Orgasm? How!

[Monkmanio]

OK!

I have been with my wife for 19 years.

She has never had an orgasm.

Oh, she gets aroused fine - engorged and wet, but no orgasm.

Don't get me wrong, it is fabulous but it is of great disappointment to me that she has never cum with me. To be clear, she never came with any previous boyfriends, although neither of us had multiple partners before meeting.

This may seem a silly question, but is there some amazing special thing we could try? She is quite adventurous, although like most men I wish she were more so.

Every time we get "close" she gets incredibly ticklish and can't stand any more contact - no matter how soft.

I think it bothers me more than her but, well, any tips, hints or miracles would be great.

Thanks

[Domesticity]

When she gets to that ticklish point, she needs to be sure she doesn't have to pee (I can't cum if I have to pee) and you guys can try to power through it even if it's too much for a few seconds. Ive done that before and had an amazing orgasm. You can also try stopping all clitoral stim and move to internal, g spot stim or intercourse.

Her brain is probably getting in the way. When I was younger, I couldn't cum w someone I didn't love unless I had smoked pot...my brain got in the way. Maybe her brain won't shut up.

[Monkmanio]

I think you are right.

I think her brain gets in the way, in as much as she thinks about it too much. Although, to be fair, we have fun loads of time without thinking too much too - so, hope it isn't something that is dominating the mind.

Well, pot is an idea I guess!

I think powering through may work - she justs gets SO ticklish!

[Eilan]

Perhaps you could encourage her to, um, explore on her own?

[Monkmanio]

After 9,406 posts I am sure you can say masturbate!



Yeah - actually that has worked well for us when we do it together. But she doesn't like doing it when we get to the end part. She always seems keener for me to play or lick - maybe it really is nicer for her when I take over then, but I feel it is more her not feeling able to totally let go.

[devinity7]

I can only cum with my husband when I am on top and in control of the movement. For me, I know it has a lot to do with my head, we just don't have the connection I need to feel close to him. (not saying that is the case in your house)

Does she ever get on top? I sometimes use a vibrator while in this position to stimulate my clit.

[Monkmanio]

Originally Posted by devinity7

I can only cum with my husband when I am on top and in control of the movement. For me, I know it has a lot to do with my head, we just don't have the connection I need to feel close to him. (not saying that is the case in your house)

Does she ever get on top? I sometimes use a vibrator while in this position to stimulate my clit.

Mmmm - I have tried to introduce a vibrator, but she obviously isn't keen. Honestly, she isn't frigid - but she has never been happy with "toys".

Personally, I think they would be wonderful and could be the answer.

I am aware there isn't a magic answer here

[devinity7]

Maybe not magic, but suggestions.

The toy isn't used alone, it's in conjunction with intercourse, but you can't force her.

[Monkmanio]

Thanks devinity

How do you use it during sex?

Is it a case of one thing in, and one thing rubbing?

Hope you know what I mean!

[devinity7]

Yes, it's that case exactly....

[Monkmanio]

OK - thank you

I think the challenge is getting to the stage of trying it.

Not sure she is that keen...........boooooo

[devinity7]

Originally Posted by Monkmanio

OK - thank you

I think the challenge is getting to the stage of trying it.

Not sure she is that keen...........boooooo

Yet, she's adventurous? Ha! Try dressing up as Zorro and instead of wielding a sword, wield a glorious vibe.

[Monkmanio]

Originally Posted by devinity7

Yet, she's adventurous? Ha! Try dressing up as Zorro and instead of wielding a sword, wield a glorious vibe.

Yes, it's odd!

She can be very adventurous at some things, and not at all at others.

Her face would be a picture as I jumped into the room wafting a large (small compared to me obviously ) vibrator!

Shall I try and report on her reply

[devinity7]

Originally Posted by Monkmanio

Yes, it's odd!

She can be very adventurous at some things, and not at all at others.

Her face would be a picture as I jumped into the room wafting a large (small compared to me obviously ) vibrator!

Shall I try and report on her reply

Oh please do, it actually sounds fun.

[JtohisPB]

Hmmm... You're not my husband are you?

Good on you for wanting to help her achieve the elusive orgasm. From my experience (together for 18 years, limited other partners), I would absolutely encourage the addition of a toy and some wine to relax. Be sure you're not pressuring her; I bet it is more important to you than her (at least a little) and you could be subtly or overtly putting pressure on her, making it even harder for her to climax.

[Monkmanio]

I have started this thread too late!

It is 1.15 am here in England and I am going to bed (not wielding a dildo Zorro style sadly, I hasten to add!).

If anyone can help more then feel free to post on this thread or PM me!

Goodnight

(thanks devinity)

[devinity7]

Originally Posted by Monkmanio

I have started this thread too late!

It is 1.15 am here in England and I am going to bed (not wielding a dildo Zorro style sadly, I hasten to add!).

If anyone can help more then feel free to post on this thread or PM me!

Goodnight

(thanks devinity)

Night and good luck!

[Eilan]

Originally Posted by Monkmanio

After 9,406 posts I am sure you can say masturbate!

I was trying to be polite. Would you prefer that I come right out and say that getting your ego all wrapped up your wife's inability to orgasm might be part of her problem.

[Monkmanio]

Originally Posted by Eilan

I was trying to be polite. Would you prefer that I come right out and say that getting your ego all wrapped up your wife's inability to orgasm might be part of her problem.

Yes, I had a feeling it was probably my fault and that someone would say precisely that

Really going to bed now!

[Monkmanio]

Originally Posted by Monkmanio

Yes, I had a feeling it was probably my fault and that someone would say precisely that

Really going to bed now!

PS - I have come here looking for help. I suspect that makes me more open minded than most.

[NippleMuncher]

Originally Posted by Monkmanio

Yes, I had a feeling it was probably my fault and that someone would say precisely that

Really going to bed now!

Well, it's either your fault or her fault . . .

I would suggest going to this thread:

"try this and report back"

You will find a wealth of knowledge and feedback in the ways of making your woman's eyes roll into the back of her head and multi-orgasmic. Ok, it may not be quite all that, but that doesn't make the info you'll find there any less important for both you and for her.

Go to the thread, read it through with your partner, and start experimenting.

[Bramblethorn]

Seconding Eilan: A lot of women find it easier to orgasm with a partner after they've figured out how to orgasm on their own.

[Rother]

You say she's never had an orgasm - does that include making herself orgasm, or just with a partner?

[amofiga]

Lots of advice but is there a solution? I once read somewhere that you can't "make" a woman orgasm but you can "let her" orgasm. It gets back to the point fo whether or not she can orgasm when she masturbates. If so, they you guys need to see of there's something she's doing for herself that you can bring to your times together.

Does she orgasm with a vibrator and not her fingers or vice versa? Does she cum on her belly but not her back? My wife can only cum on her right side. Whatever we're doing, fucking, oral,whatever, has to end up with her on her right side when she gets close. I've known other women that can only cum if their on top while fucking or if your eating them. Some cum with hard pressure, some with light.

Whatever can please your wife, if there is indeed anything, you have to work it into your sexual intimacy. If she can cum alone and not with you, then there is something emotional going on that prevents her from orgasming in front of you, or anybody else for that matter. Perhaps she feels embarrassed by losing control and letting somebody see her thrash around or moan or scream or whatever. Many people like to let their partner see them losing control and most people feel secure enough to let their partner see them doing it. But, perhaps there are people who are "orgasm shy" just like there are people who are "pee shy" and can't do it if there's another person present. I'm often amazed at the number of men that seem pee shy and go into a stall to pee because they can't do it standing next to another guy at a urinal.

Whatever's going on, the important thing is not to pressure her. It's like guys who pressure their partners to "squirt". Not every woman can do it just like not every woman can orgasm in the "classic porn movie way". Understanding, patience, acceptance, warmth, caring, intimacy, all things that must be considered. Sex and orgasm are odd things. It doesn't happen on cue. Tell a guy he HAS to get an erection while everybody watches and many can't. The porn industry has lost money with some "studs" that didn't turn out that way when they felt pressured. A woman mustn't feel pressured, only loved and respected.

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

What popped into my mind is a game we call WHY DONT YOU, YES BUT. The game is designed to frustrate the shit outta the helper person. Passive-aggressive people love the game.

http://pratie.blogspot.com/2005/09/w...u-yes-but.html

The late psychiatrist, Milton H. Erickson, MD, was famous for defeating YES BUTTERS. The trick is to present the victim (the yes butter) with a task their conviction set is compelled to accept but which they hate.

I used this intervention with a client who had insomnia. He swore he couldnt sleep. Nothing helped. I assured him I could fix the problem if he was sincere about wanting a fix. He said he was, so I got him to agree to read the Bible from Genesis 1:1, on, any time he was awake at 10 pm. He could read, he had a Bible, and he said he would cooperate getting a cure. Read the Bible till dawn was his task.

He defeated me by falling asleep when he read the Bible.