Old 03-18-2016, 10:19 PM   #1
JackStrange
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Feedback sought

I began posting here back in late December some of the stories I had been writing for friends over the past three years. I was hoping to get some feedback on this site: I got one or two of notes in the beginning but no criticism or suggestions since then.

I'm not too proud to beg.

Check the stories out through my name. I am especially proud of Louisiana Days Ch. 1, To Nail Doris; and Canada Days Ch 1 and 4, La Belle Belle-Soeur and Sarah Stupendous....

Sorry to whine, but....

Jack
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Old 03-18-2016, 10:32 PM   #2
sr71plt
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https://www.literotica.com/stories/m...ge=submissions
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Old 03-19-2016, 03:12 AM   #3
Ziedrich
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As usual, I'll PM you more detailed feedback.

To sum up, your Louisiana stories do a nice job of building an atmosphere and sense of the place and time they're set in. I also like that they have just a little bit of appropriate rambling and digression and plenty of garnishing details and characters, much like a person actually telling a story would include.

You also did a good job of keeping them succinct without being too minimalistic or linear.

There was, in short, a lot to like about the works. One key area they could be improved though is that they had a lot of stringy sentences with too many commas, which could be ambiguous or difficult to parse. That made it much harder to get into the story.
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Old 03-24-2016, 04:19 PM   #4
JackStrange
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yea, I probably should gave done that....
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