they're not.

You don't know what you don't know and neither does anyone else.

Human relationships are pretty freaking complex and there is no playbook, much as everyone has tried to write them. Not many people are cut out for this kind of thing, so expect no understanding whatsoever if you are, and better get out your own cartography kit.
This is probably the best advice I've heard all day. I completely agree. Live in the moment and focus on yourself because you can't truly plan everything. You can only brace yourself and hope for the best.
When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.
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Old 05-07-2013, 06:57 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by SynnR_SainT View Post
Yes, I have ended it. It's been rough. I keep telling myself I'll always be secondary and nothing, no matter how hard I try will ever make me primary. It helps, some but I still have the urge to want to go back. I know it isn't what I want so I will wait patiently til I find my one and only.
Wow...I'm pretty impressed very few people when they ask for advice actually mull it over with the degree of careful consideration you seem to have.

Read some quote recently... I'm sure I'm going to missquote- and I have no idea who to attribute it to....something like "people ask for advice when they already know they don't want the answer."

Not that physical or emotional abuse was plainly evident or in the near future in your situation it seems all too often to me that women with submissive desires find themselves on the wrong end of a devil's bargain with an abuser.

A strong submissive is not an oxymoron, but seemingly rare.
"A man can convince anyone heís somebody else, but never himself."
-Kevin Spacey as Verbal Kint in "The Usual Suspects."
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Old 05-07-2013, 07:18 PM   #53
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Originally Posted by query View Post

A strong submissive is not an oxymoron, but seemingly rare.

Have to disagree that it's rare from where I stand. I know all sorts of strong submissives.
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Old 05-07-2013, 08:13 PM   #54
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Originally Posted by query View Post
A strong submissive is not an oxymoron, but seemingly rare.
Uhm. WHAT?


Have you been here, for like, more than a week, yeah? The fuck?!
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Old 05-07-2013, 09:41 PM   #55
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Originally Posted by query View Post
A strong submissive is not an oxymoron, but seemingly rare.

Even if the OP decided that staying with a married man was ok with her that would not have made her weak. I know some very strong, submissive women who have made that decision and it has worked out for them (at least so far)
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Old 05-08-2013, 11:55 PM   #56
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Last edited by compliantamy23 : 05-17-2013 at 11:12 PM.
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