It's OK for a start in writing, but, other than the subject matter, it reads more like a high school report than erotica. There's no dialogue. There's no relaying of the senses of what should be a new, risky, and highly emotional step you're taking here. It's just flat. Suggest you put more effort into concentrating on the emotions you felt while this was going on--and work on expressing that in your writing. It was pretty much like ho humming through recitation of a laundry list. Grammar and punctuation and spelling wise, it wasn't too bad. It's a higher starting place to developing an engaging writing style than many, though.
How did it change you? Not sure it meant much to you, as there was no emotion in it. There didn't seem to be any risk taking expressed in it, either. A story has a dilemma and some sort of change (or distinctly a lack of change). Ho hum with no indication where you go from here and why doesn't really fulfill the needs of a story.
Why don't you take another crack at it, thinking of the emotions of it. Perhaps with fewer sex acts and deeper treatment of each. What is it in your relationship with your wife that sends you off to other possibilities like this? There's no risk in that? There's no change in how you see that relationship in going back to her? Curious how you can leave in the middle of the night after the two of you have gone to bed and she doesn't know it (and you don't show any worry about her waking up and finding you gone). Just because you had sex with these guys doesn't mean you had any connection to them. What was the arousal like? You didn't indicate there was any, really. Give it some life.
"I don;t spend time checking on what other people are doing, I just worry about my own shit."
Last edited by sr71plt : 03-13-2013 at 12:11 AM.