Fantasy/desire mismatch

[LucyH]

Anyone else fantasize or enjoy reading about completely different things than you wish you could do in real life? I don't just mean because it's impractical/impossible/unlikely or because the reality wouldn't live up to the fantasy. I mean things you still wouldn't want to do if there were no barriers, no unpleasant consequences, and no inevitable disappointment.

[stevenj1]

I do put that into my mix at times. Fantasies give you pure freedom don't they? I often fantasize about having sex with people who I probably wouldn't have sex with in real life. In fact I know a few other who do that well. I think its pretty common.

[meat_robot]

For example?

[tmmmbrrr]

Originally Posted by LucyH

Anyone else fantasize or enjoy reading about completely different things than you wish you could do in real life? I don't just mean because it's impractical/impossible/unlikely or because the reality wouldn't live up to the fantasy. I mean things you still wouldn't want to do if there were no barriers, no unpleasant consequences, and no inevitable disappointment.

Practically all the time. Isn't that the point - or am I just being dull and not getting what you're really wondering about?

[LucyH]

I mean like having a different sexual orientation in fantasy land than real life. Or a dominant/submissive mismatch.

There are things that I love doing that I almost never think about when I'm not doing them. I find that a little odd.

[tmmmbrrr]

Not odd at all to me - more like healthy curiousity. Seriously, most of my fantasies will never see the light of a real day and that is really OK. Its the people who obscess (sp?) and act on their ideas that you have to worry about.

[Tomahawk26]

This is one thing I constantly don't understand. I don't ever fantasize about something I don't want to happen. Something I don't want to do in reality wouldn't turn me on. This lack of understanding has caused some confusion with my husband in the past...

[YDB95]

Yes, there are certain things that turn me on to think about, but in reality I wouldn't want them to happen because in real life, they would be rather unpleasant for one or more people who are concerned.

[sunandshadow]

Originally Posted by Tomahawk26

This is one thing I constantly don't understand. I don't ever fantasize about something I don't want to happen. Something I don't want to do in reality wouldn't turn me on. This lack of understanding has caused some confusion with my husband in the past...

This is pretty much how I feel - what I fantasize about is what I'd want to do IF ideal conditions and lack of repercussions were possible. Though, sometimes it's fun to imagine a character who likes different things than me living out their different fantasies. I don't count that as me fantasizing about whatever it is, since I'm not imagining myself or any stand-in for myself doing whatever.

[LucyH]

This is one thing I constantly don't understand.

I don't understand it either. But there it is.

I don't count that as me fantasizing about whatever it is, since I'm not imagining myself or any stand-in for myself doing whatever.

I don't imagine myself doing whatever in most of my fantasies, but that doesn't stop me from calling them fantasies. I used to think about myself doing things when I was younger, but now that I've been me for as long as I have, I don't find myself especially interesting. At least not for this purpose.

[grdas]

When I was most in bewildered denial about my sexuality, I made a very clear distinction between what I'd want out of anonymous cyber partners and what were my "real" desires. Though I'm a lot more comfortable with it all now, I do think there's some of that distinction left: after all, some things are hot mostly or entirely for their concept, not any sort of physical response. I fantasize a lot about receiving anal sex but do very little anal play because the idea of being penetrated is erotic in a vacuum but I'm finicky about my ass. Which isn't to say that the physical act and the conceptual implication don't often go hand in hand, but so long as there's a distinction between them, there can be some mismatch. An extreme example is vore: it's a fantasy I'll occasionally play with that would not just impossible/impractical to live out but extremely unpleasant. It's not that I can't get eaten but that I don't want to, while still finding it stimulating in the abstract.