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Old 02-14-2013, 04:53 AM   #1
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Question Key plot point - It this believable?

New to the community and would like your feedback on a key plot point. I'm writing a probable cheating/revenge/revenge story. Key to the plot is the strong possibility that the husband had an affair. Due to the fact that the wife is a "spoiled princess" and the husband is a "basic nice guy", I believe most readers will lean toward giving the husband the benefit of the doubt. To compensate I would like to create a scenario that in all likelihood appears that he did have the affair but with just a shadow of doubt that he may not have.

Below are the wife's 'evidence' and the husband's 'explanations'. I'm interested in everyone's feedback on if this is too unrealistic.

Twenty-something couple, married about five years. Wife (Jane) is an aggressive, high maintenance woman with a quick temper that believes she has evidence that her husband is cheating on her. Husband (John) is a doting, passive, quiet, blue collar factory worker. John has been working an extra shift on Tuesday nights at the plant for last several months.

Jack = John's best friend
Jill = John's ex-girlfriend
Joe = Jill's husband

Joe suspects wife, Jill, is cheating and follows her to a motel one night and takes pictures (poor quality). He then sends pictures to Jane.

Jane's evidence:
1. Photo showing John's car parked outside motel on Tuesday night.
2. Photo showing man of similar build to John, wearing John's baseball cap and bomber jacket going up to motel room. Face is unrecognizable. (John NEVER lets anyone else wear his bomber jacket)
3. Photo motel room door opens to reveal Jill (recognizable) standing in her underwear.
4. Photo of Jill kissing man.
5. Photo of Jill pulling man into hotel room.
6. Over an hour later, photo of man leaving room (face still unrecognizable).
7. Photo of man in car, with dressed Jill beside it.
8. Photo of Jill throwing something into back seat of the car, man not looking.
9. Joe follows John's car back to plant, where man gets out of car and goes inside. Joe can't get close enough to see man's face but is sure that it is John.
10. Joe verifies motel reservation made for "Ralph Brown". Jane recognizes it as an alias that John has used before.
11. Jane asks John if someone was driving his car Tuesday night. He says 'no'.
12. Jane searches John's 'trashy' backseat of car. Finds pair of panties on the floorboard.
13. Jane verifies that John never works a full second shift (always a couple hours shy).

John's explanations:
1. Says that he isn't having an affair with Jill, hasn't touched her since he started dating Jane.
2. Says man in photos must be best friend Jack, similar builds.
3. Lent Jack car so he could go to AA meetings. Didn't realize he was having affair with Jill.
4. Never lent him his bomber jacket or baseball cap. Jack must have helped himself.
5. Has been covering for Jack (for a couple hours) for the last few months.
6. Never told Jill, because she's never liked Jack and would have been upset to find out that he'd loaned Jack his car after Jack had lost his license because of latest DUI.
7. Yes, he lied to her about someone else driving his car.
8. Yes, he could get fired if they found out he was covering for Jack.
9. "Ralph Brown" was an alias that John, Jack and a few other guys used back in high school.
10. Has no idea how a pair of panties ended up in his backseat unless Jack had left them there.

Well there it is. The question remains is this scenario realistic enough to make Jane's ballistic need for revenge believable? Interested in your thoughts, comments or suggestions!
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Old 02-16-2013, 07:54 AM   #2
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Seems feasable, a lot of drama like a soap opera, i.e. novella. Try it and if you don't like it, we'll never speak of it again. I wouldn't use so many "J" names though.
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Old 02-16-2013, 05:46 PM   #3
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I suppose you could make a case for all this working. As with any story it really depends on how you handle the material. It seems like something where you could get hip deep in a lot of description, as opposed to more preferable action/dialogue.

One helpful observation I could make: I hope you'll try to do better with the character names than Jane, Jill, John, Joe. You have four different names that all start with the same letter, and between the four of them only use eight letters of the alphabet. You run the danger of readers having difficulty keeping separate characters with so similar names. With more distinctive names you'll make it easier for your reader to keep the individuals and couples straight.

Last edited by BONNIEBREA : 02-16-2013 at 05:53 PM.
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Old 02-16-2013, 07:31 PM   #4
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I think it depends on how you make the characters. Is the husband really sympathetic and the friend a sleezeball? And I missed the part where the wife needs to get revenge? Or maybe I'm getting the names confused. Either way, if someone's going to get really mad, you have to put a lot of detail into why they should be mad.
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Old 02-17-2013, 04:35 AM   #5
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Thanks JaxR, BonnieB and ChocolateC3 for your responses.

No hadn't planned on using the names listed, just wanted to make them generic. Sorry for the confusion.

Basic premise of story is as follows:
Amy (wife) believe she has evidence that Scott (husband) is cheating
Amy goes ballistic and pulls a go-for-the-throat type of revenge
Finds out later that Scott may or may not have had affair
Can the relationship be salvaged? If not, does Scott just 'nuke' it?

Key to the story is that the 'evidence' that Amy has is believable. Hate it when the wife who suspects cheating is portrayed as a psycho or dumb as a rock!

JaxR – yeah it sounds like a soap opera (LOL!) Unfortunately a lot of Loving Wives (cheat/revenge) stories do. Really don't have an interest in writing a Novella! I've got too short of an attention…I'm sorry what was I saying?

Bonnie – Getting bogged down in the description is a real problem of mine. Utilizing a VE currently to help me in that and SO many other areas! Nasty balance of pacing vs detail!

ChocolateC3 – Sorry for the confusion, agree that reader needs to at least know (would prefer sympathize) why the wife goes for a "nuke" type revenge.
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Old 03-04-2013, 10:15 PM   #6
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The only problem I have is the jacket. If he never lets anyone wear it 1. Would the friend really wear it anyway and 2. Would he just leave it in his car like that? I'm assuming that it has some kind of meaning for him if no one else is aloud to wear it. They're the only parts where I would think 'Nah, it's him, don't believe him'. But that's me
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Old 03-06-2013, 03:33 AM   #7
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Agree Wyld, and I think the wife would too!

Friend is a 'recovering' addict. Not the most reliable of 'friends'. LOL
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