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Old 03-23-2014, 03:05 PM   #1
Hypoxia
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starting stories

"First sentences are doors to worlds." --Ursula K. LeGuin

I'm reading a book of writer's exercises, WHAT IF? by Bernays & Painter. Among the first exercises are, think of a title, and the first line or paragraph that goes with it. I borrowed or crafted a few first lines:

SEX ED - Dad told me what sex was the day after I first had it.
AND WHEN I DIE - I want to be buried with the body of a 12-year-old girl.
BLACK HOLE SUN - When the end of time came, I was enjoying great anal sex.
ROSES ARE RED, TOO - "What a lovely cock," she whispered, just before biting it off.
HOME ON THE RANGE - I'd been out here too long -- the sheep were looking enticing.
IMPACT - When your parachute doesn't open, you wonder how big a hole you'll make.

And I came up with some opening paragraphs for SciFi-etc stories:

HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM - The lander's engine sputtered and died just as I reached the planet's surface. Oh shit. And I had run out of condoms.

TRISEXUAL TRIFECTA - The natives were getting restless, and horny. Here on Sirius IV, that could only mean trouble. I checked my blaster: fully charged.

CTHULHU, WE LOVE YOU - Observing the mating rituals of followers of a tentacled elder god can be rather unsettling. Did we bring enough barf bags?

HONKY TONK LAGOON - I really hate when 'gator-folk get drunk. It's not bad enough that these human-reptilian hybrids smell awful. Their bladders are weak, too.

QUANTUM UNCERTAINTY - I had succeeded! After all these years, all my efforts, all the pain, I knew I would win a Nobel Prize! I had finally captured and weighed a neutrino! Unfortunately, I found it in my cheating whore of a wife's overused cunt.

As an exercise, write the first lines for these titles:

DAILY RATION OF PASSION -
LICK IT WHERE IT TINGLES -
BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED DAUGHTERS -
WIVES AND LOVERS AND POLICE -
IT ITCHES AND DRIPS -
YET ANOTHER ORGY -

I actually have a real-life opening scene for IT ITCHES AND DRIPS. I'll post it later.
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Hypoxia's Literotica postings - "You write well, so STFU and do more writing. Wimp." -JAMESBJOHNSON, bullshitter

A Fall of Stardust (Nude Day / SF) - "Hagh. cha' qab entries vaj contest. 'ej batlh cha' tlhIH suck, ghewmey, jaj Qu'lIj'e' bup chaH." -Anon
Jenny Be Fair 02 (incest-humor) - "Total shit - smug, shit-eating, stupid and up-your-own ass... No stars." -Anon
What Is Cheating? (essay) - "Rumblin', stumblin', bumblin' BARF! I don't think an editor would help this mess. Was there a point? There certainly didn't seem to be a storyline." -Anon
Under His Eyes (LW / satire) - "YOU ARE A SICK FUCK. WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THIS HORRIBLY VILE STORY. THIS IS HUMANITY AT ITS WORST. I ONLY SKIMMED TO SEE WHAT CRAP IT WAS. YOU NEED TO BE LOCKED AWAY FROM ANYONE YOU COULD HURT FOR REAL. MINUS 1 BILLION ISN'T ENOUGH. DON'T WRITE ANYMORE." -Anon

NEW: Like A Hole In The Head (Fetish)
(Summer Lovin' contest) Prickly Pairs (LW)
A Taste of Incest: Lemonade (Incest)
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Old 03-23-2014, 06:55 PM   #2
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DAILY RATION OF PASSION -


Oh, Hell, I thought, as I looked through the bars and saw my "partner" for the morning. She was bloody useless; shapeless, boring, louche and loud-mouthed: About as sexy as plate of cold chips.
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"Incident at Cemetery Junction"
"Pest Control"
"Mavis's Car Trip"
"Norman-the-dragon "
"Stacy & the Angel "
" Earth Tremor on Stage ? "
" Charlie's Story "
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Old 03-24-2014, 02:32 PM   #3
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IT ITCHES AND DRIPS -

"KDFC Swapmeet, whaddya got?"

"I'm Earl, and I've got a wheelbarrow I'd like to get ten bucks for, and a posthole digger that's also worth ten, and a dozen three-day-old Rhode Island Red chicks that should be worth a buck each."

"Thanks Earl. Okay, next caller. KDFC Swapmeet, whaddya got?"

The small-town AM radio station broadcast over a region of coastal Northern California that included farms, forests, fishing ports, and freaky communes, here in the early 1970s. I ran the quarter-hour call-in SWAPMEET feature twice each day, at the ends of my shift, morning and afternoon.

Who am I? Call me Roger. I'm the daily DJ, engineer, producer, janitor, gardener, and complaint department here. No, I'm just an employee -- my Uncle Dave owns the place, and he's pretty cheap. At least I'm a bit better off than a slave.

"KDFC Swapmeet, whaddya got?"

"Well, I'm not sure, but it's ten inches long, and it itches and drips."

CLICK!

Damn. I have GOT to persuade Uncle Dave to install a tape-delay system on the phone line!
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Hypoxia's Literotica postings - "You write well, so STFU and do more writing. Wimp." -JAMESBJOHNSON, bullshitter

A Fall of Stardust (Nude Day / SF) - "Hagh. cha' qab entries vaj contest. 'ej batlh cha' tlhIH suck, ghewmey, jaj Qu'lIj'e' bup chaH." -Anon
Jenny Be Fair 02 (incest-humor) - "Total shit - smug, shit-eating, stupid and up-your-own ass... No stars." -Anon
What Is Cheating? (essay) - "Rumblin', stumblin', bumblin' BARF! I don't think an editor would help this mess. Was there a point? There certainly didn't seem to be a storyline." -Anon
Under His Eyes (LW / satire) - "YOU ARE A SICK FUCK. WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THIS HORRIBLY VILE STORY. THIS IS HUMANITY AT ITS WORST. I ONLY SKIMMED TO SEE WHAT CRAP IT WAS. YOU NEED TO BE LOCKED AWAY FROM ANYONE YOU COULD HURT FOR REAL. MINUS 1 BILLION ISN'T ENOUGH. DON'T WRITE ANYMORE." -Anon

NEW: Like A Hole In The Head (Fetish)
(Summer Lovin' contest) Prickly Pairs (LW)
A Taste of Incest: Lemonade (Incest)
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Old 03-24-2014, 06:55 PM   #4
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Cool

Bridges over Troubled. . .

I had warned her over and over, "Stay away from Jeff and Beau!"
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Old 03-24-2014, 10:19 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertreams View Post
Bridges over Troubled. . .

I had warned her over and over, "Stay away from Jeff and Beau!"
Shouldn't that be titled THE BRIDGES OF MADISON, ASHLEY ??
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Hypoxia's Literotica postings - "You write well, so STFU and do more writing. Wimp." -JAMESBJOHNSON, bullshitter

A Fall of Stardust (Nude Day / SF) - "Hagh. cha' qab entries vaj contest. 'ej batlh cha' tlhIH suck, ghewmey, jaj Qu'lIj'e' bup chaH." -Anon
Jenny Be Fair 02 (incest-humor) - "Total shit - smug, shit-eating, stupid and up-your-own ass... No stars." -Anon
What Is Cheating? (essay) - "Rumblin', stumblin', bumblin' BARF! I don't think an editor would help this mess. Was there a point? There certainly didn't seem to be a storyline." -Anon
Under His Eyes (LW / satire) - "YOU ARE A SICK FUCK. WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THIS HORRIBLY VILE STORY. THIS IS HUMANITY AT ITS WORST. I ONLY SKIMMED TO SEE WHAT CRAP IT WAS. YOU NEED TO BE LOCKED AWAY FROM ANYONE YOU COULD HURT FOR REAL. MINUS 1 BILLION ISN'T ENOUGH. DON'T WRITE ANYMORE." -Anon

NEW: Like A Hole In The Head (Fetish)
(Summer Lovin' contest) Prickly Pairs (LW)
A Taste of Incest: Lemonade (Incest)
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Old 03-25-2014, 02:45 PM   #6
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Lick It Where It Tingles

I freed the wires and extended my tongue; all morning we had been licking toads, then she brought out a nine-volt battery that tingled so good. So I opened up the wall socket with my Swiss army knife, I KNEW this tingle would be the best.
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Old 03-25-2014, 02:54 PM   #7
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Daily Ration Of Passion

I humped the Fleshlight frantically, but the four condoms over the desensitizing cream insured that I couldn't feel a thing.

"Time's up," She called with glee as she pulled the masturbator away from me, stripped off the condoms and cleaned off my cock.

"Back in your CB6000, you've had today's ration of passion, how long is it since you've cum? Six months, seven?"
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Old 03-26-2014, 02:35 PM   #8
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The first line of a story I'm editing for Athalia right now:
Quote:
"I must be crazy," Elise thought fleetingly as she jabbed the needle into her left breast, two inches below the nipple.
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Old 03-26-2014, 04:34 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jehoram View Post
The first line of a story I'm editing for Athalia right now:
What is the title? Does that first line flow from or into it?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile:
Wives And Lovers And Police

I first learned of my wife's affair when a SWAT team kicked in the bedroom door. Hey, our Hitachi Magic Wand is NOT a deadly weapon, right? Unless it's misused. Oh shit...
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Hypoxia's Literotica postings - "You write well, so STFU and do more writing. Wimp." -JAMESBJOHNSON, bullshitter

A Fall of Stardust (Nude Day / SF) - "Hagh. cha' qab entries vaj contest. 'ej batlh cha' tlhIH suck, ghewmey, jaj Qu'lIj'e' bup chaH." -Anon
Jenny Be Fair 02 (incest-humor) - "Total shit - smug, shit-eating, stupid and up-your-own ass... No stars." -Anon
What Is Cheating? (essay) - "Rumblin', stumblin', bumblin' BARF! I don't think an editor would help this mess. Was there a point? There certainly didn't seem to be a storyline." -Anon
Under His Eyes (LW / satire) - "YOU ARE A SICK FUCK. WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THIS HORRIBLY VILE STORY. THIS IS HUMANITY AT ITS WORST. I ONLY SKIMMED TO SEE WHAT CRAP IT WAS. YOU NEED TO BE LOCKED AWAY FROM ANYONE YOU COULD HURT FOR REAL. MINUS 1 BILLION ISN'T ENOUGH. DON'T WRITE ANYMORE." -Anon

NEW: Like A Hole In The Head (Fetish)
(Summer Lovin' contest) Prickly Pairs (LW)
A Taste of Incest: Lemonade (Incest)
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Old 03-26-2014, 07:38 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hypoxia View Post
What is the title? Does that first line flow from or into it?
She hasn't settled on a title yet. I'll let you know when she posts it.
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Old 03-26-2014, 10:22 PM   #11
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I own that book. It was the first book I ever purchased for college English. And just look at me now!
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Old 03-29-2014, 12:59 AM   #12
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more beginnings

STURGEON'S LAW - In the winter, I'm a Buddhist. In the summer, I'm a nudist. Now it was springtime, and I was somewhere in between. I adjusted my loincloth and attained Nirvana.

SLOW ROT - Seven years ago, the world ended, but almost nobody noticed. If my dildo batteries hadn't died, I would not have known, either. Sometimes, ignorance IS bliss, and vice versa.

SEX EDUCATION - College is a target rich environment. What I can teach isn't in the catalog. But my students never go away dissatisfied, even those receiving a grade of INCOMPLETE.

AN ACT OF CONGRESS - As the junior senator futilely plowed my ass with his pathetic little prick, I thought to myself, "The cloud-computing lobby is NOT paying me enough for this!"

WOODY WOODY LIFE - The Alaska hot-springs resort brochure's Japanese translation was amusing. But this is where folk tales said the next emperor would be conceived, in the boreal forest, under the shimmering Northern Lights. Just ignore the giant eerie silhouettes of moose crossing the full moon like furry full-masted schooners driven by a kamikaze wind.

LOST IN THE JUNGLE - Professor Czolgosz did his best to suppress his immense but doomed attraction for Lila, the matriarch of the orangutans. He knew he was just not worthy of her love.

HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER - He was just another dusty saddle tramp with a battered Stetson, a dented Sharps carbine, a mouse-eaten bedroll, and a huge ten-pound sausage of a schlong. She was a well-worn saloon floozy with a cunt the size of Carlsbad Caverns. They were a perfect pair.

ROMEO ET JULIET - Romeo also et SueAnn, Lily, Clarita, and Daisy. He used his prehensile hillbilly tongue like a starving anteater. And he sure loved dining at the Y. Them gals got et out GOOD!
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Hypoxia's Literotica postings - "You write well, so STFU and do more writing. Wimp." -JAMESBJOHNSON, bullshitter

A Fall of Stardust (Nude Day / SF) - "Hagh. cha' qab entries vaj contest. 'ej batlh cha' tlhIH suck, ghewmey, jaj Qu'lIj'e' bup chaH." -Anon
Jenny Be Fair 02 (incest-humor) - "Total shit - smug, shit-eating, stupid and up-your-own ass... No stars." -Anon
What Is Cheating? (essay) - "Rumblin', stumblin', bumblin' BARF! I don't think an editor would help this mess. Was there a point? There certainly didn't seem to be a storyline." -Anon
Under His Eyes (LW / satire) - "YOU ARE A SICK FUCK. WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THIS HORRIBLY VILE STORY. THIS IS HUMANITY AT ITS WORST. I ONLY SKIMMED TO SEE WHAT CRAP IT WAS. YOU NEED TO BE LOCKED AWAY FROM ANYONE YOU COULD HURT FOR REAL. MINUS 1 BILLION ISN'T ENOUGH. DON'T WRITE ANYMORE." -Anon

NEW: Like A Hole In The Head (Fetish)
(Summer Lovin' contest) Prickly Pairs (LW)
A Taste of Incest: Lemonade (Incest)

Last edited by Hypoxia : 03-29-2014 at 10:18 PM.
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Old 03-29-2014, 09:57 PM   #13
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[quote=jehoram;55328682]The first line of a story I'm editing for Athalia right now:

"'I must be crazy,' Elise thought fleetingly as she jabbed the needle into her left breast, two inches below the nipple."/QUOTE]

Spoiler!

Jehoram is mad at me right now. He thinks the story is finished, but I keep tweaking it and sending it to him again. Every time I review it, I see something that needs improving. But I'll have it ready by next weekend. I promise.

The story will be called "The Path of Pain." It's about a woman whose ritualistic self-torture brings her to an overwhelming climax. I think it's pretty good, for those who like that sort of thing.
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Old 03-29-2014, 11:57 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hypoxia View Post
STURGEON'S LAW - In the winter, I'm a Buddhist. In the summer, I'm a nudist. Now it was springtime, and I was somewhere in between. I adjusted my loincloth and attained Nirvana.

SLOW ROT - Seven years ago, the world ended, but almost nobody noticed. If my dildo batteries hadn't died, I would not have known, either. Sometimes, ignorance IS bliss, and vice versa.

SEX EDUCATION - College is a target rich environment. What I can teach isn't in the catalog. But my students never go away dissatisfied, even those receiving a grade of INCOMPLETE.

AN ACT OF CONGRESS - As the junior senator futilely plowed my ass with his pathetic little prick, I thought to myself, "The cloud-computing lobby is NOT paying me enough for this!"

WOODY WOODY LIFE - The Alaska hot-springs resort brochure's Japanese translation was amusing. But this is where folk tales said the next emperor would be conceived, in the boreal forest, under the shimmering Northern Lights. Just ignore the giant eerie silhouettes of moose crossing the full moon like furry full-masted schooners driven by a kamikaze wind.

LOST IN THE JUNGLE - Professor Czolgosz did his best to suppress his immense but doomed attraction for Lila, the matriarch of the orangutans. He knew he was just not worthy of her love.

HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER - He was just another dusty saddle tramp with a battered Stetson, a dented Sharps carbine, a mouse-eaten bedroll, and a huge ten-pound sausage of a schlong. She was a well-worn saloon floozy with a cunt the size of Carlsbad Caverns. They were a perfect pair.

ROMEO ET JULIET - Romeo also et SueAnn, Lily, Clarita, and Daisy. He used his prehensile hillbilly tongue like a starving anteater. And he sure loved dining at the Y. Them gals got et out GOOD!
Bravo
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Old 03-30-2014, 12:21 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AMoveableBeast View Post
Bravo
C'mon, don't be wimpy, take the challenge! Take any of those titles, or your own, and write the first line or para. If you don't like the above, try one of these:

TOO FAT TO FUCK -
EPIGLOTTAL ERUPTIONS -
I'M IN THE NUDE FOR LOVE -
THE BIRDS, THE BEES, AND MY COUSINS -
LOVE IS A MANY-GENDERED THING -
THE BALLAD OF SANDPAPER SAL -
TWO INCHES TOO FAR -
HIS PRISMATIC PRICK -
LIKE YOU MEAN IT -
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Hypoxia's Literotica postings - "You write well, so STFU and do more writing. Wimp." -JAMESBJOHNSON, bullshitter

A Fall of Stardust (Nude Day / SF) - "Hagh. cha' qab entries vaj contest. 'ej batlh cha' tlhIH suck, ghewmey, jaj Qu'lIj'e' bup chaH." -Anon
Jenny Be Fair 02 (incest-humor) - "Total shit - smug, shit-eating, stupid and up-your-own ass... No stars." -Anon
What Is Cheating? (essay) - "Rumblin', stumblin', bumblin' BARF! I don't think an editor would help this mess. Was there a point? There certainly didn't seem to be a storyline." -Anon
Under His Eyes (LW / satire) - "YOU ARE A SICK FUCK. WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THIS HORRIBLY VILE STORY. THIS IS HUMANITY AT ITS WORST. I ONLY SKIMMED TO SEE WHAT CRAP IT WAS. YOU NEED TO BE LOCKED AWAY FROM ANYONE YOU COULD HURT FOR REAL. MINUS 1 BILLION ISN'T ENOUGH. DON'T WRITE ANYMORE." -Anon

NEW: Like A Hole In The Head (Fetish)
(Summer Lovin' contest) Prickly Pairs (LW)
A Taste of Incest: Lemonade (Incest)
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Old 03-30-2014, 04:26 AM   #16
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A nigger kid named Antoine Dampier walked to the front door of the old Ritz Hotel, made furtive looks around the street, then opened the door and stepped into the dark, empty lobby.

1st sentence of THE BLACK MARKET
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Old 03-30-2014, 05:49 AM   #17
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I gradually drifted back into consciousness and forced my eyes open.

What the hell?

What was this place?

Where was I?

And more importantly, "who" was I?

And who was that woman sleeping naked next to me? She obviously had sex - maybe with me? - but I had no recollection of her or anything else for that matter.

What had happened to me? I had no clue, but somehow I felt a looming danger, like a timer counting down or a deadline approaching. There was something I needed to do, but what? I HAD to find out, and soon, or else...
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Old 03-30-2014, 03:19 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Athalia View Post

Jehoram is mad at me right now. He thinks the story is finished, but I keep tweaking it and sending it to him again.
I'm not mad at you. I've learned to live with this. Do other editors have to go through this, though? Five revisions in seven days?
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Old 03-30-2014, 03:53 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StrangeLife View Post
I gradually drifted back into consciousness and forced my eyes open.
Does this have a title? Maybe LOST IN SPACE-TIME, or CAST AWAY, or FORGETTABLE ME, or MEMORIES ARE MADE OF WHAT?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jehoram View Post
I'm not mad at you. I've learned to live with this. Do other editors have to go through this, though? Five revisions in seven days?
I dunno about editors here, but when I was tech-editing, multiple revisions daily were common. Of course, there was money involved, thus an incentive to get the sucker done right. Unpaid writers and editors have a rather different dynamic.
______________________________________

More first lines:

DROWNING IN A SEA OF SHIT - My husband cheated on me, left me, destroyed me -- and then things got even worse.

NOSE JOB OR BLOW JOB? - My brain-enhanced Amazon River Dolphin friends insisted that I cock-fuck their dorsal blowholes, as was their custom, and who was I to refuse?

GOOD OL' BOYS - It was like a scene out of DELIVERANCE or BIRTH OF A NATION but without the tender compassion and tolerance.

MAPLE LEAF RAG - The fervid scent of the crowd of menstruating Toronto hockey fans was nearly overwhelming.

CHRISTMAS SPIRIT - "Ho! Ho! Ho!" grunted Santa as his pubes slammed into the hunched-over butt of his favorite elf.

(BTW, all these are free for anyone to plagiarize.)
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Hypoxia's Literotica postings - "You write well, so STFU and do more writing. Wimp." -JAMESBJOHNSON, bullshitter

A Fall of Stardust (Nude Day / SF) - "Hagh. cha' qab entries vaj contest. 'ej batlh cha' tlhIH suck, ghewmey, jaj Qu'lIj'e' bup chaH." -Anon
Jenny Be Fair 02 (incest-humor) - "Total shit - smug, shit-eating, stupid and up-your-own ass... No stars." -Anon
What Is Cheating? (essay) - "Rumblin', stumblin', bumblin' BARF! I don't think an editor would help this mess. Was there a point? There certainly didn't seem to be a storyline." -Anon
Under His Eyes (LW / satire) - "YOU ARE A SICK FUCK. WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THIS HORRIBLY VILE STORY. THIS IS HUMANITY AT ITS WORST. I ONLY SKIMMED TO SEE WHAT CRAP IT WAS. YOU NEED TO BE LOCKED AWAY FROM ANYONE YOU COULD HURT FOR REAL. MINUS 1 BILLION ISN'T ENOUGH. DON'T WRITE ANYMORE." -Anon

NEW: Like A Hole In The Head (Fetish)
(Summer Lovin' contest) Prickly Pairs (LW)
A Taste of Incest: Lemonade (Incest)
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Old 03-30-2014, 08:30 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jehoram View Post
I'm not mad at you. I've learned to live with this. Do other editors have to go through this, though? Five revisions in seven days?
Okay, okay. I just got it back from you, and I'm posting it. Happy?
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Old 03-31-2014, 12:57 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by Athalia View Post
Okay, okay. I just got it back from you, and I'm posting it. Happy?
You are forgiven.

And it's a gripping yarn, too, although not really my style of story. Probably one of your best. Certainly one of your weirdest.
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Old 03-31-2014, 02:12 PM   #22
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STURGEON'S LAW - His dick was enormous, long and slick and whiskered with small, delicate hairs. The other girls called him Sturgeon because of it, like the fish. Also because he carried a club, a small stout piece of wood like the ones favored by the fishermen on Lake Eerie who used them to bash the heads of a particularly feisty catch once it got close enough to the boat. Only he didn't use it on fish.

SLOW ROT - The meat had been on the counter for days, a rib-eye from the look of it, though I couldn't be sure from across the room; my chain only reached so far. It had been alluring when he first brought it in and set it on the blood-stained wooden cutting board, pink and red and fresh, so fresh I could still see the life wafting off of it. The weeks had been unkind to it, however. It had grown slimy and dark, pestered by flies and rotten to its center. Ruined. We had a lot in common that rib-eye and I.

SEX EDUCATION - Mr. Edwards had the most delicate hands. They were the first thing I had noticed about him. Small and slender, impeccably well-manicured, they were like a woman's hands. I'd watch him as he wrote on the chalkboard with those thin, fragile-looking digits, notice every scribble as he worked at his desk. I wondered, did any of the other girls in class guess at the anger hidden in those feminine hands; had any of them, like me, seen those hands, white-knuckled and clenched in a fist, disappear slowly, completely inside of them?

AN ACT OF CONGRESS - He was known throughout the senate for his ability to filibuster. The way he could drone on, tirelessly wagging his tongue, never stopping but never getting anywhere either, was legendary. Unfortunately for me, he ate pussy in much the same fashion.

WOODY WOODY LIFE - It's not so bad being a marionette, not like you'd think. Sure, it takes some getting used to, the jangle of your own body, the complete and utter lack of sensation. It's nice, though. There's no responsibility, no pressure, just a complete and utter submission to the will of the strings.

LOST IN THE JUNGLE - Apart from her propensity for sitting on tuffets, her love of cottage cheese, and her arachnophobia, Ms. Muffet had one other obvious quality: she needed to shave. She really, really needed to shave.

HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER - Cowboys had a certain rep as hard-riding, hard-loving loners with poetic souls and an elegant, if simple, manner. Turns out that was bullshit. Hearn, whom she had met outside of Cheyenne and taken to her bed expecting that he, in that great western tradition, would break her in like a wild Friesian and then ride out with the sunrise the next day, had been crashing on her couch for nearly two weeks--with a back too stiff to fuck more than once every few days and an appetite for trail food that bordered on the fanatical--sleeping away most of the days while mooing out quiet little bean farts.

ROMEO ET JULIET - The nurse listened in secret, fingers ablaze beneath the many layers of her drab frock, to the young Montague boy as he prattled about stars and lamps and cheeks and all manner of romanticized foolishness. Romeo was a boisterous one, full on words and empty on wits, but that ass, oh that ass! Hinted at by the curve of his pantaloons, how she wanted to grab it, to squeeze it, to claw her nails into that tender young flesh. It was too soon, however, too dangerous, so she listened as her climax neared, and wished fervently that he was speaking to her and not that Capulet tart, and that he would touch far more than her cheek.

Last edited by AMoveableBeast : 03-31-2014 at 02:34 PM.
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Old 03-31-2014, 02:36 PM   #23
Hypoxia
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@AMoveableBeast:

EXCELLENT!

I have long been a fan of the Bulwer-Lytton literary competitions, recognizing the worst possible opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels, honoring the memory of Sir Edward Bulwer-Lytton, author of THE LAST DAYS OF POMPEII and creator of that memorable first line, "It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."

My favorite of the BW contest lines is: "There's more than one way to skin a cat," she murmured, as she pinned its little paws to the dissection table. Unfortunately, the BW contest does not require titles. I think my challenge here is thus superior, wouldn't you agree? Of course you would.
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Hypoxia's Literotica postings - "You write well, so STFU and do more writing. Wimp." -JAMESBJOHNSON, bullshitter

A Fall of Stardust (Nude Day / SF) - "Hagh. cha' qab entries vaj contest. 'ej batlh cha' tlhIH suck, ghewmey, jaj Qu'lIj'e' bup chaH." -Anon
Jenny Be Fair 02 (incest-humor) - "Total shit - smug, shit-eating, stupid and up-your-own ass... No stars." -Anon
What Is Cheating? (essay) - "Rumblin', stumblin', bumblin' BARF! I don't think an editor would help this mess. Was there a point? There certainly didn't seem to be a storyline." -Anon
Under His Eyes (LW / satire) - "YOU ARE A SICK FUCK. WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THIS HORRIBLY VILE STORY. THIS IS HUMANITY AT ITS WORST. I ONLY SKIMMED TO SEE WHAT CRAP IT WAS. YOU NEED TO BE LOCKED AWAY FROM ANYONE YOU COULD HURT FOR REAL. MINUS 1 BILLION ISN'T ENOUGH. DON'T WRITE ANYMORE." -Anon

NEW: Like A Hole In The Head (Fetish)
(Summer Lovin' contest) Prickly Pairs (LW)
A Taste of Incest: Lemonade (Incest)
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Old 03-31-2014, 02:50 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hypoxia View Post
@AMoveableBeast:

EXCELLENT!

I have long been a fan of the Bulwer-Lytton literary competitions, recognizing the worst possible opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels, honoring the memory of Sir Edward Bulwer-Lytton, author of THE LAST DAYS OF POMPEII and creator of that memorable first line, "It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."

My favorite of the BW contest lines is: "There's more than one way to skin a cat," she murmured, as she pinned its little paws to the dissection table. Unfortunately, the BW contest does not require titles. I think my challenge here is thus superior, wouldn't you agree? Of course you would.
I must confess ignorance. I have never heard of said contest. And here I was, fancying myself literate and cultured.

Honestly, the titles make it easier for me. They help me sort through the storm of dribble (Can that be a thing? Perhaps I should have said slobbercane) that endless rages through my mind. I'm just another monkey pecking out Shakespeare at command. If unoriginality be the music of love, hack on.
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Old 04-12-2014, 07:08 PM   #25
Hypoxia
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Yet More Titles and First Lines

FLOTSAM & JETSAM - My life was cluttered with emotional debris, starting with my husband.
SEX AND THE SINGLE SQUIRREL - Wow, that chipmunk gal is a babe! Look at all those tits!
THE TELL-TALE FART - If her husband hadn't heard me in the closet, I might have survived.
THE INVISIBLE GIRL - Nobody ever noticed me, so I could do just about whatever I wanted.

FASTER THAN A SPEEDING MULLET - That asshole redneck trucker sure could drive!
FUCKED AND FRIED - Out of the frying pan, into the fire -- it's not just a cute saying.
MY SISTER, MY LOVER - The family that lays together, stays together. Hi there, Sis!
GUITAR WORKSHOP - Even with its little soundhole lined and lubed, my Martin Backpacker guitar can never replace a good blow-up doll. But maybe a gooped ukulele could substitute for a fleshlight.

THE VIRGINITY CHRONICLES:
VIRGINITY: IMAGINED - What would it be like to be a virgin? I never had that experience.
VIRGINITY: LOST - "Big issue over a little tissue," my friends said. Hah! If only they knew...
VIRGINITY: REGAINED - The Thai surgeon promised me I'd be as tight as a 12-year-old.
__________________
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Hypoxia's Literotica postings - "You write well, so STFU and do more writing. Wimp." -JAMESBJOHNSON, bullshitter

A Fall of Stardust (Nude Day / SF) - "Hagh. cha' qab entries vaj contest. 'ej batlh cha' tlhIH suck, ghewmey, jaj Qu'lIj'e' bup chaH." -Anon
Jenny Be Fair 02 (incest-humor) - "Total shit - smug, shit-eating, stupid and up-your-own ass... No stars." -Anon
What Is Cheating? (essay) - "Rumblin', stumblin', bumblin' BARF! I don't think an editor would help this mess. Was there a point? There certainly didn't seem to be a storyline." -Anon
Under His Eyes (LW / satire) - "YOU ARE A SICK FUCK. WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THIS HORRIBLY VILE STORY. THIS IS HUMANITY AT ITS WORST. I ONLY SKIMMED TO SEE WHAT CRAP IT WAS. YOU NEED TO BE LOCKED AWAY FROM ANYONE YOU COULD HURT FOR REAL. MINUS 1 BILLION ISN'T ENOUGH. DON'T WRITE ANYMORE." -Anon

NEW: Like A Hole In The Head (Fetish)
(Summer Lovin' contest) Prickly Pairs (LW)
A Taste of Incest: Lemonade (Incest)

Last edited by Hypoxia : 04-19-2014 at 01:26 AM.
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