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Old 01-31-2013, 08:26 PM   #1
funlove420
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Post My first erotic story! Milf/younger man

So this is the first erotic story I ever wrote, it's not done yet, I am still writing more and will update it frequently. It would mean a lot to me if you would read it and let me know what you think, either respond to this or pm me.

Also if their any milfs/cougars who would like to help me write the story that would be awesome and pm me.

Here is the story


Melysa is a very nice, funny woman I knew growing up. She worked at my school sometimes, she's friends of my parents, and I babysit her two kids sometimes.
Yesterday I got a call from my mom and she told me to check me email.
Apparently Melysa was going out tonight with an old friend and her husband was away on a hunting trip and their Grandma who was supposed to watch them got sick.
Long story short she needed a last minute sitter and she came to me.
When I arrived she opened the door with a big smile and welcome me in. Melysa was a heavy woman, what some rude people might call fat, but I still found her very attractive and voluptuous. She was wearing a tight black t-shirt and torn up blue jeans, her large breasts were very much highlighted by her shirt. Melysa was in her late thirties. She had long red hair tied back in a single pony tail and had a feisty and funny personality.
"Hi, Blake!" She said to me "So good to see you, thank you so much for coming, you are a life saver! The boys are upstairs. I hate to throw this last minute change on you, but I've been so busy. Just like an hour and a half ago the boys told me they were invited to a friend's sleep over, so they will be picked up in a half hour."
Melysa explained as she motioned for me to sit down as she packed her stuff.
"That's okay, what would you like me to do?" I asked as I admired her house and tried to relax.
"Well I wish I could pay you now so you don't have to wait around here all night but I have no time to run to the ATM. So I'll still pay you the full amount, just make sure the boys remember everything, and then you can relax and do whatever until I get back. Watch a movie, and help yourself to the any alcohol or smokes too, I won't tell if you won't." Melysa laughed as she saw me smile.
"Wow! Thanks a lot, I am happy to do all of that and you really don't have to be so generous but I appreciate it!" I was getting paid to do drink and relax! As an inexperienced eighteen year old in high school this was paradise for me.
"Oh please! I should be the one thanking you!" I always thought Melysa was cool, but I never knew she was this cool. "I'll be back around 12 or 1am". Melysa said as she left.
The boys went a half hour later without a hitch, and then I did a shot of vodka and cracked open a beer. I went outside to smoke a bowl and have a cigarette as I drank, then I came in to lay down on the couch and flip through the channels.
I saw some dirty movies on and thought about watching that, something about Melysa did turn me on. There were certain things I witnessed in my years of babysitting for her that lead me to believe she had a wild perverted side and that maybe she smoked weed too.
All of a sudden the door opened and it's Melysa, I turn off the TV and go to see her.
"Hey Melysa! What's up?" I asked I walked toward her, feeling pretty good at this point.
"You wouldn't believe it! My friends flight got canceled and she can't make it until next week." She groaned.
"I'm sorry, that really sucks." I sympathized.
"It's no biggy, anyway, I have your money, and you can leave now if you want. Or if you are having fun drinking and stuff and wanna stay longer, I could use someone hang out with. It's been so lonely and stressful taking care of the kids on his month long trips." I was more than happy to not leave yet.
" Melysa, this is the most fun I've had all week I'd love to hang out with you it'd be 10x better than sitting at home." She smiled and brought out a six pack of miller lite lime and set it on the kitchen table which we then sat at. "I love beer but I rarely ever get to have it, so it's really cool that you are drinking and hanging out with me like an adult. And also I love smoking but it doesn't feel right unless I'm drunk, so I am really enjoying that too." Melysa took out a couple Virginia Slims.
"Want to take these beers and smokes down to the couch to talk or watch a movie or something?" She asked as lighting the cigarettes.
"You read my mind." I said.
Melysa flipped through the channels as we sat next to each other on the couch, got drunk, and talked.
"Let's see whats on." Melysa spoke from her dark red lips. "See any good movies lately?"
"I saw The Graduate for the first time the other day." I said
"Oh that's a classic! And that's Mrs. Robinson is sexy." Melysa took another swig. "Oh my God, look at all the porn that's on. Can you believe it?" I laughed nervously.
"It's crazy." I chucked softly.
"I love it." Melysa said and my face turned red and my cock grew a little. "Don't you? I mean, when I was a teen I watched SO much porn. Don't you?" She was very enthusiastic. I was very anxious, and increasingly horny, but I wanted to tell the truth.
"Yeah, I admit I do." Melysa laughed and high fived me.
"Good! Wanna watch some? Melysa took a deep drag.
"Yeah, if you do." This made Melysa smile a lot. On the screen came an image of a cute redhead teen with a face covered in cum.
"Oooooh! Look at that!" Melysa beamed. "Is that gross or does that turn you on?"
"It really turns me on." I replied softly. Melysa looked at my crotch and saw that I was instantly rock hard and my erection was obviously pushing up on my jeans forming a large tent.
"Wow you must be really horny." Melysa stared wide eyed at me.
"I'm sorry!" I tried to cover it with my hands but Melysa stopped me.
"Don't be sorry. It's awesome and normal, don't you think I get wet watching this?" Melysa set her hand on my erection through my jeans. I couldn't even really respond, I was focusing on breathing deeply and not coming in my pants.
"I really like what your doing but aren't you married?" I managed to get out through panting breaths.
"He doesn't care! He does stuff with other people, we have a sort of open relationship. Why are you freaking out? I am just touching you, haven't you ever had a girl touch your cock before?" I almost came as she said cock, some precum squirted out.
"No, I'm a virgin. I've never even kissed anyone." Melysa gasped in a sultry way, and took her hand off me for a moment in surprise. After setting her beer and cigarette down, she moved her hand back to putting slight up and down pressure to my penis through my jeans.
"We'll have to change that..." She said like a seductress as she put her other hand on my chest as she kissed. The feeling of her warm, wet mouth on mine was heavenly. Her tongue entered my mouth and massaged my tongue before going deep down my throat as she forced her lips against mine as hard as she could in a heavy make out style before moving back with a wet squishy sound.
Our lips parted as we breathed and she went from pushing down on my erection with her flat palm to gripping and squeezing it with her fist.
"I'm gonna cum Melysa." I gasped with heavy breaths as I thrusted and gyrated my crotch against Melysa's hand.
"Go on. Cum in your pants for me. We have plenty of time to keep having fun. Cum in your pants for me, Blake." Melysa spoke each word with vigor and enthusiasm, she loved the dirty talk.
Melysa jerked her hand up and down my cock through my jeans and began to feel warmth and wetness as squirting and squishing sounds started. She kept going for a full a minute, over my moans, draining all the cum, moving her head and kissing me occasionally to silence the moans I was screaming into her neck which I had pushed my head in and bit as I came.
My body was flushed, red, and sweaty as was Melysa's.
"You are the best.." I laid my exhausted head right on her shoulder and neck as she sat right next to me on her black leather couch. Melysa handed me a freshly lit cigarette before hydrating me by giving me another big chug of beer. She removed her hand from my penis for a moment.
"Look at your jeans. Isn't that hot? Your cock and balls all covered in cum." The outline of my still cock was obvious through my cum soaked pants. Melysa undid my button and fly and pulled my jeans down around my ankles.
My black silk boxers were stained white all over and did nothing to conceal massive hard sticking out.
"Am I going to be the first woman to see your cock?" I grabbed a beer and chugged as much as I could to try and calm my nerves as I nodded yes.
"That makes me so wet." Melysa bit her lip.
Melysa out her plump fingers in my waist band and gently pulled them down as my throbbing, hot, sticky cum covered erection flipped out.
"Is that all for me? Are you attracted to me?" She asked gazed mesmerized at my penis.
"Yes, of course, this is like a dream come true." I explained.
"I'll make all your fantasies come true. We can have all month here if you want to just explore our sexual fantasies." Melysa grabbed my face and shoved her tongue in my mouth.
"You're gonna make me cum again taking like that." I shivered holding back.
"Just from my talking?" Melysa loved it. "What if I said I wanted you to tell me your most dirty, perverted fantasy so I can do it for you and take your virginity? I'm going to teach you sexually. What if I told you all that as I did this to your messy sticky cock and balls?" Melysa gripped my cock with her warm hand as she ducked her head a little lower to take my balls in her mouth.
I had never felt anyone's hand or mouth on my genitals before, and as the ecstasy of that amazing warm feeling of her mouth sucking on my scrotum washed over me Melysa slapped my cock on her face. I began to ejaculate hot white streams of cum on her face and red hair. When I first came she slapped my cock on right around her temple and a stream of cum landed on her forehead a steam landed in her red hair across the top of her head.
She moved my cock lower, above her dark red lips which smacked and sucked my balls. Jizz squirted across her nose, cheeks, and lips. She took her mouth off my balls with a slurping sounds and then to my surprise began to suck on my taint as more cum than I knew I had squirted into her red hair, pony tail, and back. Melysa moved back and took my dick into her mouth for the first time. The first mouth my cock ever felt.
"How does that feel?" Melysa smiled at me as she popped my cock out of her mouth, her face covered in my cum.
"Sooo goooooood." I moaned, eyes closed, head back, incoherent with pleasure.
"Look at me Blake." She said a in a serious tones. I opened my eyes and looked at her and my dick jumped.
"Do you see my face? You did that. Remember this moment, the first time you splattered a woman's face." Melysa sat right next to me, and sat up, moving her head away from my wet member. What turned me on even more is how much Melysa loved doing all this to me, guiding me into this sexual world.
"What do you want to do now, young boy?" She smirked at me as she took a sip of beer and got a little cum on the bottle at she took a swig.
"Ummm..." I was nervous, but she would want to tell her the truth. "Can we make out? The idea of you tasting my own and getting messy with you playing with cum together really always turned me on." I asked, a little shy.
"Honey, of course! Let's go up to my room..."
I laid in Melysa's bed, naked, as he went through her drawers and carefully removed her shirt without it wiping up the cum. She slipped her jeans off so she was just in these thin lace panties. She smiled at me when she my cock sticking straight up in the air. She brought out a bong and loaded it.
"You smoke too? God I think your the perfect woman." I laughed as she inhaled and passed it to me.
"I always thought you smoked too, I'm glad I was right." Melysa said I finished clearing the bong, then she took it away and set it aside and laid flat on her back in the middle of her giant bed.
"Get on top of me, baby, before the cum dries." She said to me as she slipped off her panties which were visibly soaked. "Smell these." She tossed them at me as I got up to got on top of her, and I listened. The smell of her pussy was sooo nice. "Put them in your mouth, Blake." I did, as I scooted up on my knees so I was in front of her. "Do those taste good, young man?" I nodded and moaned through her panties as she brought her foot to my naked crotch and started massing my crotch and giving me a footjob. I closed my eyes, trying not to cum, and then Melysa said, "Blake, look me in the eyes."
I looked her in the eyes, her seductive lustful eyes. Both of her feet were jerking my cock, occasionally massaging my balls.
"Keep staring into my eyes." She said when I closed my eyes and groaned for a second. "Blake..." She teasingly with an evil look as she then began to stick her tongue our of her mouth and lick her cum covered lips.
"Oh shit!" I said as my cock erupted for the third time, this time squirting at first on her feet and legs then some spurts landed on Melysa's pussy and stomach. "I'm so sorry! I normally last so much longer jerking off." I said, a little embarrassed. Melysa was laughing!
"Don't worry sweetheart, I was trying to make you blow your load again! You're still a virgin right now, appreciate being able to cum so fast. I'm sure after being in my pussy a few times you'll last longer." Melysa wiped up some semen with her index finger from above her pussy in her red bush and then put the finger in her mouth and sucked
I decided to take some sort of charge for the first time as I crawled over Melysa and licked some cum and sweat off her stomach before crawling on top of her so we were face to face. She smiled, our faces inches apart, before opening her mouth wide. I stuck out my long tongue and locked from her chin up, scooping up cum, and then my tongue dipping inside her mouth and licking her tongue, before continuing upward to lick more cum. I even put some her scraggly red hair messy with cum in my mouth. Then with a mouth full of cum we made out heavily, with our bodies pushing against each other, getting me all messy and making my cock grow hard against her. After fifteen minutes of just swapping spit and gyrating against each other, Melysa broke our liplock andspoke.
"Let me give you a blow job and you can come in mouth before we fuck." She said in between smacks of our lips. Melysa got up as I laid down on the bed, and she was on her knees and elbows with her face above my erection. "Don't worry about coming too fast, just let me suck you and pleasure you." Melysa put my whole member in her mouth and began sucking. It was so warm and wet. She was sucking so hard while fondling my balls with one hand and going underneath my ass with the other. Melysa deepthroated me while moaning and humming causing extra pleasure as she stuck a finger a little in my ass. She saw my surprise. "Is it okay I do that? Does it feel good?" I nodded. "You are always welcome to do that to me." She said before putting my member back in her mouth.
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Old 01-31-2013, 08:46 PM   #2
PennLady
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First thing, funlove, is that this is not the place to post stories. I can understand the confusion, but the forum is really aimed at generating discussion on stories posted at Literotica -- on the "story side," if you will. The best thing to do is write your story, have it proofread and/or edited, and then submit it for posting. Once it's posted, you can post here with a link and ask for feedback.

That said, I read some of your story. I couldn't read much b/c of the lack of spacing between paragraphs. That makes it one huge page of gray that makes the eyes go glassy, and it's too hard to read.

Next, at least at the start, your verb tense switches from past to present. I think most people prefer past, but more important is to pick one and stick with it.

In addition to the paragraph spacing, your punctuation is all over the place. It's missing in some places and incorrect in others.

You wrote:
"Hi, Blake!" She said to me "So good to see you, thank you so much for coming, you are a life saver! ..."

It should be:
"Hi, Blake," she said. "It's so good to see you. Thank you so much for coming over, you're a life saver! ..." (I bolded the corrections.)

There are other instances of that, such as "my friends flight" should be "my friend's flight."

This sentence needs help, too:
Apparently Melysa was going out tonight with an old friend and her husband was away on a hunting trip and their Grandma who was supposed to watch them got sick.

I'd rework your whole beginning, but just for this sentence, I'd write something like:

Melysa was supposed to meet an old friend tonight, but her husband was away on a hunting trip and her mother, who had offered to watch the kids, was sick, so she had no one to watch her kids.

I can't comment on much more, as I didn't read the whole thing.
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Old 01-31-2013, 10:17 PM   #3
funlove420
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Yeah, I know there are problems with it, I wrote it on my iPhone.

And I did have it spaces out but somehow it got messed up web I copied and pasted it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PennLady View Post
First thing, funlove, is that this is not the place to post stories. I can understand the confusion, but the forum is really aimed at generating discussion on stories posted at Literotica -- on the "story side," if you will. The best thing to do is write your story, have it proofread and/or edited, and then submit it for posting. Once it's posted, you can post here with a link and ask for feedback.

That said, I read some of your story. I couldn't read much b/c of the lack of spacing between paragraphs. That makes it one huge page of gray that makes the eyes go glassy, and it's too hard to read.

Next, at least at the start, your verb tense switches from past to present. I think most people prefer past, but more important is to pick one and stick with it.

In addition to the paragraph spacing, your punctuation is all over the place. It's missing in some places and incorrect in others.

You wrote:
"Hi, Blake!" She said to me "So good to see you, thank you so much for coming, you are a life saver! ..."

It should be:
"Hi, Blake," she said. "It's so good to see you. Thank you so much for coming over, you're a life saver! ..." (I bolded the corrections.)

There are other instances of that, such as "my friends flight" should be "my friend's flight."

This sentence needs help, too:
Apparently Melysa was going out tonight with an old friend and her husband was away on a hunting trip and their Grandma who was supposed to watch them got sick.

I'd rework your whole beginning, but just for this sentence, I'd write something like:

Melysa was supposed to meet an old friend tonight, but her husband was away on a hunting trip and her mother, who had offered to watch the kids, was sick, so she had no one to watch her kids.

I can't comment on much more, as I didn't read the whole thing.
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Old 01-31-2013, 10:33 PM   #4
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Wow, you were eighteen in May of 2011, and now here we are in 2013, and you're still eighteen? You must be magic!
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Old 02-01-2013, 02:42 AM   #5
RuzieD
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Question

Funlove, paragraph breaks, indentation, and such would make this a lot easier to read. You would get a lot better feedback that way too. Since this is story number one for you, I can give some basic comments. Also, I am ignoring the grammar mistakes here, though they are a bit distracting.
Quote:
Melysa is a very nice, funny woman I knew growing up. She worked at my school sometimes, she's friends of my parents, and I babysit her two kids sometimes.
One basic rule of writing is "showing" not "telling." This applies even if the narration is first person. You narrator is "telling." Try this, instead of saying that Melysa is funny. Brainstorm four a five different things that Melysa did, or that Melysa said, or how melysa behaved that you think are funny. Have the readers judge these things as funny. Does that makes sense?

It the difference between and writing, "The fantasy elf king was very arrogant and unfriendly," and "The fantasy elf king stood with shoulders back and his head high. He barely moved his eyes down as the adventurers bowed down to him. His face crackled down into a subtle frown, as if some foul smell filled the air. He let them kneel there for what seemed like hours before opening his mouth to speak..."

Quote:
Yesterday I got a call from my mom and she told me to check me email.
Apparently Melysa was going out tonight with an old friend and her husband was away on a hunting trip and their Grandma who was supposed to watch them got sick.
Long story short she needed a last minute sitter and she came to me.
When I arrived she opened the door with a big smile and welcome me in. Melysa was a heavy woman, what some rude people might call fat, but I still found her very attractive and voluptuous. She was wearing a tight black t-shirt and torn up blue jeans, her large breasts were very much highlighted by her shirt. Melysa was in her late thirties. She had long red hair tied back in a single pony tail and had a feisty and funny personality.
Again, you're Telling here. What behaviors, manner of speaking, and actions are "feisty and funny"? Write and demonstrate those attributes. Don't tell adjectives.

The second thing that you have to consider is "whose story is this"? Is the narrator's story or this the narrator telling Melysa's story? If this was a movie, I'd ask "who is the lead"?

Quote:
"Hi, Blake!" She said to me "So good to see you, thank you so much for coming, you are a life saver! The boys are upstairs. I hate to throw this last minute change on you, but I've been so busy. Just like an hour and a half ago the boys told me they were invited to a friend's sleep over, so they will be picked up in a half hour."
Melysa explained as she motioned for me to sit down as she packed her stuff.
What is the narrator's emotional state at this point in the story?
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Last edited by RuzieD : 02-01-2013 at 02:44 AM.
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Old 02-01-2013, 08:15 AM   #6
PennLady
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Quote:
Originally Posted by funlove420 View Post
Yeah, I know there are problems with it, I wrote it on my iPhone.

And I did have it spaces out but somehow it got messed up web I copied and pasted it.
Another word of advice -- if you write a story on a mobile device, put it on a computer and through a word processor before you post it. And submit it as a story, not to this forum.
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Old 02-04-2013, 09:04 AM   #7
elfin_odalisque
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Quote:
Originally Posted by funlove420 View Post
Yeah, I know there are problems with it, I wrote it on my iPhone.

And I did have it spaces out but somehow it got messed up web I copied and pasted it.
It seems any copy-paste to the forums gets stripped of line breaks, indentation and some other things.

Use the 'preview post' button to see what it looks like on the forum and insert spaces/line breaks as needed.

There's no issue in posting a couple of paragraphs to get opinion on whether you are on the right track but, as has been said, posting full stories is not what the forum is meant to be for.

I have read your story and agree with Penn Lady. It needs a lot of re-reading and revision. Whilst there is no reason not to write on an iPhone, you do need to transfer it to a WP package and brutally edit (or use an editor) before letting it loose in the world. For a reader there is nothing more distracting than grammar/tense/punctuation issues that spoil the flow of the story.
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