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12-01-2012, 11:44 PM
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#1
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Sandy Survivor
PandoraGlitters is offline
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Apple
Posts: 2,457
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December Form Challenge: Haiku
Perhaps this is an obvious attempt to lure 1201 into a form thread. Perhaps not. In any case, please leave your haiku assumptions at the door as you prepare for this challenge. It is not about having a perfect 17 syllables. It is about having a winter poem that paints a small picture and has a hinge between the second and third line. The third line should somehow frame the previous two lines of the poem. The scene should be related to Winter (granted not every person who contributes to this forum is in the Winter season, so any season would be acceptable I suppose). Some critics of the Westernized haiku argue that we focus too much on syllable count and not on other aspects of the form.
In order to address this, I urge contributors to - have a maximum of 17 syllables
- create three lines that paint a picture for the reader
- let the third line frame or reflect on the previous two lines
- have fun with this
So there ya go. Make as many as you want. Go for it. Full steam ahead.  |
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12-02-2012, 01:07 AM
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#2
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Sandy Survivor
PandoraGlitters is offline
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Apple
Posts: 2,457
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first attempt
Breath in branches
Winter hones branches,
demands honesty;our words
made visible rise.
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12-02-2012, 05:10 AM
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#3
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Really Really Experienced
bogusagain is offline
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Berlin
Posts: 470
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Before I post a haiku, western haikus are not haikus for the simple reason they aren't composed using Japanese script, which is why they always seem insubstantial and unfinished. Japanese haikus have an internal cross referencing, a sort of puzzle between what is said and the symbols used. My daughter studies Japanese and said, western haikus are like having the skeleton of a voluptuous model and having to imagine her, while Japanese haikus in Japanese script are the voluptuous model, flesh, breathing and all.
A crow
unfolds into flight
night falls |
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12-02-2012, 05:16 AM
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#4
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Really Really Experienced
bogusagain is offline
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Berlin
Posts: 470
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a small step
between here and there
endless road |
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12-02-2012, 06:54 AM
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#5
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Virgin
KathrynMartin is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 22
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pallor of ice on
blades anxious and desolate;
winter withering
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12-02-2012, 09:21 AM
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#6
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Sandy Survivor
PandoraGlitters is offline
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Apple
Posts: 2,457
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Bogus, I am certain that it is better in Japanese. Nonetheless, these are lovely. Well done so far!
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12-02-2012, 09:27 AM
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#7
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Master Glomper
Remec is offline
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Virginia Beach
Posts: 7,170
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snow bursts,
waiting fox lunges;
.....red on white
__________________
My Stuff
AH Directory
"I have set my life upon a cast, and I shall stand the hazard of the die." -- Richard III
"Watch out for this guy! He's slick! And dark... and mysterious... and maybe even a bit evil! But in a totally sexy way!" -- BooMerengue
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12-02-2012, 11:23 AM
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#8
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quite quacked
butters is offline
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: London UK
Posts: 40,101
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snow clouds hang
tomato soup in a tin
wellies and saucepan ready
__________________
"you're either woefully naive or mentally incompetent - either way, you'll fit right in"
butters ... better than a baby jesus buttplug
poetry submissions
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12-02-2012, 11:52 AM
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#9
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Master Glomper
Remec is offline
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Virginia Beach
Posts: 7,170
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Found
Pristine forest tract,
snow-tinged dark jade totem;
.....now for a star
__________________
My Stuff
AH Directory
"I have set my life upon a cast, and I shall stand the hazard of the die." -- Richard III
"Watch out for this guy! He's slick! And dark... and mysterious... and maybe even a bit evil! But in a totally sexy way!" -- BooMerengue
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12-02-2012, 12:11 PM
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#10
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quite quacked
butters is offline
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: London UK
Posts: 40,101
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short days and long cold nights
extended queues in shops
rolled hedgehog snores
__________________
"you're either woefully naive or mentally incompetent - either way, you'll fit right in"
butters ... better than a baby jesus buttplug
poetry submissions
Last edited by chipbutty : 12-02-2012 at 12:16 PM.
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12-02-2012, 09:52 PM
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#11
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Really Really Experienced
HarryHill is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: 7 miles from Backwater
Posts: 409
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I was taught (by an oriental woman) that the first and last lines should oppose each other.
ie: hot/cold, soft/hard, sweet/sour ... the last is called a cutting line if I remember correctly.
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Japanese winter
Beauty in every leaf falls
America sighs
...
Give thanks for cold days
Frosty drawings on still pond
Take home memories
...
vapored breath fills air
Crunching footsteps cross the field
Clear artic sky shines
..
What fun?
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12-03-2012, 11:46 AM
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#12
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Virgin
KathrynMartin is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 22
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Warm winter winds
cold sparrows circle
warm winds blow down valley low
mist over water
Last edited by KathrynMartin : 12-03-2012 at 08:49 PM.
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12-03-2012, 07:20 PM
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#13
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Really Really Experienced
HarryHill is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: 7 miles from Backwater
Posts: 409
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynMartin
cold sparrows circle
as warm winds blow down valley
mist over water
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nice ...Haiku is perhaps the best example of minimalist poetry. (IMO) I would suggest that you lose the as and add low behind valley; the opposition in the first two lines would be striking.
Respects always in my comments
Harry |
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12-03-2012, 08:03 PM
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#14
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Really Really Experienced
njoyjade is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Sunshine State
Posts: 393
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raven out of place
needs rest upon lavender
crashes into snow
__________________
njoy today
"The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” Michelangelo
Last edited by njoyjade : 12-03-2012 at 10:13 PM.
Reason: s after need :)
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12-04-2012, 11:37 AM
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#15
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quite quacked
butters is offline
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: London UK
Posts: 40,101
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white ice on still lake
black feather falls in silence
starling flock heads south
__________________
"you're either woefully naive or mentally incompetent - either way, you'll fit right in"
butters ... better than a baby jesus buttplug
poetry submissions
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12-04-2012, 01:05 PM
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#16
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Really Really Experienced
Desejo is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Earth
Posts: 300
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Fat old man on chimney
chestnuts roast below
did not finish fruitcake
__________________
“I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.”
― John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces
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12-04-2012, 02:28 PM
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#17
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Really Really Experienced
HarryHill is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: 7 miles from Backwater
Posts: 409
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Multi-tasked iceland
Far sighted wasteland cast
Simple harmony
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12-04-2012, 06:29 PM
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#18
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Really Really Experienced
njoyjade is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Sunshine State
Posts: 393
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Spring buds remember
frozen branches soon will thaw
weeping willows bloom
.
__________________
njoy today
"The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” Michelangelo
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12-10-2012, 02:55 PM
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#19
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Really Really Experienced
HarryHill is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: 7 miles from Backwater
Posts: 409
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'S no man's barren cold
'S no girl waits forever chaste
Raining tears melt them
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12-10-2012, 04:43 PM
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#20
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Sandy Survivor
PandoraGlitters is offline
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Apple
Posts: 2,457
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Fog floats building crowns
into their own sky city:
Gods' own Manhattan.
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12-15-2012, 01:50 PM
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#21
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Experienced
thewantonwife is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 35
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laying in your arms
feeling safe and protected
regrets melt away
our bond strengthening
love, our fortification
seeds of trust planted
day by day we thrive
ardently clinging as one
beloved, evermore
__________________
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ i found my one and only, we got married.
we drifted apart and i cheated.
we are reconciling, now our journey together continues in our D/s marriage... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
 tww |
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12-15-2012, 09:13 PM
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#22
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Really Really Experienced
HarryHill is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: 7 miles from Backwater
Posts: 409
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Soft wind drops ripe fruit
Persimmon feeds hungry deer
Hard freeze a blessing
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12-16-2012, 12:50 AM
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#23
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Really Experienced
Parthenon is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 298
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Ahh, my favorite type of poetry. I'm sure they can be made better in japanese, but we make do with what we have.
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12-23-2012, 11:01 AM
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#24
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Good little witch.
glynndah is offline
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Floating around in my sparkly bubble
Posts: 23,539
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Warm weather lingers,
Lilac bushes bud anew.
Tonight comes the ice.
__________________
"When did I go from the good little witch to the not good enough for you little witch?"
"If you could read my mind, love, what a tale my thoughts could tell."
"A picture may be worth a thousand words, but sometimes just a few carefully chosen words can inspire thousands of pictures."
"My! People come and go so quickly here!"
“Technically, a witch is always a lady, except when circumstances dictate otherwise.”
"A  from a good witch brings a week of good luck!"
My stories
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12-27-2012, 05:23 PM
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#25
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Virgin
Mayipleaseask is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 8
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Her lips
Tickling His wrist
Love stays
Last edited by Mayipleaseask : 12-27-2012 at 05:28 PM.
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