Old 10-17-2014, 02:13 PM   #1
Magnetron
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Happy Fucking Halloween 2014

In The Home Of The Mountain Queen


I can see you

Ass parked on the sofa
Scarfing down Doritos
Computer in your lap
Chatting in that online sex forum
As usual

Squandering so much of your free time
In idle gossip
Posting photos of cats
Harassing newbies
Brazenly calling your friends,
Cunts
Pausing to lick your artificially cheesed digits

Time better spent practicing your cello
Becoming one with the music
Letting the vibrational energy flow
From your from delicate fingertips
Into those harmonious strings
Consciously savoring the music in sips
Rather than unconsciously gulping
Downloads from I-Tunes
Or slurping up You-Tube streams

You are so much more alive
When playing your instrument
Then this anonymous pseudo existence you perpetuate
Behind a fake name and poorly pixelated avatar
Feigning to be so many things you are not
Miss MountinQueen91

It saddens me
How you will never live up to your potential

And without my guidance
You would remain lost

You don't know who I am
Even though we've met once before
In that very same online forum
Where you referred to me as dickbag
And all your cunt mates lolled hard

You don't see me

Or hear me
As I exit the darkly lit hallway
Approaching rapidly from behind

Deftly conducting a razor knife across your throat
Orchestrating a left to right slashing motion
While pulling on your pretty blonde mane
Letting the arterial spray surge in spurts
Painting the canvass of your laptop's screen
Like a mad demon artist
A virtual Jackson Pollock of Molloch
Until your gurgling palette is emptied

Now, my dear Mountain Queen
Please, indulge me
Take my hand in yours
Put your other hand on my waist
Right there
Like so
And I will show you what it really feels like
To be
Alive

And you and I shall
Dance a dance
In elegant romance
Like the Vietnamese Waltz
Before the flickering hearth warming
These cold stone brick 'n' mortared vaults

Imagining your fingers
Beginning to sing
In keys of G
Strumming catgut string
Auditioning
A splendid solo renditioning of
In The Hall Of The Mountain King

If only you could witness
This new version of you
Unwrapped from the box
Taken down from the shelf
You would be asking,
Who are these strangers
Cutting up the rug
Jitterbugging in my home?


Unfortunately
Not so much for you
More so for me
Your footwork is pathetic
As poetic as my next stalker journal entry
And online challenge competition poem

When playing on the Internets
Perhaps you should
Think twice
Before calling someone you don't know
Dickbag

Next time ...
Be nice!
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Despite the whole penis thing, Sub is still the sexiest of all the supposed female Geebers.
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Old 10-17-2014, 04:45 PM   #2
butters
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is this about Fata, the cheese, and the stinky bishop? let it go, mags
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What strange machinery lies between her ears
HarryHill


'tender hearted...
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Old 10-17-2014, 05:29 PM   #3
Magnetron
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Just be honest, Butters.

You think my poem is no gouda.

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Old 10-17-2014, 05:41 PM   #4
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Just be honest, Butters.

You think my poem is no gouda.

reeeeeeeeeeeeally? edam and eve jokes? i don't belieeeeeeeeeeeve it
*he's clearly been at the cracker-barrel, puttin' on tha ritz*
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What strange machinery lies between her ears
HarryHill


'tender hearted...
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Old 10-18-2014, 12:18 AM   #5
UnderYourSpell
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You'll just make the Sage derby Dorset blue .... Vinney.
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
Sestina slut
Annie submits
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Old 10-18-2014, 06:14 PM   #6
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Still needs more verses in the dance number to be true to Mountain King.

I was crunched for time as this was a competition piece.
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Old 10-19-2014, 03:54 AM   #7
playcatch
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Ok the poem's kinda crap, as you know already, but the title's timely, therefore I gift you with this lovely link. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtTFosuW-4w

Hoping you have a riotously fun Halloween. PC
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Old 10-19-2014, 03:57 AM   #8
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Last year I went as an idiomatic expression.
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Old 10-19-2014, 08:43 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by playcatch View Post
Ok the poem's kinda crap, as you know already, but the title's timely, therefore I gift you with this lovely link. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtTFosuW-4w

Hoping you have a riotously fun Halloween. PC
No, I don't know already. Feel free to expound.
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Old 10-19-2014, 11:14 AM   #10
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I got the storyline of it, getting angry at someone online, envisioning that person having a miserable life, fantasizing about killing the woman, then telling her be nicer next time. Probably a good release for that feeling, but I think you have better uses for your talents. You are demonstrating a capacity for narrative and jarring imagery. That's a great start. I'd love to see you work on more original word pairings, avoiding the easy choices, and subject matter that lets you really resonate a theme within your readers.

But wtf do I know?
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Old 10-19-2014, 11:19 AM   #11
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Also, let me note that I've written 5 crap poems to every good one. But those were all necessary efforts to work something out, chew something up, spark something new. There is no shame in writing something that is not completely wonderful. There is only shame in giving up on fulfilling one's potential. And again, wtf do I know? Peace.
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Old 10-19-2014, 12:13 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by playcatch View Post
I got the storyline of it, getting angry at someone online, envisioning that person having a miserable life, fantasizing about killing the woman, then telling her be nicer next time. Probably a good release for that feeling,
I suppose that's one conclusion that could be drawn.

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but I think you have better uses for your talents. You are demonstrating a capacity for narrative and jarring imagery. That's a great start. I'd love to see you work on more original word pairings, avoiding the easy choices, and subject matter that lets you really resonate a theme within your readers.
Quote:
Also, let me note that I've written 5 crap poems to every good one. But those were all necessary efforts to work something out, chew something up, spark something new. There is no shame in writing something that is not completely wonderful. There is only shame in giving up on fulfilling one's potential.
All that based on one admittedly hurried unfinished piece of writing?

I've got about 140 more uploaded here. Perhaps one or two of those might rise to your expectations.

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Old 10-19-2014, 12:34 PM   #13
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I will look for some of your other work. (It's true that something written for a quick, on-the-spot competition is not really written for in-depth critique, but I am honest to a fault, so if you ask me a question, I'm likely to give an honest answer--perhaps this is a character flaw.) I'm not trying to be bitchy. Just saying Happy Halloween backatcha.
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Old 10-19-2014, 12:50 PM   #14
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Seriously. One or two is about all you're gonna get. All my strokes of poetic genius are purely accidental.
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Old 10-19-2014, 12:52 PM   #15
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Direct me, then, please? I'll pop 'round after java.
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Old 10-19-2014, 06:13 PM   #16
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See sig.
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Old 10-19-2014, 06:14 PM   #17
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It's Halloween!


Spooky cobwebbed windows
And goblins green
My favorite day has arrived
It's Halloween!

Oooh, I better hurry
The children are already on the streets
Frolicking in their costumes
Begging for candy sweets

Time to wait for them
At the door!

ding dong ding dong
Trick or Treat!
Smell my feet!
Give me something good to eat!


You look rather scrumptious
How about I eat you instead?
I've been having a craving
For some decaptitated head!

Chomp, Gulp, Slam!
Shuts the door

ding dong ding dong
Trick or Treat!
Mister, what are you eating?
That looks like raw meat!


It's not just any raw meat
It's little Bobby
And eating children
Is my favorite hobby!

Chomp, Gulp, Slam!
Shuts the door

ding dong ding dong
Trick or Treat!
I like your costume
It's really neat!


Why thank you, little girl
And I myself must confess
Your costume is to die for!
Such a lovely fairy princess!

Chomp, Burp, Slam!
Shuts the door

One night every year
It's like an all-you-can-eat-buffet
And from this day forward
I won't have it any other way

This is so much better
Than living in cellars, under beds
Or making noises from darkened closets
Putting scares into their silly heads

Oooh, I think I hear more little footsteps
At the door!

Spooky cobwebbed windows
And goblins green
It's my favorite day of the year
It's Halloween!
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