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Old 02-22-2013, 09:14 PM   #1
cwongc
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Hi! New member and my first ever story post!

Hi everyone! I didn't see a place to say hi, so I thought I'd make it here along side my first ever post! I've been a lurker and have read stories on here for many many years now, some stories I'll never forget. (Fairfax Academy, Chess Club) to name a few, but have never posted anything myself. I have a lot of fantasies based on people I know but struggle to write because I usually get so horny whilst writing I just lose attention!

However, I want to share with you a story about a night out I had. The story is called the "stripper and her heels".Could think of a catchier title...but here we go. (PS - i have a heel fetish so that will help explain the perspective of the story x)

I think with all erotic fiction, some element of the story should be grounded in reality, whether actual events, a particular person, a particular action....just so you know that it's more than just a story I'll leave it to you to figure out what is real in this story

Would love your feedback on my first story!

----------------------
I'd gone out with some friends and the plan for the night was always to end up in a strip bar. When there I got talking to a very beautiful girl called Jasmine. She was half Iranian, half English and so had flawless tanned skin, dirty blonde hair and deep brown eyes.

She was wearing a red and white check top, tied up at her waist, a tiny denim skirt and had her hair in pig tails. She also had painted her fingernails and toenails pink, something she must have done very recently as they were again, perfect, not chipped or worn down at all. And of course, she was wearing slutty stripper heels Looked like the ones here: http://www.banana**********/images/D/COV601-C-01.jpg

Naturally, she had a gorgeous figure and new how to turn a guy on!

I'd had a few dances with her and revealed that I have a heel fetish, not so much a foot fetish (although that's part and parcel of the whole kink) and she ended up teasing me with her feet and her heels, dangling them infront of my face...Then I decided to take her into one of the more private rooms where I could be more daring in what I wanted.

I told her to tease me, and to use her heels like she would use her own sex toys. And she did just that. She took off one of her heels, slowly teased them from her toes up to her shaven pussy, let it rub against her clit, continued up her waist, circled her dark nipples with the spike, up her neck and started licking very slowly on them...

I watched her lips wrap around the spike, and her long tongue caress the length of the shoe...and then she started sucking on it like a hard cock...she was REALLY getting into and she could tell I was too. Against the rules, she put her bare toes on my crotch and felt out my cock gently stroking it up and down. She leant in and whispered to me, "I bet you wish you could cum on my heels don't you? I bet you wish you could watch me lick your cum off my heels as it dribbles down the spike"...She wasn't wrong.

What she did next took me into heaven, she took her heel and started rubbing the tip against the entrance of her pussy. With each circling motion she eased it deeper inside her until the whole of the spike of the heel was inside her. And before I had to ask she'd taken it out and let me have a taste.

I was ready to cum, this was a crazy fantasy but it was real. I was tasting the salty sweet juices of a beautiful and exotic girl, from the spike of her slutty heels.

I had the pleasure of her company and her filthy mind and body for the next few minutes before my time was up.

After putting her clothes back on I bought her a drink at the bar and we talked about my little fetish. She loved heels as a fashion thing, but this was her first sexual heel experience. By this point I had made it clear that I was going to admire her pretty feet and heels while we talked and she obliged by playing with her heels and dangling them on her toes for me.

Unfortunately all good things come to an end, I had to leave. I desperately wish I could have taken it further, but to have a girl indulge and tease me like that as I could do nothing but gawp and devour her with my eyes....that was enough for one night.
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Old 02-23-2013, 03:50 AM   #2
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Welcome! The forums aren't the place to post stories, though - the idea is that you submit your story first, wait until it's up on the site, and then post here with a link to the story.

Here are some instructions on how to do that: http://www.literotica.com/storyxs/writ_stor.shtml
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Old 02-24-2013, 04:30 PM   #3
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First of all, congratulations on your first submission. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself on the line like that.

For what it's worth, I think this is an admirable first draft (I say this, even though this particular subject matter doesn't really interest me - no reflection on you, personally, just my own personal tastes).

This said, it reads more like one of those letters one used to find on Penthouse Forums. My first suggestion is to give us more of a sense of who the narrator is - then study some various narrative styles. Try to integrate your descriptions of setting and character into the narrative, somehow. Embellish, add as many details as possible - sounds, sights, smells - in fact, try writing this as a screenplay for a short film, then rewrite it as a story based on the images you've created.

Hope this helps. Good luck.
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Old 02-24-2013, 04:37 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdeau View Post
First of all, congratulations on your first submission.
Brambleton's point was that this isn't a submission--and really should be before reaction to it is requested. The help here really is for stories posted here. This one isn't posted here yet.
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Old 02-24-2013, 09:29 PM   #5
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Welcome

You've made the transition from reader to participant. Good for you. Welcome, there are lots of nice people here. Keep writing, you'll do fine.

Hope you'll read some of my work.

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Old 02-25-2013, 10:21 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sr71plt View Post
Brambleton's point was that this isn't a submission--and really should be before reaction to it is requested. The help here really is for stories posted here. This one isn't posted here yet.
Have you read Catch 22?

We can't advise you on your story until it is posted. Oh, sorry, if it gets rejected we can't advise you at all.

For years and years, until the bullies moved in, people posted short extracts to see if they were on a good track and got good feedback.

This 'story' is pretty short and I doubt if it meets Lit's 750 word rule. Why not offer help and assistance rather than undermine the forum.
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:34 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elfin_odalisque View Post
Have you read Catch 22?
Have you read the tagline for this forum? "Post your feedback about Literotica stories you love or hate!"

Quote:
Originally Posted by elfin_odalisque View Post
We can't advise you on your story until it is posted. Oh, sorry, if it gets rejected we can't advise you at all.

For years and years, until the bullies moved in, people posted short extracts to see if they were on a good track and got good feedback.

This 'story' is pretty short and I doubt if it meets Lit's 750 word rule. Why not offer help and assistance rather than undermine the forum.
I admit it can be confusing for the newbie, but that's why I think those of us who have been here longer and know our way around should, nicely, inform the newbies. Which includes explaining the difference between a submission and a forum post.

Short extracts are fine, and I agree, this probably misses the Lit minimum anyway. However, I've noticed a number of people post LONG stories, and with no real regard to format (which seems in part to be a result of posting from mobile devices).

Also, we can direct newbies to the Editor's Forum, which is a better place to find someone(s) to give you feedback.
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Old 02-25-2013, 12:14 PM   #8
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Literotica isn't a free critique service for the world of writing outside of Literotica. It isn't here to support its competitors' businesses and freeloading writers. It pretty much says so in its forum rules. Why should it be? When all else fails, try common sense.
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Old 02-26-2013, 11:30 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PennLady View Post
Have you read the tagline for this forum? "Post your feedback about Literotica stories you love or hate!"

I admit it can be confusing for the newbie, but that's why I think those of us who have been here longer and know our way around should, nicely, inform the newbies. Which includes explaining the difference between a submission and a forum post.

Short extracts are fine, and I agree, this probably misses the Lit minimum anyway. However, I've noticed a number of people post LONG stories, and with no real regard to format (which seems in part to be a result of posting from mobile devices).

Also, we can direct newbies to the Editor's Forum, which is a better place to find someone(s) to give you feedback.
For more than a decade after I joined, the forum used to cheerfully accept shortish extracts from nervous newbies who didn't want 'editing' but just a quick steer as to whether they were on the right track to be accepted. Many former Lit greats gave their 2 in a para or so. People were told off in no uncertain manner if they posted long extracts or complete stories.

The Conformist has long argued that this forum is very lightly moderated which is why scouries, 'nipples'and requests to find 'lost stories' are allowed. The tagline to the forum has long been ignored. "Post your feedback on Lit stories you love or hate" is far removed from the reality where, understandably, writers post anxiously requesting critiques of recently posted work.

Unless corrected by the moderator, I will continue to argue that short extracts of stories are acceptable. The site has made its position crystal clear on the separation between the Literotica site and the ams-length forums. If anyone thinks advice here offers commercial advantage they must be delusional.

PL, I hear what you say, but the people who post short extracts here are way behind the curve of Editors' Forum. (The site can't get its apostrophe in the right place.)
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Old 02-26-2013, 11:58 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elfin_odalisque View Post
Unless corrected by the moderator, I will continue to argue that short extracts of stories are acceptable. The site has made its position crystal clear on the separation between the Literotica site and the ams-length forums. If anyone thinks advice here offers commercial advantage they must be delusional.

PL, I hear what you say, but the people who post short extracts here are way behind the curve of Editors' Forum. (The site can't get its apostrophe in the right place.)
No one is arguing against short(ish) extracts of a story. I'm certainly not, nor am I touting any commercial advantage of Lit (which I agree, is not much if it is anything). What I am arguing against is people posting entire stories, and seeming to confuse posting a story here with posting on the site. I can see the confusion, but I think those of us who know the difference should explain it.

I have actually offered some advice myself even on when I advise those posters not to post entire stories. If they want "feedback" on an entire story, then we should steer them to the Editors' Forum. I realize that has its own set of problems, but it is the proper place.

Recently there was a thread where someone dumped a whole story and it turned out to violate the site rules as it was about a 13yo boy having sex, in detail. I both advised the poster about the forum and the rules and asked a mod about it. The thread was removed. This is one problem that results from people dumping into the story feedback forum when they shouldn't.
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Old 02-26-2013, 12:01 PM   #11
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No, Story Feedback has not "welcomed" more than a couple of paragraphs of a non-Literotica story to critique over at least most of the last decade, Elfin. It has consistently counseled writers to post the story first. (And this thread concerns a complete story.) Once again you're making it up as you go along. It hasn't even been a decade since you joined.
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Old 02-26-2013, 12:44 PM   #12
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Just noting "the conformist" has not made a post here in 5 years so safe to say this is an unmoderated forum
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Old 02-26-2013, 12:52 PM   #13
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Threads have been moved out of here more recently than five years, so someone looks some of the time (not very often, though, I'd agree).

Elfin just lives in her own fantasy world and somehow thinks others will live there with her if she asserts it blatantly enough. No actual knowledge required.
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Old 02-26-2013, 03:36 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cwongc View Post
However, I want to share with you a story about a night out I had.

...

I'll leave it to you to figure out what is real in this story

Would love your feedback on my first story!
Quote:
Originally Posted by elfin_odalisque View Post
Unless corrected by the moderator, I will continue to argue that short extracts of stories are acceptable.
The OP wasn't presented as a "short extract". It was offered as a story in itself, albeit a very short one.
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Old 02-27-2013, 04:08 PM   #15
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PL, I agree totally with you. Surely a post, well spaced, of less than 800 words would be reasonable to ask for a general overview - not editing. Again, you are right, some posters seem to look here for editing and 'story feedback' on complete, longish stories and should be politely turned away to EF.

Lovecraft is right, this is virtually an unmoderated forum. We can ignore or advise but have no remit to instruct. The tag has always been disregarded.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sr71plt View Post
No, Story Feedback has not "welcomed" more than a couple of paragraphs of a non-Literotica story to critique over at least most of the last decade, Elfin. It has consistently counseled writers to post the story first. (And this thread concerns a complete story.) Once again you're making it up as you go along. It hasn't even been a decade since you joined.
For someone who has frequently offensively berated me for not posting a story for 16 years, and lies about the date I joined, 02/03/94, the only person 'making it up as they go along' is you, sr, wannabee gauleiter of this forum.

An apology would be nice but even more, stopping to pretend to usurp the moderator who is far more tolerant than your bullying and unsanctioned tirades.

The site has never 'counseled' writers here but let requests for review on the forum take their chances for at least the near two decades I have been around. Get with reality and know your place.
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Old 02-27-2013, 04:12 PM   #16
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We can all read the join date under your Avatar, Elfin. February, 2004. Could you get any crazier?

Cite where I've posted that you haven't posted a story for 16 years. You won't find it, because it didn't happen. It's only been 7 years now since you have posted anything to the Lit. story file (which is a really GOSH in its own right, considering how you act like you are the guru here. )

Once again, you are crazier than a loon.
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Old 02-27-2013, 04:43 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elfin_odalisque View Post
PL, I agree totally with you. Surely a post, well spaced, of less than 800 words would be reasonable to ask for a general overview - not editing. Again, you are right, some posters seem to look here for editing and 'story feedback' on complete, longish stories and should be politely turned away to EF.

Lovecraft is right, this is virtually an unmoderated forum. We can ignore or advise but have no remit to instruct. The tag has always been disregarded.



For someone who has frequently offensively berated me for not posting a story for 16 years, and lies about the date I joined, 02/03/94, the only person 'making it up as they go along' is you, sr, wannabee gauleiter of this forum.

An apology would be nice but even more, stopping to pretend to usurp the moderator who is far more tolerant than your bullying and unsanctioned tirades.

The site has never 'counseled' writers here but let requests for review on the forum take their chances for at least the near two decades I have been around. Get with reality and know your place.
Interesting. Your join date says 2004.

More interesting is this is at the bottom of the lit home page

All contents Copyright 1996-2012

I tired to google "what year was literotica founded" but all that come sup is a list of any lit stories with the word found.

The "wiki" for lit does not give a start up date, but that Copyright on the front page seems to indicate the site was founded in 96.

If someone can disprove that, I'd be interested in knowing when lit was founded.

Until then Elfin it looks like if you were here in 94 you were by yourself.
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Old 02-27-2013, 05:05 PM   #18
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Elfin is in a world all by herself.
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Old 02-27-2013, 10:05 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elfin_odalisque View Post
PL, I agree totally with you. Surely a post, well spaced, of less than 800 words would be reasonable to ask for a general overview - not editing. Again, you are right, some posters seem to look here for editing and 'story feedback' on complete, longish stories and should be politely turned away to EF.

Lovecraft is right, this is virtually an unmoderated forum. We can ignore or advise but have no remit to instruct. The tag has always been disregarded.



For someone who has frequently offensively berated me for not posting a story for 16 years, and lies about the date I joined, 02/03/94, the only person 'making it up as they go along' is you, sr, wannabee gauleiter of this forum.

An apology would be nice but even more, stopping to pretend to usurp the moderator who is far more tolerant than your bullying and unsanctioned tirades.

The site has never 'counseled' writers here but let requests for review on the forum take their chances for at least the near two decades I have been around. Get with reality and know your place.
No, 800 words is not reasonable. Three paragraphs, maximum, is acceptable. Not ten, or twelve, or five even. Full stories go through the submission process before the author asks for feedback here. If they need help, they can check in the EF. But there too, three paragraphs is the maximum to post on the forum.
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Old 02-27-2013, 10:22 PM   #20
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Opps. That wasn't me and it was a Literotica moderator. What now, Elfin? Will you just drop that one and move on to something else or will you pretend not to have read it?
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Old 02-28-2013, 07:43 PM   #21
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Interesting. Your join date says 2004.

More interesting is this is at the bottom of the lit home page

All contents Copyright 1996-2012

I tired to google "what year was literotica founded" but all that come sup is a list of any lit stories with the word found.

The "wiki" for lit does not give a start up date, but that Copyright on the front page seems to indicate the site was founded in 96.

If someone can disprove that, I'd be interested in knowing when lit was founded.
Looks like 1998 based on their domain name registration date and statements made in their trademark registration. Part of a trademark registration is alleging a first use in commerce; they claimed first use of "Literotica" in 1998. The current owner of the mark's registration is a Nevada corp that was founded later in 2003.
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Old 03-01-2013, 02:18 PM   #22
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Mea Culpa.

Was writing on an iPhone in an airport and didn't check. For all the '94/6's, please replace with '04/6's.

My point stays the same.

This forum is not really moderated, the owners don't seem to mind, so my grouse stays valid.

There seems to be toleration for any threads that breach all the purported purpose of SF but little acceptance by eminent members of requests for a review - with advice and critique.

We are losing the vibrancy of the forum.

If you want SOL, fine, but I enjoy the forums here.
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Old 03-01-2013, 02:32 PM   #23
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Umm, no. All of your points have been eviscerated, regardless of your mealymouthing, Elfin. And critique on this board is zipping along quite well--much better than a few years ago when two posters who didn't know tense from voice and started nearly every critique with "this is crap" were holding sway here. (Sound familiar?)

But your apology for not needing the apology you demanded from me is accepted.
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Old 03-01-2013, 04:11 PM   #24
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This forum is not really moderated, the owners don't seem to mind, so my grouse stays valid.
It may be that it is not "really moderated" b/c the rules are not breached all that often. If all is as it should be, then the moderators won't have much to do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by elfin_odalisque View Post
There seems to be toleration for any threads that breach all the purported purpose of SF but little acceptance by eminent members of requests for a review - with advice and critique.

We are losing the vibrancy of the forum.

If you want SOL, fine, but I enjoy the forums here.
Well then, complain to someone about this. You also have the option of not clicking on a thread that seems to be off-topic. And once again, the point of the SF forum is NOT for people to post entire stories (regardless of length). The point is for people to provide feedback on stories already posted to Literotica. And also once again, even though many people do post entire stories when they shouldn't, a number of Lit users (myself, CWatson, others) do in fact chime in with some advice on those stories.

So it looks like you're just wrong.
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Old 03-07-2013, 03:04 PM   #25
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To the OP:

The 'story' needs to be fluffed a little to fit it into 750 words+ that is needed to post, but it's good enough to post, when you have the minimum length.

There needs to be some conflict, I'd suggest the stripper hold out for$50 and the MC has to beg it from his friends. Or, he could dig out a $100 and she smiles as she guides him into the back room.

Welcome to Lit, now get to work!
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