Don't Know What to Think

[KarennaC]

Primalex, that is a good point about the coworker thing, and it's something I had considered. I mentioned in my original post that it had the potential to become very awkward because of that. Our workplace isn't typical; there are only 5 employees, three of whom are me, this guy, and my husband. (The other two are hubby's father and uncle.) I don't think blackmail would happen; I can't really conceive of a situation where it might, though I'm sure other people might have had that type of experience.

I'm not sure I understand how one could be a Dom (or a sub) to someone they don't like... For me, at least, some form of emotional connection, at the very least being friendly acquaintances, would be necessary for the level of trust required.

[Primalex]

Originally Posted by KarennaC

I don't think blackmail would happen; I can't really conceive of a situation where it might,

It does not happen with cut out letters. But what if you have to talk to him about a screw up?

"Xyz, this was really bad, I don't want that this happens again."
"Or what?"

Such a reply happens fast, like a car accident, and maybe not even really wanted. But the moment you are struck and don't know what to say he figures out that he does have power over you. Bad.

And as it sounds that your family is also employer, you are basically screwed if you really need to fire him. Every lawyer in the world will tell him to go for a sexual harassment hint to force you to pay compensation in a comprise and settlement.

I work with a coworker I had sex with a few times (before she started to work for this company). And although I'm in the comfortable position and she is in the uncomfortable one - it is bad. She would never argue with me in a meeting for example and she is really not the submissive type. But in her mind there is this "He has seen you naked and more and most likely still has all the pictures, so I'm not going to piss him off."

[KarennaC]

He doesn't work for *me*; I'm lower in the pecking order than he is. Honestly, my father-in-law would fire me before him. (Bookkeepers are a dime a dozen; marine assistance boat captains with the proper licensing and SCUBA training are a lot harder to come by.)

But I do understand what you mean.

[Primalex]

Originally Posted by KarennaC

I'm not sure I understand how one could be a Dom (or a sub) to someone they don't like...

I guess it's like "love" and "sex". Some people need to have this combined, some don't. I think it's much easier to top someone I don't care about. Your point of view is the emotional one, about intimacy. "How can I do naughty intimate things with someone I'm not emotionally connected to?" My point of view is:"How can you really dominate someone, if you worry about him/her?"

Neither point of view or position is wrong. And regarding your problem, your point of view is more along the line "How can I get this to work with my friend?" and my point of view is "How are you going to learn about dominance?".


=== More general rant follows that has not that much to do with your posting. ===

It's very important to figure out the point of view of a person who is giving you an advice. Always. Because only when you know his or her point of view, you will be able to rate the advice. Very often people ask for an advice and pick the one they like and that matches most with their expectations. If you ask in the "Amateur Picture" section whether it's smart to post nude pictures of you, and in the "How to" section here, you will get completely different advices. "Of course", you will say. But this "of course", the different point of views of humans, are everywhere. Even here.

If someone says "Go for it", it can be because (s)he believes it will work or because his/her point of view is the one of Cupid, promoting free love and sex and hoping to see you happy.

[Stella_Omega]

Ergh, I can't believe I didn't notice the words co-worker.

Primalex, I'm really impressed. I'm learning things myself...

[KarennaC]

Primalex, thank you for explaining that. I understand your point of view much better now.

I had a long talk with hubby this afternoon, both about this situation and about his and my relationship. He's understanding things a bit more fully now. He's willing to explore some D/s with me (which he wasn't previously, but now that I've actually gotten him to listen to what *I* want to try as opposed to his preconceived notions of what BDSM is, he's more open to the idea), as well as other things that are much more vanilla but that I've just never had an opportunity to try.

As for the situation with the other guy, hubby's take is he has no problem with the level things are currently at and is amused by it, so I'm probably going to keep it where it is for the time being.

[Primalex]

Originally Posted by KarennaC

I can't really conceive of a situation where it might,

Well, Kimberly from Casco, Maine...the world is not only filled with nice people.

[Sir_Winston54]

Originally Posted by Primalex

I guess it's like "love" and "sex". Some people need to have this combined, some don't. I think it's much easier to top someone I don't care about. Your point of view is the emotional one, about intimacy. "How can I do naughty intimate things with someone I'm not emotionally connected to?" My point of view is:"How can you really dominate someone, if you worry about him/her?"

Neither point of view or position is wrong. And regarding your problem, your point of view is more along the line "How can I get this to work with my friend?" and my point of view is "How are you going to learn about dominance?".

=== More general rant follows that has not that much to do with your posting. ===

It's very important to figure out the point of view of a person who is giving you an advice. Always. Because only when you know his or her point of view, you will be able to rate the advice. Very often people ask for an advice and pick the one they like and that matches most with their expectations. If you ask in the "Amateur Picture" section whether it's smart to post nude pictures of you, and in the "How to" section here, you will get completely different advices. "Of course", you will say. But this "of course", the different point of views of humans, are everywhere. Even here.

If someone says "Go for it", it can be because (s)he believes it will work or because his/her point of view is the one of Cupid, promoting free love and sex and hoping to see you happy.

Posts like this are the reason qp hasn't hit my Ignore list. It's like going to western North Carolina on vacation. You go into these places, pay a few bucks, dig through countless buckets of mud and gravel until your fingers are numb with the cold water and your fingernails are so packed with clay you think you'll never get them clean, and then every once in a while, you actually find a gem.

[KarennaC]

Originally Posted by Primalex

Well, Kimberly from Casco, Maine...the world is not only filled with nice people.

Since I'm not from Casco, Maine, that's fine. Thank you for your input.

Originally Posted by Sir_Winston54

Posts like this are the reason qp hasn't hit my Ignore list. It's like going to western North Carolina on vacation. You go into these places, pay a few bucks, dig through countless buckets of mud and gravel until your fingers are numb with the cold water and your fingernails are so packed with clay you think you'll never get them clean, and then every once in a while, you actually find a gem.

Very good analogy.

[KarennaC]

never mind

[my_lil_secret]

Message read loud and clear Sorry, luv. I'm a little uninhibited in giving advice sometimes, I just want to give the best advice I can.
In retrospect yes you didn't ask:P I'm just a think outside of the box kinda girl.. I'll tread more lightly next time. Good luck by the way