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Old 03-01-2013, 12:29 PM   #1
C5MiGuy
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The seven types of Playgrounders

The 7 types of Playgrounders and Personal Adders

The Desperate
You know who this is. You see the ad, “Lonely (age varies)/m looking for that special lady to help me…” At this point, you already know he’s either still living at home with mom, or has a very undesirable studio apartment. It is furnished with two milk crates and an empty cable spool for a dining set. The bean bag chair in the corner doubles as a bed and masturbation station. There’s a single pot on the stove with stains from the mac-n-cheese he made for dinner streaming down the sides, and the sink is filled with unwashed dishes. His ad may reveal more about himself, or it may be a one liner that gives you absolutely nothing to make you want to message him. Either way “the ladies” aren’t interested. There are 20 replies to his post, and they are all him “bumping it to the top.” If they aren’t a self-bumper they simply post similar ads repeatedly, and the vast majority of them have 0 replies. And you wonder why you’re lonely. Hint: Saying you are lonely will not get women to reply to your personal ad.

There is a subset to The Desperate known as The Sanjay. The Sanjay doesn’t necessarily post a personal ad, but instead copies and pastes the same response to multiple threads, assuming the women won’t look at the profile and other 50 identical posts the user has made before replying, or initiating contact with The Sanjay. Guess what The Sanjay – they look. They always look. Sanjays are also notorious for dredging up threads where the poster hasn’t been active on Lit for up to 12 years, and the thread hasn’t been replied to for more than three years. Rock on The Sanjays – I salute your determination.

The Fakes
The make their first post “I’m 18/f, hot, wet, horny, and wanting…” or other variant screams fake. It’s your first post, it’s a personal ad, and you just happen to be 18, female, horny, and need to chat to help you get off. Please. First of all, hot 18 year old women don’t need to come online to get off. All they need to do is put on a pair of cutoffs and a tight t-shirt and go out in public to get way more attention than they could handle. They aren’t limited to being 18 and wanting a Daddy. Sometimes they feel the need to discuss what certain candies do for them, and how they wished they were a Gummi Bear. Of course to hear them tell it, they are so addicted to sex that even a 70 member gangbang won’t get them to cum, but the guys (or girls) of Lit will get them screaming like Jenna Jameson. Well, we’re not buying it. The Fakes are not 18, nor are they even female. They are a middle aged Desperate or Horndog that is afraid to come out of the closet and using the WiFi at a Pilot Truck Stop in Omaha, drinking a 64oz fountain drink Mountain Dew, while brushing the crumbs of Combos and Funyuns off their stained, ribbed wife-beater shirt that gets off on making other guys cum. But that doesn’t stop…

The Markers
The Markers might also be a Desperate or Horndog, but most of their posts say nothing about what they want, or contribute much of anything to the forums. The Markers are the stray dogs of Literotica. They roam the forums looking for posts by The Fakers or the The Normals simply to mark their territory by saying, “sent you a PM.” Really, you have to publicly tell everyone that you sent this person a PM? If the person has their PMs turned on, they will know they got a PM. There’s no reason to treat the thread like it is your personal fire hydrant, and piss on it to let all the other Markers know you’re claiming this bitch to be yours. Of course like all dogs, more Markers arrive to piss on the same virtual fire hydrant, and we will see six or seven posts in a row saying “sent you a PM.”

There is also subset known as the Creepy Markers. The ones where the thread poster indicates they may want phone sex at some point, and the Creepy Marker lets everyone know that “Daddy has sent you a PM with my phone number.” Like he has some sort of virtual super-urine that will make all the other Markers clear out. No dude, all it does is give the rest of us a shiver down our back, and drive us to make an appointment with the CDC to get a radiation bath. Ew. Looking like an extra in The Outlaw Josey Wales isn’t helping you either.


The Horndogs
The Horndogs are like The Desperates, except they are a bit more bold thanks to the anonymity of the internet. These (usually) guys are mostly found in threads where pictures of members might be posted. They often venture over to Amateur Pic Feedback section and tell every woman or guy of posting pics of his wife/girlfriend how hot they are. I’m sorry, not everyone on here is a 10, and some of us on here would never, ever be mistaken for being hot. But this doesn’t stop them from saying how hot they are, how hard they get looking at the pictures, or what they want to do with them. Even if she is a macroencephaletic with severe eczema and psoriasis, that’s enough to get you hard and make you want to cum just thinking about her. But it doesn’t stop there they don’t even have to know what the person looks like. The woman that’s making them so hard doesn’t even need to have been on Lit for a month, have an avatar or profile picture posted, or even contribute anything more than to the “Would you…” or association threads and the Horndog is so turned on by her one word responses and non-avatar that he’s ready to write 75 Shades of Grey on what he’d do to her. I say 75 because he thinks he’s that much more virile than the rest of the guys on Lit, and damn it, he’s going to prove it in public. Take that, Markers!

The Teasers
They publicly share stories about how they were able to deep throat half the Olympic track team and bring them all to orgasm in twenty minutes. Or perhaps they aren’t so forward with their sexual adventures, or prowess, but they let it be known that every man (and most women) on here would want to drop everything to be with them. They put bits of info in your profile about their desires, their kinks, and their needs and how they want to communicate those needs with someone. Their posts in threads are begging for people to message them – but if messaged, even if in a friendly manner - they are either appalled they someone would dare want to talk to them privately, or they simply ignore them. They scream for attention, but are then put out when it’s actually given to them. Oh, you wicked siren, how I hope you contract Herpegonnosyphillaids on your next sexventure.

The Normals
Well, at least those posters that don’t primarily fall into the above categories. We are mostly female, but there are a few guys out there as well. We’re on Lit, so how “normal” are any of us really? Normals may slip once in a while and be misclassified in one of the above groups, but generally when you get to know them, The Normals are here just to communicate. It may be sexual in nature at some point, but they don’t publicly disclose what another poster does for them the first time they saw them post something in “Have you ever…” because it was a bit revealing. The Normals just want to have a decent conversation because they are lacking the sort of communication they get here in their real life lives. The reasons for it may vary, but they are happy to just have a laugh, share some stories, read some stories, and maybe make a few friends along the way. Unfortunately, The Normals are generally dealing with The Horndogs and miss out on communicating with other Normals because they are tired of seeing cockatars and creepy penis photos in profiles. Fun fact: If you have a penis, and think you are in this group, there’s a 98% chance you are wrong.

IhateClowns
Funniest son of a bitch I’ve ever come across on the ‘net. I’ve been online since the early days of AOL, and there’s only one or two people I’ve run into that have come close to being on the same level as this guy when it comes to humor. You sir, deserve your own group, and anything I say will simply fail to live up to the praise you deserve. If I had a vagina I would do whatever I could to stretch it to the point where I could fit your entire head into my womb and die a satisfied woman. You are my man-crush. Creepy PM coming...
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Last edited by C5MiGuy : 03-01-2013 at 12:35 PM.
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Old 03-01-2013, 12:57 PM   #2
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That is hilarious funniest post I've read in ages, love it
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:08 PM   #3
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There are only two types...

...Of people in this world:
Those who divide the world into two types of people,
And everybody else.
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:27 PM   #4
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"cockatar" made me die laughing.
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:31 PM   #5
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Defining humor, or who is humorous, is often a matter of personal opinion when you trace the genre from Red Skelton, Jack Benny and Bob Hope to George Carlin or any number of stand-up jokers who deal in smut. There are a lot of truly funny people on each end of the spectrum, but also a lot of arrogant pricks.
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:32 PM   #6
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Bravo!

(Facebook has made me so lazy, I was looking for the "Like" button for your post.)
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:34 PM   #7
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I like it, nice to see that the Normals have our own category, and yes, after making a few normalish posts getting some, shall we say "interesting" accusations, have really cut back on getting involved in anything more than reading.
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:37 PM   #8
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"cockatar" made me die laughing.
I read 'virtual super-urine' and nearly fell off my chair laughing
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:39 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by SLOgent View Post
Defining humor, or who is humorous, is often a matter of personal opinion when you trace the genre from Red Skelton, Jack Benny and Bob Hope to George Carlin or any number of stand-up jokers who deal in smut. There are a lot of truly funny people on each end of the spectrum, but also a lot of arrogant pricks.
Oh well my personal opinion is 'It's funny' but as you say opinions differ but I defy anyone not to find 'virtual super-urine or 'cockatar' not funny Maybe it's my British sense of humour!!
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:59 PM   #10
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Oh well my personal opinion is 'It's funny' but as you say opinions differ but I defy anyone not to find 'virtual super-urine or 'cockatar' not funny Maybe it's my British sense of humour!!
Personally, ive always wanted a cockatar. And I've heard that if you google enough water, your virtual super urine won't smell at all.
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Old 03-01-2013, 02:00 PM   #11
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Bravo!

(Facebook has made me so lazy, I was looking for the "Like" button for your post.)
I often think a "Like" button would be very handy on here. The OP would certainly get a "Like" from me.
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Old 03-01-2013, 02:02 PM   #12
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Oh well my personal opinion is 'It's funny' but as you say opinions differ but I defy anyone not to find 'virtual super-urine or 'cockatar' not funny Maybe it's my British sense of humour!!
or my Texas sense of humor because I nearly spit soda on my laptop when I read that line.
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Old 03-01-2013, 02:10 PM   #13
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Personally, ive always wanted a cockatar. And I've heard that if you google enough water, your virtual super urine won't smell at all.
Hehe well maybe the 'Markers' will heed that advice
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Old 03-01-2013, 02:21 PM   #14
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This is hilarious!
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Old 03-01-2013, 02:40 PM   #15
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And here I was, looking for a quiz
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Old 03-01-2013, 02:47 PM   #16
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Wait just a gosh darn minute...
You mean we aren't supposed to show body parts around here?

And WHOOT! I'm a combo-type...can't be just one, you know.

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Old 03-01-2013, 03:12 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by C5MiGuy View Post
The 7 types of Playgrounders and Personal Adders


The Fakes
The make their first post “I’m 18/f, hot, wet, horny, and wanting…” or other variant screams fake. It’s your first post, it’s a personal ad, and you just happen to be 18, female, horny, and need to chat to help you get off. Please. First of all, hot 18 year old women don’t need to come online to get off. All they need to do is put on a pair of cutoffs and a tight t-shirt and go out in public to get way more attention than they could handle. They aren’t limited to being 18 and wanting a Daddy. Sometimes they feel the need to discuss what certain candies do for them, and how they wished they were a Gummi Bear. Of course to hear them tell it, they are so addicted to sex that even a 70 member gangbang won’t get them to cum, but the guys (or girls) of Lit will get them screaming like Jenna Jameson. Well, we’re not buying it. The Fakes are not 18, nor are they even female. They are a middle aged Desperate or Horndog that is afraid to come out of the closet and using the WiFi at a Pilot Truck Stop in Omaha, drinking a 64oz fountain drink Mountain Dew, while brushing the crumbs of Combos and Funyuns off their stained, ribbed wife-beater shirt that gets off on making other guys cum. But that doesn’t stop…
I'm really offended by the author's use of offensive generalizations. I'd be willing to bet he's also a Republican.

Just because I'm an 18 year-old, horny, bi-sexual, gummi loving slut doesn't give him the right to lump me in with Ravi and the like. Some of do need to have sexy Lit threads like the Pussy Fuck Room so that we can get enough hot monkey sex. There just aren't enough sexually starved married men in the lonely small town I live in.

Is it really so hard to just accept me as I am - to suspend your cynical disbelief for just a little while we get to know each other a little better? No instead the author and has chosen to appoint himself the arbiter of literotic style and to put me and my friends down. It seems to happen over and over again - the put-downs from female Litsters jealous of my copious sexuality and men who just can't handle women like me - confident in their own sexuality.

Well I've had enough of this discrimination and hatred. I'll take my charms back over to Fet-Life where they are truly appreciated.
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Old 03-01-2013, 03:26 PM   #18
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Seven types of Playgrounders..... somehow associated with seven deadly sins?
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Old 03-01-2013, 03:29 PM   #19
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I'm really offended by the author's use of offensive generalizations. I'd be willing to bet he's also a Republican.

Just because I'm an 18 year-old, horny, bi-sexual, gummi loving slut doesn't give him the right to lump me in with Ravi and the like. Some of do need to have sexy Lit threads like the Pussy Fuck Room so that we can get enough hot monkey sex. There just aren't enough sexually starved married men in the lonely small town I live in.

Is it really so hard to just accept me as I am - to suspend your cynical disbelief for just a little while we get to know each other a little better? No instead the author and has chosen to appoint himself the arbiter of literotic style and to put me and my friends down. It seems to happen over and over again - the put-downs from female Litsters jealous of my copious sexuality and men who just can't handle women like me - confident in their own sexuality.

Well I've had enough of this discrimination and hatred. I'll take my charms back over to Fet-Life where they are truly appreciated.
I am so jealous of your copius sexuality. Can you teach me I really need to learn pleaseeeeeee
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Old 03-01-2013, 03:30 PM   #20
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I am so jealous of your copius sexuality. Can you teach me I really need to learn pleaseeeeeee
Don't you have a dress like that already?
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Old 03-01-2013, 03:32 PM   #21
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Seven types of Playgrounders..... somehow associated with seven deadly sins?
It was 6, but IHC needed his own category.
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Old 03-01-2013, 05:30 PM   #22
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WTF? Is it too late for me to be a Fake?
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Old 03-01-2013, 05:49 PM   #23
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I think you forgot the category of the DENIALS. People who claim they are normal, but really they are Horndogs or Markers or such.

Great thread, csiguy. Which category do you tend to follow?
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Old 03-01-2013, 05:54 PM   #24
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Ah bollocks...I'm a teaser...

*slopes off to GUM to get some super strength antibiotics for me Herpegonnosyphillaids ...

mind you...you could substitute that for...the person nobody actually responds to because they'd rather try and engage with someone who fantasises about things or posts pictures of such things than actually interact with someone who does them...
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Old 03-01-2013, 05:56 PM   #25
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I'm a normal teasing horndog marking the desperate fakes. I hope to someday have pajamas like IHC but I while I like the drop seat flap I don't like footies.
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