Just an Average Person Screaming for Help!

[Ryan1492]

So I'm posting in a desperate state. I found a girl I absolutely love and we have been dating for two years. I plan on marrying this girl but have one hold up. The sex is devastatingly boring! All she wants is simple boring sex, and my dark kinky side thrives for something more. I have tried everything under the sun to get her to experiment, but she just won't. I am looking for some advice from any couples or ladies that have been in this situation and somehow changed. I need help before I lose my mind over this! Any advice?

[Amanda_T]

Did you try the most important thing of all? Discussing the way both of you feel about sex and sexuality as rational human beings who care about each other?

[Ryan1492]

Of course we have! But she just wants to agree to disagree about our sex, which doesn't help me at all! And I just can't find any other way of wording to her that I am desperate for a change.

[Scrubber]

If you can't find a mutually satisfactory solution before marriage you sure as hell won't find one afterwards.

[SweetShal303]

Originally Posted by Ryan1492

So I'm posting in a desperate state. I found a girl I absolutely love and we have been dating for two years. I plan on marrying this girl but have one hold up. The sex is devastatingly boring! All she wants is simple boring sex, and my dark kinky side thrives for something more. I have tried everything under the sun to get her to experiment, but she just won't. I am looking for some advice from any couples or ladies that have been in this situation and somehow changed. I need help before I lose my mind over this! Any advice?

Boy do I feel sorry for you!!

I am wondering if she really loves you actually because she ought to want to try at least..I am sorry if what I am saying hurts but i find it really bizarre that she won't even try...Is there any reason she gives you for not trying more?

[C5MiGuy]

To quote Tom Arnold in True Lies,
"Come on Harry, ditch the bitch."

It will be an issue, and you will end up cheating. Saw it happen with two friends. They get along great, but she's constantly sleeping around.

[Amanda_T]

Originally Posted by Ryan1492

Of course we have! But she just wants to agree to disagree about our sex, which doesn't help me at all! And I just can't find any other way of wording to her that I am desperate for a change.

What do you mean by "agree or disagree about our sex". Does she disagree that you feel you want more out of your sex life?

A lot of people don't really get communication. It isn't about winning or losing, it is about sharing one's feelings and thoughts and wants and needs. If the two of you are entering into the discussions with the idea that each of you must somehow "win". then you're doing it wrong.

But others here have said some truth as well. If she doesn't care that you are not sexually satisfied, well....

*Not that she exists for your own sexual pleasure mind you lol.

[ThoMac_13]

"Agree to disagree about sex" does not sound promising--just one man's opinion.

However, it might help us to understand/offer further advice if you provide some details about what "plain boring sex" versus "dark kinky side" mean here.

[Ryan1492]

Thanks for the help! To give you more details, she wants simple missionary with the occasional cowgirl and very little foreplay. Whereas I like to keep the foreplay going for hours and I'm into the sub/Dom experiences and a little role playing. She has told me several times that she will try, but half way into it she always says stuff like "this is awkward" or "I don't wanna do this anymore" which just absolutely shatters the mood.

[Tryharder62]

There can be a lot more that comes into play then you even realize. I had trouble thinking I was doing what my faith would want me to do if I "played." I also had some abuse issues that made certain situations undesireable. Maybe explore what she thinks about sex in general. Sitting where I am right now I am telling you wanting the sex you want and can't have is not good. Don't get married without solving this. Please.

[Lori_the_Hoosier]

Originally Posted by Ryan1492

Thanks for the help! To give you more details, she wants simple missionary with the occasional cowgirl and very little foreplay. Whereas I like to keep the foreplay going for hours and I'm into the sub/Dom experiences and a little role playing. She has told me several times that she will try, but half way into it she always says stuff like "this is awkward" or "I don't wanna do this anymore" which just absolutely shatters the mood.

It looks like she's communicating with you the best way she knows how, and maybe you should accept that vanilla sex is all she's ever going to want; pushing her to pander to your own preferences is not going to resolve anything, and will eventually push her away completely. Accept that she loves you, and take what she knows she can give you - if that's not enough, then perhaps you should move on

[Scrubber]

Well, as someone who wants (slightly) kinky sex who has been married to someone who doesn't for the last 22 years I can tell you that these things can be endured, but are unlikely to end well. Besides, why would you sign up to a problem that can be very psychologically damaging and go on for decades when you know in advance that the problem exists?

If sex is important to you, and there is nothing wrong with that, then you are really going to have to consider very, very carefully whether it is fair on either of you for you to go ahead and marry this girl.

I really don't think an issue as important as this is something you can simply agree to disagree on. It's not as if you are talking about the colour of the wallpaper in the hallway, and even the wallpaper is something you have to live with every day of your life.